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 ThePigOfYourDreams
Joined: 6/30/2017
Msg: 101
DATING OVER 60Page 5 of 15    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15)
A better way might have been - "Spooky, are those your dogs??", then actually waiting for her response.
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 102
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DATING OVER 60
Posted: 11/12/2017 11:20:20 AM
I could have. Instead I said I didn't know if those were her dogs. Since she rescued the dogs recently, there is no reason to be offended. In a subsequent post before she responded, I did say I didn't know if she just got these dogs to make it even more clear.
 Ladyinred0407
Joined: 2/6/2016
Msg: 103
DATING OVER 60
Posted: 11/12/2017 11:53:27 AM
And here I thought we dealt with dead horses. Seems .............we now have gone to the dogs. WTF
 fullmoonguy2
Joined: 6/14/2017
Msg: 104
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DATING OVER 60
Posted: 11/12/2017 12:43:01 PM

we now have gone to the dogs.


Woof.

Woof.
 spooky7752
Joined: 1/1/2017
Msg: 105
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DATING OVER 60
Posted: 11/12/2017 2:48:04 PM
Folks, I sincerely did not attempt to join this group for the drama caused. I was simply stating that I too, know the difficulties of dating after 60. After feeling accused of abusing my dogs and then having my body image discussed, I realise this is not the support group I was looking for. Sorry to have caused the ripple affect, take care and good luck to you all !
 halcyon_skies
Joined: 7/27/2015
Msg: 106
DATING OVER 60
Posted: 11/12/2017 5:26:59 PM
NewYorker58, you’ve run off a perfectly nice poster who did nothing to deserve your nasty insinuation that she was abusing her dogs. And that wasn’t enough for you---you had to go after her vet, too.

The weight of her dogs is none of your business. The only weight you need to be concerned about is your own.
 ThroatLozenge
Joined: 3/2/2016
Msg: 107
DATING OVER 60
Posted: 11/12/2017 6:12:08 PM
Speaking of over 60, yikes!
 9Pluto
Joined: 10/15/2007
Msg: 108
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DATING OVER 60
Posted: 11/12/2017 6:34:40 PM

run off a perfectly nice poster who did nothing to deserve your nasty insinuation that she was abusing her dogs. And that wasn’t enough for you---you had to go after her vet, too.


With the respect due to all, it was definitely not the initial comment about the abused dogs which were abused by their prior owners kids and saved by Spooky. She described the 'ripple effect' which is the true character of the forum and didn't feel the required chemistry, and posted her check out. And Henry, I actually thought your post was very ingenious, but let's face it, that poster is not ready to go sign up with AshleyMartin to get a date. Not criticizing, it really was ingenious (but ...) !


9
 spot4username
Joined: 12/15/2015
Msg: 109
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DATING OVER 60
Posted: 11/12/2017 6:59:06 PM

No one is just going to walk up to you and say, “Hi. My name is Bill and I want to be your friend.”

Actually it does work like that only it isn't friendship they are looking for. When you are a "new" member in my area and you are a woman you are swarmed. It isn't flattering and it does not make you want to continue coming to meetups. It is uncomfortable. I am a big girl and can hold my own in pretty much any situation but there is nothing fun about every guy in the room moving in on every woman as she enters. I am not talking about meetups that are geared towards singles either - I am referring to things like kayaking, game nights, brunch, and adventure groups.

The ones that are single oriented are definitely more meatups than meetups and that is to be expected. No issues there. You get what you ask for. I was actually an organizer for a local meetup years ago and we took it off the site and formed a fb group instead. We had far better luck and a lot more varied participants when we did. That group is actually still going strong. Loads of different activities get planned.

And if you date someone in the Meetup group, and it doesn’t work long term, they may feel embarrassed and drop out of the group just so they won’t run into each other. A lose-lose proposition.

I have seen this happen over and over again. I have to agree with you that it is not pretty when it happens. People want to know what "drama" is... it is this.

Okay, so try the “unconventional sites”

They aren't for everyone but I have had profiles on some and I have to admit that as much as I know that I don't care for the OLD process and stick to real life I have met men on off the beaten path sites. /shrug/

Pluto if you are in Jax there are so many awesome places to meet/date people! We are kind of spoiled that way.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 110
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DATING OVER 60
Posted: 11/13/2017 11:21:09 AM

ohenryx
No one is just going to walk up to you and say, “Hi. My name is Bill and I want to be your friend.”


spot4username
Actually it does work like that only it isn't friendship they are looking for. When you are a "new" member in my area and you are a woman you are swarmed. It isn't flattering and it does not make you want to continue coming to meetups. It is uncomfortable. I am a big girl and can hold my own in pretty much any situation but there is nothing fun about every guy in the room moving in on every woman as she enters. I am not talking about meetups that are geared towards singles either - I am referring to things like kayaking, game nights, brunch, and adventure groups.

The ones that are single oriented are definitely more meatups than meetups and that is to be expected. No issues there. You get what you ask for.

This is not what I have seen. Of course, most of the groups that I belong to are age limited (two are 50+, and one is 55+), and I am not an attractive woman, rather the opposite, just another DOM (Dirty Old Man). You are a rather attractive woman, so I would expect you to get attention. But I am surprised at you getting TOO much attention. I’ve never really seen that.

Were you the only attractive woman in the room? With an average ratio of 3:1 (women to men), most of the women are complaining of exactly the opposite experience, no male attention or not enough anyway.

ohenryx
Okay, so try the “unconventional sites”


spot4username
They aren't for everyone but I have had profiles on some and I have to admit that as much as I know that I don't care for the OLD process and stick to real life I have met men on off the beaten path sites. /shrug/

I think, stress think, this is because there is less pretense, less hiding behind some kind of façade. I think everyone on the normal dating sites is trying like hell to be inoffensive so as to not scare off potential dates. But when you get off the beaten path, people are more into “let your freak flag fly” (smile). They let their hair down, and you can gauge who they really are. I have some words about that exact subject in my profile here, but not really “wide open and truthful”, if you know what I mean.

And an interesting observation, I learned a new phrase yesterday, while conversing on the phone with an attractive woman that I had just met through an “unconventional site”. The phrase is “sugar money”, and it means exactly what you think, just another example of P2P (Pay to Play). It is the world’s oldest profession, and it is never going to go away.



 spot4username
Joined: 12/15/2015
Msg: 111
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DATING OVER 60
Posted: 11/13/2017 2:09:05 PM

But I am surprised at you getting TOO much attention. I’ve never really seen that.

Attention from a person that I believe is interested in interacting and having real conversation would be awesome. It is disingenuous and like I said before it isn't flattering. These guys just flock from woman to woman and their goal is transparent. It wasn't something aimed at me alone. Think of it like walking into a new car dealership. You know how all the salesmen make a beeline for you and if one doesn't get a bite the next one is immediately right there? It's like that.

Were you the only attractive woman in the room? With an average ratio of 3:1 (women to men), most of the women are complaining of exactly the opposite experience, no male attention or not enough anyway.

Good gosh no. There were always lots of attractive women and far more attractive than I. It was just a fresh meat sort of thing. I think the issue with the local groups is that you have a core group of men who behave this way. They ruin it for the women and for the men who don't mimic their behavior. They have run off a lot of the women (like myself) who really do want to participate in varied events.
 Butterchickenchuck
Joined: 9/18/2015
Msg: 112
DATING OVER 60
Posted: 11/13/2017 2:21:24 PM
I've been going to this once/month meet up group for a while now. At the last one, a very attractive woman showed up for the first time and it was pathetic how all the regular guys were all over her like a dog on a bone.

The looks the regular women exchanged with eachother was pretty entertaining.

At one point, 2 of the guys got into a heated exchange and it reminded me of dogs growling over a piece of meat.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 113
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DATING OVER 60
Posted: 11/13/2017 2:48:48 PM

Butterchickenchuck
I've been going to this once/month meet up group for a while now. At the last one, a very attractive woman showed up for the first time and it was pathetic how all the regular guys were all over her like a dog on a bone.

The looks the regular women exchanged with eachother was pretty entertaining.

At one point, 2 of the guys got into a heated exchange and it reminded me of dogs growling over a piece of meat.

This (above) did remind me of one incident that occurred, maybe 2 years ago. A meetup group for singles over 50, we’re at a club, live music (Beatles tribute band, quite good actually). There are maybe 50 or 60 people from the Meetup group there, we have basically taken over the place. This one woman, about 55 and quite attractive, for some ungodly and not too bright reason, asked her daughter to stop by and see her. The daughter was in her late 20’s and most definitely DDG. The ensuing melee was quite a sight to see.

But ordinarily, no, we don’t get that kind of drama.


spot4username
Attention from a person that I believe is interested in interacting and having real conversation would be awesome. It is disingenuous and like I said before it isn't flattering. These guys just flock from woman to woman and their goal is transparent. It wasn't something aimed at me alone. Think of it like walking into a new car dealership. You know how all the salesmen make a beeline for you and if one doesn't get a bite the next one is immediately right there? It's like that.

That, what you’re describing above, I don’t really see. But the groups I belong to are all run by (how should I put this?) very strong willed women. The kind of women who do not tolerate bad behavior. You can either mind your P’s and Q’s, or you will be spoken to. Two offenses, and you are out.

The incident that I described, above, the coordinator wasn’t actually present. But she heard about it, and I know she spoke to everyone involved. And she also told the woman who invited her daughter to show a little more common sense next time. A different kind of meetup, sure. But not in a club, where people are drinking and dancing and …
 Butterchickenchuck
Joined: 9/18/2015
Msg: 114
DATING OVER 60
Posted: 11/13/2017 2:59:54 PM
These type of guys aren't aware or simply don't care how " undignified " they appear , perhaps for some guys puberty never really ends ?


Personally, I'd rather be noticed and appreciated by a woman who notices I'm NOT part of the " melee "




And if a woman would say to me " ya snooze ya lose ", I would counter that I'm not losing anything if said woman is susceptible to a Mr obvious
 spot4username
Joined: 12/15/2015
Msg: 115
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DATING OVER 60
Posted: 11/13/2017 3:21:23 PM

That, what you’re describing above, I don’t really see. But the groups I belong to are all run by (how should I put this?) very strong willed women. The kind of women who do not tolerate bad behavior. You can either mind your P’s and Q’s, or you will be spoken to. Two offenses, and you are out.

Unfortunately some of the men who exhibit this behavior are coordinators. They are some of the worst offenders. It really is too bad because I believe the premise of Meetup is a really good one.
 fullmoonguy2
Joined: 6/14/2017
Msg: 116
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DATING OVER 60
Posted: 11/13/2017 3:27:24 PM

It really is too bad because I believe the premise of Meetup is a really good one.


The premise of online dating sounded really good at first, too.
 Cynderella
Joined: 3/8/2007
Msg: 117
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DATING OVER 60
Posted: 11/13/2017 3:55:48 PM

Folks, I sincerely did not attempt to join this group for the drama caused. I was simply stating that I too, know the difficulties of dating after 60. After feeling accused of abusing my dogs and then having my body image discussed, I realise this is not the support group I was looking for. Sorry to have caused the ripple affect, take care and good luck to you all !


Dear Spooky,
We really are a good bunch of
ppl....not too good at being a support
group (thank God big fail there lol)
but most are kind and funny.
The forums can be a mad house, a
crazy rollercoaster ride. Then there
are some worthy post with great
insight. I'm sure no one meant to shame
you or cause this grief. As a whole
we can be a lot of fun.
I know I've been hurt in here and
left for a long time while I nursed my
wounds. I only posted on the poem page.
I realized that not everyone will be kind
or sensitive.
I hope you will find your way back and
enjoy this crazy ride.
All the best.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 118
DATING OVER 60
Posted: 11/13/2017 5:02:42 PM
I've seen social gatherings and workplaces and singles meets that went the way Henry described...and the way spot and Chuckie described. One singles' meet went both ways(0n a side note, it was sponsored by a local gym, so they handled out extralarge shirts as swag...good press for a fitness gym :) ). It began with adult men standing on one side of the dance floor, adult women on the other, and ended with a guy telling us to stand by and watch in the parking lot as he tried to swing a number from the "hired gun" who admitted she was a plant in order to make the event look better.

Chances are, that woman went home to her bf to complain about the attention she got, and homely women went home from the same event complaining they got ignored. Both are correct, even tho it was the same event.

"These type of guys aren't aware or simply don't care how " undignified " they appear , perhaps for some guys puberty never really ends?"

>>>put Brad Pitt into a room full of women...and a bunch of them will act around a celebrity in a natural, instinctive way...without thinking about how it looks to others. They may not even find him incredibly handsome, but his status ignites something in them, that they are in the presence of a Hollywood star, and they'll gush, and try to get an autograph and a selfie and...
 Butterchickenchuck
Joined: 9/18/2015
Msg: 119
DATING OVER 60
Posted: 11/13/2017 5:40:50 PM
I've yet to see men screaming hysterically at a concert the way girls did for the Beatles and I've yet to see a bunch of women swarm one guy at a bar the way men do on a regular basis.


Which is more pathetic ?
 sun___flower
Joined: 5/8/2015
Msg: 120
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DATING OVER 60
Posted: 11/13/2017 6:06:37 PM
^^^ Swarming someone at a bar is worse than screaming at a concert, since you're asking for opinions.
 ThePigOfYourDreams
Joined: 6/30/2017
Msg: 121
DATING OVER 60
Posted: 11/13/2017 6:45:00 PM
What's really funny is watching a guy overstay his welcome with a chick he approached, and he's babbling away with some of the most mundane shit imaginable just to keep the conversation afloat because he just won't walk away until the woman ends the conversation herself or slips into a boredom induced coma.

"So, yeah. Just got my laptop out of the repair shop. It's really nice. It has 16GB of RAM, 3.6 ghz processor, 8 USB ports. Very fast. One of the best on the market....blah blah blah."

He ends up looking like a nervous, rambling schmuck incapable of cutting to the chase.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 122
DATING OVER 60
Posted: 11/14/2017 4:59:17 AM
People in groups perform some bizarre antics that they would not otherwise do. These performances can be really bizarre when desperation enters the equation. What usually happens is that common courtesy slowly fades into the background, and with that, so do the people that are being honest, with themselves, and others.

These antics are one of the major reasons I NEVER attended any events set up thru POF.

My antics are for one pair of eyes at a time.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 123
DATING OVER 60
Posted: 11/14/2017 6:01:48 AM
"I've yet to see men scream at a concert the way girls do"

https://www.vox.com/2016/1/28/10815492/teenage-girls-screaming

"I've yet to see women swarm a dude at a bar, like men do a hottie at the bar"

>>>blame the booze :) But yes, the latter looks pathetic b/c the rest of us are watching. In an auditorium full of screaming women, most of the audience is participating in the action we scoff at. When we aren't participating, we have the luxury t0 step back and ask WTF.

"What's really funny is watching a guy overstay his welcome with a chick he approached, and he's babbling away with some of the most mundane shit imaginable just to keep the conversation afloat..."

>>>ugh, did this once, I will admit. To quote a movie, desperation is the world's worst cologne. I got too target-fixated. I did catch myself before she had to end things, but still, I recognized it...and didn't repeat that mistake again :) Norwegie might argue I go in the other direction, but as we all know, a little shown interest goes a long way with a woman who is already interested. She'll pursue if she isn't a wallflower, and who wants to date a wallflower anyway? we want vibrant, active women. There's a wonderful middle ground between, "hi, i'm interested, but I have a bus to catch" and "hey, i'm never leaving your side, do you want to have boys or girls?"
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 124
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DATING OVER 60
Posted: 11/14/2017 12:32:45 PM

What's really funny is watching a guy overstay his welcome with a chick he approached, and he's babbling away with some of the most mundane shit imaginable just to keep the conversation afloat because he just won't walk away

I think that's the main problem in a "swarm" effect. In isolated incidents that's bad/stupid, but to be further motivated to do so to "box out" other guys -- geez, can't you dudes see what you're doing? Of course, it starts with one guy doing that, and another guy sees the gal most likely isn't a fan... so he approaches to mingle at the same time... even if his game isn't bad, he's still looking like he's competing for meat, so another guy steps in to say Hi and throw his cards on the table, too, etc.

I think in a Meetup or Meetup-type weekly group or whatever, the guys should have a quick discussion about ground rules about a new gal walking in hot or not-that-hot -- nobody tries to swallow a gal's attention, let other guys mingle no matter what -- even if you sense she may like you. And don't mingle for too long and "hog the ball".
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 125
DATING OVER 60
Posted: 11/14/2017 2:42:17 PM
"the guys should have a quick discussion about ground rules"

>>>or they have a nonverbal discussion...the alpha male makes a move, the rest look at the floor :) While a convo is good, their actions are probably unconscious/instinctive, so calling out Bob for breaking the rules probably results in Bob asking, "what are you talking about? I was only...."
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