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 ThePigOfYourDreams
Joined: 6/30/2017
Msg: 176
cat got their tonguePage 8 of 15    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15)

I'd wonder out loud if that has to do with "not a lot of logic and individual thinking to lose"


Women get away with saying shit like "men are visual creatures", so I'm really not concerned with whether my comment is approved of or not.
 toocash
Joined: 9/5/2017
Msg: 177
cat got their tongue
Posted: 11/24/2017 11:29:15 AM
I'm with you pig....perhaps the hardest thing to learn from a guys point of view is not putting up with their sh^t, no matter how smitten you are with them. Reminds me of my first college girlfriend..the first woman I had regular, intimate sex with. If you are eighteen, away at college..insecure about life..its almost impossible not to fall in love with your first real romantic partner. And I fell hard.

So it took me a while to see it...but in the end she tried to take advantage of me, and when I finally realized what was going on and realized I was being "pussified"... I pulled her aside ....told her to stay away from me..that I would never forgive her for the way she treated me. She started crying but I stayed firm and stayed away from her. All the girls I dated after her...i could see her watching us...i knew she was jealous. When years later she found out I was getting married..she was already married with kids but still she tried to interfere by contacting me. When a decade later she got divorced, she contacted me again, obviously to see if I was available or happily married.

Looking back on her now, my only regret is not that we did not last, but that I was so blind initially. If I could go back..i would have walked away much sooner rather than put up with her bullsh^t. Live and learn.

But maybe I learned my lesson too well.. a few years later when I was dating a smart, gorgeous blue eyed blonde, who was madly in love with me, I walked away when I shouldn't have. My regret there..not trying harder. But I didn't want to replay my first college relationship. Yea..live and learn.
 ThroatLozenge
Joined: 3/2/2016
Msg: 178
cat got their tongue
Posted: 11/24/2017 11:57:31 AM
Kant and Heidegger excelled at philosophy too
 toocash
Joined: 9/5/2017
Msg: 179
cat got their tongue
Posted: 11/24/2017 12:43:58 PM
^^^^wow...you sure know some sh^t....you heard of Kant and Heidegger.
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 180
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History
cat got their tongue
Posted: 11/24/2017 6:38:59 PM
Pig, men are the ones saying they're visual.
 ThePigOfYourDreams
Joined: 6/30/2017
Msg: 181
cat got their tongue
Posted: 11/25/2017 3:55:38 AM

Pig, men are the ones saying they're visual.


Nyet.
 benartflick
Joined: 3/8/2012
Msg: 182
backstabbing friends
Posted: 11/25/2017 7:08:59 AM

"Now you’re just being petty."


Nah, an underhanded method of snatching a girl from a friend is serious foul play.


"Women are not property, you can’t own them."


I never suggested otherwise. I had no ill-feeling toward the girls - only my friends. Rats, weasels and a guy called Judas comes to mind. I kinda regret not punching my so-called best friend in the mouth afterwards. Actually I'm more pissed off now than I was 50 years ago.


"You HAVE done the same thing, right?"


No, absolutely not! I would never consider doing something that reprehensible.
 benartflick
Joined: 3/8/2012
Msg: 183
My friend Judas
Posted: 11/25/2017 7:14:30 AM

"feels like a betrayal of trust"


Nope, more like being stabbed in the back.


"it does suck for us, when a friend lands someone or something we're interested in. Find a good deal on an antique, and your friend bids you out,"


Hell no! It's nothing like that. Not even close.


"when we're the winner in the contest"


If your best friend introduces his girlfriend to you and you're attracted to her, then you think it's a contest to steal her away from him? Is that what you're suggesting?


"to enjoy the prize even if we hate the cost :) Hence the expression, all's fair in love and war. they're both a competition for things of immense worth"


Competition? I made no attempt to date either girl afterwards. Why would I or any male do that? Immense worth? Hey, when you're young there are POF in the sea. A lot more if ya consider another man's girl or wife free game. Some of us would never think about doing that.

I mistakenly thought friends like those two were rare. Since you and another member think it's okay to go after a friend's brand new girlfriend I was wrong and somewhat surprised at both of you. At least Mr Pig agrees it's wrong. I hope we're not the only two members on this forum realizing that.
 BlackLady1953
Joined: 5/27/2011
Msg: 184
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DATING OVER 60
Posted: 11/25/2017 8:53:20 AM
It's a headache....too many mean, unhappy people who want to take their wrath out on their dates. I'm not the one.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 185
My friend Judas, he's hanging around here somewhere
Posted: 11/26/2017 6:18:55 AM
Shoot, I went from defeatist attitude on the prior page, to thinking I can steal away girlfriends. I knew the Thanksgiving meal tasted funny, someone must have gotten rid of the "squash my confidence" :)

If i'm just getting to know a brand new girlfriend, I don't know for certain what i'm losing. So its like losing an antique I spotted, all I know is what I saw so far. But if were already exclusive by the time she dumped me, then I sure learned something new about her, huh? good riddance, and all that. If I can lose a woman to a friend, who shares personality traits with me (and that's why we're friends, right? b/c we agree on a lot of things in life), then what is she really after? personality or looks?

Is it a contest to steal someone away? nope, b/c it takes two to tango. People "stolen away", leave on their own. It says a lot about them. But quite a few people can rationalize what happened. They may not like "losing", but they sure love it when they win. They just hate getting caught at it (the cost).

if you can find out a "friend" is a thief, and only lose (as the proof of theft) a woman who can cheat on you no problem, then you learned something at a low cost. It would be worse if your friend stole something of actual worth and value from you and you learned they were a thief, not to be trusted.

"It's a headache....too many mean, unhappy people who want to take their wrath out on their dates. I'm not the one."

>>>while online daters hate playing pen pal and talking a lot online with the person before meeting...sometimes, it helps to spot the bitter people by giving them all the room to complain about every little thing, as you can provide them.
 ThePigOfYourDreams
Joined: 6/30/2017
Msg: 186
My friend Judas, he's hanging around here somewhere
Posted: 11/26/2017 6:58:26 AM


I hope we're not the only two members on this forum realizing that.


As I said, it's definitely a bro-code violation. I went through it quite literally with my own brother when we were in our 20's and just a couple of years ago. His stupid ass ended up not succeeding on both occasions.

The first time, he started trying to get chummy with a woman I was slowly pursuing at the time. He knew I kept my notebook with phone numbers in my entertainment center, so he eventually snooped around in it and got her number. He started calling her, and she told me about it. I was pissed because, in that year, I set him up with THREE different women. I ended up letting it slide, though.

The second time was about three years ago in my last relationship. He and I had not spoken in several years, then we saw each other at a funeral. From there, we started hanging out periodically. I showed him my girlfriend's Facebook one day, and what did he do later that night when he got home? Sent her a friend request. The very next day, I see all sorts of compliments from him on several of her photos. The next step? He started messaging her.

Needless to say, the little prick is dead to me today.
 benartflick
Joined: 3/8/2012
Msg: 187
"What we've got here is failure to communicate"
Posted: 11/26/2017 10:00:10 AM

"to thinking I can steal away girlfriends"


What gave you the belief that anyone suggested that?

One of your postings suggested it's okay for a friend to go after his friend's girlfriend. That doesn't imply you can steal girls away from your friends.

Mr Trollman implied we should ignore that fact that a man is a known child rapist and still stand and cheer for him if he wins an award for his artistic work. I disagree, but that alone doesn't imply Mr Trollman is a child rapist.


"Is it a contest to steal someone away? nope, b/c it takes two to tango. People "stolen away", leave on their own. It says a lot about them. But quite a few people can rationalize what happened. They may not like "losing", but they sure love it when they win. They just hate getting caught at it (the cost)."


You're confused. Mr Pig and I were sharing info and our opinions about male friends (and relatives) doing something disgraceful. Apparently you think otherwise and 'all's fair in love and war'.

Did I criticize the girls in any way or even suggest it might be wrong or improper for them to date my friends?

You tend to wonder off on a completely different issue instead of clarifying your original view or comment.


"a woman who can cheat on you no problem"


Those girls did not cheat on me. We weren't girlfriend/boyfriend. My friends ASKED ME if the gals I had just met (while selling magazine subscriptions) could fix them up with a friend. Stupid me asked those girls to fix my friends up with a date. I didn't know my friends were lowlife scumbags at that time. I did shortly later, and you seem to disagree with my opinion.

One guy kept begging me to fix him up. While drunk, the jerk proposed marriage to my date during our second double date. His future wife whispered to me, "Where did you pick up that drifty b a s tard?"

The girls I had just met were very attractive - their girlfriends were NOT. My guess my friends thought if those pretty girls were willing to go out with me - going out with them would be no problem whatsoever - no chance of rejection. They were right! Ya gotta consider my friends were scumbags, but handsome scumbags. All I had were a 'purdy smile' and dark blue eyes.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 188
the trees, versus the entire forest.
Posted: 11/27/2017 6:30:01 AM
Pig, it sounds like a few of the people in your life...suck. And that must suck. I knew people who came to the same realization when they stopped being drunk around the friends (Due to age) and saw their friends for what they really were. I think when we all get older, more mature, have established more of a life, I think it will tend to happen no matter what. We shed the "Activity buddies" and such, once we realize we are at one level of maturity and they are still behind at another level.

should we go after other peoples' partners? people do it without our concern of it being right or wrong. King David in the Old Testament did it, even had the husband sent to his death, and yet he's revered. We elect presidents who fool around, thinking its just the dark side of being an alpha male. But why blame only the fellow? is it b/c we believe women are too weak to stand fast and do the right thing and avoid doing the wrong thing? do we really think men are that amazing? might as well blame both sides of it.

you didn't know your friends were scumbags. Then you found out they were scumbags. you focus on losing the gal who easily ditched you, and don't see the bigger picture--you found out your friends were scumbags. If you hadn't lost these women you barely knew to your scumbag friends, you would have lost these women to the next handsome man coming along (if that's the reason these women went with scumbags).

which is more important, having a good friend...or having a girl? You worry about these bad friends, well, guess what, you learned they were bad before you entrusted them with something of actual value. Flaky hotties who are ready to dump you at a moment's notice...that's not "something of actual value".
 benartflick
Joined: 3/8/2012
Msg: 189
the trees, versus the entire forest.
Posted: 11/27/2017 10:17:46 AM

"you focus on losing the gal who easily ditched you," "Flaky hotties who are ready to dump you at a moment's notice."


Again, you read something that wasn't written or implied.

My so-called friends went after girls I met after asking me to fix them up. You and another member implied, 'That's okay!'

I didn't write those girls dumped me. I didn't go into details about how I found out my ungrateful pals stabbing me in the back. Less than a year later I was friends with one of them and remained friends to this day. Once I put him to the test with his girlfriend sitting on my lap. He got pissed off, and then backed off, perhaps realizing it was just a little payback and I was trying to get him mad - not steal his GF.

I didn't ask either of those girls out again, and I DIDN'T show up for a planned date with one of them.

I'll repeat, earth girls were easy to find and date when you're young in RI and in southern Mass. They were everywhere. Logically you had to ask them out. Back then it was rare for girls to ask boys out. I noticed around '86 and afterwards women asked men out quite often.

Finding the ones that put out was difficult for some of us - until the age of 18. After that the name of a James Bond character comes to mind.
 ThePigOfYourDreams
Joined: 6/30/2017
Msg: 190
the trees, versus the entire forest.
Posted: 11/27/2017 10:43:01 AM

Pig, it sounds like a few of the people in your life...suck. And that must suck


On one hand, it seems like it sucks, but the fact my brother was compelled to attempt interfering with my dating life even after setting him up three times, tells me he obviously felt like he needed to compete with me to validate himself. So, it was kind of flattering, but still a blatant disregard for loyalty and gratitude.

Another plus is I really don't have that much fear of losing people, which is empowering. One becomes much less susceptible to manipulation in this state.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 191
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My friend Judas, he's hanging around here somewhere
Posted: 11/27/2017 10:45:06 AM

If your best friend introduces his girlfriend to you and you're attracted to her, then you think it's a contest to steal her away from him? Is that what you're suggesting?

I think what GTO was initially referring to was that when you're "after" a gal. General bro-code (and sis-code that should be) is that they have Dibs... and it's wrong to start pursuing a gal your buddy is already pining after or started pursing himself. Here are what I think are the Basic rules among-friends, when one friend is "after" someone:

- If said "target" is a childhood crush and/or have been an opp-sex friend of theirs for a long time -- you don't ever pursue them until After your friend's Fully shaken off wanting them. POF in the sea. Otherwise, when that's not the case, the following rules apply...

- Your friend likes them, they have dibs. You don't flirt or pursue even in the "I'm just being friendly" sorta way (sorry pal, we can see thru your intentions). If the "target" is sorta flirting with you, you back off from it. You even hint about your friend in a positive way to them. You're your friend's Wing, not the opposite.

- If your friend is pining but not making a move, you remind them they have X amt of time to do so, otherwise said "target" is fair game. If you're on vacation and it's just an in-the-moment thing when you're at a certain locale, it's going to be different than a gal ya'll may run into at a local watering hole, etc.

- You, the pursuer, get a read on "What do ya think?" to your friend. You talk about it, they are to be your Wing -- but if they're really attracted to the target as well, you should be more motivated not to dilly-dally around to make a move. If you get shot down or read that he/she's not into you -- you let your friend have a crack at them If they're drawn to them. One needs to Ditch the jealousy when your friend properly gives you dibs on a gal you first declare... even when your friend is more attractive and gets more "luck". You hand the ball off to them when the "target" doesn't bite on you.

And obviously, no, you never pursue a friend's current GF or EX. An EX would require a lot of time passed, or your friend Pushing you to hook up with them after a breakup as he wants them to "get with someone", etc. But for all practical purposes, you stay away.

I showed him my girlfriend's Facebook one day, and what did he do later that night when he got home? Sent her a friend request. The very next day, I see all sorts of compliments from him on several of her photos. The next step? He started messaging her.

Wow. I could see adding on FB if they've met them several times and chatted IRL. Some of my friends will do that with a solidified GF of mine, sure. But more for seeing if she has cute friends -- or for a means of Potential communication if ever needed ("Hey, [Bob]'s not answering my texts! Where are you guys at tonite??").
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 192
My friend Judas, he's hanging around here somewhere
Posted: 11/27/2017 11:51:03 AM
"...tells me he obviously felt like he needed to compete with me to validate himself. So, it was kind of flattering"

>>>Good attitude. Life is a little bit easier when we can find the silver lining in the times that life sucks an egg. This is where Ann Landers chimes in with, "people can't hurt you long term, unless you give them permission to live inside your head rent-free." If there's one thing humans can always be trusted to do, its to act towards getting what they want. If your wants and their wants coincide, life is good.

"Another plus is I really don't have that much fear of losing people, which is empowering. One becomes much less susceptible to manipulation in this state."

>>>the best way to avoid "dancing with the one that brung ya" is to bust your ass to be self-sufficient. of course, we can't do that for every little thing, but there's no sense in complaining about the strings attached to gifts--you accepted it, you should be willing to pay the bill. my best friend's daughter keeps complaining about all the favors rich daddy asks of her, and forgets he got her a house, helped with the mortgage, agreed to give her $50K for a wedding even tho the finance makes 6 figures...its more work to not be dependant, but its more empowering, too.

As an average looking man, I learned way back in grade school when I had attractive male friends...the women are always going to go with your attractive male friends. You can shout "bro code!" all you want--as we all know from PUA 101, if you ignore a woman who finds you attractive, she simply chases you more. So even when your hot bro friend tries not to pick her up, she's still interested in him. Who's fault is it that Momma Nature is doing her best to not dilute the gene pool? :)

The alpha male gorilla we all descended from, didn't worry about bro code :) I get what you all are saying, you wish to be polite, you wish life is fair and that your friends will be fair to you. And yet, everyone chases after the hottie and rationalizes it. if a stranger took our girl away, who do we blame for it then? It should be the same exact people we blame for it now. heck, I lost my first crush to my best friend, at my birthday party. It sucked, but I already knew by then, girls like attractive boys. establishing rules wasn't going to change that.

which brings us back to the empowerment of not worrying about losing people. it hurts when you lose someone you didn't have a chance with to someone you know. I get that. but in the greater experience, you learned something about those two people. and hopefully you also learn not to make scumbags your friends :)
 ThePigOfYourDreams
Joined: 6/30/2017
Msg: 193
My friend Judas, he's hanging around here somewhere
Posted: 11/27/2017 4:35:06 PM

I already knew by then, girls like attractive boys. establishing rules wasn't going to change that.


It won't change a friend or family member's attraction to the girl, but the fact you're supposedly someone they actually give a shit about should prevent them from acting upon it. However, insecure and disloyal f*cks with something to prove lack such restraint.

There was a time when I *could* have tried to steal my brother's most beloved girlfriend, but I didn't. She talked with me for great lengths of time about music and practiced her band's setlist songs with me playing piano anytime she came to visit while he sat back twiddling his thumbs. If she had not been my brother's girlfriend, I would have done things to her I wouldn't do to a farm animal. His being my brother is what stopped it.

If my friends and family members can't muster up the same brand of loyalty, they won't be a part of my world.
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 194
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My friend Judas, he's hanging around here somewhere
Posted: 11/27/2017 5:45:36 PM
I have no place in my life for someone I can't trust, be it a bf, husband or friend. When I was 19, my gf from age 12 did me wrong. I just broke up with my bf, we had been living together, but remained friends. He asked me to go to a block party with him, and I invited my girlfriend. Afterwards, he dropped me off and then dropped her off at her family's house a few blocks away. I ran the few blocks back to her house to catch her before she went in to say let's stay out. I come down her block and see her sitting up against my ex-boyfriend with his arm around her in his car. I never said anything to her. I'm the kind of person that likes to observe and then do what I need to do, which was to distance myself from her. Even my ex-husband doesn't know that I found out certain things about what he was up to while we were married.

Preceding this, my gf told me she hooked up with the married guy down the block that she was babysitting for. She kept in touch with me, and I saw other things she was doing with other men, which was to go out with other people's husbands. Technically, my ex-b was up for grabs, but I did just break up with him, and she wasn't hooking up for a relationship. I could more understand that and wish her happiness, but this was behind my back for.......I don't know what they were doing. They never came out as dating.

I like to only keep stand up people in my life.
 Cynderella
Joined: 3/8/2007
Msg: 195
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My friend Judas, he's hanging around here somewhere
Posted: 11/27/2017 5:48:25 PM

I would have done things to her I wouldn't do to a farm animal.


Wish to elaborate???
 ThePigOfYourDreams
Joined: 6/30/2017
Msg: 196
My friend Judas, he's hanging around here somewhere
Posted: 11/27/2017 6:10:04 PM
I do not elaborate. I demonstrate.

:)
 Cynderella
Joined: 3/8/2007
Msg: 197
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My friend Judas, he's hanging around here somewhere
Posted: 11/27/2017 10:23:01 PM
Is that a promise or a treat?
 ThePigOfYourDreams
Joined: 6/30/2017
Msg: 198
My friend Judas, he's hanging around here somewhere
Posted: 11/28/2017 5:55:54 AM
It's the promise of a treat.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 199
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History
My friend Judas, he's hanging around here somewhere
Posted: 11/28/2017 9:31:03 AM

ThePigOfYourDreams
If she had not been my brother's girlfriend, I would have done things to her I wouldn't do to a farm animal.

So…
Does this mean you’re denying all rumours involving you and farm animals?


Messages this short may not be posted
Messages this short may not be posted
 ThePigOfYourDreams
Joined: 6/30/2017
Msg: 200
My friend Judas, he's hanging around here somewhere
Posted: 11/28/2017 10:25:53 AM
Deny? I'm the one who started them.
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