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 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 201
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My friend Judas, he's hanging around here somewherePage 9 of 15    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15)

This is where Ann Landers chimes in with, "people can't hurt you long term, unless you give them permission to live inside your head rent-free."

I'm not such a fan of that line. I think it's when it comes to frivalous stuff, which people can get too wound up about, yeah. But say that to someone who came home the other day and saw their SO getting ball-banged by 2 others, and when caught, the SO yelling at them to get out and shut the door! :) We can pretend nothing affects us when it's grand, but that's just burying it. That said, I agree with the example you were referring to -- look at the bright side of things. Just because it's not going your ideal way, doesn't mean it's a true negative Nancy experience.

As an average looking man, I learned way back in grade school when I had attractive male friends...the women are always going to go with your attractive male friends. You can shout "bro code!" all you want

True. They'll swiftly gravitate toward the guys who stick out as the attractive ones in your group, yep. And you shouldn't claim dibs on a gal at a bar/event when you haven't formulated any banter with her or anything and don't know her, and she by her own volition is going right up to your friend Hot Rick. Your dibs are off, then. And after some banter, expect a gal to gravitate toward the Hot Ricks as no surprise. Won't always happen because Hot Rick may have a gal he's talking to already + Sally finds you cute. Just reasonable in certain situations to have "dibs" on a gal until the gal herself breaks that mold (denying you and/or chasing friend).

as we all know from PUA 101, if you ignore a woman who finds you attractive, she simply chases you more.

True -- to an extent. And more like you're not chasing her when she's too used to that and/or expects you to. Won't last forever, but YMMV. Depends on the type of gal. But it's built on the notion that gals actually more desire a guy where it's not the classic boy-chases-girl scenario. It can definitely be executed wrongly; how to do so depends on the environment, your relationship among her and surrounding friends, etc.

So even when your hot bro friend tries not to pick her up, she's still interested in him.

Well, it's not necessarily like that. Yeah, she'll still find him cute(r). But the concept of "I want what's not chasing me" doesn't ignite when she's engaging with a guy and some other dude isn't c0ck-blocking (passively or aggressively). In fact, a way To ignite that feeling with some girls -- is being Boy B, where Boy A is obviously talking to her with interest and she's "ehhh, maybe" at best, as he's going on and on.... and you swing in, playing it cool to talk with them both, but you being "polite" not to fully butt-in, and going along your merry way. It's a passive form of c0ck-blocking. :)

If she had not been my brother's girlfriend, I would have done things to her I wouldn't do to a farm animal.

Oh wow. Yeah, I don't do anal with farm animals, nor videotape my escapades with them. So doing that on video to someone you know's GF would be quite rude, yes. Always draw a line. :)

His being my brother is what stopped it.

Personally, it would take me having Anti-respect for said BF for me to pounce toward them. GREAT anti-respect to not just flirt but to take the GF upstairs when the BF is currently in the room. If I don't know the guy -- and the gal's throwing herself on me in front of him, I'd try to get a read on him. If he's blah or just rolling his eyes... I wouldn't amp it up with said gal, but I'd just roll with it (just flirting that BF isn't getting actually upset about)... and I'd assume they may not be a solidified BF/GF, and I'd ask her about it the next time I'd see her and said behavior by her happened again.
 purplerider1200
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 202
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My friend Judas, he's hanging around here somewhere
Posted: 11/28/2017 3:24:44 PM
I appreciate farm animals a lot more than people. They at least trust people to treat them decently. You don't, count on them to run from you, and have little to do with you.
 Butterchickenchuck
Joined: 9/18/2015
Msg: 203
My friend Judas, he's hanging around here somewhere
Posted: 11/28/2017 3:27:30 PM
^^^^

Maybe so BUT.....how long do THEY expect you to cuddle after the sex ?
 forever_live_and_die
Joined: 10/3/2017
Msg: 204
My friend Judas, he's hanging around here somewhere
Posted: 11/28/2017 3:33:49 PM
^^^

There's cuddling after sex!!! I wish someone would have told my ex.
 Cynderella
Joined: 3/8/2007
Msg: 205
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My friend Judas, he's hanging around here somewhere
Posted: 11/28/2017 4:45:17 PM
Cuddling is one of the things I
miss most about being single!
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 206
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My friend Judas, he's hanging around here somewhere
Posted: 11/28/2017 5:52:44 PM

There's cuddling after sex!!! I wish someone would have told my ex.

Why?? :) Lucky you, man. I pay for dates so they'll Leave after the sex, not To get sex. ;)
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 207
My friend Judas, he's hanging around here somewhere
Posted: 11/29/2017 6:17:11 AM
"We can pretend nothing affects us when it's grand, but that's just burying it. That said, I agree with the example you were referring to -- look at the bright side of things. Just because it's not going your ideal way, doesn't mean it's a true negative Nancy experience."

>>>at the moment the hurt happens, I think its legitimate to have feelings. But years later and posting about it, I would hope for the person that they've found the silver lining, and have moved on. The drive to procreate is one of the strongest drives we have, i'm sure we've all done at least once, something stupid in its pursuit :) Dwelling forever makes one a prisoner and all that, and that was one of the points I was trying to make.

Also (just to go off on a tangent), there's sometimes something going on that we didn't know about when we decided to get angry. I was ticked at a classmate when I was in grade school, b/c I didn't get brought to a party (put on by another classmate) by him after he promised his mom would pick me up on their way there. decades later, I bumped into someone else who had been at the party, and told me what I missed--the father of the classmate putting on the party, harassing his son (in front of the classmates who were there at the party I had missed) over how much he ate and that was why he was so fat. This past summer, my friend's son got into an argument with his sister's fiancé over the son showing up at a get-together sick as a dog, acting like it wasn't a big deal, and everyone wondered why the fiancé was upset he wasn't getting any serious answers about the brother's illness (as usual, the son is a joker type). Well, this prior weekend we just found out the sister was pregnant at that time, and miscarried their first attempt at conceiving (perhaps after the gathering). so, yeah, the fiancé may have been sensitive, and afterwards not felt a reason to apologize for making a scene.

sometimes its just best to let time heal wounds :)

"Dibs" are usually a rule picked out by the dibber. I remember a delivery guy at work bringing in a shirt his wife made, to sell. I knew a coworker was interested, we were both standing there, the coworker was...doing nothing. so, I counted slowly to 1o, and when the coworker still didn't make a move, I pulled out $20 and said ok, i'll buy it. The coworker got miffed, and I said, "hey, I gave you enough time to strike." Later on, that coworker would sell me some totchkes, and then ask for them back. I don't promote seducing someone else's established partner (tho its amusing when someone who crosses the boundaries of other people, gets upset when their boundaries are crossed. Suddenly, its bad when it affects them, but its perfectly ok when it amuses them, huh). But I've had partnered-up people come on to me, and when I said no...found out later they just went and found someone else, anyway. When they want to cheat, they're going to find a way.

"Well, it's not necessarily like that. "

>>>True, there are exceptions to rules, but if I take too long to type, lately this site returns with an "error, cannot process your request right now" page :) On some humans, what can work is to give someone attention, and then pull it away. My late mother told me that was what happened with my dad--she was a cheerleader, he always hung around the practice, and then he stopped (likely, he went after someone giving him attention :) ) and she was like, hey, WTF, where did that guy go?

it all depends upon what someone wants from a relationship. some want to recieve attention, some want to give it.
 from site to sight
Joined: 11/30/2007
Msg: 208
My friend Judas, he's hanging around here somewhere
Posted: 11/30/2017 2:47:13 PM

it all depends upon what someone wants from a relationship. some want to recieve attention, some want to give it.


Successful relationships involve give and take, give and receive from both people (otherwise known as compromise). But too many people never learned the art of compromise, and sometimes it's "what can I get from a relationship without giving up anything or making changes to my life?" Especially if someone grew up spoiled, where they got anything and everything they ever wanted or demanded, as soon as they snapped their fingers-and expect the rest of the world to treat them the same way. And when the rest of the world doesn't worship them and kiss the ground they walk on, they play the victim card.
 Ralph322
Joined: 11/11/2014
Msg: 209
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DATING OVER 60
Posted: 12/1/2017 6:42:27 PM
Message: I recently met a few older men who had lost their wives, and I felt like they weren't ready to really be in the moment

Speaking from experience you are right. In retrospect I started dating too soon after my wife passed away. Everyone is different in the amount of time they need.It has been more than 3 years for me and I had a couple of grief relapses along the way.
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 210
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DATING OVER 60
Posted: 12/1/2017 7:52:21 PM
Hey Ralph, I was your neighbor for a good part of my life. I lived near Kings Plaza.
 ThePigOfYourDreams
Joined: 6/30/2017
Msg: 211
DATING OVER 60
Posted: 12/2/2017 7:47:12 AM

And you shouldn't claim dibs on a gal at a bar/event when you haven't formulated any banter with her or anything and don't know her


Yes, that's a completely different scenario and there's no justification for getting butthurt if the chick chooses the friend instead. There is no element of betrayal if she was never yours to begin with or you had never engaged in any high level of interaction with her beforehand.

There is no "hey, no fair! I saw her first!" in this scenario.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 212
DATING OVER 60
Posted: 12/2/2017 1:45:55 PM
agreed, if a guy can't be bothered to express his interest in a woman...he's really not "hot 'n' bothered" enough by her. he could spend his lifetime having a relationship with her...inside his head. Meanwhile she's having relationships with other people in reality. and why shouldn't she, she's free to have relations with the guys who turn her on.

he who snoozes...or twiddles his thumbs...or fails to keep the romance going...inevitably loses the fire he let go out. He's responsible for his own failure. I don't intentionally outshine my male friends, and i'm naturally a laid back nerd, so I don't imagine myself doing it naturally. But if it somehow happened anyway...i'd probably nudge my friend to up his game a tiny bit and reclaim the lead.

some guys take their long term partnerships for granted, and quit the romance game. they become the roommate with benefits :)
 Softie4Schnauzers
Joined: 1/27/2008
Msg: 213
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DATING OVER 60
Posted: 12/27/2017 11:03:35 PM
Love what Moraima said. Couldn't have said it better myself. Personally, I prefer to see if there is any online chat chemistry and then meet, saving phone calls for any further communication once a desire for a second or more date is mutual. Talking on the phone before meeting can last hours. The whole thing can be over in less than a minute when you meet, so why waste all that time on the phone?
 ThePigOfYourDreams
Joined: 6/30/2017
Msg: 214
DATING OVER 60
Posted: 12/27/2017 11:45:39 PM

Love what Moraima said. Couldn't have said it better myself. Personally, I prefer to see if there is any online chat chemistry and then meet


Here's another thing you couldn't have done: picked a worse poster to agree with. Well, except NewYorker58, maybe.

Online chat chemistry? I would say it doesn't actually exist. There's too much room for misunderstanding, deception, and building illusions. The only "chemistry" that matters is face to face.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 215
DATING OVER 60
Posted: 12/28/2017 8:43:44 AM
well, if she agreed with mori, that's her choice. But my thoughts are, someone might be good at online chat , but still be a dud in real life--and probably for the same reason, they talk a lot about themselves. But, if someone talks our ear off on the phone...isn't that our fault? I have a friend who can talk on the phone while we're making plans to meet later that day, and i'll find a way to tell her to wait until we meet and thus not have the dead time that occurs with two old friends who have heard every story.

I get we don't want to be rude on the phone, but we could say that we have to go answer the door or there's a call on the other line or the dog just knocked over a plant or something, right? If someone's chattering away on the phone, I suspect I've gotten an idea they might be that way in person, as well. I might stick with it anyway, but that's on me, and supposedly i'm doing it for some gain. or i'm gambling on the gain.
 ThePigOfYourDreams
Joined: 6/30/2017
Msg: 216
DATING OVER 60
Posted: 12/28/2017 9:00:15 AM


well, if she agreed with mori, that's her choice


Which would make likely failing at online dating her choice, as well. So many people complain about their luck with it, yet refuse to change anything.



But my thoughts are, someone might be good at online chat, but still be a dud in real life


Exactly, and vice versa can be true, as well. I was "sort of seeing" a woman about 2 years ago, and if I were to judge her solely on her texting abilities, I would run for the proverbial hills. It was downright excruciating trying to decipher the crap she would send me, yet talking to her face to face was very enjoyable. The fact she was hot didn't hurt anything, either.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 217
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DATING OVER 60
Posted: 12/28/2017 9:02:27 AM

TPOYD
Online chat chemistry? I would say it doesn't actually exist. There's too much room for misunderstanding, deception, and building illusions. The only "chemistry" that matters is face to face.

I will agree with you about “online chat”. But phone chemistry is possible.

There are phone conversations, and then there are phone conversations.

I can think of at least twice in the last 8 years where I started talking to women a long ways off (one at about 120 miles, the other around a thousand). Online conversations led to phone conversations lead to very racy phone conversations led to plane tickets being bought led to …

On the other hand, women who are local anyway, best to meet within a short while, no problem with a short phone conversation, gives you a better idea of who they are and will they actually show up for the initial meeting. And as gto pointed out, just above, there are ways to get off the phone when you do encounter a “talker”.


 halcyon_skies
Joined: 7/27/2015
Msg: 218
DATING OVER 60
Posted: 12/28/2017 9:09:55 AM
I hate to talk on the phone. When I was dating, I would try to arrange a meeting via e-mail, and skip the phone chat altogether. If a man couldn't manage to string a few sentences together online, there wouldn't be a meeting.

My partner and I met without a single phone conversation. The phone calls came later, after we agreed to see each other again.
 ThePigOfYourDreams
Joined: 6/30/2017
Msg: 219
DATING OVER 60
Posted: 12/28/2017 9:32:11 AM

And as gto pointed out, just above, there are ways to get off the phone when you do encounter a “talker”.


Me personally, I would start the conversation out by saying something like "oh, hey...I can't talk for very long, I've got something cooking in the oven" or something along those lines. I absolutely LOATHE talking on the phone. Constant signal break up and having to ask them to repeat themselves.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 220
DATING OVER 60
Posted: 12/28/2017 2:28:51 PM
While no fan of mori either, I will say that "so many people complain about dating but won't change how they do it" has caveats. There are some good reasons why online dating doesn't work for everyone. I can understand why someone would love to find a failproof way of deciding whether or not a new person emailing them is a dud. A lot of us have probably given OLD the "ol college try" and didn't like the results. So, if we can find a way to not waste our time, we would probably like to know what it is.

some people can't type, but they can converse. I used to work w/ a fellow who could converse with me for hours but was deadly dull on the phone--we're talking dead space. And yes, it never hurts when the date across the table is hot. life really is that simple. we suffer for something that brings us pleasure.

now, all those blanket statements being said, I agree with some people who find that talking on the phone can delay meeting in person. Back when I dated aggressively, I wanted to move from phone to person quickly, b/c I wasn't dating over the phone, I was dating in person, so the best way to judge how the date was going to go, was to have the date the way I was going to have the date. Judging over the phone or over the internet how we'd react in person, wasn't always a good way to judge. and that's why I was big on first dates actually being meet 'n' greets.
 CBGB77
Joined: 12/15/2017
Msg: 221
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DATING OVER 60
Posted: 12/28/2017 4:48:25 PM
Lol,is there anyone in this thread over 60(besides me)?
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 222
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DATING OVER 60
Posted: 12/28/2017 5:34:29 PM
I guess I'm the oddball here since I like to talk on the phone. I only have the patience for about 3 text exchanges. I can knock out a 2 hour conversation easily. I talk to a friend once a week and the conversation can go 2-4 hours.

Norwegianguy's posting is the equivalent of my talking...
 aintnodeal
Joined: 4/10/2016
Msg: 223
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DATING OVER 60
Posted: 12/28/2017 7:21:00 PM
Back in the day - (2000s) - a woman contacted me through OLD and we exchanged a few messages on the system. But she wanted to talk on the phone, so she asked for my number. The kicker is that she lived in LA, 350 miles away, so that was Long Distance at the time.

She called me 2 or 3 times a week for the next couple of months. She had a lot of anger about how her boyfriend was seduced by her BFF and told me about it on Every. Single. Call. Mostly I was just listening to her rant about how "guys did this" or "friends were liars", etc. It was all on her dime, and I was trying to discuss dating in general. She wasn't dating anyone, she was still too angry. She eventually said she'd come to my town to visit, and I shut that down. I told her I would NOT visit her if she came to my town, and did NOT want her to visit me. I was a Phone Pal Only.

Eventually she stopped calling and I didn't have to check my rear-view mirror for a mad-as-hell jilted woman from LA. I asked her several times why she didn't discuss her issues with her Mom, her sisters, her local friends....but...I dunno...people are funny.

And it didn't cost me a dime.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 224
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DATING OVER 60
Posted: 12/28/2017 10:45:58 PM

CBGB77
Lol,is there anyone in this thread over 60(besides me)?

Yes, I just had another birthday, I’m now 67 and going strong!



aintnodeal
Back in the day - (2000s) - a woman contacted me through OLD and we exchanged a few messages on the system. But she wanted to talk on the phone, so she asked for my number. The kicker is that she lived in LA, 350 miles away, so that was Long Distance at the time.

She called me 2 or 3 times a week for the next couple of months.

I have had this experience, more than once. If you are far enough away, you are considered safe. She can talk to you, say things to you, admit things to you that she would not say to someone whom she was ever going to meet.
 Seki1949
Joined: 9/4/2013
Msg: 225
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DATING OVER 60
Posted: 12/28/2017 11:24:11 PM

Personally, I prefer to see if there is any online chat chemistry


Personally, I'm chatted out. I type all day and chat sessions with strangers I may not meet is not an option. One phone (usually but required) and straight to the meet-up.
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