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 Here_In_Florida
Joined: 4/4/2011
Msg: 51
Does this happen to others?Page 3 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
If I went on a first date with a woman and there wasn't any kissing going on, then I might have had a great time, but not great enough to do it again.


False, just because there was no kissing going on on the FIRST date, doesn't mean there was lack of interest.


Did you part ways with the obligatory hug, handshak or peck on the cheek? If so, then maybe that's why you didn't get called back.


Again, false.


In response to Igor. Search "vanish" well I'm sorry but sometimes people have new thoughts and new ideas. Is it so wrong to perhaps start a new thread?


Meh, one could do this....but who wants to reply to a thread that's been in existence since 2005? lol
 niquie5
Joined: 4/19/2010
Msg: 52
Does this happen to others?
Posted: 9/28/2011 12:09:34 PM
I agree with you FemaleandFlirty. Although, I have met my last 3 relationships, who are still very good friends of mine online, however, most of the men that I've met were married, separated or in a relationship and online is a quick and easy way to get a quick fix without commitment. That is why many seek long distance relationships. I don't know about anyone else but there are many local men on this site, yet I barely hear from them. I get most of my messages from men who live outside of my city/state. You are right. It is par for the course. That is why I only get online when I'm bored.
 ilovetodance1234
Joined: 4/5/2011
Msg: 53
Does this happen to others?
Posted: 9/28/2011 1:36:27 PM
Mr. Message, please don't make assumptions about me. 1. Yes I went out with a guy "I" thought was hot. No big deal. Someone else may not think he is so hot. Hot or not doesn't entitled anyone to anything. Period. Wine and Dine me. There is no expectation of that. If he paid for food or beverage, or I paid it does not entitle either of us to anything. For your information although brought up old school I do ALWAYS offer to pay, my share of the bill or the entire bill. ALWAYS. If a guy says (which none have) yes, then I will pay for myself and him. If a guy chooses to pay then he has the right to pay. I always carry my weight in a relationship as there are many other ways to reciprocate for the kindness of someone paying for your meal, etc. i.e. preparing a homecooked meal for the (that you paid for, not them). I am sure you can think of other ways not related to sex.

And, what a croc...who said I expect a man to do all of the work? Rediculous. A woman puts as much effort into a relationship, dating etc. I offer to pay for drinks. If I invite I pay. When dating both parties should feel appreciated, respected. etc.

The guy was seeing other women. He was honest about that. Why would I expect him to stop dating other women after only 1 date. I didn't sit at home pining and waiting for his phone call, text, etc. or stop dating other men.

No one got played. Not one got hurt.

Not sure what enticements you think he threw out there for me to accept and/or prove himself. Why would he or me have to prove anything? For goodness sakes it was a first date......

I checked out all 3 profiles of those YOUNG men who felt the need to attack my values and note that you all range from about 29 to 34 or so. I have 3 sons 29, 33 and 34...thank goodness they don't feel the need to bash women.

Thank you for wishing me good luck in finding my White Knight but I don't need luck as I am not looking for a White Knight, I am merely seeking Mr. Perfect for me. Relationships and/or dates require work, communication, compromise, respect, etc. from both parties involved. Good luck to you.
 ilovetodance1234
Joined: 4/5/2011
Msg: 54
Does this happen to others?
Posted: 9/28/2011 1:44:29 PM
Maffers: Read again, no where did I say I was right about anything. I stated it was MY OPINION. That makes it right to me. Your opinion makes it right to you. I have a right to believe in old fashion views as you have the right to believe in what ever you beleive in. Believing in something does not mean you are playing games. Are you playing games because you believe the way you do? No man has to WIN MY APPROVAL. Nor do I have to win his approval. I am my own person and when/if I decide to spend time with someone it is because I WANT TO. I base it upon many things such as communication, honesty, values, respect, etc. I don't take anyone for granted. You are very correct in that real honest communication is a very important key to any relationship whether it be romantic, friendship, work related, family etc. Honey, there is no magic in that. You can't get anymore real than that. It just seems that honest communciation is elusive to many. The magic I refer to in my profile is merely the physical magic of the chemistry that I want to feel for someone. I dont' want to accept anything less than what I am willing to give which is 100%.
Good luck to you.

.
 Mr.Messages
Joined: 9/5/2011
Msg: 55
Does this happen to others?
Posted: 9/28/2011 2:09:05 PM

Mr. Message, please don't make assumptions about me. 1. Yes I went out with a guy "I" thought was hot. No big deal. Someone else may not think he is so hot. Hot or not doesn't entitled anyone to anything. Period. Wine and Dine me. There is no expectation of that. If he paid for food or beverage, or I paid it does not entitle either of us to anything. For your information although brought up old school I do ALWAYS offer to pay, my share of the bill or the entire bill. ALWAYS. If a guy says (which none have) yes, then I will pay for myself and him. If a guy chooses to pay then he has the right to pay. I always carry my weight in a relationship as there are many other ways to reciprocate for the kindness of someone paying for your meal, etc. i.e. preparing a homecooked meal for the (that you paid for, not them). I am sure you can think of other ways not related to sex.

And, what a croc...who said I expect a man to do all of the work? Rediculous. A woman puts as much effort into a relationship, dating etc. I offer to pay for drinks. If I invite I pay. When dating both parties should feel appreciated, respected. etc.

The guy was seeing other women. He was honest about that. Why would I expect him to stop dating other women after only 1 date. I didn't sit at home pining and waiting for his phone call, text, etc. or stop dating other men.

No one got played. Not one got hurt.

Not sure what enticements you think he threw out there for me to accept and/or prove himself. Why would he or me have to prove anything? For goodness sakes it was a first date......

I checked out all 3 profiles of those YOUNG men who felt the need to attack my values and note that you all range from about 29 to 34 or so. I have 3 sons 29, 33 and 34...thank goodness they don't feel the need to bash women.

Thank you for wishing me good luck in finding my White Knight but I don't need luck as I am not looking for a White Knight, I am merely seeking Mr. Perfect for me. Relationships and/or dates require work, communication, compromise, respect, etc. from both parties involved. Good luck to you.


Re-read your original post ilovetodance1234. As long as you at least offer to pay no problem. I stand corrected. (I was most likely a tad bit over tired last night when I 'read' your post and took the 'old fashioned' a little too strongly which you obviously explained what you meant by it.) Good day.

 ilovetodance1234
Joined: 4/5/2011
Msg: 56
Does this happen to others?
Posted: 9/28/2011 5:16:15 PM
Not a problem Mr. Messages: I think it goes both ways. I overreacted myself. It has been the "life" from hell of late, exhausted, frustrated and when I read the responses truly felt attacked. My apologies. I am, probably like a lot of women of my generation, still stuck in the sorry for using this term "old fashioned" era, getting accustomed to the new era and ways. It is not always easy to "break out" of the way one was raised no matter how they were raised. I should have clarified a little better. There are a lot of misconceptions about dating and who pays. I have always felt if I invite someone to dinner, etc. I pay. If invite them to "join" me they should at least offer to pick up their portion. I know this may be outdated. I would not want to be a man with all of the pressure of feeling like they are expected to pay. While I was raised that if a man invites you out on a date he should pay...I feel if a man indicates he would like to pay a woman should let him pay.It is a gift he is bestowing. It is sometimes more difficult to receive a gift (such as a man being gracious enough to pay for anything) than it is to give a gift. In any relationship, friendship, etc. there should be a healthy division of "giving" and "taking". Where one lacks the other picks up. Unfortunately, for me I am a giver not a taker. I am very stubborn and independent to a fault when it comes to being a "taker" or "receiver". I hope you understand and forgive my overreaction to the statement about paying, etc. Have a good evening and I truly do wish you well. P.S If I have said anything in this post to insult please don't take it personally as it truly is not meant to insult.
 ilovetodance1234
Joined: 4/5/2011
Msg: 57
Does this happen to others?
Posted: 9/28/2011 5:38:34 PM
Sullux: My apologies if I overreacted to your post and/or did not realize you were "standing up for me".I belatedly thank you for that and hope you will accept my thank you.

I am sorry for how you have been treated in your past and although I don't know you, I feel for you and the pain you must have felt by the lack of class, kindness, etc. displayed by the individual you referred to that said you were not marriage material. I have been there and understand how it feels. Moved past it a very long time ago. I do sincerely apologize for indicating you were being mean. There is nothing wrong with others having different opinions it was the way in which it was delivered which is why I felt attacked and my misinterpretation of your post.

As for your remark above indicating I have anger towards men or anyone you couldn't be more off target. Smile. I truly did not realize you were standing up for me. I hope you will accept my sincere apology.

I wish you well.
 SweetLady95
Joined: 8/30/2011
Msg: 58
Does this happen to others?
Posted: 9/28/2011 5:55:02 PM
Why is that people are always forced to defend how they are? Just accept people for who they are. It's not like you're involved in a relatinship. It's nothing wrong with being "old fashioned" when it comes to dating. I'm am that way as well and am proud to be. The man for me will have old fashioned ways as well and so will the man for I love to dance.
 RedRose777
Joined: 7/26/2011
Msg: 59
Does this happen to others?
Posted: 9/28/2011 7:20:56 PM
I totally agree that there is nothing wrong about being old fashioned, I only date guys who are real gentlemen and will never let me pay, it's not a big deal for them as they are making more money or much more money than me , so they enjoy being like that and I enjoy feeling like a lady and of course I do reciprocate a lot on other levels :) I am not demending , but I do have standards and I am not going to compromise , it's my choice . People never should feel emberrased about their choices in life whether is dating preferances or any other preferances.

It also happened to me that guys will disappear after a couple of dates,but I am ok with that, as I do have other choices and they also have diffent choices, dating is like shopping for a perfect pair of shoes , you have to try some till you find your dream ones lol
 bikeman1467
Joined: 9/22/2009
Msg: 60
view profile
History
Does this happen to others?
Posted: 9/28/2011 7:26:07 PM
There are lots of disingenuous people floating around on internet dating sites. You know the sort of person, always smiling no matter what they are thinking. I generally know within 5 minutes of a date whether or not I'll want to go another date. The guys doing this to the OP probably wasn't interested for whatever reason immediately after meeting, hung around to see if he could get laid, and when he saw that wasn't happening he does a POoF. Women will do this to guys not for the sex but for the ego-stroking "chivalric" largesse.

Dust yourself off and get back on that PoF horse.
 RedRose777
Joined: 7/26/2011
Msg: 61
Does this happen to others?
Posted: 9/28/2011 7:59:41 PM
Well, I do have a nice career myself but somehow am attracted to guys with certain personality and looks are not important to me, so I always end up with ambitious and smart guys who somehow make more/much more than I do and enjoy being real gents....I am old fashioned in terms of 2011 not 50's , I am not stupid lol I try to look great for my guy, to put clothes that he likes for example,I am not a feminist,I cook and make great massages for example and I do buy occasional gifts/write romantic cards for the guy I date but I do not believe that a woman should reciprocate on materalistic level if she makes much less than the guy,I reciprocate on all other levels but I never compete with guys financially, the are usually better in that and I am better in cooking and cleaning for example.
 Mr.Messages
Joined: 9/5/2011
Msg: 62
Does this happen to others?
Posted: 9/28/2011 8:00:01 PM

I totally agree that there is nothing wrong about being old fashioned, I only date guys who are real gentlemen and will never let me pay, it's not a big deal for them as they are making more money or much more money than me , so they enjoy being like that and I enjoy feeling like a lady and of course I do reciprocate a lot on other levels :) I am not demending , but I do have standards and I am not going to compromise , it's my choice . People never should feel emberrased about their choices in life whether is dating preferances or any other preferances.

It also happened to me that guys will disappear after a couple of dates,but I am ok with that, as I do have other choices and they also have diffent choices, dating is like shopping for a perfect pair of shoes , you have to try some till you find your dream ones lol


ilovedancing1234 will at LEAST offer to pay. I don't mind paying for dates as long as a woman OFFERS to pay or every so often picks up the tip, or pays for drinks, whatever. As long as I know she understands it's about both of us.

Get real. Your Mr. Big no matter how much he makes will one day decide (if he's a wise businessman) that he's investing too much in a model that is eventually going to get older.....and then upgrade to a newer, younger, and better looking one who likes to be treated like a lady... True story.
 RedRose777
Joined: 7/26/2011
Msg: 63
Does this happen to others?
Posted: 9/28/2011 8:18:18 PM
I do reciprocate as much as I can, prepare romantic surprises, get occasionally tickets for the movies etc,I do not offer to share 400$ dinner bill and it's their treat anyway. Noone supports me and I am a very independent woman and have savings and property of my own, I just CAN't afford to share 400-500$ dinners or exotic trips costs,and I am not going to,I just expressed my opinion, I do reciprocate with taking care of them and less expensive but not less meaningful surprises, which maybe more time consuming....omg! guys are much more materialstic these days than gals! I never ask about income or which car he drives or if we rents or owns,but guys ask these questiosn all the time, not all guys but many, get real!
 RedRose777
Joined: 7/26/2011
Msg: 64
Does this happen to others?
Posted: 9/28/2011 8:37:24 PM
I am just very business curious but not really business smart yet lol, but I do love real estate,stocks and other types of pretty safe investments and I do make some money on it in addition to my earned income, so I find it fascinaing to date someone who is successful in what I try to be successful ,who challenges me to be my best self on all levels, someone I can learn from...This is very natural for women to fall in love with someone she views as smarter,I think that brain is the sexiest part in humans,I hope I made my point clear.
 ilovetodance1234
Joined: 4/5/2011
Msg: 65
Does this happen to others?
Posted: 9/29/2011 5:21:47 PM
Or, maybe both woman and men do it because they realize they are just not that interested and NOT for any other reason than that .
 Cat*Eyes
Joined: 9/13/2006
Msg: 66
view profile
History
Does this happen to others?
Posted: 9/29/2011 6:01:11 PM
The last 3 men I met on POF,seem interested, and I was somewhat interested in seeing them again, but I got no reply from them.
In answer to you, yes," this happens to others".
 Jaimes004
Joined: 8/18/2011
Msg: 67
Does this happen to others?
Posted: 9/29/2011 6:11:06 PM
Ask yourself....can you handle honesty? Do you really want them to tell you they are not interested? The brush-off sucks, doesn't it.

Yes, it happens to everyone on line.....and I mean EVERYONE!
 concertlover3
Joined: 8/13/2011
Msg: 68
Does this happen to others?
Posted: 9/29/2011 6:30:21 PM
it might be that you were dishonest in your profile.

there will NOT be a second date if you said you are BODY TYPE AVERAGE

and it turns out you really are fat or OBESE.



it's happened to me more times than i want to remember.

it sucks to be lied to ladies.
 Cat*Eyes
Joined: 9/13/2006
Msg: 69
view profile
History
Does this happen to others?
Posted: 9/29/2011 6:37:19 PM
I really would like a guy to tell me why they are not interested. I really want to know .
 Sullux
Joined: 9/22/2011
Msg: 70
Does this happen to others?
Posted: 9/29/2011 7:08:30 PM
ilovetodance1234:

Thank you for your later posting. I accept, and appreciate your taking the time to say something, and I do feel badly that my original comments caused you discomfort in the first place. Regardless of my intent, I strive for good communication, and that means the burden of preventing misunderstanding falls on the speaker.

Side note: as to that one bad relationship experience I described, that was just a single, two-year relationship. I have had mostly the same treatment at the hands of women for 17 years. Everyone calls me a "hero" or whatever for having been a single dad for so long, and all I can hear is that monologue from Die Hard 4 where he talks about how much it sucks to be a hero. I'm right there with him.

To all:

Concertlover3 has a valid point. I can't tell you how many times I've met someone and felt like they had been seriously dishonest with me. I've met those with serious bodily deformations that they hid in their photos. I've met hearing-impaired individuals who said nothing about it on their profiles. I've met those who used old or misleading photographs to misrepresent their appearance or body type, and the list goes on. One of the first things I do when I meet someone for the first time is ask them if I look like my pictures. I am conscious of the fact that NO picture can be completely accurate, but I try very hard to make sure I am not misrepresenting myself in any way. I would recommend doing this yourselves (men and women). Pictures may not be perfect, but there is a point at which they become an outright lie.

While I usually have the courtesy to tell someone that I don't wish to see them again, I admit that if they have met me under false pretenses I am much less inclined towards courtesy. And keep in mind: I am not shallow in any way. I have had a long-term relationship with someone who was five-foot zero and 95 pounds and I have had a long-term relationship with someone who was five-foot nine and 200 pounds, and in both cases my partners were perfectly pleasing to me. You don't need to misrepresent yourself!
 Sullux
Joined: 9/22/2011
Msg: 71
Does this happen to others?
Posted: 9/30/2011 4:36:00 AM
You'd think so, and admittedly, I thought so myself for the longest time. I thought there had to be something wrong with me. The thing is, I'm still in communication with most of my exes, and they all say it was them. They all say they were too immature, they hate how they treated me, they are sorry, blah blah blah. Most of them (one exception) still want to get back together with me. The most recent one has already sworn to spend the rest of her life making up for the year-and-a-half of suffering she put me through.

Seriously mr.messages, I would say the exact same thing you did to anyone else with a similar story. I had the lowest self-esteem on earth six months ago because, as an empiricist, I figured it HAD to be something wrong with me. I'm learning, though, that that's not the case at all. I'm not afraid for a second to be honest with myself. If I was ugly or had a strange voice or other flaws, if my equipment was too small or too big, if I wasn't assertive enough -- I'm big on finding my flaws and working on them, but I don't have any of those particular flaws. My flaws are like...I like to be in bed by 10:00. I don't like country music. Things like that.

As an empiricist, I have to look at the evidence. I have a 24-year-old, a 25-year-old and a 26-year-old all competing for my affections right now, and I'm 35 in a couple of months. The 26-year-old is the one begging to come back to me and marry me after breaking up a few months ago, saying she can't even believe how badly she treated me and it will never happen again. (We'll see.) We had been together for a year and a half, so if I had any major flaws, she would know. So would the other previous relationships who almost all want to come back to me. All my close female friends have tried to convince me that I'm the best guy ever and that the whole thing was bad luck. Yes, I know all this sounds fabricated, but what purpose would that serve? I don't need to lie to you. I don't even know you.

No, in the end I'm the victim of extremely bad luck. When you are a patient, nurturing man with good qualities, you get taken advantage of. When you have a child, women have an easy excuse to leave and you have a strong motivation to "make it work". At this point I've learned to spot the type so that I can usually avoid them, although admittedly this last one was a surprise, but I ended it when I realized that she was just like all the others.

On the other hand, this thread was not about me, it was about someone with a different problem. The point is that I have a lot of experience dealing with self-esteem issues. A lot of experience! If someone always has a nice time on dates but finds themselves always being the second choice, they probably need to work on their self-esteem, which means they need to go out and work on themselves. You do not have to feel inadequate! It takes some work, but it is worth it because when you value yourself, everyone else values you more too. Besides, working on yourself usually makes you more attractive right up front! Losing weight makes you feel good about your accomplishment, but (let's be honest) it often makes you more attractive to others, too. I've had to spend a good portion of my life making myself more attractive (in many ways), and I think it could help you a great deal.
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 72
Does this happen to others?
Posted: 9/30/2011 8:29:11 AM
Ask yourself....can you handle honesty? Do you really want them to tell you they are not interested? The brush-off sucks, doesn't it.


It really depends on how it's done. If they're tactful, I have no issue with honesty. If they are socially inept and say something presumptuous or rude, it's a different story.


there will NOT be a second date if you said you are BODY TYPE AVERAGE
and it turns out you really are fat or OBESE.

it's happened to me more times than i want to remember.

it sucks to be lied to ladies.


That works both ways. If a man says he's 5'9" and he's really 5'6", I will not hesitate to tell him I feel he misrepresented himself in his profile, and it's not going to work out.
 ilovetodance1234
Joined: 4/5/2011
Msg: 73
Does this happen to others?
Posted: 9/30/2011 9:06:29 AM
Well said Sullux: "If someone always has a nice time on dates but finds themselves always being second choice......etc."

It is surprising at times to see who suffers from low self esteem...that hot, hot guy/gal, that woman who is super slim, looks like a super model, that overweight woman/man, that man/woman who looks like they spends all of their time at the gym, buff, great bod, muscles, etc. I have always felt "not beautiful, ugly, not smart enough, been the butt of so many dumb blond jokes". I was the Office Manager for a law firm in Washington DC for 13 years, have worked in the paralegal capacity for more than 20 years, etc. thus I guess I am not so dumb after all. (smile) I was married to a man who constantly told me I am dumb, how ugly I was, that I had chicken legs (hmm as I get compliments on my legs all of the time, smile), There are days I look in the mirror and say hmm you don't look too bad, others I am scared of what I see in the mirror. I have grandchildren that point out my many flaws (the fact I am over a half of a 100 years old is one of them, smile). Mind you they are not meaning to be unkind, it was merely a math equation we were working on that particular day. smile.

I realize my ex husband was insecure himself and felt the need to beat me down. I realize that where I may be beautiful to someone I may be ugly to someone else. But I also realize that our beauty begins from within. I work on my flaws daily. I build my confidence up daily. Today I can honestly say I am strong and confident but yet soft hearted, kind gentle at the same time. I have always been painfully shy. To build up my confidence I took a big step and signed up for a dance class 5 years ago. Forced myself to go in by myself. Was shaking, scared and ready to cry because I was so scared. Glad I did it. Where I used to be self conscious to walk into a room, walk across a dance floor now I am confident. Still not the best dancer on the floor but I am now confident enought to really have fun dancing. Mistakes, I make them all of the time, but I laugh about them and move on.

Heck I have been told by guys I provided no challenge because I am easy going, . I am too "nice". What the heck. I don't play games. I am not going to become argumentive, play mind games, be uncooperative just to provide a challenge. Trust me there are other ways to challenge one another in a more productive, fun, enjoyable fashion. I pick my battles carefully and weigh whether what I want, or he wants is more important than what "we" want (cooperation).

It is hurtful when you meet someone you feel you click with and they "Seem" to click with you then they disappear. It is a blow to one's ego but it happens. The world of the internet provides us with the ability to do this and not think about how it hurts others feelings and self esteem.

Disclaimer: This is not a wa wa or whine post. It is merely to share experiences.

 Jaimes004
Joined: 8/18/2011
Msg: 74
Does this happen to others?
Posted: 9/30/2011 9:13:15 AM

It really depends on how it's done. If they're tactful, I have no issue with honesty. If they are socially inept and say something presumptuous or rude, it's a different story.


Yes, absolutely correct.

On another note, people, in general, should expect only what they are willing to do themselves. If you give the traditional 'alienation' yourself, then why would expect to receive anything different in return? Do you have a right to feel the way you do if you create the same feeling in others?

I tell ya, I happy here on Mars.
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 75
Does this happen to others?
Posted: 9/30/2011 9:48:32 AM
On another note, people, in general, should expect only what they are willing to do themselves. If you give the traditional 'alienation' yourself, then why would expect to receive anything different in return? Do you have a right to feel the way you do if you create the same feeling in others?


I agree with that in principle. If a man meets a woman and tells her he's not interested in her because she lied about her weight, he's being honest---albeit cruel and blunt. As a result, he shouldn't be surprised if she counters with something like, "Well, I prefer men with more hair anyway, so the feeling is mutual."

Edit: vvvvv The problem as I see it is that "honesty" can be subjective and open to interpretation, the same way as "politeness."
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