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 RedRose777
Joined: 7/26/2011
Msg: 63
Does this happen to others?Page 4 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
I do reciprocate as much as I can, prepare romantic surprises, get occasionally tickets for the movies etc,I do not offer to share 400$ dinner bill and it's their treat anyway. Noone supports me and I am a very independent woman and have savings and property of my own, I just CAN't afford to share 400-500$ dinners or exotic trips costs,and I am not going to,I just expressed my opinion, I do reciprocate with taking care of them and less expensive but not less meaningful surprises, which maybe more time consuming....omg! guys are much more materialstic these days than gals! I never ask about income or which car he drives or if we rents or owns,but guys ask these questiosn all the time, not all guys but many, get real!
 RedRose777
Joined: 7/26/2011
Msg: 64
Does this happen to others?
Posted: 9/28/2011 8:37:24 PM
I am just very business curious but not really business smart yet lol, but I do love real estate,stocks and other types of pretty safe investments and I do make some money on it in addition to my earned income, so I find it fascinaing to date someone who is successful in what I try to be successful ,who challenges me to be my best self on all levels, someone I can learn from...This is very natural for women to fall in love with someone she views as smarter,I think that brain is the sexiest part in humans,I hope I made my point clear.
 ilovetodance1234
Joined: 4/5/2011
Msg: 65
Does this happen to others?
Posted: 9/29/2011 5:21:47 PM
Or, maybe both woman and men do it because they realize they are just not that interested and NOT for any other reason than that .
 Cat*Eyes
Joined: 9/13/2006
Msg: 66
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Does this happen to others?
Posted: 9/29/2011 6:01:11 PM
The last 3 men I met on POF,seem interested, and I was somewhat interested in seeing them again, but I got no reply from them.
In answer to you, yes," this happens to others".
 Jaimes004
Joined: 8/18/2011
Msg: 67
Does this happen to others?
Posted: 9/29/2011 6:11:06 PM
Ask yourself....can you handle honesty? Do you really want them to tell you they are not interested? The brush-off sucks, doesn't it.

Yes, it happens to everyone on line.....and I mean EVERYONE!
 concertlover3
Joined: 8/13/2011
Msg: 68
Does this happen to others?
Posted: 9/29/2011 6:30:21 PM
it might be that you were dishonest in your profile.

there will NOT be a second date if you said you are BODY TYPE AVERAGE

and it turns out you really are fat or OBESE.



it's happened to me more times than i want to remember.

it sucks to be lied to ladies.
 Cat*Eyes
Joined: 9/13/2006
Msg: 69
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Does this happen to others?
Posted: 9/29/2011 6:37:19 PM
I really would like a guy to tell me why they are not interested. I really want to know .
 Sullux
Joined: 9/22/2011
Msg: 70
Does this happen to others?
Posted: 9/29/2011 7:08:30 PM
ilovetodance1234:

Thank you for your later posting. I accept, and appreciate your taking the time to say something, and I do feel badly that my original comments caused you discomfort in the first place. Regardless of my intent, I strive for good communication, and that means the burden of preventing misunderstanding falls on the speaker.

Side note: as to that one bad relationship experience I described, that was just a single, two-year relationship. I have had mostly the same treatment at the hands of women for 17 years. Everyone calls me a "hero" or whatever for having been a single dad for so long, and all I can hear is that monologue from Die Hard 4 where he talks about how much it sucks to be a hero. I'm right there with him.

To all:

Concertlover3 has a valid point. I can't tell you how many times I've met someone and felt like they had been seriously dishonest with me. I've met those with serious bodily deformations that they hid in their photos. I've met hearing-impaired individuals who said nothing about it on their profiles. I've met those who used old or misleading photographs to misrepresent their appearance or body type, and the list goes on. One of the first things I do when I meet someone for the first time is ask them if I look like my pictures. I am conscious of the fact that NO picture can be completely accurate, but I try very hard to make sure I am not misrepresenting myself in any way. I would recommend doing this yourselves (men and women). Pictures may not be perfect, but there is a point at which they become an outright lie.

While I usually have the courtesy to tell someone that I don't wish to see them again, I admit that if they have met me under false pretenses I am much less inclined towards courtesy. And keep in mind: I am not shallow in any way. I have had a long-term relationship with someone who was five-foot zero and 95 pounds and I have had a long-term relationship with someone who was five-foot nine and 200 pounds, and in both cases my partners were perfectly pleasing to me. You don't need to misrepresent yourself!
 Sullux
Joined: 9/22/2011
Msg: 71
Does this happen to others?
Posted: 9/30/2011 4:36:00 AM
You'd think so, and admittedly, I thought so myself for the longest time. I thought there had to be something wrong with me. The thing is, I'm still in communication with most of my exes, and they all say it was them. They all say they were too immature, they hate how they treated me, they are sorry, blah blah blah. Most of them (one exception) still want to get back together with me. The most recent one has already sworn to spend the rest of her life making up for the year-and-a-half of suffering she put me through.

Seriously mr.messages, I would say the exact same thing you did to anyone else with a similar story. I had the lowest self-esteem on earth six months ago because, as an empiricist, I figured it HAD to be something wrong with me. I'm learning, though, that that's not the case at all. I'm not afraid for a second to be honest with myself. If I was ugly or had a strange voice or other flaws, if my equipment was too small or too big, if I wasn't assertive enough -- I'm big on finding my flaws and working on them, but I don't have any of those particular flaws. My flaws are like...I like to be in bed by 10:00. I don't like country music. Things like that.

As an empiricist, I have to look at the evidence. I have a 24-year-old, a 25-year-old and a 26-year-old all competing for my affections right now, and I'm 35 in a couple of months. The 26-year-old is the one begging to come back to me and marry me after breaking up a few months ago, saying she can't even believe how badly she treated me and it will never happen again. (We'll see.) We had been together for a year and a half, so if I had any major flaws, she would know. So would the other previous relationships who almost all want to come back to me. All my close female friends have tried to convince me that I'm the best guy ever and that the whole thing was bad luck. Yes, I know all this sounds fabricated, but what purpose would that serve? I don't need to lie to you. I don't even know you.

No, in the end I'm the victim of extremely bad luck. When you are a patient, nurturing man with good qualities, you get taken advantage of. When you have a child, women have an easy excuse to leave and you have a strong motivation to "make it work". At this point I've learned to spot the type so that I can usually avoid them, although admittedly this last one was a surprise, but I ended it when I realized that she was just like all the others.

On the other hand, this thread was not about me, it was about someone with a different problem. The point is that I have a lot of experience dealing with self-esteem issues. A lot of experience! If someone always has a nice time on dates but finds themselves always being the second choice, they probably need to work on their self-esteem, which means they need to go out and work on themselves. You do not have to feel inadequate! It takes some work, but it is worth it because when you value yourself, everyone else values you more too. Besides, working on yourself usually makes you more attractive right up front! Losing weight makes you feel good about your accomplishment, but (let's be honest) it often makes you more attractive to others, too. I've had to spend a good portion of my life making myself more attractive (in many ways), and I think it could help you a great deal.
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 72
Does this happen to others?
Posted: 9/30/2011 8:29:11 AM
Ask yourself....can you handle honesty? Do you really want them to tell you they are not interested? The brush-off sucks, doesn't it.


It really depends on how it's done. If they're tactful, I have no issue with honesty. If they are socially inept and say something presumptuous or rude, it's a different story.


there will NOT be a second date if you said you are BODY TYPE AVERAGE
and it turns out you really are fat or OBESE.

it's happened to me more times than i want to remember.

it sucks to be lied to ladies.


That works both ways. If a man says he's 5'9" and he's really 5'6", I will not hesitate to tell him I feel he misrepresented himself in his profile, and it's not going to work out.
 ilovetodance1234
Joined: 4/5/2011
Msg: 73
Does this happen to others?
Posted: 9/30/2011 9:06:29 AM
Well said Sullux: "If someone always has a nice time on dates but finds themselves always being second choice......etc."

It is surprising at times to see who suffers from low self esteem...that hot, hot guy/gal, that woman who is super slim, looks like a super model, that overweight woman/man, that man/woman who looks like they spends all of their time at the gym, buff, great bod, muscles, etc. I have always felt "not beautiful, ugly, not smart enough, been the butt of so many dumb blond jokes". I was the Office Manager for a law firm in Washington DC for 13 years, have worked in the paralegal capacity for more than 20 years, etc. thus I guess I am not so dumb after all. (smile) I was married to a man who constantly told me I am dumb, how ugly I was, that I had chicken legs (hmm as I get compliments on my legs all of the time, smile), There are days I look in the mirror and say hmm you don't look too bad, others I am scared of what I see in the mirror. I have grandchildren that point out my many flaws (the fact I am over a half of a 100 years old is one of them, smile). Mind you they are not meaning to be unkind, it was merely a math equation we were working on that particular day. smile.

I realize my ex husband was insecure himself and felt the need to beat me down. I realize that where I may be beautiful to someone I may be ugly to someone else. But I also realize that our beauty begins from within. I work on my flaws daily. I build my confidence up daily. Today I can honestly say I am strong and confident but yet soft hearted, kind gentle at the same time. I have always been painfully shy. To build up my confidence I took a big step and signed up for a dance class 5 years ago. Forced myself to go in by myself. Was shaking, scared and ready to cry because I was so scared. Glad I did it. Where I used to be self conscious to walk into a room, walk across a dance floor now I am confident. Still not the best dancer on the floor but I am now confident enought to really have fun dancing. Mistakes, I make them all of the time, but I laugh about them and move on.

Heck I have been told by guys I provided no challenge because I am easy going, . I am too "nice". What the heck. I don't play games. I am not going to become argumentive, play mind games, be uncooperative just to provide a challenge. Trust me there are other ways to challenge one another in a more productive, fun, enjoyable fashion. I pick my battles carefully and weigh whether what I want, or he wants is more important than what "we" want (cooperation).

It is hurtful when you meet someone you feel you click with and they "Seem" to click with you then they disappear. It is a blow to one's ego but it happens. The world of the internet provides us with the ability to do this and not think about how it hurts others feelings and self esteem.

Disclaimer: This is not a wa wa or whine post. It is merely to share experiences.

 Jaimes004
Joined: 8/18/2011
Msg: 74
Does this happen to others?
Posted: 9/30/2011 9:13:15 AM

It really depends on how it's done. If they're tactful, I have no issue with honesty. If they are socially inept and say something presumptuous or rude, it's a different story.


Yes, absolutely correct.

On another note, people, in general, should expect only what they are willing to do themselves. If you give the traditional 'alienation' yourself, then why would expect to receive anything different in return? Do you have a right to feel the way you do if you create the same feeling in others?

I tell ya, I happy here on Mars.
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 75
Does this happen to others?
Posted: 9/30/2011 9:48:32 AM
On another note, people, in general, should expect only what they are willing to do themselves. If you give the traditional 'alienation' yourself, then why would expect to receive anything different in return? Do you have a right to feel the way you do if you create the same feeling in others?


I agree with that in principle. If a man meets a woman and tells her he's not interested in her because she lied about her weight, he's being honest---albeit cruel and blunt. As a result, he shouldn't be surprised if she counters with something like, "Well, I prefer men with more hair anyway, so the feeling is mutual."

Edit: vvvvv The problem as I see it is that "honesty" can be subjective and open to interpretation, the same way as "politeness."
 Jaimes004
Joined: 8/18/2011
Msg: 76
Does this happen to others?
Posted: 9/30/2011 9:54:34 AM
Edit: ^^^^^^ That's a different interpretation, and very true. I was referring to men/women that are not brave enough to be honest to others, complaining about not receiving honesty. No matter what issue, just in general.

 classedup
Joined: 11/28/2010
Msg: 77
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History
Does this happen to others?
Posted: 10/7/2011 3:45:43 PM
YES YES.....AND WHEN I E-MAILED TO SAY I HOPE YOU ARE OKAY AND WAS IT SOMETHING I SAID I GOT BIG FAT ZILCH FROM THE COWARD AND THAT'S
HOW IT IS LADIES.THE GRASS IS GREENER ALL THE TIME FOR THE GUYS ON HERE........HE BROKE A DATE AFTER TELLING ME HE WAS MISUNDERSTOOD
ABOUT HIS PROFILE AND HE REALLY LIKED ME.BULL!!!!!!!
 kcladyz
Joined: 8/7/2009
Msg: 78
Does this happen to others?
Posted: 10/9/2011 7:24:46 AM
They may be saying they are interested in seeing you again for your face to face with them and they do not want to hurt your feelings. i would call once but if you never hear back its obvious they are not interested
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