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 lovelikewinter
Joined: 9/24/2011
Msg: 26
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POFICTIONARY - Glossary of Online Dating Profile TermsPage 2 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
hahahaha XD Time 2 that about sums it all up.

man's profile: entrepreneur= I can't find anything I am good at so I am B.S. ing you
 RobertinStages
Joined: 6/20/2010
Msg: 27
POFICTIONARY - Glossary of Online Dating Profile Terms
Posted: 10/22/2011 6:57:27 AM
LOL that's about right lovelikewinter. Entrepeneur = Looking for Sugar Momma .. BTW .. there is an adverstisement here for "Woman you want to be a Sugar Momma for 52 year old men" DAMN!! Ya think that's real????
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 28
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POFICTIONARY - Glossary of Online Dating Profile Terms
Posted: 10/23/2011 7:47:06 AM
I love these threads, FYI all my material is ORIGINAL!! No copy/paste, please, unless you send me LOTS of money!

From some of my prior posts (pardon for any redundancy)

Ehh I swear if I see good hearted woman (I'd like to BAP upside the head whoever wrote that damn song!) just ONE more time!
easy going - will let your dog hump her leg
laid back - will let your brother/cousin hump her leg
adventurous - LOTS of fun at the family reunion, will let EVERYONE hump her leg
fun-loving - plays strip pool at the bar
down to earth - lets her brother hump her leg....(well trying to be consistent)
family oriented - has 14 babies without artificial insemination
open-minded - will flash her boobs at the library (could ALSO be fun-loving..)
friendly - french kisses all your friends to make a good impression (did I say they were all MEN? Yipes!)
homebody - hasn't left the house since Reagan was in office
loves children - well she dates men...DUH!
animal lover - LIKES your dog humping her leg
outdoors woman - hunts topless with a bow and arrow
sense of humor - will flash her boobs for a beer or a laugh...both is extra!

Male version of “looking for”:

Hang out - yeah whatever, pretending I don't want sex to hang out long enough to convince you I don't, but 20 minutes and I'm outta there (I hang out with my buddies)

Talk/E-mail - yeah right, a few emails trying to pretend I don't wanna talk about sex and slamming Red Bulls to stay awake enough to pretend I'm interested in talk/e-mail (while scanning Sports Illustrated Swinsuit edition, Playboy, Maxim...or surfing porn sites...wow can they DO that?)

Long term - oh sure, doesn't everyone, I mean of course I'm serious, but to take it to "that level" I have to make sure we're sexually compatible so....

Other Relationship - (I don't think men know what this means, either) yadda yadda, call it anything as long as there's naked in there somewhere, I'm IN!

Dating - oh now you're talking! Cool, date (number of negotiable) it means we can have sex and then not be interested (a male shopper's dream)

Friendship - if it's not Friends with the Benefits, I will only go shopping and hold your purse so long

Intimate Encounter - oh yeah...only concerns, noone's armed. Guns don't kill, husbands who come home early...MAY!

Acitivty Partner - haha...what's a man's favorite acitivity? Thinking tennis...golf...haha..we play tennis and golf to find women to get laid.

Geez, I forgot I posted this on the hunor forum: (HE asked for it..)

not into games - can't understand the directions to "Candyland" but still owns it. Video game controllers are mystical and frustrating, can't even play solitare unless it's with someone else.

drama free - user doesn't understand the phrase just copied it from someone else's profile. For those who know what it means, like "nice guy" they're saying that to try to shield the fact that they're more into drama than the starts of "Days of Our Lives", and consider soap operas dull as compared to what happened to THEM today.

down to earth - likes to swill cheap alcohol so often they usually wake up face down on the floor.

easy going - so unexcitable barely has a pulse. People continually are sticking mirrors under their nose to make sure they're breathing.

loves to laugh - just under the legal limit of insanity, only "get" their own jokes, and considers "bathroom humor" highbrow.

laid back - (see easy going) so unmotivated can barely get up to go to work or the refrigerator. Will be happy when they can retire and spend the rest of their life in their Lazy Boy with a cooler and the remote.

self sufficient - because they're living in their parents' basement (again) they can pay their bar tab and eat off the dollar menu at McDonald's off their successful paper route.

educated - saved up the $12.95 to graduate from the Sally Struthers Correspondence Course in Resume Writing. Or saved $10 and just went to Office Depot, bought vellum paper and printed their own certificate.

self employed - (see laid back) can support their lifestyle with a paper route.

active lifestyle - walks to the end of the driveway everyday to retrieve the newspaper.

hopeless romantic - saved every Valentine from elementary school, female - still does a heart over every "i" male - know I have candles and matches around here...somewhere.

bad boy - still thinks the Fonz is "cool" has the leather jacket and tight jeans, but between the manboobs and beer belly, neither actually fits. Or the rapper wannabe who still wears their ballcaps backwards at 35 or older and likes to say "yo" or "dawg". (side comment: Randy Jackson and American Idol have further promoted the image of thinking this works....yo, dawg, man I'm so down with that...UGH)

likes to cuddle - (sorry guys, but this is usually on a male profile...) has worn the fuzz of his first teddy bear, isn't tactile, just wants to get his hands on you and all over you. Whether you like it or not, particularly on a first date, meet...this is why women prefer to meet for coffee at least there's a table in between and hot liquids involved, and if need be, either glass or ceramic items within arm's reach.
 RobertinStages
Joined: 6/20/2010
Msg: 29
POFICTIONARY - Glossary of Online Dating Profile Terms
Posted: 10/24/2011 5:54:25 AM
These are GOOD bucsgirl! You are funny! I have to admit.. if ANY of you ladies like to hunt topless.... I"M IN!!!!!
 Wh1te_Rabb1t
Joined: 7/3/2010
Msg: 30
POFICTIONARY - Glossary of Online Dating Profile Terms
Posted: 11/19/2011 9:53:53 AM
"No penpals, please." = I don't use my computer, I use my cell phone. If I have to type up ONE MORE email on this little #@$#&*@ Keyboard, I'm going frikkin' insane.
 _genuinely_me
Joined: 3/26/2011
Msg: 31
POFICTIONARY - Glossary of Online Dating Profile Terms
Posted: 11/19/2011 9:45:18 PM
lol or the complete opposite.. what about the ones with a high libido and would rather sleep with one guy ten times a week std free than ten different guys in one week!
 RobertinStages
Joined: 6/20/2010
Msg: 32
POFICTIONARY - Glossary of Online Dating Profile Terms
Posted: 11/20/2011 6:30:20 AM
LOL.. wish that was my problem
 Troi_1
Joined: 3/21/2011
Msg: 33
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POFICTIONARY - Glossary of Online Dating Profile Terms
Posted: 11/20/2011 7:08:45 AM
messages from guys,
HI
,
,
,
,
,
,
,
babe x
Meaning: sorry spent year using my right hand for one thing and now it just shakes uncontrolably.
 dsljim
Joined: 7/2/2011
Msg: 34
POFICTIONARY - Glossary of Online Dating Profile Terms
Posted: 11/22/2011 8:34:12 AM
" I'm a well balanced gal "

Well that's odd, 5 pictures from the chest up. < is that a crane or a fishing pole?
 NuMeNow
Joined: 12/21/2008
Msg: 35
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POFICTIONARY - Glossary of Online Dating Profile Terms
Posted: 11/23/2011 1:40:43 AM
Some great reads

Found these hanging around in one of the forums:

Long term = date for few weeks,
Casual dating = intimate encounter if you're good looking enough,
Intimate encounter = charge/pay by the half-hour
 KittenCatt
Joined: 6/11/2011
Msg: 36
POFICTIONARY - Glossary of Online Dating Profile Terms
Posted: 11/25/2011 4:05:57 PM
Man's Profile:

Profession: Caregiver

Translation:
I'm a complete fxxk up due to any combo of the following: drugs, alcohol, immature mama's boy coddled to the point I never had to learn to take care of myself so here I am in my 50's can't function in the work world let alone socially so I'll say on my profile that I'm my 1. mom's 2. gramma's 3. aunt's 4. sister's 5. sister's kids' caregiver cuz technically we do live in the same house and sometimes I'll give them a ride somewhere or get them some cigs at the store and to me that qualifies as caregiver to the point I think you'll believe the delusion I've fooled my own self into, and after all, 1., 2., 3., or 4. gave to me all her life, or had to cuz Mommy told them to, so I'm "returning the favor" and I'm sure you dear lady reader of my profile will buy what I'm saying hook, line, and sinker cuz I'm so deserving since that's what Mommy told me all my life and now I'm too emotionally crippled to grow an identity so I'm hoping women will buy that I'm a "Caregiver" and keep emotionally coddling me too since Mom is so old and barely functioning yet I'm still her favorite to the irritation of the entire family.
 justme7932
Joined: 11/21/2011
Msg: 37
POFICTIONARY - Glossary of Online Dating Profile Terms
Posted: 11/26/2011 1:59:57 PM
Amen sashazee!
 justme7932
Joined: 11/21/2011
Msg: 38
POFICTIONARY - Glossary of Online Dating Profile Terms
Posted: 11/26/2011 2:07:34 PM
GUYS Profiles:
"The Swordfish" = Compensating, especially if accompanied by a photo of a large bike, car or boat
'Carpe Diem' = Wants you to seize something of his, but probably not 'the day'
Looking for a...
Flirty - Spontaneous - Lively - Exciting (damn near any adjective) Woman = a girl who puts out
Looking for a...
Caring - Funny - Silly - Intelligent (damn near any boring adjective) Woman = a girl who puts out - but I'm not picky about size or shape

EXACTLY!
 justme7932
Joined: 11/21/2011
Msg: 39
POFICTIONARY - Glossary of Online Dating Profile Terms
Posted: 11/26/2011 2:28:51 PM
Here's one that's not so much a profile term, but makes me hit the DELETE button every time:

Profile pictures that are all self-taken, usually in a car, a bathroom or some other equally stupid place = I don't even have ONE friend that could help me out by taking a picture of me, and I don't do anything interesting where others might be taking photos.
 sedlok
Joined: 9/26/2010
Msg: 40
POFICTIONARY - Glossary of Online Dating Profile Terms
Posted: 11/26/2011 7:13:43 PM
Seriously, I was looking for a glossary for the common abbreviations that I see, e.g., OP, FWB, etc. Is there one here?
 dsljim
Joined: 7/2/2011
Msg: 41
POFICTIONARY - Glossary of Online Dating Profile Terms
Posted: 11/27/2011 7:17:44 AM
Good idea sedlok , coulda used the stupid @,
Fwb is the new politically correct way for too lazy to type out " f*ck buddy"
Op = not enuf common courtesy to address someone by their name anymore today.
I'm kinda new at this whole thing, are there any good video chatrooms out there? I know emelody( aren't preprogrammed computer programs great?) Has videos, some are on YouTube.
 Wh1te_Rabb1t
Joined: 7/3/2010
Msg: 42
POFICTIONARY - Glossary of Online Dating Profile Terms
Posted: 11/27/2011 1:39:36 PM
OP = Abbreviation for 'Opening Poster', which is the cheap text for 'I'm using my cell phone and don't want to bother typing out anyone's name.
PP = Previous poster, which is REALLY frikkin' lazy because their name is RIGHT THERE

OPP = more than a Naughty by Nature song - internet slang which is kinda vulgar - refer to:
http://www.internetslang.com/OPP-meaning-definition.asp

FWB = Friends with Benefits, a.k.a. F*ck Buddy,
-- a.k.a. Apparently the goal of ANY male who refuses to date certain neurotic pessimistic ladies in here that can't post a positive view of men even if you paid them to do it
 MissUnderstanding
Joined: 11/8/2011
Msg: 43
POFICTIONARY - Glossary of Online Dating Profile Terms
Posted: 11/28/2011 12:19:41 AM
Why does it seem to me all humor -ists are located in United States?
 StealthyNinjaKitty
Joined: 11/8/2011
Msg: 44
POFICTIONARY - Glossary of Online Dating Profile Terms
Posted: 11/28/2011 10:10:41 AM
First date: drinks=maybe I can get you into bed after a few, but if you're ugly, I've only wasted 5 bucks and 5 minutes

Race and age aren't important=but size IS, I'm just not going to put it out there

Hang out: Finally figured out that no one will let me e-mail them if my profile says "intimate encounter"

Separated: Just checking to see if there's anything better out there or if it's cheaper to keep her

Looking for my better half: Stage 5 clinger...RUN

 pasmal
Joined: 2/24/2010
Msg: 45
POFICTIONARY - Glossary of Online Dating Profile Terms
Posted: 12/2/2011 12:30:00 AM
cuddle=fuc k
fun=obscene
nice guy=about to go postal
hangout=degradation
friends= perversion
fwb=hardly friendship
fbuddy= "comfort woman"
booty call=coded nocturnal communications between the hrs 11 pm and 3 am, w/a typical libido half life occurring at the 8 am self loathing marker.
no games=in lazy caveman speak, "dtf"
rebound=unfun trampoline, but a very popular ride.
platonic=fbuddy
add me to fbook=sanctioned stalking
deleted me off fbook=1 step awy from a RO.
didn't get your text/email=tried to upgrade, failed, now returning your call.
I love you=pump 'n dump
want to follow me on twitter=self promo by ocd nobodies, thanks-I'm good.
nobody replies, am I ugly= you have to evoke a reaction to be ugly. Correct question- am I a non-entity?
coffee date=small talk over copulatory gaze, or revulsion.
netiquette=send 20 texts in a row, ignore 20 texts, see what surfaces according to my caprice.
I don't date supermodels =thank you for clearing that up. My fears are assuaged but now I'm wondering if schizophrenia is an issue.
I know how to please a woman= minute man
I'm very sexual=premature ejaculator
After a 1st date-"I see a great future with you"=fwb in progress.
Must love dogs= my love substitute sanctions all my dates with shit tests.
I'm a cat person= they ARE my future in laws.
hi how are you= all my future msgs will be 4 words or less and as lethargic.
can stay in or go out=was there ever a 3rd option?
love to laugh=hating laughter is trendy, glad you're unique.
I'm a citizen of the world=omniscience is a tough gig. God and I get a bit of burnout, but we manage. Also, a good preface for when I'm dating other people--"I was in Barcelona/Copenhagen 'on business'". It's Tuesday, must be in Moscow.
dinner whore=misnomer to describe when buying affection is rebuffed that sparked the misandrist movement. See also: rallying cry of separatecheckist movement. Dutch reform now!
princess complex=believing one is part of the royal family when childhood abuse and neglect led to adopting a compensatory patronizing air.
player=a conscienceless greedy genetic lottery winner with a devious morality who like all addicts never reaches satiety or an agressive sewer rat with a devious morality who like all addicts never reaches satiety.
going back to ex=9 cycles of self abuse and you can achieve Nirvana.
misandrist=hateful women trying to erode male privilege.
The Fast and the Furious= a serious of B movies about the need for speed, sudden heists or the respective net result of net dating for men and women.
separated--non emulsifying agent, neither fish nor fowl, neither here nor there, a chimera.
 Nunuq68
Joined: 11/11/2011
Msg: 46
POFICTIONARY - Glossary of Online Dating Profile Terms
Posted: 12/2/2011 11:06:06 AM
Looking for "Fun and adventurous " woman . . Apparently does not refer to trying new activities like bungee jumping or eating chocolate covered ants . . . But is code for "clothing optional" first date. Eeeewwww . . . . Why can't they stay in the intimate encounters area and stay away from the rest of us !
 RobertinStages
Joined: 6/20/2010
Msg: 47
POFICTIONARY - Glossary of Online Dating Profile Terms
Posted: 12/2/2011 4:51:16 PM
These are so good and funny! Thanks for the laughs.
 Igotthetime
Joined: 11/16/2010
Msg: 48
POFICTIONARY - Glossary of Online Dating Profile Terms
Posted: 12/3/2011 2:28:35 AM
loves family .... there the only ones that can stand me
 Wh1te_Rabb1t
Joined: 7/3/2010
Msg: 49
POFICTIONARY - Glossary of Online Dating Profile Terms
Posted: 12/18/2011 10:32:18 PM
"I've screened lots of profiles, chatted with several guys, messaged a few of them and then went on a few dates to see what clicks."
dot dot dot - same profile - dot dot dot
"I'm looking for a man who only has eyes for one woman in his life."

Um, no dictionary translation needed here - but probably a math lesson. Don't mention screening multiple people and then demand a solo act from the other side. Hypocrisy at it's best.
 MileOfSmilez
Joined: 4/23/2011
Msg: 50
POFICTIONARY - Glossary of Online Dating Profile Terms
Posted: 12/19/2011 2:43:07 AM
Omg!! I havent lauhed this hard in a while!!
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