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Show ALL Forums  > humor  > POFICTIONARY - Glossary of Online Dating Profile Terms      Home login  
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 TheBeastHere
Joined: 1/20/2009
Msg: 51
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POFICTIONARY - Glossary of Online Dating Profile TermsPage 3 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
Lies, All Lies

A woman says all she wants is a guy that's funny, I e-mail her a joke and she doesn't respond.

A woman says that she is not materialistic, I tell her I live under the free-way over-pass and she doesn't respond.

A woman says that looks don't matter, I send her a picture of me and she doesn't respond.

Lies, all lies.
 hotmerlot
Joined: 11/3/2011
Msg: 52
POFICTIONARY - Glossary of Online Dating Profile Terms
Posted: 12/22/2011 7:47:47 PM
His Want list:
Loyal = you will become invisible to the other 3 billion men on the planet
Honest = you will tell me how wonderful I am at all times.
Passionate = you will do me on the first date
Self reliant = You will cut your own grass and mine
Well read = don't be smarter than me
Loves camping = too cheap to take you on a real holiday
Funny = delusional

His description of himself:
Spiritual = has own soap box
Business Owner or Contractor: unemployed
Musician: unemployed
Romantic: will keep you company while you do the dishes
 Wh1te_Rabb1t
Joined: 7/3/2010
Msg: 53
POFICTIONARY - Glossary of Online Dating Profile Terms
Posted: 12/26/2011 9:29:14 PM
"Looking for my last first date." = "Looking for a date that will last past the first greeting."
 _T_r_a_c_y_
Joined: 11/16/2011
Msg: 54
POFICTIONARY - Glossary of Online Dating Profile Terms
Posted: 12/27/2011 9:27:26 AM
Love it!!! You got those nailed sister lol....how about the infamous"I would love to chat and get to know you." translation:" I want to have lots of phone sex and for you to send me naked pics.."
 Wh1te_Rabb1t
Joined: 7/3/2010
Msg: 55
POFICTIONARY - Glossary of Online Dating Profile Terms
Posted: 12/27/2011 7:07:49 PM
"I get bored easily." = You better have some mad skills, cuz' I've been on everything except the Titanic
 b_randy416
Joined: 12/29/2011
Msg: 56
POFICTIONARY - Glossary of Online Dating Profile Terms
Posted: 1/1/2012 9:55:54 PM
On guys' profiles...

"Where the real girls at?" = I'm tired of my blow up doll.
"Four out of five doctors recommend: me!" = the one who doesn't was the one who diagnosed me with an STD

On actual messages I've received...
"I'm looking for my soulmate...I'm looking for someone to marry." Erm, sorry pal, but I won't be your mail-order bride.
"Hru" or "Wud" = I'm too lazy to type a full sentence; therefore, you're probably going to see me as childish and immature.
 mildmike
Joined: 6/20/2008
Msg: 57
POFICTIONARY - Glossary of Online Dating Profile Terms
Posted: 1/4/2012 6:07:23 PM
What I have come across for body types and it probably relates to both genders:
Prefer not to say:
No self-esteem and usually comes with no photo attached, or the person is overweight.
A few extra pounds:
Overweight.
Average:
A few extra pounds, or muscular
Athletic:
Exercise regularly, some might actually be using steroids.
Thin:
Bulimic, anorexic,or any other eating disorders.
 astrosky
Joined: 2/6/2005
Msg: 58
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POFICTIONARY - Glossary of Online Dating Profile Terms
Posted: 1/4/2012 6:26:59 PM
Here's some I got from Facebook

The real meaning behind the abbreviations in personal ads:

FIRST THE ADS FROM WOMEN

40-ish.................. 48
Adventurer.............. Has had more partners than you ever will
Athletic................ Flat-chested
Average looking......... Ugly
Beautiful............... Pathological liar
Contagious Smile........ Bring your penicillin
Educated................ College dropout
Emotionally Secure...... Medicated
Feminist................ Fat; ball buster
Free spirit............. Substance user
Friendship first........ Trying to live down reputation as slut
Fun..................... Annoying
Gentle.................. Comatose
Good Listener........... Borderline Autistic
New-Age................. All body hair, all the time
Old-fashioned........... Lights out, missionary position only
Open-minded............. Desperate
Outgoing................ Loud
Passionate.............. Loud
Poet.................... Depressive Schzophrenic
Professional............ Real Witch
Redhead................. Shops the Clairol section
Reubenesque............. Grossly Fat
Romantic................ Looks better by candle light
Voluptuous.............. Very Fat
Weight proportional to height..................Hugely Fat
Wants Soulmate.......... One step away from stalking
Widow................... Nagged first husband to death
Young at heart.......... Toothless crone

-------------------------------------------------------------------

THE MALE SIDE OF THE LIST

40-ish.................. 52 and looking for 25-yr-old
Athletic................ Sits on the couch and watches ESPN
Average looking......... Unusual hair growth on ears, nose, & back
Educated................ Will always treat you like an idiot
Free Spirit............. Sleeps with your sister
Friendship first........ As long as friendship involves nudity
Fun..................... Good with a remote and a six pack
Good looking............ Arrogant
Honest.................. Pathological Liar
Huggable................ Overweight, more body hair than a bear
Like to cuddle.......... Insecure, overly dependent
Mature.................. Until you get to know him
Open-minded............. Wants to sleep with your sister but she's
not interested
Physically fit.......... I spend a lot of time in front of mirror
admiring myself
Poet.................... Has written on a bathroom stall
Spiritual............... Once went to church with his grandmother
on Easter Sunday
Stable.................. Occasional stalker, but never arrested
Thoughtful.............. Says "Please" when demanding a beer

And one of my own through bitter experience: "self-employed" = on a disability but feel so much twisted "entitlement" have convinced myself that the government owes me for the pain I'm in, so I "earn" my monthly check
 BLoNde__ANgeL
Joined: 9/20/2011
Msg: 59
POFICTIONARY - Glossary of Online Dating Profile Terms
Posted: 1/30/2012 7:24:42 AM
"just looking" from a guy, means he is impotent, viagra doesn't work, but he has an ad up so he can tell everyone he's "looking" so no one will guess that he has issues w/ his

"just looking" from a woman..she has internet access while in the woman's state penitentiary
 buttonnosedgirlnyc
Joined: 3/25/2010
Msg: 60
POFICTIONARY - Glossary of Online Dating Profile Terms
Posted: 2/2/2012 7:02:16 PM
Down to Earth: I will wear 3 day old drawers, socks with my sandals and clip my toe nails in your presence. Seriously.

No games: I got played and now assume you will do the same.

I'm single: I just got out of a relationship last week.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 61
POFICTIONARY - Glossary of Online Dating Profile Terms
Posted: 8/23/2012 4:04:08 PM
'Sassy' = 1. Redhead, 2. Overweight and stubborn, 3. Both
'Giving This a Try' = After three and a half years, you are no longer 'trying,' it's 'Doing'
'Nothing to Hide' = That isn't already part of the Public Record
'Happy Go Lucky' or 'Very Optimistic' = You gotta be able to kiss a$s on an industrial level to make me see your glass is half full
'Just Looking' or 'Just Curious' = You will have no idea I'm interested in you until your balls are in my mouth
'Looking for an Honest' or 'Looking for a Charming' = HEY! Eyes up! It's called 'cleavage'.
'Looking for the Perfect Fit' = Apparently after having 13 pound babies, it DOES stretch a bit...
Looking for 'Intelligent, Independent'... = and Hung
 justdeb1111
Joined: 8/12/2012
Msg: 62
POFICTIONARY - Glossary of Online Dating Profile Terms
Posted: 8/23/2012 11:08:47 PM
"Tantric sex that will blow your mind"

Translation: may as well delete this dude. He is clueless.
 4angelfish2
Joined: 3/31/2012
Msg: 63
POFICTIONARY - Glossary of Online Dating Profile Terms
Posted: 8/27/2012 5:34:27 PM
I actually got this in my message box

any big plans for this weekend=i am just looking for someone to screw.
 sactowndude
Joined: 8/21/2012
Msg: 64
POFICTIONARY - Glossary of Online Dating Profile Terms
Posted: 8/27/2012 6:27:41 PM
Status:
Single= Separated but I have my own place.
Separated= I still live with my spouse but I hate them.

Looking for a chat buddy= I'm agoraphobic and have no intention of meeting you.
 erstwhere
Joined: 6/27/2012
Msg: 65
POFICTIONARY - Glossary of Online Dating Profile Terms
Posted: 8/30/2012 3:02:32 AM

I actually got this in my message box

any big plans for this weekend=i am just looking for someone to screw.

What, honesty's not enough for you?


Why does it seem to me all humor -ists are located in United States?

Because in the rest of the world it's called "humour".

Statement: Looking for my knight in shining armour
Translation: My happiness is your responsibility
 erstwhere
Joined: 6/27/2012
Msg: 66
POFICTIONARY - Glossary of Online Dating Profile Terms
Posted: 8/30/2012 3:23:39 AM
Statement: Likes all kinds of music
Translation: Has never heard most kinds of music
 LiterateHiker
Joined: 4/20/2009
Msg: 67
POFICTIONARY - Glossary of Online Dating Profile Terms
Posted: 9/1/2012 7:50:19 PM
Photos only show the person from the chin up = They are not proud of what's below their chin.

Photos are all from a distance = Physical deformity.

Recently divorced = Certifiably insane for at least a year after their divorced.

Never married = Commitment phobic.

No kids = Never grew up.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 68
POFICTIONARY - Glossary of Online Dating Profile Terms
Posted: 12/5/2012 12:19:26 PM
I liked him in the sense that we have a lot in common except that one thing.
= I liked him BECAUSE we had his one 'thing' in common.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 69
POFICTIONARY - Glossary of Online Dating Profile Terms
Posted: 3/28/2013 10:53:33 PM
GRAMMAR:
The difference between...
Knowing your sh1t and
Knowing you're sh1t.
 UneMvoitPromis
Joined: 4/2/2013
Msg: 70
POFICTIONARY - Glossary of Online Dating Profile Terms
Posted: 4/5/2013 6:07:48 PM
"I don't date outside my own race."

I don't know POFinition of this phrase. I don't think I want to know!
 32SweetTeeth
Joined: 5/20/2011
Msg: 71
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POFICTIONARY - Glossary of Online Dating Profile Terms
Posted: 4/11/2013 5:15:43 PM
Woman's profile:
No liars, cheaters or players = I can't spot 'em so I get played a lot.
Tired = I've been used by every cheat and player on this site.

Guy's profile
I'm not a player = 1) I wish I knew how to be a player. 2) I'm a liar and a player.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 72
POFICTIONARY - Glossary of Online Dating Profile Terms
Posted: 11/21/2014 10:11:29 AM
Yeah I'm shamelessly bumping up my own thread again...

Guy says, "You look amazing in that dress."
Translation... "CAN WE GO NOW?!?!?"

Guy says, "I get lot done a home."
Translation... I found Waldo is almost every picture.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 73
POFICTIONARY - Glossary of Online Dating Profile Terms
Posted: 12/6/2014 6:34:07 PM
A women in a note says, "I really want to see you."
Means: "...See you pay for everything sinfully bad on the menu and still make me feel skinny and hot during dinner."

A man in a note says, "I really want to see you."
Means: "...Naked."
 Nezz123
Joined: 9/6/2011
Msg: 74
POFICTIONARY - Glossary of Online Dating Profile Terms
Posted: 2/17/2015 6:29:32 PM
I know i can relate to a few!
 Literate_Hiker
Joined: 1/1/2015
Msg: 75
POFICTIONARY - Glossary of Online Dating Profile Terms
Posted: 2/19/2015 10:36:43 PM
How to Interpret Photos:

All photos are from the chin up = not proud of what's below his or her chin.
Unsmiling men = unfriendly, grumpy, angry, sullen.

Closed-mouth smiles = rotten, missing or crooked teeth. It's like buying a horse. I want to see their teeth.
Photos taken far away = physical deformity.

Bathroom selfie = loner, loser, no friends.
Blurry, dark and lousy photos = clueless; an idiot.

Photos with a woman = has a girlfriend or is not over his ex.
Photos with POF watermark = photo are too old; hasn't aged well.

Clear, bright photos showing you smiling and having fun = A WINNER!
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