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 AUTHOR
 Greatcatch12345
Joined: 5/2/2011
Msg: 34
Refusal to have unprotected sex.Page 2 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
seems like a simple solution..why dont you go get a vasectomy? If you want kids in the future..freeze ur sperm..i think its last 10 years or so..
 dwarlord
Joined: 8/11/2011
Msg: 35
Refusal to have unprotected sex.
Posted: 9/25/2011 6:06:37 AM
Here is a hint, you do not have to cum inside her to get her pregnant. Pulling out doesn't work.

Anyway just tell her like you told us and if she doesn't understand she may be trying to trap you.
 tj_0142
Joined: 9/29/2009
Msg: 36
Refusal to have unprotected sex.
Posted: 9/25/2011 6:16:34 AM
If you don't want kids, get a vasectemy, there is no change in your performance
 dwarlord
Joined: 8/11/2011
Msg: 37
Refusal to have unprotected sex.
Posted: 9/25/2011 6:24:19 AM
Agreed there tj lol, if anything it makes you want it more. But I am sure he is planning on children in the future the way he talks.
 --Zen--
Joined: 6/29/2011
Msg: 38
Refusal to have unprotected sex.
Posted: 9/25/2011 6:31:37 AM
Author, trust your gut. If it feels wrong it probably is. You know her better. If she had a strong reaction to something so trivial it might indicate something. Your job is to figure out what.

Condoms?
Vasectomy?
How about orchiectomy? It seems there is a minimal testosterone production for you guys anyway... She wants sperm inside her, she got two other perfectly usable orifices.
 home_osorio
Joined: 2/12/2011
Msg: 39
Refusal to have unprotected sex.
Posted: 9/25/2011 6:56:06 AM
You did the right thing.

If you gave in to her demands and she gets pregnant, who's to blame? Her or you who has learned your lesson already the hard way.

I think that she wants to get pregnant and that is why she wants you to cum inside her. Remember child support. And child number 2 if you give in to her wishes.

If she did not want to get pregnant and just wanted to cum inside you for intimacy satisfaction then she should be on her right mind to allow you to wear a condom.

Since she wants you to cum inside her and refused to let you wear a condom, the only plausible thing on here is that she wants to get pregnant by you.

You love her, she loves you. But I think it is selfish of her to demand that on you when you clearly want to be responsible for a change.

Remember 10 years of people telling you about protection. I hope it will stretched to 11 or 12 and much more years.
 Pingshooter
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 40
view profile
History
Refusal to have unprotected sex.
Posted: 9/25/2011 7:09:40 AM

I don't think you get it. I'm not on the prowl. I'm not interested in getting notches on my belt. I'm hurting becuase I feel like someone I love has betrayed my trust.


Do you think..just frickin maybe..your girlfriend is feeling the same dayum thing? Think about that. It's not all about you.

YOU need to sit down and calmly talk to your girlfriend. She has feelings too you know.
 1bellanella
Joined: 1/24/2010
Msg: 41
view profile
History
Refusal to have unprotected sex.
Posted: 9/25/2011 7:18:21 AM

Did I do the right thing?


YES and I applaud you. Do not let her talk you into cumming inside her until you are ready for another child.


If it was your brother, what would you advise him to do?


Well, my brother and I had this discussion 12 years ago and I told him then to rely on two forms of birth control. He and his then girlfriend did not listen and used only her oral contraceptive. I now have the most beautiful 12 year old niece imaginable.


How do you feel about guys that come inside a woman then don't want to take any responsibility if she gets pregnant?


IMO they are dogs and should be neutered.

PS. OP~ do not ever squirt milk and sugar into your GF's vagina. Ever.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 42
Refusal to have unprotected sex.
Posted: 9/25/2011 7:24:51 AM

Never trust a woman to use her own birth control.

I agree with this, for men who don't want kids. F*ck defensively. Women should do the same if they don't want kids, but women have more control over who gets in the door and can prevent it more easily. It should be that if both don't want a child unanimously, a child isn't conceived.

I also believe that if a guy makes it clear he doesn't want kids, and a woman gets around that and gets pregnant by him anyway, and knowing that he feels the way he does she still wants to keep it, that he should be able to choose to remove himself from the situation.

Ideally though, a guy should take whatever measures he can to prevent it, including abstinence, or the big "V" if he never wants children.
 Smilingeyes10
Joined: 5/3/2010
Msg: 43
Refusal to have unprotected sex.
Posted: 9/25/2011 7:42:35 AM
Having read your opening post, my first thoughts were that this was a TRUST issue, on both sides of the fence.

Your posts reads like you are a decent guy not wanting to bring a child into the world that you are not ready for nor want at this stage in your life, and I thought , wow he IS being responsible and your girlfriend will just have to accept that is how you roll.. You say you trust her but do not trust the birth control that she is taking, but then ...

When challenged by posters, you make comments like, only been back a month, (why did you break up and for how long) and that most relationships evaporate after a few weeks and you have hidden your profile , as you didn't want to rewrite it!!!! I believe you do have trust issues, not with the birth control as you state in the OP but that you think this girl is going to get pregnant or not be around for long. You have had your fingers burnt once and you are not willing to put yourself in that position again.

As we do not know her or her side of the story my assumptions are that
1. She was testing you to see if you really loved her or if you trusted her
2. She was telling you that she trusted you and you rejected her trust which hurt
3. She wanted you to get her pregnant or is already pregnant which happened whilst you were on a break . Anything is possible.

Nobody on the forums or even you, for that matter, know what the reason is for HER asking you this. I would suggest if you want to continue to be together , how about talking to her and asking her why this was important?

Communicate, otherwise this is going to be a short lived relationship!! and keep it wrapped until your relationship is ready for the possibility of a child.
 Smarts and Heart
Joined: 12/15/2009
Msg: 44
Refusal to have unprotected sex.
Posted: 9/25/2011 7:55:41 AM
Yes you did the right thing and don't even try to second guess yourself!

The question you should be asking is the state of your girlfriend's mind and her motives. The pill is not 100% fail proof, as is no other method of birth control other than sterilization...and even then we've heard of exceptions. I have a cousin who became pregnant twice while on the pill and with only one ovary to boot!

I've always told my boys to be careful where they sign their signature and where they put there member. It's all about taking responsibility, for your future children and your own health. A child deserves the support of both parents, regardless of how they were conceived. You're not over-reacting, she is.

You're to be commended; I wish more men and women were as responsible.
 infennario
Joined: 5/24/2011
Msg: 45
Refusal to have unprotected sex.
Posted: 9/25/2011 8:11:03 AM
Yes, you did the right thing. Good for you.

I am very suspicious of anyone who demands that I trust them, or assumes that I am supposed to trust him or her.

Trust is something that develops over time, not something that you are *supposed to supply* to prove to the other person that you care, want to pursue a relationship with them, or to make them feel good.

I’ve also encountered the “but you SHOULD trust ME!” indignation and outrage dance, which to me, just proves how immature, disrespectful and manipulative they are.

Let's be realistic here- you did nothing harmful to her. You didn't say or do anything mean or hurtful. She *asked for* something from you that you were not comfortable with yet and she threw a fit because you didn't give it.

I would have severe reservations about this woman if I were in your position. I don’t like tantrum throwers, people who demand that I give them what they want, and I don’t like having my values and choices disrespected.
 seekerofthesoul
Joined: 9/4/2011
Msg: 46
Refusal to have unprotected sex.
Posted: 9/25/2011 8:37:38 AM
Stand your ground, you are being responsible.

As for why she might be acting this way, I can't think of too many reasons why she would want you to come inside of her, but the couple that I have come up with are the obvious, such as maybe she does want a baby, however I bet it it likely something more like she wants to feel that connection with you, when a couple who love eachother have sex, it just may not be as fullfilling when they do not "complete" the task. Which could also lead to the possiblity of her now feeling like you trust her completely. It is also possible that she wants the feeling of a job well done fro herself and for you. Whan a man comes, he throbs and his penis does things that it does not do otherwise during sex, it's a pretty awesome feeling, as well as the ejaculation releases certain chemicals that encourage a orgasm for her, which often is the best orgasm throughout the duration of the sexual encounter.

On a last note, this is the reason why there should be a male form of birth control, such as the pill, give men more control over their seed and where it lands! lol
 Paddy_o_Lantern
Joined: 12/9/2009
Msg: 47
Refusal to have unprotected sex.
Posted: 9/25/2011 8:44:33 AM
I agree that you did the right thing OP and I think she should respect your wishes. Could her reaction have come from you two not having sufficiently shared your views on unprotected sex. I would agree with those who think that she may have reacted that way she did because she feels that this is a trust and intimacy issue.

I have to say I see some parallels with the idea of having a cohabitation or prenup agreement in place prior to entering into a live in relationship. Many women will refuse to do this on the basis of trust and intimacy... in this case she wants no additional safety net in place to make you feel comfortable having sex with her. Do you feel that this is more of a control issue than it is about trust and intimacy.

If it is pregnancy and not disease your are concerned about have you considered having a vasectomy or are you still not wanting to rule out having more of your own children?
 chinadol6977
Joined: 6/24/2011
Msg: 48
view profile
History
Refusal to have unprotected sex.
Posted: 9/25/2011 9:04:42 AM
Next time just come in her ass,you both win...Now the question is does she like anal???
 Phenomenally43
Joined: 7/16/2011
Msg: 49
view profile
History
Refusal to have unprotected sex.
Posted: 9/25/2011 9:09:57 AM
You ABSOLUTELY did the right thing... Remember that your sexual relationship, complete with all of the pleasures & responsibilities is YOURS. She isn't loving you by insisting that you do things that push your comfort & safety buttons.

This is a good time to really evaluate the relationship; not to prove your worth by succumbing to her demands. Boundaries, communication & respect are the healthy foundation of all successful lasting relationships. Talk with her but in the end...Go with your gut.
 mysterywoman999
Joined: 3/13/2011
Msg: 50
Refusal to have unprotected sex.
Posted: 9/25/2011 9:25:22 AM
OP, I agree that you cannot be too careful. All BC has some rate of failure, and the best way to be certain you will not have to deal with an unplanned pregnancy is by combining two methods.

I don't agree with the posters who couldn't understand why the woman wanted the OP to ejaculate inside her, though.


Coming inside is a very intimate thing. I think her desire for you coming inside is just to share a very intimate thing. IMO...


True. I dislike the sanitizing effect that condoms have. Sex should be a hot mess, IMHO. However, I insist on condoms unless it is a serious relationship. I had my tubes tied years ago, so I am only really relying on them to protect myself from STDs.
 addictedpoetess
Joined: 8/15/2011
Msg: 51
Refusal to have unprotected sex.
Posted: 9/25/2011 9:50:47 AM
you should have shot it in her eye

then smacked her a bit
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 52
view profile
History
Refusal to have unprotected sex.
Posted: 9/25/2011 11:14:26 AM
I'm sure this has been brought up but surely adults know that not ejaculating inside a woman is not good birth control and that semen can be and is there all the time while having intercourse. In other words not ejaculating inside is about as sensible protection as having a small hole in a condom. Wouldn't people learn this in jr. high sex ed class?

She may be trying to trick you, or she may think that you pulling out is not exciting and not making sex as good as she thinks it can be for both of you. Who knows. If you can't trust her to be on reliable birth control then stop playing games yourself and use a condom at all times, use it properly and make sure it's in good shape. Only you can prevent getting someone pregnant by knowing what you are doing and pulling out is lousy birth control, really ineffective. No birth control over than no sex at all is 100% effective, one has to take the responsibility that pregnancy can occur if both are fertile and engaging in any form of intercourse, but most pregnancies are the result of someone lying or one 0r both not using protection properly.
 want to travel
Joined: 7/29/2006
Msg: 53
view profile
History
Refusal to have unprotected sex.
Posted: 9/25/2011 11:21:13 AM
Honestly....You do not trust her, in my opinion, you should not be having sex with someone you do not trust 100%
that for me is the issue, the rest is a just a side effect
 SugahPunkin
Joined: 5/28/2010
Msg: 54
Refusal to have unprotected sex.
Posted: 9/25/2011 12:21:49 PM
Id tell my brother he did the right thing.

In fact, his wife wanted another child and told him she was on the pill and lied. So... well he loves his kids but didnt want more. It caused a deep bitter root between them even to this day.
I have never tried to trick someone into having a baby with me. That's just wrong on sooo many levels but I know numerous women that do that. One in particular tells every man she cant cum unless he's squirting inside her. Truth? She wants marriage nd thinks that's the only true way to keep a man. She's 27 years old and thinks this way.
She tries with every partner and has has two miscarriages by different men. BOTH were glad it happened and (well, deep inside Im glad it did too-for their sake) but she continues to "trap" a man and waits until its at that moment and screams she wants to cum so bad and he does it. Now, I realize that men should take responsiblity for their own actions but in the heat of the moment most would just do it and thus her two pregnancies.

Dont be like that. Stand up for yourself.

I once dated a man that had told me he was fixed. So I didnt feel I had to worry about it. But the first few times he didnt do it inside me, but then he did. Afterwards I thought it odd but didnt say anything. It was then later on that night he said he hoped I was pregnant.
Freaked me out for a moment.

You never know what people are really thinking in their heads.
 MikeWM
Joined: 2/7/2011
Msg: 55
view profile
History
Refusal to have unprotected sex.
Posted: 9/25/2011 1:04:36 PM
This would be a real deal breaker for me tbh, and if we hadnt been seeing each other for very long then it would probably mean the end of the relationship as its most likely that this is her usual "preference" with all previous partners too

And with the currently skewed legality of children being firmly and quite heavily slanted towards the woman anyman who would agree to this needs their head examining really unless they quite specifically and unequivicably want a child

A woman wanting this is being pretty unreasonable to say the least as no form of protection is totally effective

So to even try and bring "trust" up as a criticism is to say the least VERY manipulative at best, and at worst is probably a good reason to DIStrust their reasons for wanting this to begin with

Even if a woman claims quite adamantly that in the case of an "accident" she would abort you'd still be a bit insane to go along with it as someone is going to say that whether they want to get pregnant or not. So that statement becomes totally irrelevant

And even if they genuinely meant it at the time, its no guarantee that were they to fall pregnant that stance would remain anyway

If a woman cant understand or accept any of that then personally that alone would be one huge red flag, and more than enough reason to stop seeing that person pretty quick sharp otherwise either accidentally or "accidentally" (nudge nudge wink wink) youre very likely to end up being a father without wanting to, and without having any say whatsoever in the matter

If youre fine with that, then cave in, if not then dont its your call

Alternatively offer a compromise and flip her over lol
 nikkisenko
Joined: 9/5/2011
Msg: 56
Refusal to have unprotected sex.
Posted: 9/25/2011 1:38:45 PM
OP - I love it when a man cums inside me. It feels like something I cannot describe. BUT, you can only indulge in that if both parties are comfortable with the possibility of a pregnancy occuring. As many of the others have pointed out, birth control is not 100%. Given your history, she should have understood that. I am with the camp that is questioning her motives.
 forbiddenfish
Joined: 7/23/2011
Msg: 57
Refusal to have unprotected sex.
Posted: 9/25/2011 11:06:32 PM
You did the right thing. You know what you don't want and you acted on it. No matter how stronger relationship you have or how much you love your SO when it comes to protection you can only trust yourself. I didn't mean that she might trick you to get her pregnant but if it happens your life will totally turn up side down before you prepare it. Anyway, if she loves you she would come around.
 kcomfort0001
Joined: 12/22/2010
Msg: 58
Refusal to have unprotected sex.
Posted: 9/25/2011 11:13:33 PM
edited
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