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Joined: 2/10/2011
Msg: 34
Used AGAIN.Page 2 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
From everything I have been reading here on the forums, it is damn if you do, damn if you don't have sex early on in a relationship. There is no way to know what relationships are going to work and which aren't. Even getting married anymore does not guarantee a long term relationship anymore. Just look at the divorce rates these days.
Op, you are young, and unfortunately you are going to meet the scumbags that just want to use you so they can brag to their buddies and you are going to need to weed them out from the good guys. And you will meet good guys to, the ones that just want to be with you for who you are and not just because they can get you into bed.
Good luck to you!
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 37
Posted: 9/26/2011 7:01:43 AM
His reply was because he got what he wanted.

Well, if you had sex, it should have been because you wanted to have sex. In that case, you should have gotten what you wanted, too. If you did not want to have sex and you had sex to try to get something else, then you were trying to use sex as a bargaining chip in a bargain he didn't know was on the table.

Starting to loose faith in all can i trust men if everyone of them messes with me?

Why do you need to trust men? Don't have sex unless what you want is sex and then when you do have sex, you'll have gotten what you wanted - sex.

From everything I have been reading here on the forums, it is damn if you do, damn if you don't have sex early on in a relationship.

That's only true if you're trying to manipulate someone. If you aren't trying to manipulate someone and you only have sex if you want to have sex and don't have sex unless sex is what you want, how can you be damned if you do and damned if don't? Either way, you've done what you wanted to do. If you had sex, then you got what you wanted.
Joined: 12/27/2007
Msg: 38
Posted: 9/26/2011 7:14:45 AM
He said he wanted a relationship told me how much he liked me etc but was just playin the sweet card to make me fall for his game

Hun, women fake orgasms, but men fake entire relationships. Ain't nothing new.

You'll just have to be a little more diligent in trying to figure out which horse's ass is in it for the goodies, and which one is actually sincere.
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 39
Posted: 9/26/2011 7:20:01 AM

I just dont get why he was so nice on the outside but inside a nasty person who was just leading me on for one thing? Starting to loose faith in all can i trust men if everyone of them messes with me?

He said he wanted a relationship told me how much he liked me etc but was just playin the sweet card to make me fall for his game

Don't listen to their words (initially). Observe their actions over time.

Value yourself, dear girl. Date who you choose to date and only have sex when you want to. Date a guy for a while to observe his actions and to see how the two of you get along, etc. Don'd date the same types of people. Date guys who you find to be interesting and simply get to know them better. Learn from your experiences.
Overall, I'd say pull back and date a lot more slowly until you learn to go with what YOU want and not what anyone else wants. Wait until you find a guy of high interest to date and take it slow

SO many ( young) people don't seem to actually date. They go out once and then end up at his house the first or second date to hang out and watch a movie....
Stay in public and date. Go have fun. Get to know each other.
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 40
Posted: 9/26/2011 7:36:34 AM
I'm so tired of reading posts from women who willingly have sex with a guy and then cry foul, and say they were being used. What would the reaction be if a GUY was to have sex and then cry foul and said he was being used?
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 41
Posted: 9/26/2011 8:33:43 AM
It invalidates her feelings to say that she doesn't feel used, or that she shouldn't feel used in this situation, when she clearly states that this is how she feels.

It's up to her to examine why she feels used.

She's here in the forums to get feedback and ideas that may HELP in that process.
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 42
view profile
Posted: 9/26/2011 8:46:37 AM
@purple-cherry: The fact that he was an hour away is inconsequential. Men would swim through piranha infested waters to shag with you.

@maleman999: Men have sex and feel used? That would be a first! Waiting for that thread!

Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 43
Posted: 9/26/2011 9:06:03 AM
maleman999: Men have sex and feel used? That would be a first! Waiting for that thread!

Exactly my point-men wouldn't be that idiotic. When women have sex and a fairy tale romance doesn't develop, they play the victim role. Even if it's mind blowing sex and the best they ever had, they cry that they are a victim of a #$&!*~*&!! man and start the name calling/labeling like little children. Whereas men in most cases will simply move on in life if nothing more develops.
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 44
Posted: 9/26/2011 9:42:11 AM
She's referring to the words that he used while they were dating, and basing his actions on those words.
There are a lot of men out there playing women by using their words to make them feel that they are into them and they're just being played.
To say it's just about sex isn't accurate. She was played.

Now that she may recognize this, she needs to bring this experience into the future and use that as a guide if she's looking for a relationship.

The guy flat out told her that 'he got what he wanted' and he's not playing her? Get real.

I don't agree with relying on emotions or with going with one's emotions when dating, but a lot of women do and this is a known fact by most men.

Most men know this. In this case, the guy likely new that she was in it emotionally, told her what he knew she wanted to hear and used it to his benefit. Played.

Not being played: the guy is honest about his intentions.

Saying that women play the victim when this happens is denigrating to women who feel that the guy actually meant what he said, and was fully truthful with what they felt.
Joined: 12/24/2007
Msg: 46
Posted: 9/26/2011 12:08:33 PM

Exactly my point-men wouldn't be that idiotic. When women have sex and a fairy tale romance doesn't develop, they play the victim role. Even if it's mind blowing sex and the best they ever had, they cry that they are a victim of a #$&!*~*&!! man and start the name calling/labeling like little children. Whereas men in most cases will simply move on in life if nothing more develops.

Unbelievable! A 56 y.o. man doesn’t understand that the majority of men have a different emotional reacton to a sexual encounter than the majority of women
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 47
view profile
Posted: 9/26/2011 3:15:14 PM
I cannot believe grown adults are blaming the op. She wasn't complaining that it didn't turn out to be a long term relationship. She was hurt because he told her he used her. I'd be hurt too.
Unreal how people treat each other and others come to their defense. You should treat others the way you want to be treated. I don't think that includes using/lying to someone who likes you.
Joined: 7/16/2011
Msg: 49
Posted: 9/26/2011 3:55:40 PM
He said he got what he wanted. What is mysterious about that??
Plenty more like him on the dating sites for sure..... Dont pin your hopes on a freebie dating site... so many users, cruisers and losers.... You need to be careful who you have sex with as you dont seem the sort of girl that can just have casual sex and then forget it.

Must healthier to try to find someone where you have common interests, through friends or family and whose background and character you know, or can check on.

Hoped you used protection at least.
Joined: 12/16/2010
Msg: 50
Posted: 9/26/2011 11:33:51 PM
I feel sorry for you
sometimes for fear you will be alone you do so many things that
aren't you at all, I'm not blaming you op

some people can feel the rain and some just get wet
~That's from an artist i appreciate

msg 14
nice post rain :)
Joined: 11/15/2011
Msg: 53
Posted: 11/20/2011 5:53:17 PM
I just don't buy your line of reasoning ms 'purple cherry' that you had no part in the consequences here. You chose to sleep with the guy. You could have waited, but you didn't. You're no victim here sister, you volunteered, and the guy went along for the ride. What are you expecting, a wedding ring? May sound harsh, but the street goes both ways. Virtue is a choice
Joined: 2/7/2011
Msg: 54
view profile
Posted: 11/20/2011 6:08:00 PM
First off I have known quite a few people say something like that when it hasnt been the reason

And they do it because they assume that letting you blame them and see them as a douche bag would be "better" than actually telling the person which bit of their personality, which trait they have, which aspect of their lifestyle or what part of their sexual repertoire were the deal breaker for them

I really cant see why youre making such a big deal about it thought tbh,

Basically you werent right for the first one, the second one could simply have lost his nerve and the last one either was a douche or you just werent suited for some reason he felt it better to not hurt you by mentioning that he only saw or realised either when you had sex or sometime around that

Thats just dating, its how it works. And if youre going to expect every relationship to have a happily ever after type ending then maybe you should try celibacy?

Because the fact of the matter is that most dates and even relationships DONT lead to that unless someone has very low standards and will be happy with practically anyone AND they only date people with equally low expectations

From what you have said you sound like you were far too "invested" far too quickly which hardly anybody likes. And it could actually be that which made the last one decided to call it off for all we know

You do seem to be coming across as though because you slept with him you "expected" a relationship. But the reality is that often having sex is what makes someone realise they CANT date you, so to is the way someones mood and demeanour changes after having sex

And its not simply that once someone "gets" sex they lose interest, often the lose interest for a variety of reasons, but it just happens to be at some point after sex has occured

You are also likely to have someone decide to stop seeing you after weeks of dating and/or sex, months of both and perhaps even years of having sex in a relationship

because at any point either person can discover an aspect or facet of the other person that for them is deal breaker

But thats just how they are and if you dont think you can handle that without bemoaning "all men" then perhaps dating isnt for you, or not yet at least while you seem to emotionally fragile
Joined: 12/29/2009
Msg: 55
Posted: 11/21/2011 8:27:29 AM

It's not so much the using me for sex part it's im just so confused as to how can someone been so nice on the outside but inside so nasty? Why would he take me out, meet my parents and spend so much time with me if he just wanted sex? Like why wouldn't he just gone found a girl on a nite out? Why go through all that for one shag? And I'm an hour drive from him?

Welcome to the cesspool that is POF. The site where male dbags and emotionally unstable women rule.
Joined: 8/13/2011
Msg: 56
Posted: 11/26/2011 10:53:45 AM
What a douchbag! Next time wait until you get to know the guy before sleeping w/him, or wait until you are in an exclusive committed relationship. If he's only after sex, he probably won't stick around very long anyway, he'll move onto his next target.
Joined: 11/16/2011
Msg: 57
Posted: 11/26/2011 10:58:22 AM

If you keep getting played by douches, the common denominator is you. You keep picking them.

Exactly. Plenty of nice and respectable people out there. Some folks just keep going after the same type of person again and again.
Joined: 3/9/2008
Msg: 58
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Posted: 11/26/2011 1:52:02 PM
Well, at least that dude got some action...
There is no reward for niceness in this world. None.

Don't want this to sound like a "good guy rant", so lemme just say you don't want to go out with me.
I'm bitter, angry and reclusive.
I am currently learning the techniques to fool, deceive and to lie so I can get what I want. Gotta admit, it's tough going undoing all those good moral values.

But sh%t, it's hard learning this lying and cheating stuff, I gotta tell you.
I can't even say Sh%t with straight letters. Not yet anyway.
So far, my attempts at becoming uncaring are failing too. I just volunteered to help out a cousin in need. Why the f**k did I do that?
Well, maybe I'll say yes and then bail out last minute. S$*T, this is hard work removing good values.

But I relish the little victories, you know? When someone drops something, I don't pick it up for them.... yes! Ten points for future jerk to be. Ah, little triumphs make this transition worth it.
So be ready!
Future liar and jack of all a$$es is on his way! So you gotta appreciate this when I finally come out the other end. This took a lot of work, ok?

have a good life.
Joined: 12/6/2010
Msg: 59
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Posted: 11/26/2011 3:28:33 PM
wow what a piece of shit. guys like this make me frustrated. They either have dont know how deeply something like that can really hurt a girl or they have all these weak insecurites about how much of a **** they are that turns into resentment and anger towards women.

I know good men exist. Im one of them, im not even near the best one.

ive never cheated on a female (ive pushed a girl off of me) and Ive never made girl think i love them when i dont. ive never rushed a girl into sex.

i mean ive done some pretty terrible things, not something i want to have a chit chat about but they were mistakes.

maybe your "picker" is broken. i dont know, like this time go for another type of guy. you may be end up giving the right guy the perfect chance to make you happy. Look for guys with close deep friendships that are strictly platonic with women. I feel like thats the main difference between me and my womanizing ***hole friends. I dont have to **** or "fall in love" with every girl that gives me the time of day, and i feel like those ***hole types dont really want anything to do with women unless they are ****ing them or are in love with them

hope this makes u feel a little better

good luck
Joined: 8/27/2011
Msg: 60
Posted: 11/26/2011 4:36:25 PM
I've said this before - Any young adult is still learning who they are in their early 20's. Until you know that, you won't know what you can offer someone else in terms of a relationship. Slow down. There's no rush.

This is the time where you learn how people operate other than you immediate family members. This is the time where you learn to go at your own pace rather than have someone persuade you to follow theirs. This is the time where you learn what you will accept and what you won't.

Don't sleep with anyone unless you want to and are ready to. That way if the relationship breaks down, you won't feel used because it was your choice to become intimate.
Joined: 2/22/2009
Msg: 61
view profile
Posted: 11/26/2011 10:30:21 PM
Maybe he has a list.
1) Fat
2) Afro - American
3) Foreigner list the countries here > ....
4) Skinny
5) Catholic religion.
6 ) Jewish religion
7) blond, list the hair colours here >>>> ....
8) Obese.
9) Shaved.
10) Much older than him.
11) much younger than him.

Which one were you on his list
Some women and men have list that they scratch off the list and will work on their list till they complete what they were looking for.
I knew an Eglish lawyer lady who's list was to sleep with as many eses as possible before she died, at first I did not understood what she was trying to tell me, until she rattled of a few of the eses, as in Chinese, Vietnamese, maltese.
Joined: 10/12/2011
Msg: 62
Posted: 11/26/2011 11:04:31 PM
It comes down to the CHOICES we make!! Good or Bad, we will reap what we sow
Joined: 11/23/2011
Msg: 63
Posted: 11/26/2011 11:15:28 PM
Join the typical dating site pump em and dump bother with anyone on here...Try to find someone in a healthy offline situation.... They are cruisers, losers and users on the dating sites...... They will say and do anything to get you into bed and about time you realised that.. Easy cum and easy go.....He may have been married and I would have webcammed him and got his landline and called that in the evenings. you get an idea then.. no guarantee of course. I hope you used protections so there wont be any lasting legacies............
Joined: 10/17/2011
Msg: 65
Posted: 11/28/2011 8:39:15 AM
In guy language, if he doesn't come back for more, the sex was awful.
I think his comment was deliberate, to spare your feelings.
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