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Joined: 7/16/2011
Msg: 51
Used AGAIN.Page 3 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
He said he got what he wanted. What is mysterious about that??
Plenty more like him on the dating sites for sure..... Dont pin your hopes on a freebie dating site... so many users, cruisers and losers.... You need to be careful who you have sex with as you dont seem the sort of girl that can just have casual sex and then forget it.

Must healthier to try to find someone where you have common interests, through friends or family and whose background and character you know, or can check on.

Hoped you used protection at least.
Joined: 12/16/2010
Msg: 52
Posted: 9/26/2011 11:33:51 PM
I feel sorry for you
sometimes for fear you will be alone you do so many things that
aren't you at all, I'm not blaming you op

some people can feel the rain and some just get wet
~That's from an artist i appreciate

msg 14
nice post rain :)
Joined: 12/18/2010
Msg: 53
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Posted: 9/27/2011 1:58:46 PM
Friends first.

How about going forward with no expectations other than seeking a new friendship with possible long-term if things go well. This way, there are no under-current expectations and you and the gentleman go relax and have a bit of fun together. No pressure. No expectations. After a month or so, maybe you'll find out he's not what you're looking for after all. Or, even better, he is!
Joined: 6/2/2005
Msg: 54
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Posted: 9/27/2011 3:35:27 PM
i feel you op. when i was single, i kept getting used all the time. funny thing is those guys found me most of the time and i never knew what they were like after i met them in a short amount of time i put 2 and 2 together. some guys i found knew they were mean and still met them anyway. i had no prior dating experience back then. i didnt know them that well i mean i chatted with them a week or 2 then met them offline. their attitudes and behaviors told me more about them than the guys telling their life stories to me!
Joined: 11/15/2011
Msg: 55
Posted: 11/20/2011 5:53:17 PM
I just don't buy your line of reasoning ms 'purple cherry' that you had no part in the consequences here. You chose to sleep with the guy. You could have waited, but you didn't. You're no victim here sister, you volunteered, and the guy went along for the ride. What are you expecting, a wedding ring? May sound harsh, but the street goes both ways. Virtue is a choice
Joined: 2/7/2011
Msg: 56
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Posted: 11/20/2011 6:08:00 PM
First off I have known quite a few people say something like that when it hasnt been the reason

And they do it because they assume that letting you blame them and see them as a douche bag would be "better" than actually telling the person which bit of their personality, which trait they have, which aspect of their lifestyle or what part of their sexual repertoire were the deal breaker for them

I really cant see why youre making such a big deal about it thought tbh,

Basically you werent right for the first one, the second one could simply have lost his nerve and the last one either was a douche or you just werent suited for some reason he felt it better to not hurt you by mentioning that he only saw or realised either when you had sex or sometime around that

Thats just dating, its how it works. And if youre going to expect every relationship to have a happily ever after type ending then maybe you should try celibacy?

Because the fact of the matter is that most dates and even relationships DONT lead to that unless someone has very low standards and will be happy with practically anyone AND they only date people with equally low expectations

From what you have said you sound like you were far too "invested" far too quickly which hardly anybody likes. And it could actually be that which made the last one decided to call it off for all we know

You do seem to be coming across as though because you slept with him you "expected" a relationship. But the reality is that often having sex is what makes someone realise they CANT date you, so to is the way someones mood and demeanour changes after having sex

And its not simply that once someone "gets" sex they lose interest, often the lose interest for a variety of reasons, but it just happens to be at some point after sex has occured

You are also likely to have someone decide to stop seeing you after weeks of dating and/or sex, months of both and perhaps even years of having sex in a relationship

because at any point either person can discover an aspect or facet of the other person that for them is deal breaker

But thats just how they are and if you dont think you can handle that without bemoaning "all men" then perhaps dating isnt for you, or not yet at least while you seem to emotionally fragile
Joined: 12/29/2009
Msg: 57
Posted: 11/21/2011 8:27:29 AM

It's not so much the using me for sex part it's im just so confused as to how can someone been so nice on the outside but inside so nasty? Why would he take me out, meet my parents and spend so much time with me if he just wanted sex? Like why wouldn't he just gone found a girl on a nite out? Why go through all that for one shag? And I'm an hour drive from him?

Welcome to the cesspool that is POF. The site where male dbags and emotionally unstable women rule.
Joined: 8/13/2011
Msg: 58
Posted: 11/26/2011 10:53:45 AM
What a douchbag! Next time wait until you get to know the guy before sleeping w/him, or wait until you are in an exclusive committed relationship. If he's only after sex, he probably won't stick around very long anyway, he'll move onto his next target.
Joined: 11/16/2011
Msg: 59
Posted: 11/26/2011 10:58:22 AM

If you keep getting played by douches, the common denominator is you. You keep picking them.

Exactly. Plenty of nice and respectable people out there. Some folks just keep going after the same type of person again and again.
Joined: 3/9/2008
Msg: 60
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Posted: 11/26/2011 1:52:02 PM
Well, at least that dude got some action...
There is no reward for niceness in this world. None.

Don't want this to sound like a "good guy rant", so lemme just say you don't want to go out with me.
I'm bitter, angry and reclusive.
I am currently learning the techniques to fool, deceive and to lie so I can get what I want. Gotta admit, it's tough going undoing all those good moral values.

But sh%t, it's hard learning this lying and cheating stuff, I gotta tell you.
I can't even say Sh%t with straight letters. Not yet anyway.
So far, my attempts at becoming uncaring are failing too. I just volunteered to help out a cousin in need. Why the f**k did I do that?
Well, maybe I'll say yes and then bail out last minute. S$*T, this is hard work removing good values.

But I relish the little victories, you know? When someone drops something, I don't pick it up for them.... yes! Ten points for future jerk to be. Ah, little triumphs make this transition worth it.
So be ready!
Future liar and jack of all a$$es is on his way! So you gotta appreciate this when I finally come out the other end. This took a lot of work, ok?

have a good life.
Joined: 12/6/2010
Msg: 61
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Posted: 11/26/2011 3:28:33 PM
wow what a piece of shit. guys like this make me frustrated. They either have dont know how deeply something like that can really hurt a girl or they have all these weak insecurites about how much of a **** they are that turns into resentment and anger towards women.

I know good men exist. Im one of them, im not even near the best one.

ive never cheated on a female (ive pushed a girl off of me) and Ive never made girl think i love them when i dont. ive never rushed a girl into sex.

i mean ive done some pretty terrible things, not something i want to have a chit chat about but they were mistakes.

maybe your "picker" is broken. i dont know, like this time go for another type of guy. you may be end up giving the right guy the perfect chance to make you happy. Look for guys with close deep friendships that are strictly platonic with women. I feel like thats the main difference between me and my womanizing ***hole friends. I dont have to **** or "fall in love" with every girl that gives me the time of day, and i feel like those ***hole types dont really want anything to do with women unless they are ****ing them or are in love with them

hope this makes u feel a little better

good luck
Joined: 8/27/2011
Msg: 62
Posted: 11/26/2011 4:36:25 PM
I've said this before - Any young adult is still learning who they are in their early 20's. Until you know that, you won't know what you can offer someone else in terms of a relationship. Slow down. There's no rush.

This is the time where you learn how people operate other than you immediate family members. This is the time where you learn to go at your own pace rather than have someone persuade you to follow theirs. This is the time where you learn what you will accept and what you won't.

Don't sleep with anyone unless you want to and are ready to. That way if the relationship breaks down, you won't feel used because it was your choice to become intimate.
Joined: 2/22/2009
Msg: 63
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Posted: 11/26/2011 10:30:21 PM
Maybe he has a list.
1) Fat
2) Afro - American
3) Foreigner list the countries here > ....
4) Skinny
5) Catholic religion.
6 ) Jewish religion
7) blond, list the hair colours here >>>> ....
8) Obese.
9) Shaved.
10) Much older than him.
11) much younger than him.

Which one were you on his list
Some women and men have list that they scratch off the list and will work on their list till they complete what they were looking for.
I knew an Eglish lawyer lady who's list was to sleep with as many eses as possible before she died, at first I did not understood what she was trying to tell me, until she rattled of a few of the eses, as in Chinese, Vietnamese, maltese.
Joined: 10/12/2011
Msg: 64
Posted: 11/26/2011 11:04:31 PM
It comes down to the CHOICES we make!! Good or Bad, we will reap what we sow
Joined: 11/23/2011
Msg: 65
Posted: 11/26/2011 11:15:28 PM
Join the typical dating site pump em and dump bother with anyone on here...Try to find someone in a healthy offline situation.... They are cruisers, losers and users on the dating sites...... They will say and do anything to get you into bed and about time you realised that.. Easy cum and easy go.....He may have been married and I would have webcammed him and got his landline and called that in the evenings. you get an idea then.. no guarantee of course. I hope you used protections so there wont be any lasting legacies............
Joined: 11/15/2011
Msg: 66
Posted: 11/28/2011 6:20:10 AM
purple cherry, that's a name... it's all part of a whole what do you want? were you honest up-front with him?
I am sorry you've been hurt... be more careful everyone's got their own agenda here...
Joined: 10/17/2011
Msg: 67
Posted: 11/28/2011 8:39:15 AM
In guy language, if he doesn't come back for more, the sex was awful.
I think his comment was deliberate, to spare your feelings.
Joined: 6/22/2011
Msg: 68
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Posted: 11/28/2011 11:23:50 AM
Because... YOU KISSED HIM..
So what does that have to do with it? Easy.. it means you are in a hurry to find something and willing to move ahead quickly to get it. You know, guys have a joke about going out after 11 pm on a Saturday night to pick up "Already drunk fat chicks"? See any relation here? (Not saying a thing about your weight because I don't know or care what YOU weigh, and I haven't checked your profile, so although you may take offense to some things I say, please, don't take offense to that)
Don't blame the guy either. Sure, he is a @hole.. and not very well mannered, but he got what he wanted, you got what you wanted, he just didn't want more of it. He got a bit.. you got dates. You were BOTH playing "the games"
So, now that being said, and you totally hating my guts for being a mean and nasty person...
We have the root problem stripped down and sitting on your lap for you to stare at. What are you going to do to change the end result of your next attempt?
For starters.. don't rush things. If you want a bit of skin, fine, go for it.. if you want more, don't try to build a relationship on sex. It N E V E R works.
You might also try being less ... I am not sure what word to use, less.. desperate? Like give the guy a bit of space, don't force the issue by initiating a kiss (on the cheek is ok) but, hell, I am about as shy as people can get, but if I want to kiss a woman, i am sure as hell man enough to ball up and take the initiative.
And.. try to pick guys that you do have a connection with. Not the ones who want to get your number right away without knowing if they even want to talk to you on the phone, because they figure it is one step closer to meeting you. Get the ones that want to actually talk to you, and hear what you have to say. In other words, don't look for "love at first sight" It doesn't exist. You have to build it, and work on it, and make concessions and make allowances and both people have to do that.
Joined: 1/9/2011
Msg: 69
Posted: 11/28/2011 12:19:24 PM
Not every guy is a bad apple. At least not in the USA :p

... ... ...

if you want more, don't try to build a relationship on sex. It N E V E R works.

Yeah Romeo and Juliet were class A fuck-ups.
Joined: 7/6/2011
Msg: 70
Posted: 11/28/2011 1:42:53 PM
Purple, I am so sorry that you were used and it's horrible that this dude was a douchebag! You know what I would do If I were you? I would stop having sex with men until I knew for sure that they were "in it" for the right reasons. Stop allowing yourself to get used. Pick up the pieces and move on.

P.S. I just realized that this was an old thread. lol
Joined: 6/15/2011
Msg: 71
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Posted: 12/9/2011 5:17:29 PM
Men generally desire sex more than women. Is that news to you? Welcome to adulthood, kiddo.
Also, we [men] exert more energy for less reward than a going on a few dates for a sexual payoff.
Joined: 11/29/2011
Msg: 72
Posted: 12/9/2011 5:57:34 PM
Be glad he didn't string you along for a year like the last guy did to me. It's amazing what a guy will do just to get sex. Last time I checked there were plenty of women out there and I don't understand why men feel the need to be dishonest to get what they want. Why not just move on to someone else who is after the same thing instead of resorting to hurting and lying and making a fool of someone else.
Joined: 11/20/2011
Msg: 73
Posted: 12/9/2011 6:54:26 PM
People are people and some you will never figure out unfortunately. For all you know, he may have used that as an excuse (re: got what I wanted) to get you to really dislike him. He may have been frightened by his own feelings. I know there are alot of men out there who are afraid of commitment for a million different reasons. This guy spent way too much time getting to know you beforehand to just want a shag.

On the other hand... men do like the chase ..some may go to lengths...others not so. I hope you are ok? Sometimes this dating stuff really sux
Joined: 10/22/2010
Msg: 74
Posted: 12/9/2011 8:12:21 PM
Purple, I am so sorry that you were used and it's horrible that this dude was a douchebag! You know what I would do If I were you? I would stop having sex with men until I knew for sure that they were "in it" for the right reasons. Stop allowing yourself to get used.

She cant; it becomes a habit for women. (and probably for men)

I say keep trying for the sexiest most attentive guyyou can. Make sure he is giving you 100% focus and suave.

That should change things.

Oh ya; and stay away from those dudes whoshare any interests of yours. They're bound to be no good for you

In guy language, if he doesn't come back for more, the sex was awful.
I think his comment was deliberate, to spare your feelings.

Or he realized he won over other men because he was the sexiest; and let you have your prize. *Shrugs* (hope you enjoyed it)

Joined: 10/2/2011
Msg: 75
Posted: 12/9/2011 8:50:05 PM
Yes, it seems women fall for this time and time again and never seem to be able to figure out that they are stuck in a pattern.

Though this doesnt mean guys should take advantage of girls just because they can.

There is so much selfishness out there that people dont care about hurting others for self fullfilment.

I think these people are mentally ill , and will never be able to actually relate to other people on any real level.

If I heard od something like this happening to my sister, I cant say what I would dobut that boy would ever be able to walk properly again.
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