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Show ALL Forums  > California  > Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?      Home login  
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 rdeffley
Joined: 9/21/2009
Msg: 259
Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?Page 11 of 23    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23)
Why even set the meet at a place where you have to spend money? The whole point is just to meet, and have a conversation. Meet at a bookstore, a park, etc.. Just walk around and talk.
 matchlight
Joined: 1/31/2009
Msg: 260
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History
Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 8/7/2012 12:41:23 PM
There's no law against thinking other people owe you something. Anyone is free to think that all day and all night. The only trick is to get those other people to agree to give you what you demand.
 Aura1shine
Joined: 3/2/2011
Msg: 261
Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 8/7/2012 12:58:29 PM
@Redfish; I disagree on your point that when a man spend more on you, he cares more about you. Men whom have more money to spend yes, just like put up the ante for a favorite toy for his own ego to win you. To care about whom he spent money on...not likely in many cases. After winning....you became a trophy piece in his collection. It is not fun to think that how would ones want to be treated as an object with no life of her own!
 LAgoodguy
Joined: 8/21/2008
Msg: 262
Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 8/7/2012 5:32:31 PM
Ok we did establish that to get on a good side of the woman. We men should pay for basicly everything. Now for us men not to go broke ( which would lead the woman to leave us) . How do we men how much to spend where we are still on the good side but not to spend too much??? How much should a guy spend if he don't feel like waiting for 90 days before sex??

Come on girls just spill the beans and let the guy know already..
 GreenThumbz18
Joined: 4/25/2012
Msg: 263
Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 8/8/2012 10:37:21 AM
^^^^^^
How silly of me to think that gold-digging was passe :)
 LAgoodguy
Joined: 8/21/2008
Msg: 264
Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 8/8/2012 11:08:25 AM
Damn Red you are expensive. I wonder would I get a discount on the wine and dine if I window shop someone older??? Well I figure the older they get the less demand there is... Would be it be alot more expensive if I go for something younger??? I understand that unlike beef that you buy at the store. Here the price goes up the less weight you buy. Now what do I pay for one with an extra 20-30lb????

At $500 a pop and for ten dates thats 5,000......... Let me just say that on the 10th date if you want to keep it going you need to put out. Don't be surprised that when I drop you at your place you would walk like a cowgirl that been in the sadddle for a month. I also don't expect you to talk much for the next few days.. Well I'm just saying unless you are an expert at this.
 GreenThumbz18
Joined: 4/25/2012
Msg: 265
Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 8/8/2012 11:14:46 AM
^^^^^^
And people wonder why hookers exist.
Much smarter to hire a pro.
 matchlight
Joined: 1/31/2009
Msg: 266
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History
Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 8/8/2012 1:32:20 PM
The man needs to impress her, she doesn't need to impress him.


Oh, I see. Sounds like a great way for a woman to guarantee she never gets asked out by the same guy twice.

#412

With all do respect, women aren't beef or cowgirls


With all due respect, I've seen some who sure put on a good imitation.
 surfaceofficer
Joined: 8/8/2011
Msg: 267
Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 8/8/2012 1:52:34 PM
I dated a woman for 84 days without sex prior to breaking up with her for lack of chemistry (among other stupid little things that she did).

She had a 90 day rule which she was ready to ash can by day 30 (to the point that she became vert self concious about me not doing her). I never had sex with her.

Basically, I've never had to initiate sex, and thus I doubt I'd be any good at it even it I did. I wait as long as I want, I pay as much as I want (which even on my conservative weeks, is more than the average man and a BUTT LOAD more than she pays). If she isn't making sure she's worth it along the way, than she will find herself relieved of my presence in orderly fashion.

I disagree that men who wait 90 days are any more serious than those who don't. My last serious relationship ended in December of 2010. Any woman who holds her poon on such a high pedestal as to have the audacity to wave it in front of my face like a dog treat for 90 days (as if such a miniscule timeframe somehow judges MY level of seriousness and self control) doesn't deserve the good things that a quality man has to offer. It doesn't matter much to me what book she's read.

In my opinion, if she wants to try and hold one quality man to the rules she holds the 10 dogs in the ratio to, that's more her problem than mine. It's not as if someone else won't appreciate what she didn't go out of her way to keep.
 LAgoodguy
Joined: 8/21/2008
Msg: 268
Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 8/8/2012 3:24:48 PM
Nyla007

Besides most men in LA don't even have good jobs. If they spend $$ on you they expect you to put out.

first thing men do when women express their desire for the man to act like a gentleman is to call us gold diggers. The meaning of gold digger is a woman who wants to partner up with a man who has $. That's b/c most women want long term and marriage. So they want a guy who is a provider not a jobless bumb. Women who want to settle down want a guy who they can built a future with.

So you compare a good quailty guy to a worthless of your time type of a guy. By how much money he makes??? Which of course he should spend on you and Redfish.

You put down a guy who don't make in the high 6 figure as being worthless to date. What you are realy saying is that you want a rich guy and you want him to show his love to you by spending money...
Money = care for you = love you ... A man who don't make enough money is a man who is not capable of showing love ????
Tell me what do you realy consider a gentleman?? Till now it sound as someone who would run circles around doing anything it takes to please you...

If you are looking for someone who would spend 300-500 on dinner with you. Why shouldn't the guys look for someone who they find more pretty in there eyes.. There are lots of 20 year old out there who would go out with the guy on a 500 dinner... Trust me they would be just as caring..

There was not once a mention about what someone is looking for in a guy personalty wise. Its how much money he spends on you. Does he open the door for you?? What he can do for YOU. Just sitting there and looking cute at the table for us. Its called Arm candy. To be arm candy a woman has to be realy HOT. We all know what it takes to keep an arm candy at the table.. Money ... In a guys world its called gold digger.
And yes some guys like the arm candy. They want the hot girl in bed and be seen with. When she get older and not as good looking he would look for a new one. If she thought she is going to be the one to keep him cause she is so speicle (sp) then she need a helmet to wear when she goes outside.

Now as you say women want someone who would offer them the good life and can afford to buy them things that they like. Well for guys sex is just as important A woman who knows what a man likes and how to satisfy him is just as important as money is for you. So when a guy shows a woman he can offer her what she is looking for. Why does he have to wait to see what she has to offer??? Would you start making the payments on a car with out going on a test drive??? As to being older woman and not feeling secure about your self..... Hey its not our fault its up to the woman to offer more so she can get that rich guy. Why would a guy spend the rest of life and money on someone when he knows there is someone better for him sitting across the room. Well there are always the 65 year old and the 70 year old looking for younger. It nothing but business and money..
Yes for most guys out there a smaller woman is what they are lookiing for. With a great personalty we won't care for the extra 20lb.
 GreenThumbz18
Joined: 4/25/2012
Msg: 269
Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 8/8/2012 6:07:17 PM
^^^^^^
"as if I'm worth $300. How pathetic is that."
Well said. I'm gonna have to concur with the Match.
 mannyoc
Joined: 9/21/2009
Msg: 270
Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 8/8/2012 8:29:20 PM

At $500 a pop and for ten dates thats 5,000......... Let me just say that on the 10th date if you want to keep it going you need to put out.

10 dates at a total of 5000 dollars! At 500 dollars a pop you can get a very nice looking girl in Vegas to give you some fun time!

If I spent 500 dollars on a date I would....I would...uhm wait 500 dollars can buy me a nice blow up doll that I can use over and over and over and over again!!! meh forget the woman! I'd rather invest the 4500 in the stock market.
 MotoGPatrick
Joined: 9/5/2011
Msg: 271
Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 8/8/2012 9:42:28 PM
It was not a first date. The first date was just coffee. It was over a year ago. I took her horseback riding, I had to pay to ride b/c not using my horse because the other horses where he is are not so good for a novice. Then back to OC for Italian. Well under $500.. Actually well under $300.. Close to $200 probably. Spent the night but I attribute that to just enjoying life and having fun. I have had dates where I spent less than $100 and if you are having fun together and enjoying life it is just as good.

Redfish78- profile is sparse.. almost funny... Troll? OC with just a HS education, only looking for a six figure non smoking home owner.. everything else negotiable. HA... If I met someone with those demands in real life I don't care if she is hot I am going to laugh really hard and my non smoking six figure ass is going to walk far far away.
 LAgoodguy
Joined: 8/21/2008
Msg: 272
Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 8/8/2012 10:39:30 PM
Redfish profile and posts are sooo far out. I get the feeling its a guy who posts, Trying to make a point by making women look bad ....

Im sure there are some guys who would spend that money and maybe even more on a woman for a first date. But those guys are few and far in between. For each guy like that there would be a thousand women standing in line to snatch him. I watch the show TMZ or something like that once. Most of the famous men date women who are HOT and much younger. If a woman is looking for a guy who can afford her taste and offer her the life style she wants like in the movies. Better get with the program in her early 20s.. Or if you wait too long you would have to settle down for a 70 year old. Just cause some women think they deserve that don't mean thats what they are going to get.

What happens if the guy lose his job 10 years down the road... Do you think those women would be willing to give up there life style that they expect???? I would bet they would jump ship at the first hint of water in the bilge. What guy in his right mind would want that??? Wonder what all those women do for a living??? work at the front desk in some office answering the phone...

Bottom line is we all want what we want..If we can get what we want great.. If not then changes in the game are in order..
 MotoGPatrick
Joined: 9/5/2011
Msg: 273
Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 8/8/2012 10:54:49 PM

I would bet they would jump ship at the first hint of water in the bilge.


Seen that. The last GF panicked at the deployment. Combination of not wanting to be a relationship with someone gone for a year as well as thought I would go broke working for the Army full time. Did not know my civilian career still pays me while I am gone.. Oh darn I "forget" to tell them things.. The more months go by the more they know but I don't put all my cards on the table until I know they are not out to just hustle as well as playing with a full deck.
 AceOfSpace
Joined: 5/28/2007
Msg: 274
Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 8/11/2012 10:35:11 AM
It's about character and chemistry. I have come to the conclusion that it simplest just to pay, but I don't try to impress anyone on a first date/meeting. We either hit it off with something simple and sweet, or we don't. I take a woman with me to something I'd been wanting to do anyway, but realize I'd have more fun doing with company rather than by myself. Simple, easy, and if that's all there is, I had a good time and no worries.

I used to mistrust women in all the traditional ways, and I know there is a lot of mistrust of men among women. No doubt well earned on both sides for all the reasons given. I can't argue with any of that. But a woman who wants what she wants will start working it as soon as she can, and when I get that vibe it becomes a question of if the pleasure of her company is worth the hassle. It usually isn't, or I get tired of it soon. A woman who wants to get to know me, who wants to enjoy my company (go figure, but some do!), has a whole different feeling and a different approach. When she wants something, she approaches it in a straight-up way.

I love women! I just let the love I feel show, and that makes things easy all around. I don't need to convince a woman who just isn't willing to trust a man. Many are. And, a woman who isn't trustworthy soon gets bored with me, which is fine by me. Let her dance that dance with someone who wants it. The thing I've discovered lately is how scared women really can get, both of being hurt and of being transformed by love, and that can skew their behavior in ways that look manipulative. So now I try to take that into consideration.

I find that a combination of attractiveness and compassion in a woman is simply devastating. It probably works in the other direction too. So, cultivating my capacity for compassion should, if I'm right about this, bring me to the most desirable women on many levels, and then it will be really tough to choose! YMMV
 ShineOffGirl
Joined: 11/2/2010
Msg: 275
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Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 8/11/2012 2:52:42 PM
Agreed. It's entirely about Character ( and you should see some of the " characters" I have met on here) Once I was invited to meet this lawyer for a brief chat ( no pun intended) at the airport. He was on a long layover, with a built in, no obligation get-acquainted. He was charming, and very intent on impressing me... or so it seemed. We ate at one of the nicer restaurants in the AP, which I felt a little uncomfortable with ( I alwas bring a good corned beef and rye and stuff it in my purse just in case... call me a safety girl). So he ordered a drink, then another, then several items on the menu, touting how he orders enough variety since you never can rely on the quality of AP food. about 3/4 's of the way through the meal, he excuses himself to the little boys room, as a call comes through on his phone. Lawyers do that... the whole privacy thing. Well. You guessed it. That was the last time I ever saw the legal begal. AND he was 4" shorter than the 5' 11 he claimed to be. I'd been stiffed by a vertically challenged lawdog in a Canali suit! Eighty five dollars!

Since the beginning of time, men and women have struggled to manage the two most threatening aspects of successful pairing - sex and money (My ex and I fought a lot over it. He thought I charged him too much)... go figure. As for meeting total strangers on the net, I think it's safest to presume the very status of " stranger" demands a dutch assumption. If the pairing goes well, I am old fashioned I suppose in that, if a man asks me out, then I expect him to pay. Conversely, such is followed up, typically, with an invitation by ME, for dinner at my place, for which, I assume the entire cost.

Successful relating with any form of partner is like Skating in the old days, where you would partner skate beneath a HUGE organ that was being played from a suspended contraption above the rink. The key is for the partners to take turns at the corners. ONE will plant themselves as anchor, while the outside skater takes the momentum, whirling centrifically, holding tightly to her partner... only to land gently into the next corner pocket, and to do the same for him. It's bout taking turns and delighting in the giving process.

It's unfortunate, that this strange medium has put such dark onus on who will pay, and why should they? What does it mean if they do and what does it mean if they don't. It's exhausting.

Coffee is cheap. Frankly I am not comfortable with a stranger paying for me on a first meet ( can't call it a date, it's more like a look -- kick the tires, take er for ar spin, see what she's got) But then, I am a woman that appreciates, and frankly subscribes to some very traditional ideas. I don't expect sex or money... I do demand to be respected and I love a quick " no" rather than an elongated yes. Truth is. Most people don't like to confront another.

After meeting a man a few years ago, who was a good 15 years older than his profile suggested ( Didn't even recognize him, his hair was chalk white and any resemblence to this photos was purely coincidental if not downright fictional) Still, I sat in a restaaurant, chatted with him as I would a business client. Listened to his story after story on his business conquests... and then politely ended our meeting. I stood up and place the 20.00 bill which I always have conveniently tucked into the front of my wallet pocket for such occasions, on the table. We walked outside, I extended my hand and said, " It was a pleasure to meet you John, and although I don't think we have relationship potential, I have to say I am most impressed with your business knowledge, and am very happy to have met you" he took my hand in gesture, then.....

yanked me toward him, grabbing one of the " girls" with his free hand! Instinct took over, I palmed his chest, pushed away and WHAM! Socked him right in the nose. Blood was spurting out everwhere. I think I broke it. Of course, I ran back into the restaurant and asked for an escort to my vehicle. See how much fun you can have for a little trust, 20 bucks and a good right hook?...
 rdeffley
Joined: 9/21/2009
Msg: 276
Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 8/11/2012 3:00:58 PM
@rdeffley: ummm.....no thanks! lol


Actually I would be saying no thanks to you if you would hold it against me for having a first meet at a bookstore or a park. We don't know each other, and you aren't owed a thing. If a woman genuinely cares about getting to know a man, she will care less about the activity as long as she is in good company. With other posts I have been reading from you in this thread about a man having to impress a woman and spend a ton of money in the first ten dates, waiting 90 days for sex, etc.. you sound extremely high maintenance. A gentleman implies treating a woman well and with respect. It has nothing to do with how much money he spends. Any guy who spends a ton of money on woman he barely knows under the guise of being a "gentleman" is a sucker.
 matchlight
Joined: 1/31/2009
Msg: 277
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Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 8/11/2012 10:37:47 PM

That was the last time I ever saw the legal begal


That will teach you to trust lawyers.


Conversely, such is followed up, typically, with an invitation by ME, for dinner at my place, for which, I assume the entire cost.


And what's on the bill of fare? Tuna casserole? Weenies and beans? Kraft mac and cheese?


yanked me toward him, grabbing one of the " girls" with his free hand! Instinct took over, I palmed his chest, pushed away and WHAM! Socked him right in the nose. Blood was spurting out everwhere. I think I broke it.


My God--and I thought I had had some e-date first meets from he!!! Have you ever thought of writing a novel?
 matchlight
Joined: 1/31/2009
Msg: 278
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History
Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 8/11/2012 10:38:08 PM

That was the last time I ever saw the legal begal


That will teach you to trust lawyers.


Conversely, such is followed up, typically, with an invitation by ME, for dinner at my place, for which, I assume the entire cost.


And what's on the bill of fare? Tuna casserole? Weenies and beans? Kraft mac and cheese?


yanked me toward him, grabbing one of the " girls" with his free hand! Instinct took over, I palmed his chest, pushed away and WHAM! Socked him right in the nose. Blood was spurting out everwhere. I think I broke it.


My God--and I thought I had had some e-date first meets from he!!! Have you ever thought of writing a novel?
 matchlight
Joined: 1/31/2009
Msg: 279
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History
Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 8/12/2012 3:50:54 PM
It sounds like you think a man owes you something, right from the start. That's up to you, but it's hard for me to understand. I don't see that either of two strangers starts out owing the other one zip. Each one gives however much of themselves they choose to, not because the other one demands it. I'm sure a woman who insists on things starting out in her favor can find some man who will go along with it. But why should he think things between them won't get more uneven yet, as time goes on?
 rdeffley
Joined: 9/21/2009
Msg: 280
Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 8/12/2012 3:59:48 PM
Nyla,

First, it is BS when you bring up taking care of basic human necessities as an excuse for why you are owed something. It would be like me saying "I spent 30 bucks getting my hair cut for this date so now you should buy me something." Buying clothes, keeping up physical appearances with hair cuts, getting nails done, etc are all things women do anyway. Regardless of whether you are dating or not, you are going to want to look your best.

Secondly, why are you owed a cup of coffee? I am not cheap, and money is not the issue. However, what I hate is the mentality that as a stranger you feel like another stranger owes you something just because you are a woman and agree to spend time with them. Women have just as much to gain from dating as men do. Otherwise they would be content being single right? So women are not doing men a favor by going out with them. The whole purpose of a first meet is to get to know a person and to have a conversation. In a Barnes and Noble you have a magazine section, a huge board game section, a huge music/movie section, etc.. These are all areas where you can get to know the extreme basics about somebody in a minimum amount of time. All that matters is good conversation and good company. As I said before, if you are more concerned over what you are not getting on a monetary basis then getting to know who a man is, then you are the one whose priorities need adjusting.
 MotoGPatrick
Joined: 9/5/2011
Msg: 281
Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 8/13/2012 12:54:33 AM
rdeffley

I really cold care less about one cup of coffee or what ever. I recently made a run to wine country with a date and paid it all (not our first date). If you looked at the total cost of the run you would be like WTF but if you looked at the total cost of what it is when I make the same trip solo like I have in the past and subtract the difference it is more like who cares..

I am ready to pay for the first few dates.. I don't care if I have to pay. As things progress it is not so much the cost of things but their attitude towards relationships. If they have the outlook where they act like they are entitled to financial compensation on every outing forget it. I don't track every little thing on dates.. which date I covered it all, which one we went dutch.. etc.. because on the details I really don't care... It is the overall trend or attitude they have towards finances in a relationship. If they act like they are entitled to or owed that coffee vs acting like they can take care of it but are thankful when I get it. If they appreciated little surprises like unexpected flowers and come up with little surprises of their own that make a guy as happy as he made her then I know I got a good one.

It seems that online they are much more likely to think that thing they sit on is worth big money on dates. I have dating down to just one at the moment. I met her out in real life. Lets just say in contrast to many posters on here she really looks like she is taking care of herself from time at the cosmetologist to at the gym. One word that describes of her looks, personality and even her professional achievement would be stunning. She jokingly says she is high maintenance but fortunately for me she is capable to taking care of and paying for it on her own so all I have to do is treat her right. Stinks to have to deploy.. otherwise I would not only be happy with the 60/40?, 75/25? (don't really care so long as it is not 100%) or what ever it is I am covering but probably head over heels in short order.

Nyla

On a date it was her idea to get coffee and walk around the bookstore. It was fun actually I could show her which gear head, cooking and equestrian books I bought and she showed me sections and books that were from her interests. It was fun.. She had just worked a double at a hospital but wanted to see me for a bit before she went home and crashed out.. Coffee, conversation and after 16hrs at work a back rub from me was more than enough to grease the wheels for the next real date. Not our first date but for meeting someone for real the first time from online I could see it working very well if there was chemistry. After that plan the kind of date that takes a full production.

 LAgoodguy
Joined: 8/21/2008
Msg: 282
Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 8/13/2012 12:24:42 PM
Wow shine that some good dating stories. I guess its a givine that one of the few women out there that do act as most guys wish women did. Ends up getting the jerks that need a punch in the face. Now if he did shake your hand and most people shake with the right hand shouldn't it be a good left hook lol.

Patrick sound like you just might have meet if not a keeper then atlist one of the women that any guy would be lucky to date. Hope it all works with your deployment and you two get back into dating when you are back.

Fortuntly there are some good women out there. That when you go back home at the end of the date you feel good. Most of the dates you just want to get home.
 MotoGPatrick
Joined: 9/5/2011
Msg: 283
Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 8/14/2012 4:48:17 AM

Patrick sound like you just might have meet if not a keeper then atlist one of the women that any guy would be lucky to date. Hope it all works with your deployment and you two get back into dating when you are back.


I really hope so.. I always find the ones I meet IRL to be much better.

Online they most often are looking to gain something. From citizenship to a guy with more income and or looks than her bff's.. Just blatantly after something that relationships should not be based on.. If that is not evident from the start it surfaces. Then of course there are the 5150's.
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