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 rdeffley
Joined: 9/21/2009
Msg: 290
Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?Page 12 of 23    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23)

Why even bother if spending $4 on a coffee is too much an imposition on your principle? Why spend anything on gas to show up as that's yet another expense for someone who may not be so grateful for your efforts.

I'm curious, have there ever been any men that have found a girlfriend while complaining about every penny he had spent by accusing her of being "entitled"? I'd think this path will lead you to empty handed bitterness. Or are you expecting the woman to be grateful that you're willing to buy her coffee on a date? Better yet, you expect that she will pick up the tab?


Once again, it is not the money. It is the irony involved of a woman calling a man cheap when she is trying to avoid spending money herself and the level of entitlement some women feel when dating. I could honestly care less about spending $4.00. I just don't like how some women feel like they are entitled to it because they are spending time with a guy.
 GreenThumbz18
Joined: 4/25/2012
Msg: 291
Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 8/15/2012 11:07:40 AM
Wow, this is agonizing, reading these posts.
Yes, - * @@ !,,,, Internet "dating" (total misnomer, btw) IS different than meeting first in person.
That is why a rational person uses a benign method of actually meeting, like a coffee date or equivalent.
I have met a fair number of women on POF who convinced me to meet for a meal, and most, not all, of these were a bad idea, and sometimes I felt absolutely ripped off. I think that an ante of $5 is perfectly fair on the part of the man, we have to consider that most women spend considerable $$ to look good, and we men like that, don't we?
I had an uncle who was a very successful self made multi-millionaire, and he used to say "You gotta GIVE a little, to GET a little."
It's good advice.
 anticonsumer
Joined: 8/10/2012
Msg: 292
Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 8/15/2012 8:56:15 PM
I've been screwed (not the good way) by various women, so I'm a bit hesitant to pay for everything. Men and women should be considered equal; so they should split the bill. If I'm in the mood, I'll pay for it, but there's not a single good reason why men should be expected to pay for everything.
 LAgoodguy
Joined: 8/21/2008
Msg: 293
Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 8/15/2012 10:41:15 PM
Nyla007 I do prefer to date closer to my own age. I also don't pay for the women so she spend her an evening with me. I would rather know she wants to spend her evening with me. Not becuse I'm willing to pay for her to go out. But if it comes down that its the only way I could find a date. Where I do have to pay 300 for dinner Im going to pay for someone younger someone who can carry a conversation make it worth the money I spend. It just makes good business sense.
Anticonsumer just pay attention to when you talk to a woman. If she start mentioning high end places to eat or do things where you know it would be expensive. Just walk away, First time you meet someone it shouldn't be expensive. If she only tries to have you take her to expensive places. Walk away from her, It would only get worse as soon as they figure out how to play you. They would always demand things from you. The price would never go down only up. Unfortuntly thats the only way some women can live it up and its when someone else pays for them. There are a few good women out there just remember every other guy is looking for them too.
 CaliforniaAries85
Joined: 8/13/2011
Msg: 294
Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 8/17/2012 6:07:37 AM
@rdeffley


I find it funny that you bring up someone being cheap when you are the one talking about getting out of spending $4 on your own coffee. In general, it has always been a pot calling the kettle black type situation when women call men cheap and they are the ones trying to get out of spending any of their own money.


How on earth was I "talking about getting out of spending $4" on my own coffee?? I VERY CLEARLY stated that whoever extends the invitation is responsible for the tab, regardless of gender. I guess an old chauvinist would choose to ignore that, though, and turn it into a gender issue.

*~*~*

@LAgoodguy


The point for me is that women rarely ask a guy out. From the ones who do ask a guy out how many invite a guy out for dinner and how many for coffee, For first meet. So its a guy who pays most of the time.


I understand your point about men usually being the one to ask a woman out first and therefore being stuck with the tab.

Personally, I have no issue with a woman asking a man out first. Though I may be seemingly "old fashioned" in many respects, this isn't one of them. However, even men in my generation, in the year 2012, tend to be put off by a woman being so forward as to ask a man to dinner. They probably wouldn't be able to verbalize why, but most of them are. Old habits die hard, I guess. A woman is seen as desperate or too forward if she is bold enough to make the first move. For that reason, I usually don't ask a guy out first. I make my interest clear so that *he* asks *me* out. So then we're stuck with the dilemma you mentioned. I have my own way of handling this.

Generally, I almost always offer to go dutch on a first date. It's actually the most telling part of the date for me. If he accepts, I know right then and there that there will be no second date because either A.) he's not that interested in me, or B.) he wasn't raised with the type of manners that are important to me and important in my family. Some may balk at that, but that's my opinion. So if he accepts, we're fair and square, and there is no second date.

However, if the date goes well (he invites me out, he picks up the tab, we have a great time and it's clear we're interested in a second date), then *I* will usually extend the invite for the next date and pick up the tab. Fair is fair. You expressed your interest in me and showed me a good time; now I'm doing the same in return to show that the interest is genuinely reciprocated.

That's how I see it.

*~*~*

I guess my answer in general to the title of this thread and my advice to men would be this:

If you invite a woman on a date, yes, you should pay for the date. When it comes to meeting someone online, the first "date" should be a meet & greet, regardless of how many emails you've exchanged, how much you've talked on the phone, etc. But if you have talked to her a bit, and you're convinced that a coffee or ice cream date isn't enough, sure, invite her to dinner if you'd like. But yes, you should pick up the tab, so pick a place within your price range that you're comfortable with.
 CaliforniaAries85
Joined: 8/13/2011
Msg: 295
Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 8/17/2012 6:12:19 AM
Oh, and for those of you saying, "but women want $300-$500 spent on them" or "what's in my price range isn't good enough for them" or "inviting them for a coffee date the first time I meet them face to face isn't impressive enough for them," my answer is simple:

Those women are f***ing stupid. Say, "NEXT PLEASE!" and move on.
 LAgoodguy
Joined: 8/21/2008
Msg: 296
Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 8/17/2012 10:28:15 AM
@CaliforniaAries85
I do agree with you and I like your way of looking at it. I want to date someone who is equal with me. Invite me out sometimes make me feel like you want my company as much as I want yours. As I already said I don't mind to pay for tea or dinner. But if I'm expected to pay or as that would be the only reason they would go out with me. To top it has to be something expensive to impress them and it has to be everytime if I want to see her. Sorry thats a GOLD DIGGER no matter how you cut it or explain it or reason it in your own mind. I think the biggest thing is that we guys don't want to feel like we are being tricked into paying someone else bills so they can go and do things that they can't afford on there own. I don't care for the $4 a cup of tea or take someone out for dinner. But for a women to say that the only way for her to go out with me is if im willing to impress her. I'm sure most guys would agree with me. I would walk away from her right there and then. Which I acutaly did once. I were supposed to pick her up for first meet to grab something by the beach. She started to name all the fancy places she wants me to take her while in my car. I knew some of the places are about $100+ per person. I figured if thats where we start on the first meet I sure don't want to be there on the fourth one. Turned around and took her home right there and then.
Places like that you take a real girl friend someone you been dating for a while and you already know that beside a great meal you would have great company. You need both to make a great and enjoyble evening
 sunriseguy5
Joined: 12/26/2011
Msg: 297
Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 8/17/2012 12:43:10 PM
go dutch and both parties pay 50/50
 matchlight
Joined: 1/31/2009
Msg: 298
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History
Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 8/17/2012 1:37:04 PM
#456

However, if the date goes well (he invites me out, he picks up the tab, we have a great time and it's clear we're interested in a second date), then *I* will usually extend the invite for the next date and pick up the tab. Fair is fair. You expressed your interest in me and showed me a good time; now I'm doing the same in return to show that the interest is genuinely reciprocated.


Yes--fair IS fair. That's really nice to hear, and I wish I saw that attitude more often among women. It's not at all satisfying or flattering to feel you're with a calculating, self-important female who expects you to do most of the work in return for the favor of her company. I'd like a girl to want me as a passionate lover, a companion, a playmate to laugh and be silly with, a confidant and great friend, someone to cook with, a partner in conversations and adventures--just for what I am, as a guy--and not for what I may have. I got used to that when I was younger, and I miss it.
 rdeffley
Joined: 9/21/2009
Msg: 299
Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 8/17/2012 5:29:58 PM
How on earth was I "talking about getting out of spending $4" on my own coffee?? I VERY CLEARLY stated that whoever extends the invitation is responsible for the tab, regardless of gender. I guess an old chauvinist would choose to ignore that, though, and turn it into a gender issue.


Oh and tell me, how often do you ask a man out on the first meet or set up dates in general? The whoever asks/pays rule is really good in theory. However, when men are the ones who primarily set up most of the dates, that rule doesn't really help does it?
 CaliforniaAries85
Joined: 8/13/2011
Msg: 300
Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 8/17/2012 6:04:17 PM
...

*blink*

Did you seriously just ask the same question I just answered in the exact same post you quoted? lol That's twice now that you've argued a non-existent argument against an issue that's already been addressed. You're not the brightest crayon in the box, are ya?
 italiangem87
Joined: 4/26/2012
Msg: 301
Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 8/17/2012 9:01:10 PM
if you have such a problem with paying on a date don't go to dinner. Meet for coffee or in a park first. That way it saves you $ and you see that if the girl is worth paying for her meal. LOL.... No offense but you seem kind of cheap so maybe you should pick all ideas that don't involve you having to pay for much..
 matchlight
Joined: 1/31/2009
Msg: 302
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History
Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 8/18/2012 12:53:41 PM

The whoever asks/pays rule is really good in theory. However, when men are the ones who primarily set up most of the dates, that rule doesn't really help does it?


Good point. It would have been nice to see an honest acknowledgment of that obvious fact, instead of an angry, scolding evasion. There's this little thing called credibility. The notion that women usually carry an even share of the financial burden in dating, at least in the beginning, is total nonsense--and they know it. If a woman really believes fair is fair, she'd do better just to admit things are not even at first, but show how she wants to even them out later on.

I don't know about other guys, but I'm not interested in wasting time on any woman who starts out acting like I owe her something. If she thinks she's that special, let her think it by herself.
 LAgoodguy
Joined: 8/21/2008
Msg: 303
Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 8/19/2012 7:14:05 PM
Hardrock9999, We can all argue and disagree with what we think.. But personal cheap shoots are uncalled for.
Bottom line of it all is that we can date which ever way we want to and who ever we want to. What ever the choice we make only impacts our life. Which ever we go about it would determine how succsesfull we are. How ever we chose to date has to do with our personalty as well. Only time would tell how it would work for us.. What ever it is there are more single people out there then ever.
 matchlight
Joined: 1/31/2009
Msg: 304
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Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 8/20/2012 9:54:22 AM

In fact all you men who are talking the talk are all females because you all carry the female chromosome


Thanks for that acute biological insight--who knew men are all really females? I hope that doesn't mean women are all really males!


We have yet to be totally equal.


And obviously you don't think we should be. You want to be privileged, not equal.


equal pay--BTW something we still don't get!


After forty years, the "sixty-eight cents on the dollar" myth refuses to die--and putting an exclamation point after it doesn't make it any less baloney. It should be obvious that if it were true, no one would ever hire a man if an equally qualified woman were available for the job. Employers don't pay 50% higher wages than they need to just to spite women.
 LAgoodguy
Joined: 8/21/2008
Msg: 305
Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 8/20/2012 12:45:16 PM
Nyla I don't like people going for cheap shoot. People do that when they have nothing to say no more.
I still don't agree with most of what you have to say. I do belive that when a woman is trying to make sure the guy spends money on her is nothing more then digging for gold. Its realy is a test to see how he reacts to the bill. If he pays but flinches at it. Its just a good sign that those dinners and that life style is not going to last for long. Thats when the woman would say that she sees no chemistry with the guy. I know plenty of women who make six figures... they hold good positions and they know what they are doing. If a woman holds the same position as a guy does and does a good job then she would get paid same money. Most women are not willing to work as hard for it as men do. What I noticed and I go on only what I see is that women tend to spend more money and faster then men do. They don't have a problem to spend $100 to have a few drinks with the GFs. Then they run out of money but they still want to do that. So they are out there to find a guy to help them live in the life style they wish. I Got a friend she is a very nice girl, She works the front desk at a DOCTOR office and when she had a profile on here she posted that she was in the medical field. I told her that she realy should but is front counter receptionist. Working the front desk at the doctor office is not being in the medical field. Just like sitting in the plan dont make me a pilot. But that wasn't what would get the guy she was looking for. When I sugested for her to go to school and get a better job she didn't feel she had the time for it.... So its back to hunt for the guy that would fit what she is looking for. The funny thing is that some women admit they are gold diggers and understand the game. They know they have to work thru all the guys that would try and play them when acting like they have the money.
Then you got the women who act same digging for gold. But they reason it in a way that in there own mind they are diffrent. They just know what they want in a guy.
From a guy point of view we don't see any diffrence between the two. On out left here is a woman who admit to look for a guy to help her pay her bills and take her places. On our right here is a woman who who says she is not looking for a guy to support her and take her all those places.. But when men meet both type of women we realy don't notice any diffrence in the way they act. They just come across to us same with what they are looking for. So we label them all as gold diggers. http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=golddigger
I must say that this thread goes in a big circle. If a woman don't like the idea of a cup of tea for the first meet or something simple to get to know each other then I'm more then o.k with it. Thats not the woman I want to date in the first place. I want someone that I enjoy the company where I feel wanted as a person where money is not what dictate what we would be doing this evening or this weekend. If I want to go out for pizza I don't want to worry she might think I'm cheap.. Actualy I love a good pizza even if for some people its not good enough.
 SoSocial
Joined: 7/25/2012
Msg: 306
Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 8/20/2012 3:35:34 PM
I personally always pay my share (or at least offer to), especially on the first date. Afterwards, I try to take turns. I appreciate being treated, but I never expect it, and if that's how I feel about it, why would a guy be any different? I do the same with my friends, so why would I treat a man that I'm interested in as anything less?
 gentlebear22
Joined: 8/30/2006
Msg: 307
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Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 8/20/2012 5:57:06 PM
There is no need to be attacking other people here. These subjects on the forum here are for people to discuss their opinions on subjects hopefully in a mature open manner.

:modhammer:
 oh_hell
Joined: 11/26/2011
Msg: 308
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Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 8/20/2012 7:50:41 PM
If she doesn't expect me to then I will insist and if she expects that I should I'll make up an excuse why I can't.

Everyone loves a good twist.
 brisco414
Joined: 4/20/2012
Msg: 309
Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 8/22/2012 2:46:36 PM
I don't expect any guy to pay for me on a first meeting and and when the check arrives, I am always prepared to pay my share. Sometimes they allow me to pitch in and sometimes not. I guess every situation is different.
 chicho787
Joined: 6/25/2011
Msg: 310
Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 8/23/2012 9:27:52 AM
According to your argument "IF" the man is expecting sex, THEN he should pay for his date, because "IF" she pays for her part and has sex with him afterwards, THEN he's been selfish??? Seriously? ? What "IF" she happened to enjoy the sex more than what he did ...what do you call that? ??

Is she doing him a favor for having sex with him just because he paid the whole bill? ??
Isn't true that without a penis no human being could possibly exist just as much as without the vagina reproductive organ? ??
So why the "disadvantage ' in power, where is "IF" any fairness AND equality "IF" any
 chicho787
Joined: 6/25/2011
Msg: 311
Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 8/23/2012 11:35:12 PM
According to your argument "IF" the man is expecting sex, THEN he should pay for his date, because "IF" she pays for her part and has sex with him afterwards, THEN he's been selfish??? Seriously? ? What "IF" she happened to enjoy the sex more than what he did ...what do you call that? ??

Is she doing him a favor for having sex with him just because he paid the whole bill? ??
Isn't true that without a penis no human being could possibly exist just as much as without the vagina reproductive organ? ??
So why the "disadvantage ' in power, where is "IF" any fairness AND equality "IF" any
 chicho787
Joined: 6/25/2011
Msg: 312
Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 8/25/2012 7:53:45 PM
TOTALLY AGREE!!

What if she also expects and wants sex just as much as the man she's out on the date with? Why is it that "somehow" it's led to believe that only men want sex and women don't, thereby generally speaking making it seem as if women were doing us men a favor, hello!! without a penis no women would be here on earth, and without a vagina no men would be here on earth as well, so we need each other do we not??? The problem has been since our lovely ancestors Adam and Eve when dumbass Adam gave up his power away to Eve, and a lot of so call "men" followed his legacy and the rest is history lol!!!
 ShineOffGirl
Joined: 11/2/2010
Msg: 313
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Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 9/2/2012 11:28:52 PM
misogynistic....hooey. have you thought of seeing someone about yhose anger issues?
 Marcia_77
Joined: 7/10/2012
Msg: 314
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Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 9/28/2012 7:05:58 PM
@pirateheaven
LOL! Thanks for the laugh..
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