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Show ALL Forums  > California  > Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?      Home login  
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 Black_Dread
Joined: 7/28/2012
Msg: 356
Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?Page 19 of 23    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23)
Multiple dates with the same woman, i thought that was implied in my post. I don't feel like i should have to say something, it's only common courtesy to at least offer to chip in. I typically just cool off and my interest in her lowers a lot. I'll try saying something next time, uncomfortable as it might be.
 Black_Dread
Joined: 7/28/2012
Msg: 357
Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 10/30/2012 1:24:37 PM
Yes, Steve that's what i was referring to. Complete and utter nonsense. Textbook gold digging right there.
 LAgoodguy
Joined: 8/21/2008
Msg: 358
Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 10/30/2012 4:45:42 PM
The funny thing the women who mentioned the $300-500 per date don't consider themselves as gold diggers. They do think thats how things supposed to be. The guys would spend all this money on them cause they deserve it. If the guy won't spend the money on them that means he don't care/value them enough. After all they are above the avg woman we meet every day. Thats how they want us the men to show we care for thier company. I'm sure there are guys who would pay or those women would have changed thier mind by the time they are 40+ ...
 OCRebellion
Joined: 2/8/2011
Msg: 359
Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 10/30/2012 10:07:40 PM
Sunnie? Hmmm...more like Cloudy with a side of bitterness. First, I see you berating one statement...and out of context at that. I see you bypassed my other response, but that's ok. So let's go...

First, this is a public forum, so if I and/or ANYONE choose to post and share their POV here they can. If YOU don't like it, then you can choose to leave and I'm not on the wrong board. My comment about women being successful in the business world and submissive and nurturing in their personal lives was referring to your assumption that these women are on a power trip 24/7 and just as demanding of men in their personal lives. It had NOTHING to do with a career of a sexual nature and for you to even think so, shows a highly limited POV and/or disdain for successful women. There is nothing in what I said that would even show a glint of disrespect for themselves, their children or their families (should I use smaller words so that you can understand). It's also interesting and hypocritical of you to say I shouldn't nick pick, which should actually be "nit pick" at others, when that is exactly what you did to me, plus you took it to the level of saying I work on a street corner for my business; sounds like drama and slander. Wow...how small of you in your double-standard delusional driven world. Oh and sorry to disappoint you, but I work in corporate America, with a gorgeous office and an impeccable professional reputation.

And once again you go on the rant about the man paying and the woman staying at home. Hey if you have no means or aspirations to be a powerhouse in the workforce and choose to stay home - go for it. Again, don't hate on those that choose differently. And yes, some believe that the woman can or should stay home and great for their choice. They are equally right for the individual person that has made that choice. However, who are you to tell anyone that staying home and raising a child is the most important job? That’s your belief and your choice, but not the right choice for everyone. Furthermore, it is asinine to say that it takes “a real women” – which should be “woman” to stay home and run a household. ROFL…is that your measure of a real woman? However, after reading your profile and seeing where you are from, the picture has come into focus. So, going back to the paying thing... If you believe the man should always pay, then put that notice on your profile, along with letting him know that you expect to stay home. Just don’t expect everyone to have and/or support the same beliefs you do.
 Rain587
Joined: 7/20/2012
Msg: 360
Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 10/30/2012 10:41:35 PM
I skimmed a bit so misunderstood. I thought he meant per first date. Sometimes I don't have long to read a lot of posts. It's an interesting thread with different views. I have learned if I meet the same type of man that isn't good for me then I need to evaluate myself. Same goes for those attracting expensive women.
 justdeb1111
Joined: 8/12/2012
Msg: 361
Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 10/30/2012 10:43:16 PM
I live in northern Cal in a very rural, sparely populated county. I think we are the second or third poorest county in California. I ask for coffee dates, not dinner dates when first meeting someone--sort of like a "meet and greet" and always Dutch.

I have become creative on how to pic up the tab for a dinner, mostly because I do have a very good job (if you are even employed full time up here you are doing better than most) and many whom I date are struggling.

I also do real well finding cheap things to do on dates---like all the festivals and rodeos/gymkhanas up here. That way, if he insists on paying, it's not a torpedo to his wallet.

I never have understood the "princess" attitude that makes a woman feel she is entitled to expensive dates and gifts. I equate those women with certain species of spider--the male presents the female with a wrapped insect victim so she concentrates on unwrapping the gift and he can boink her and get out of harm's way

Oh yeah, and one reason I am still single are thoughts like the above popping into my head and finding their way out spoken or in print, amatuer entomolgist/arachnologist nonwithstanding :P
 zurichdublin188
Joined: 8/14/2012
Msg: 362
Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 10/31/2012 9:00:13 PM
Look...I wish I could go on vacation and just "romp"...you know...I'd like to do that...

You know...you can sit here and wish it was different...and you can look at it...and you know...

REALLY...REALLY, TRY TO CHANGE IT...

Its when you are helping and contributing everything you can to make the world a better place...

Its a thing where its like "Lets Go".

Man...you are either in...or you are OUT...
 zurichdublin188
Joined: 8/14/2012
Msg: 363
Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 10/31/2012 9:02:13 PM
I want to know that I've done everything I can...every day...

You know...we've got to do more work...

We've got to get those women THAT ARE SPECTATORS:

Either on the playing field...OR GET THEM OUT OF THE ARENA!!!
 Wonder5750
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 364
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History
Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 11/1/2012 4:57:40 PM
I am from Northern California too. Things must be different up here :) I am in a country type area, and there are a few buckle bunnies, but no princesses lol
When setting up that first meet, and things are spelled out, and she can't seem to be able to buy her own coffee... that should tell ya whats going on.
What is odd to me is that it never was an issue. Nor was it even brought up. One guy paid for a first meet lunch, but at the others I bought my own coffee. Only one ended up being the right guy, after 2 and a half hours of talking at the coffee house, then we went home to feed our respective horses and went out to dinner. He paid, he insisted. We have been dating for 9 months, and we seem to trade off pretty evenly, except I usually don't take him out, I cook at home.
I think folks worry too much sometimes. No one is "entitled" to anything. It just goes how it goes.
 justdeb1111
Joined: 8/12/2012
Msg: 365
Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 11/1/2012 7:03:51 PM

Look...I wish I could go on vacation and just "romp"...you know...I'd like to do that...
You know...you can sit here and wish it was different...and you can look at it...and you know...
REALLY...REALLY, TRY TO CHANGE IT...
Its when you are helping and contributing everything you can to make the world a better place...
Its a thing where its like "Lets Go".
Man...you are either in...or you are OUT...
I want to know that I've done everything I can...every day...
You know...we've got to do more work...
We've got to get those women THAT ARE SPECTATORS:
Either on the playing field...OR GET THEM OUT OF THE ARENA!!!


Dude, that had to be some awesome greenbud :)))
 Rabbitman49
Joined: 10/20/2005
Msg: 366
Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 11/2/2012 11:39:45 AM
Re: 540 - "Buckle bunnies"??? Please explain.

"Miss Manners" says that the person who asks the other is the one who pays for the first date unless some other arrangement is agreed upon. After the first, the man pays.
 Wonder5750
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 367
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History
Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 11/2/2012 1:29:28 PM

Re: 540 - "Buckle bunnies"??? Please explain.


lol Buckly bunnies are rodeo groupies or any horse sport really, that go for the better riders in an effort to get the guy to give them a trophy buckle for a roll in the hay. In the old days the buckles were made out of very good silver and worth a bit of cash, the term stuck, and now they are our version of The Princess.
It can also be a non rider that frequents equestian events in an effort to hook up with a cowboy. No offense to the non riders here, but for the most part, cowboys have certain attributes that are quite enjoyable. However some do still think 8 seconds is a good ride. (rodeo reference for those that don't get it lol)
 Rabbitman49
Joined: 10/20/2005
Msg: 368
Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 11/3/2012 5:53:00 PM
Ok, so it refers to belt buckles and not shoe buckles. Got it.

Yes, I did repeat myself - because it seems as if (other) people aren't reading. Had they, there'd be no question. ;-)
 Perspektiv
Joined: 10/31/2012
Msg: 369
Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 11/4/2012 4:41:20 AM
I never pay anything on the first meet, as I always meet up doing things that fall under my interests, and ensure it is also part of the interests of those I'm meeting (I.E Walks around nice parks, rollerblading, biking, anything of the like).

I would rather know for sure, I get along with you, before moving onto actual dating.

That said, I ask a girl on a date, I'll pay. To me, it's an accepted expectation that doesn't bother me, if I like the woman.

That said, if we're on 3-4 dates, and I'm still paying (without her ever offering to go dutch), I'd cut the girl loose rather quickly. I've been in a serious relationship with a girl like that, and it's cost me the majority of the contents of my bank account (in terms of life savings).
 Black_Dread
Joined: 7/28/2012
Msg: 370
Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 11/4/2012 9:34:25 AM
Yep, that's how i feel about the issue as well.
 GTASTEVE
Joined: 3/6/2011
Msg: 371
Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 2/4/2013 1:10:48 PM
I look at POF as an online introduction tool, in lieu of a nature "guy meets gal" situation or setup.
With that in mind.. I try to do a first meet up in a public place that I might naturally meet someone and strike up a conversation. By doing this we have the option to hang out more and chat over a cup of coffee, or end it early and go on our way.
I can usually tell how interested someone is by having the follow up phone conversation, and if I am interested enough, I will ask the person out on a first date and expect to pay. There is no magic method to finding out if someone is just dating for entertainment or genuinely interested in your companionship, you have to trust your feelings.

By the second date, I can usually find hints to how fiscally responsible they are was well as how genuine, regardless if they offer to pay or not. Based on how I feel I will decision on if I would like to proceed further.
Again phone conversations to build rapport and figure out if we can sync up are essential

Case in point, I had a relationship with a single mom, who told me on the second date that she appreciated being taken out, but didn't have much money to reciprocate at such a level, I found it quite endearing that she would mention this. I knew that I was appreciated so the cost of fun outings were secondary only to us both enjoying each others company.

I suppose you just have to proceed with whatever way is comfortable with you. If you ever feel like you have been put out of balance you only have yourself to answer to.. Perhaps it is best to talk about it early, and if your date takes offense, then maybe you don't need to be hanging around them.
 mamasboy069
Joined: 11/6/2012
Msg: 372
Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 2/4/2013 1:58:35 PM
i pay full + 10%,as long it donut shop at 6 in morn,thats right donut shop not stabucks or starbucks wat eva they call it hahahah









hows that hope an change workinout 4 u?
ur only as good as ur worst employee.
 Ari5667
Joined: 1/30/2013
Msg: 373
Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 2/4/2013 3:33:23 PM
I find that if I'm doing the inviting, then I pay, if it's the other way around, the woman usually pays. I have no problem paying though. It's usually a fun date.
 JenSnider
Joined: 11/5/2012
Msg: 374
Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 2/4/2013 9:15:42 PM

I find that if I'm doing the inviting, then I pay, if it's the other way around, the woman usually pays. I have no problem paying though. It's usually a fun date.


That's my general rule too, although if it's something like getting coffee or a smoothie then I perfer Dutch treat
 phil7613
Joined: 4/27/2008
Msg: 375
Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 2/5/2013 12:20:50 AM
How about walking the isles at Costco while talking then pizza or a hot dog and coke , its not the event its about communicating .
 mike215215
Joined: 2/15/2011
Msg: 376
Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 2/5/2013 7:54:51 AM

How about walking the isles at Costco while talking then pizza or a hot dog and coke , its not the event its about communicating


what if she does not have a membership?? ;-) i'd give her a hot dog all right!
 melodyof_k
Joined: 5/2/2012
Msg: 377
Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 2/6/2013 4:17:45 PM
I love my life living in a small town in Northern Ca.
we dont even have restaurants that high priced.
I would not have a first date at a high priced (high priced for this area) restaurant unless the man insisted.
alot of men like to do that.
when else do they get to go out to a nice place? maybe they want to go there and dont want to go alone.

I always have my money with me,...I offer to pay especially on a first meet,...
some men say ok and they want to go dutch.
usually I have noticed that those men are more in touch with their feminine side and they will say so.
They are more into enmeshed gender roles. The other men are more old school and are more masculine with defined gender roles.
but on a date I dont think that I have ever split a bill. only on "dates" with friends not potential boyfreinds.
the men dont ever ask and they ask me out and its just so uncommon around here to go dutch.

I am more attracted to strong masculine men who appreciate the difference between traditional male and female roles.
its not the money,...its the entire feeling. the mood.
the last thing I want to do is spend time eating dinner with someone whose company I dont enjoy just to have a free dinner. I cant even see why anyone would want to do that. I would prefer to eat at home by myself before spending time eating at some expensive or unexpensive restaurant with someone I dont want to be with.

as for the answer....NO there are no shoulds. Men should not be required to pay on the first meet or date or for anything they dont want to pay for.
Women should be prepared with their own money and if they dont like the man not paying...just dont accept another date.
times have changed....some people changed with the times...and some havent.

there is sometimes that slightly awkward moment at a first meet when you dont know who is paying for what. I have my money ready or something in view so he knows that I can and am willing to pay. there are just too many personality types to know what is going on inside someones head and why they want to pay all of it or go dutch.

sometimes at a first meet I will say...."thankyou I will pay for mine"
I find that most men around this area dont particuarly like that....unless they are in touch with their feminine side and are into all that lib stuff.
 mamasboy069
Joined: 11/6/2012
Msg: 378
Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 2/6/2013 5:09:17 PM
HUH^^^^^^^^^^









hows that hope an change workinout 4 u?
ur jus as good as ur worst employee.
 RIDENHI
Joined: 3/2/2013
Msg: 379
Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 3/7/2013 9:15:54 PM
I enjoy paying for dinner weather we hit it off or not ..Its just the way you are raised .To be a gentlemen ..Id just quietly take the check and pay the bill It has nothing to do with any other reason then just being a gentlemen ..
 Jennywillwin
Joined: 12/27/2011
Msg: 380
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History
Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 3/10/2013 7:08:01 PM
I don't mind going Dutch but what happened to me on my first (and last with him) date was really rude.

I met him at a casual restaurant where you order your food at the counter, it still takes a while to cook it so you go back and pick it up. What happened is I was about 15 minutes late, he ordered and paid for his without me. After I arrived and found this out, I went up to the counter and ordered and paid for mine. I was late, I didn't mind paying for my own lunch. What he didn't do was escort me to the counter or anything else that would have shown good manners.

After our lunch, it got worse. I will spare you all the details up until close to the end. We were somewhere else, by this time he had been rude several times. We ordered 2 cheap beverages then I stepped away to look at something. When I looked back at the counter, I saw him still talking to the cashier. In one hand he had a credit card, in the other hand was a $100 bill. He was debating which to do but really hesitating with either one. He looked back at me with a certain look on his face, I asked him, "Do u want me to pay for it?" he said, "Yes". That was when I said, "You can pay for it." and he did. We drank our drinks and said bye, notice I left out the GOOD of a good-bye.


The whole afternoon, he was sizing me up. Normally I would never say "You can pay for it" but he honestly deserved it. He was the worst date I had ever had and wouldn't you know he was my first date after getting divorced. My dates since then have not improved very much.
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