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Show ALL Forums  > California  > Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?      Home login  
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 BrownInOrange
Joined: 7/30/2011
Msg: 26
Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?Page 2 of 23    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23)
If under the auspices of a friendly meet, then, go dutch.

If a real date, then the guy should pay.
 DCA34
Joined: 9/25/2011
Msg: 27
Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 10/1/2011 1:55:50 PM
Why does it matter? Stop taking your dates to places that cost a lot of money and you wont have anything to worry about. A girl i met on POF, and ended up becoming very intimate with for quite some time, asked me to take her on a HIKE for our first date. Didn't cost me much more then the gas ride up the hill. And when we got there she liked me enough not to throw me off. So stick to casual... shoot i might just invite the next girl i take with me to help me pick out my halloween costume and chat with her while i do it and be silly the whole time. If you're worried about money... seriously stop dating. i'm not trying to be mean... but that's part of the dating world. You spend a few dollars, you be a gentlemen and that's that. dont expect anything from it just because you laid down a few bucks and thats that.
 NotTueday
Joined: 9/19/2011
Msg: 28
Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 10/2/2011 12:56:39 PM
I insist on the first THREE times that I meet with someone that they are free. Park, beach boardwalk, even meeting to walk the dogs downtown, a drive sometimes the third time.....this allows for the greatest amount of communication and also puts each person at ease. people tend to be more themselves in a relaxed, no stress environment. You also then have room to figure what the other likes . dislikes and is comfortable doing. It has always worked for me.

In my experience men do not mind paying. What they do not like is being used for a free meal and drinks. And for the women that do that, your behavior is detrimental to male- female relations.

I personally find eating and drinking and spending money an intimate behavior... so that is reserved for someone I have chemistry and a connection with.
 NotTueday
Joined: 9/19/2011
Msg: 29
Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 10/2/2011 1:27:44 PM
Thanks Claremont.

Dating is give and take. If women took the time to observe,study and learn how men are hardwired, and think accordingly, they woukd find that they actually will get their needs and expectations met for the most part. That is, if they are also thinking what is "native" to a woman, and not what society has force fed females to think about themselves. It is all wrong I tell you....all wrong.
 syenite
Joined: 7/24/2011
Msg: 30
Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 10/2/2011 6:03:54 PM
If you can't afford to pay for dinner and tip, then you can't afford to date.

If you can't afford gas or insurance, then you can't afford to drive.

Nobody ever said it was cheap to be a man.

Just my 2 cents.
 GregSJ
Joined: 9/3/2011
Msg: 31
Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 10/2/2011 7:08:41 PM
The most interesting man in the world says:

"When you pay for just yourself, at the end of the night you usually get what you pay for."

Haha, I saw that commercial last night and couldn't help but think of this thread. Sad huh?
 imacrownedking
Joined: 5/27/2011
Msg: 32
Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 10/3/2011 1:22:34 PM
I personally insist on a first meeting(in a non date setting) before the first date. I think it is generally assumed that the guy will be paying for the first date. Unless it's been stated otherwise before the date.
 _TALL_IQ2_
Joined: 2/10/2010
Msg: 33
Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 10/3/2011 10:34:03 PM
I insist on the first THREE times that I meet with someone that they are free. Park, beach boardwalk, even meeting to walk the dogs downtown, a drive sometimes the third time.....this allows for the greatest amount of communication and also puts each person at ease. people tend to be more themselves in a relaxed, no stress environment.

This should be codified as rule number three in "Guys Guide to Official Dates"..

Apparently it has been working for you.. Local social groups also provide that relaxed environment with little stress and common interest activities..
 MotoGPatrick
Joined: 9/5/2011
Msg: 34
Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 10/4/2011 4:20:51 AM
I am always prepared to pay the full amount on a first date. If it is a first meeting such as a chat over coffee umm why is it even an issue if you being the guy has to pay.

If it is a more elaborate or formal style of date and I pay sometimes they like it when a guy covers the first real date. Sometimes they insist on going dutch. Other times they insist on going dutch the second date. If by the third or fourth date they are not paying any part my next date will be with someone else.

So for me. Yes the guy should be prepared to pay the full amount on the first date and the first date should be something appropriate for a first date and not an anniversary.

If she insists on going dutch even after you are getting the tab let her. If she already has agreed to a second date and wants to go dutch on the first let her. She enjoys your company and wants to show that is really what she is after.
 matchlight
Joined: 1/31/2009
Msg: 35
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Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 10/4/2011 1:28:29 PM
^^^^^Talk about shooting yourself in the foot! I can't imagine who'd want to buy her a drink--or share a laugh with her. NO where would be fun, if someone with that attitude were along.

I doubt that most women think much of ones like this charmer. The more like her you run across, the more tempting it becomes to see them as typical. The same temptation's at work when women see rude, obnoxious stuff from men. It's a shame.
 ladydee99
Joined: 7/10/2010
Msg: 36
Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 10/4/2011 8:54:15 PM
Yes, you should pay on the first date, especially if you are the one doing the asking. With that said, you have the choice of the type of date/meet you are comfortable paying for. Going for a coffee or an ice cream is a perfectly acceptable first date....and even second date. It will also let you know if the relationship is worth pursuing. Most women are more than happy to share expenses later in the dating process. A first date is a wonderful opportunity to show that you are a gentleman and understand proper etiquette and it doesn't have to cost you a lot of cash.
 shezabritelite
Joined: 9/24/2011
Msg: 37
Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 10/7/2011 9:45:55 PM
Make the first date at a park or somewhere where you can take a walk or just sit. Bring a cooler with water.

If it's a first meet, buy no more than a cup of coffee, a jamba juice or a snack.

If it's a first date, plan the date for somewhere you can afford, and don't stay there spending money on drinks all night if you can't afford it.

Don't take her somewhere expensive until you've been on a few dates and she's receptive to your attention (holds your hand maybe?).

my 2 cents. And yes, you should pay. But she shouldn't expect a night on the town first time out.
 little bit dizzie
Joined: 10/7/2006
Msg: 38
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Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 10/8/2011 6:46:51 AM
Agreeing with most of the suggestions already made I just wanted to add one that I didn't read .While trying to take into consideration that some men are insulted or embarrassed by a woman trying to pay, (I'm talking after 1-3 dates here, in which if the man was one who asked and planned date) I've never met a man who didn't appreciate a good ole home made meal by the woman, this being done only if she is comfortable enough to have him into her home. And also is comfortable enough with the man to know that he isn't automatically going to think "score", and that she is inviting him over for more then anything more then a quite dinner at home, if she's not comfortable with having him in her home,then fix a nice picnic lunch. There really are some of us women who relize that a man has the same or even more expenses then we do, ( child support, alimony, buying out his 1/2 of the house , ect.) and aren't interested in what's in his wallet. Personally, for alot of us women, it's not the QUANITY of money he spends ON us, but the QUALITY of time he spends WITH us.

But to answer OP question, first meet, like others have said, should be something either free or inexpensive enough that money shouldn't be an issue, first real date, If he was one who asked, then yes, I do believe he should pay for first date, just pick someplace in his comfort zone money wise. Believe it or not, there are some of us women who aren't impressed by how expensive of a date you take us on. If we've "clicked" I'd much rather have several inexpensive dates then one expensive one. Save the expensive ones for a special occasion. Give me something to look forward to. Just like I'm not going to wear my best dress and heels on a first date...
 HappySingleSpirit
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 39
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Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 10/8/2011 9:54:28 AM

NotTueday, well said. Thank you for being unbiased and looking at things from a mans point of view. You pretty much hit the nail right on the head. Women with integrity are a huge turn on.

Being unbiased means looking at things from a human point of view, not the man's or woman's. I totally agree with "Women with integrity are a huge turn on." More than that, I usually lose a certain degree of respect for females who want to be taken care of by their boyfriends, or who expect men to pay for them. You have no idea how much it rubs me the wrong way.
 Rain587
Joined: 7/9/2011
Msg: 40
Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 10/8/2011 11:54:22 AM
I insist on the first meet being at a local Starbucks, burger joint, or somewhere simple where I order my own and he does his own. A walk is nice too but I made the mistake of meeting up at a park and it was the longest two hours of my life. So I really prefer a quick meet and if we do well, then plan the longer date.

Later if we click and date more, the person asking the other to go somewhere specific can pick up the tab. If I ask to go to the museum or movies, I get the tickets. If he ask, he gets the tickets. Once in awhile we just treat because.

It should never be totally up to the guy. Now to contradict a bit. If the man expects sex then yes, pay because making her pay for her meal/date and forking out is pretty selfish.

Before you meet you should have an idea about his/her sexual expectations so you can't later say you paid out and never got.

 14honesty
Joined: 8/11/2011
Msg: 41
Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 10/8/2011 6:59:19 PM
hmmm

If I ask a guy out somewhere I expect to be able to pay for where I have invited them to go..I hope if someone asks me out somewhere they would expect to pay for it, or let me know in advance anything different. I know for sure that the person who is doing the asking should know what they can afford and expect to pay it. How on earth can you expect someone to pay for something you invited them to do with you....What if they dont have the money?? Good Lord, I cannot believe anyone would ask someone out and then make them pay for it without even knowing if they can....
 matchlight
Joined: 1/31/2009
Msg: 42
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Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 10/8/2011 11:24:15 PM
If the man expects sex then yes, pay because making her pay for her meal/date and forking out is pretty selfish.


But what if SHE expects sex? Shouldn't she pay, if it's really fantastic?
 MotoGPatrick
Joined: 9/5/2011
Msg: 43
Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 10/9/2011 2:23:56 AM
What I have found is if you have a 2nd, 3rd or whatever date planned and it is a bit elegant. You can and do honestly say you are not expecting anything just because I you have the cost of it all covered. For me under those conditions at the end of the night things have always led in that direction.

I guess if you don't walk around expecting things you can focus on earning things.
 MACALA
Joined: 9/19/2011
Msg: 44
Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 10/9/2011 2:30:23 AM

The down side is that no one is on the same page.
ESL? Trying to decipher (look it up) what you're trying to portray.
 FullMoonRanch
Joined: 12/18/2010
Msg: 45
Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 10/9/2011 7:51:58 AM
If you are not interested, why did you go on the date to begin with? Looks like your glass is half empty.
 MotoGPatrick
Joined: 9/5/2011
Msg: 46
Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 10/9/2011 10:47:48 PM
If you were looking for clarification about my post..

My point was that by stating that you are not expecting sex just because you spent a bunch on an activity or dinner on a date that it makes it much more likely that the date will lead to it.
 dogatron
Joined: 9/5/2011
Msg: 47
Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 10/11/2011 5:01:08 PM
why do you go out with a man if you're not interested.

That's just weird.
 lovefinds
Joined: 9/3/2010
Msg: 48
Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 10/12/2011 8:04:44 PM
The most interesting man in the world is king! I took a picture with him once...well, a standee of him!! Awesome stuff! I'm going to have to steal that quote!

I've been paying for women for years, never regretted any of it. I pay for male buddies and vice versa. I value people that way. I appreciate their time one way or another. So as far as the thought of who should pay what??.. It's as we say about things we find out in the wild in the work that I do....."if you think about it too much, it's probably nothing really....so forget about it!" i.e. Just pay! Don't think about it too much, that's where all headaches begin. I find value in human beings and their time. I've had "rock star nights" where I'm paying for taxi's, concerts, bar hopping, buying dinner....etc...etc. In other words the "E ticket" ride. Once in awhile a friend will pay or out on a "rock star night" a woman might choose to pay for a round at one of the bars or something. I think that's very kind and I appreciate it and it shows a consideration although I don't expect it. I'm happy either way. If you want to save money, stay home and eat hot pizza, if you want to live a little, do just that, have no regrets. As Martina McBride sang "...do it anyway"
 matchlight
Joined: 1/31/2009
Msg: 49
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Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 10/12/2011 9:18:41 PM
I'm asking her out, I'm paying for everything--if it's a real date. I want to. But it's a whole different thing, the very first time I meet a girl. I want to keep that short and simple. I'm not going to agree to go someplace where I'm sure to drop $50-75 on someone I hardly know. The fact she'd even expect it tells me all I need to know. If she thinks she's all that, let her find some guy who agrees with her.
 psytle
Joined: 3/7/2011
Msg: 50
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Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 10/13/2011 6:39:28 PM
I never expect a woman to pay for her share on a first meet/first date, thus, the places I suggest are places I feel comfortable about paying for us both.

That said, I'm not comfortable dropping 100 bills or more for someone I barely know. :)
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