Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > California  > Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 mateo45
Joined: 1/17/2008
Msg: 134
view profile
History
Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?Page 6 of 23    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23)
LOL!!! Yeah, gotta luv the folks who can't just have an opinion, they have to speak for ALL of "Man (or Woman) Kind"... it must be quite a burden on them! ;-p
 OCRebellion
Joined: 2/8/2011
Msg: 135
Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 1/18/2012 4:35:10 PM
I like first dates/meets short...like coffee or something, where it's casual and we each pay our own. If a man insists on something more, I expect him to pay. However, I always carry money for a few reasons: I will offer to pay for myself or the dinner or whatever, given the situation or to escape the situation because my date has explained that since he has picked up the check for such a nice dinner, I will be showing my appreciation later. Hmmm...wonder if he is still sitting in that restaurant waiting for me to come back from the ladies room. I believe that if a woman is truly into/interested in a man she understands his financial situation and will directly or indirectly find some kind way for him not to shoulder the burden. I live in the OC, so I know I am only speaking for myself
 WowWowWee
Joined: 12/12/2010
Msg: 136
Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 2/17/2012 5:44:28 AM
I pay for the whole bill no matter the cost lol
 Wonder5750
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 137
view profile
History
Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 2/17/2012 8:17:18 AM
Thats why I like to meet at coffee shops first. You get your coffee yourself, and have a seat and chat. It does seem after tha first meeting its almost a burn to the guy if you offer to pay. I wait to see it there is an awkward pause, but so far the men are picking up the bill.

To be honest ....and this realization kind of surprises me.... if a guy after that first encounter asks me out and expects me to pay or pay half I would be turned off. If I asked them to join me somewhere I would expect to pay, it was my invitation after all. :)
 LnStrMaverick
Joined: 10/5/2011
Msg: 138
Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 2/19/2012 8:01:45 PM
What is the complication in this matter anyway?? Where did both MEN and WOMEN take a wrong turn here?? Where did it suddenly become customary/obligatory that a woman (literally a mere STRANGER whom you don't even know yet!!) is somehow entitled to be wined and dined and the man's expense? This is borderline bribery literally paying for a woman to sit down and talk to a man in order for him to get to know her. That's preposturous! I can think of a few "entertainment" establishments where women are paid for their attention. Wink, Wink! I think the real question is what is the most natural and suitable environment for two human beings to get to know each other? Last time I checked, a first date out to dinner at some ridiculously expensive restaurant or venue where you have to sit in front of a perfect stranger whom you don't even know and sit there and eat in front of at YOUR expense is awkward and hardly has stimulating conversation built in. I challenge any LADY or GENTLEMAN to logically and intelligently refute my position on this topic. However, I do want to be clear that this is my opinion based on my personal experience and doesn't necessarily make me right, nor am I implying in any way that I wouldn't take a woman out for a date at some point in a relationship, however, I can do much better than the typical "FIRST DATE". I do welcome anyone elses intelligently formed counter point or opinion.
 RichenLosAngeles
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 139
Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 2/20/2012 11:40:38 AM
This should be a non-issue, and if either party has trouble paying $5 at a Starbux, maybe they should re-think their ability to date. A coffee/meeting/drink date isn't about being together , it is a necessary baby-step in the transition from "Internet dating" to "real dating". In the real world, we see, hear, interact with someone before we decide to flirt with them, get their phone number, ask them out for a date. These vital steps are omitted on the Web, so we need to go back and re-establish a foundation for dating. This is the purpose of the CMD.
We can go on and on about phony profiles, old photos, etc., but even if you've talked on the phone and sent a thousand texts, eventually(I hope) you will meet in person, and THAT is what the CMD date is about. This is where we see the person as they really are, how they dress, how they deal with others, how they get along with us. When I meet a woman, I always throw out a few zingers, to see how they react. I want to see if she rolls with it, or snaps at me. Roll = good , snap= bad. I do this because I don't want to be with someone who flips out every time they hit one of life's bumps, and I want to know this as soon as possible.
This doesn't need to be long, or fancy, it really doesn't matter. I met my last gf at a Golden Arches for oatmeal (yes, I AM a big spender), and it turned out to be a really great meeting.What does matter is that both parties are comfortable in that meeting place, that IS very important.
I do NOT recommend having dinner as a CMD date, that puts too much pressure on us both, and if it doesn't click then you really have a sour taste in your mouth, maybe your stomach too. Keep it light and easy.There is plenty of time later to go to cool eateries.
The CMD establishes interest , or lack of interest, in further dating. That's all it is, don't get crazy here. Keep it light and fun.
R
 MissMozzy
Joined: 8/8/2011
Msg: 140
Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 2/20/2012 6:11:55 PM
Don't ask a woman to dinner if you don't plan to pay. If you are cheap ask her to meet at Starbucks or any local coffee shop.
 surfaceofficer
Joined: 8/8/2011
Msg: 141
Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 2/20/2012 6:38:39 PM
I pay.

I've paid for every date I've been on for the last 2 years. My pride won't let me be paid for. If I don't have the money to pay OUR way and maintain my level of dating standards...I'd sooner not date.

I imagine at some point in my life, I 'll get over this. It does sound stupid in retrospect, but it's kind of just how I'm wired.

I've broken up with potential relationship prospects because I hit a hitch (which only happens if I have to help my parents out). Of course, I made up a different reason...but I did it.
 MissMozzy
Joined: 8/8/2011
Msg: 142
Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 2/20/2012 9:46:12 PM
I don't have a problem paying but if a man asks me out on a date I am going to assume he will be paying. It is very tacky for a man to ask a woman to dinner and then expect her to pay.
 Wonder5750
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 143
view profile
History
Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 2/20/2012 10:01:29 PM
I am not sure if this is a debate or just folks wanting to make a personal point. I don't mind paying my way on the first meeting...I expect to. But after they realize how Wonder-ful I am.. they will want to pay!

Disclaimer..I am joking, please do not attack me or give me crap for my wierd humor, if you find this humor distasteful, please go to the next forum topic or just ignore me all together. This is only a joke, no animals were harmed in the making of this joke, this joke is only good for the next 24 hours, should this joke make you ill.. please use comode receptical for your puking pleasure :)
 surfaceofficer
Joined: 8/8/2011
Msg: 144
Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 2/20/2012 10:03:58 PM
Women want equality but only selectively.

Men want women to have equality but only selectively.

I don't think either gender is particularly well founded in they're idea of it so I go with what I was taught. I was taught that a gentleman pays, and lady acquiesses. So long as both parties in my dating situation adheres to both of these basics within reason...we get along.

On another note...I think It's pretty hilario to me when I hear a woman say that she wants a traditional man who picks her up and pays the date...however if we wanted a traditional woman who was seen and not heard and acquiessed to a man's wishes without arguement, she'd jump "new school" quicker than MC Hammer.
 MissMozzy
Joined: 8/8/2011
Msg: 145
Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 2/20/2012 10:22:45 PM
If you pay taxes, you spend wads of money every day on perfect strangers.
 MissMozzy
Joined: 8/8/2011
Msg: 146
Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 2/20/2012 11:29:33 PM
Sure why not? It is a valid point. I see no harm in buying a stranger a meal. If i were to ask a guy to dinner I would pay. If he asks me, he should pay. It is simple.
 surfaceofficer
Joined: 8/8/2011
Msg: 147
Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 2/21/2012 12:13:35 AM
For every 10 women who say they don't mind going dutch; there's only one that actually means it.

6 of them secretly (at least they think its a secret) want a man with enough funds to treat them and semi-spoil them, and find a man who can't less attractive.

2 of them will fiddle around in their purse when the check comes as if they're actually looking for a card when theyre actually just buying time.

1 of them will talk about their lackluster finances when asked to pay part of a date.

The 1 that actually would is usually not called on her bluff.
 AmadorCA
Joined: 1/31/2012
Msg: 148
Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 2/21/2012 2:20:35 AM
I always have/will pay for the date. I think it's just the right thing to do. (But that's me.)
 PeckerPeter
Joined: 10/14/2011
Msg: 149
Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 2/21/2012 9:13:32 AM
The answer is No! Dutch should be the 1st date,reason being it might not work. So nothing to lose when you 2 part. A lot of women are just out digging for gold, and too many men are P/W and let it happen. It's not intil 3 or more dates you can decide, if the person is genuine. That you wouldn't mind paying 100% of the bill.
Nothing like the feeling of paying 100% of the bill on the 1st date and no connection or 2nd date.
I would also say don't buy flowers or a present on the 1st date. This is my experience and my OP
 RichenLosAngeles
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 150
Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 2/21/2012 9:35:14 AM
Steve, aren't there some common comparisons done by both sexes on Monday morning at break time? Everybody talks about their weekend, right? Where you went, who you were with, if you had a good time, etc.
At my job, the guys always want to know did I get any? I always lie and say No:)
For the women, I assume the first question is "Where did you go?" and their comparative status is based on the prestige of the answer. If they went to Burger King they get so many points, if they went to Olive Garden they get double, and if they went to P.F.Chang's, for example, it doubles again. It's not so much about your cheapness, IT'S ABOUT THEIR BRAGGING RIGHTS !!
To prove my point I offer the following: Let's say that you own a small sailboat, and you take your date to the ocean, launch your boat, and the two of you have a lovely day cruising around the harbor, and enjoy a picnic lunch that he prepared. Cost? Zero. Bragging rights? Major, but this time it's not based on dollars, it's based on "romance value". The other women in the office will be oohing and ahhing all week long, wishing it was them on that boat.
Money is an easy comparison, but I'm pretty sure it can be trumped by other methods of valuation. My belief is that a date should be fun, different, exciting, not necessarily all about the money. Sometimes I bring my violin to a coffee date, and I will open the case and start playing right then and there at that Starbux or Coffee Bean. You talk about romance value, all the people cluster around to hear and watch, do you think that makes my date feel special? You bet. Cost? Zero. I've been called a lot of things, but never cheap.
R
Below - Steve, a surprising number of women read these posts, even though they don't post themselves. All I can do is be myself, and any woman who thinks I would waste her time will undoubtedly have the good sense to block me right off, having read this, and spare me that embarrassment. I will also tell you I that I see some surprisingly wealthy women, you might be a little shocked. The lady last night had about 20K on her fingers, had a new Benz, and lives much larger than me. She didn't seem to mind.
 surfaceofficer
Joined: 8/8/2011
Msg: 151
Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 2/21/2012 10:13:42 AM
Guess you'll never know, will ya?


Never is a strong word.

I'm pretty sure I've dated more women than the average heterosexual woman...so I'd say my chances are pretty good; or at least better than your average heterosexual woman.

I've met two on one side of the extreme...and one on the other. The rest, were somewhere in the middle (I.E. They'd do it if they had to, but would look at you negatively if they did).

I'd like to think my eyes work well enough to be believable.
 matchlight
Joined: 1/31/2009
Msg: 152
view profile
History
Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 2/21/2012 12:56:26 PM
I've met a few women who had nothing BUT impure intentions. Thank God!
 frijolera_ninja
Joined: 4/11/2011
Msg: 153
Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 2/21/2012 1:28:20 PM
Steve I dunno what kinda women your into but if this is what your ex was like I just wana punch her right in the throat shes ruined you!
 surfaceofficer
Joined: 8/8/2011
Msg: 154
Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 2/21/2012 1:47:30 PM
Bingo, Rich! All you guys could learn a thing or two from the wise man. Any thought beyond this is overthinking and/or nitpicking.


Dating has not yet become a science. For this reason...men will never learn it from men significantly out of their age group, and the reason is essentially because women continue to change. We men are historically consistent to bait...what worked in Rich's time doesn't work in ours. That's just the way it is.

Don't believe it? Consider that the longer we go in history, the more traditional a man women want. However, the view of a good woman from a man's perspective has changed significantly over time. Basically, women find themselves wanting what they're predecessors may have enjoyed, while men find themselves having to evolve to stay current. Many women tend to be oblivious to the fact that their gender is evolving. Sexual attraction and chemistry are the only independant variables that bind the two genders together, otherwise we'd never get anything done (which makes it somewhat superflous that so many women make it seem less important in building a successful relationship, but I digress).

It is my assessment that women would want nothing more than for men to stop "figuring out how they tick" and would prefer we just "take them at face value and word". However, 'enough' women of today have proven themselves untrue to their words that men have deduced that women as a gender are in need of further analysis. We men learned quickly that women seldom say what they mean. While they may not necessarily LIE (as we men are known to do), their words and descriptions of what they want are not "all-inclusive". Many men have learned to discern what actually IS...and what women "want us to believe". For instance; many women don't care to viewed as promiscuous or sexually aggressive...however, any man who has had the opportunity to view a "bachelorette party" is not to be fooled into believing this gender-myth.

Case in point...times have changed. Perhaps for people in you two's age group, these things are true. However, in my own...the changes that have taken place in the female place in society is causing women to mature at a different rate, while fighting their own innate desires to prevent objectivification; meanwhile, the formula for being a man hasn't made any significant changes throughout the years that women didn't desire them to make.

I keep saying that you don't see a wealth of men complaining about being "plaid" by women. How unitelligent and immature could we possibly be?
 surfaceofficer
Joined: 8/8/2011
Msg: 155
Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 2/21/2012 1:57:32 PM
I'm pretty sure you're right. Most heterosexual women don't exactly date other women. Girl's night out and pillow fights, yes. Dating, no.

Make more sense, dude.


The ennuedno evidently went over your head. Clearly you thought I was saying something "stupid" when I was obviously applying sarchasm to the situation of someone who hadn't had the dating experience with women that I have had attempting to apply an unfounded assumption to me on the subject. I'm sorry if this was confusing.

I'll put it differently: I trust my own experiences with dating females over any heterosexual females words. Women (not unlike men) will say most anything to influence perception. Smart men know when to hold and fold, as far is this common game is concerned. That was the meaning behind my statement and my only point.
 RichenLosAngeles
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 156
Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 2/21/2012 2:48:01 PM
Steve and SO - I worked in new car sales for years, and the golden rule there was "There's an A$$ for every seat" , in other words, we don't need 10 buyers for this car, we only need one.
I think the same way,now. I'm not looking for "women", and I really don't care if most women don't like me. My car just isn't big enough for more. I just want ONE, and I think that with millions of women in SoCal, the odds are in my favor that one really good one WILL like me. (if not there are always those web-based services in the Ukraine, but that costs extra, and sometimes those ladies have odd habits)
I think it's more productive if you guys stop railing against "women", and focus on the ones who WILL like you and make you happy. Why concern yourself with the ones who don't like you, regardless of the reason? Just let them go and be happy chasing their own dreams. It may even come to pass that some of them change their wicked ways and come over to your side, miracles do happen, but only if you give them a chance.
R
 meksikali
Joined: 9/16/2011
Msg: 157
Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 2/21/2012 4:44:58 PM
rich- you sound mellow lately. hope your reason is something hot and sexy. have fun!
 WowWowWee
Joined: 12/12/2010
Msg: 158
Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 2/22/2012 3:05:52 AM

I am not cheap at all lol and yes that is true about McDonald's or BK.
Show ALL Forums  > California  > Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?