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 nice2no
Joined: 6/21/2011
Msg: 190
Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?Page 8 of 23    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23)
When its a first date the man should pay and if he makes it to a second date then depending on the female will offer to pay or split the cost.
 emi909
Joined: 4/20/2012
Msg: 191
Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 5/12/2012 8:47:10 AM
I am probably extremely old fashioned, but all of the men in my life (father, brother, friends) have always paid for everything while I am in their prescence. The topic never came up and I was kind of brought up that the man should pay and that it was his responsibility. Of course after dating a while or being in a serious relationship, that changes. But during the process of courtship, I think that it is essential.

We can even relate it to the animal kingdom and mother nature. The lions attempt to prove the strongest and most courageous, in an effort to win a strong lioness. The weak lions wind up with weak lioness. The strong lions wind up with strong lioness.

Long story short is that we put out what we want in return. Sorry to say you can play the game and play it strong or you can play it weak. But we pay for what we get.
 emi909
Joined: 4/20/2012
Msg: 192
Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 5/12/2012 8:54:27 AM
"How much do I charge".....lol, if you have to ask...probably more than you can afford :)...haha

Anyways think on a deeper level and not on a superficial level. Money for the physical???? Is the tangible your default? If so, then I am out of your price range :)
 afunguydan
Joined: 5/13/2012
Msg: 193
Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 5/16/2012 10:17:36 PM
The first date is an investment. You're throwing a little money out there and seeing if you can get some return. That's how you should think of it. If you can't afford all the dates you're going on, do something cheaper or even free. If you don't wanna spend 60 bucks, meet at a coffee shop and spend the 8 to 10 bucks on coffee or go to a casual restaurant.

I personally always at least offer to pay for the first date. If she accepts, I'll jokingly tell her that she can pay the next time we go out and that's usually what happens. Chivalry is great and all, but you can't let a woman use you for food.
 Wonder5750
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 194
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Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 5/17/2012 8:48:55 AM
I am so glad I grew up in a different generation. I don't pay for dates, and I have offered, but I will cook and that seems to work out pretty good. Seems guys enjoy home cooked meals just like in the olden days.
 Jayonesz
Joined: 4/1/2011
Msg: 195
Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 5/21/2012 3:58:14 PM
I personally feel that whether or not you were interested it was a mutual interest to meet up. Avoid being a user and atleast offer to tip. The problem with the some women in CA is that they meet a different guy everyday of the week and the guys are always splurging breaking themselves just to get a piece of A** or find a true connection. The women clearly take advantage of this situation. Then they call you a cheap A** if you feel that 1st meetings should be dutch. That's why i never choose to go to dinner on the first meeting or anything that has to do with eating. I'm not your free meal for night number one of three. hahah... Now drinks are different , but still should alternate. I feel If your funds are limited then you should find something inexpensive to do on your first date. My lady friends called me a player for many years because i think like that. Now they have matured and agree with me, because they are all independent women that are self sufficient and truly don't need a man to support them. They will buy the guy drinks sometimes on the date....And the guys really appreciates them and buys for them the next few times. Use a little reverse psychology if you have to. I would rather date a "thinking woman" than a "user", but i guess we all have to learn....I'm just sayin !
 Jayonesz
Joined: 4/1/2011
Msg: 196
Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 5/21/2012 4:12:06 PM
I believe that most of you are missing the point....it's not about the money...It's about "Appreciation" If the guy pays then fine....A independent woman with morals and respect will offer to tip or thank you many times sometimes in many ways. if you are lucky...now don't go into this expecting sex or a BJ just because you bought dinner. Women take advantage too much, because they can in LALA Land....It's the responsibility of us guys to make a change in the dating scene. If you are super rich and just want to blow your money and get used for what you have , than continue on dealing with un genuine people. Their true colors will show when you have nothing. Women on't be considered a "USER" because sooner or later you will be the "BIGGEST LOOSER".....what goes around ....comes around...KARMA!
 BearFish11
Joined: 1/28/2010
Msg: 197
Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 5/24/2012 11:45:30 PM
I do it, you may call me old fashion, but it shows some commitment you have towards this person, even if the date goes sour and goes down the toilet

the dating-for-dummies book, which i recommend for reference only, says that its not a guarantee for anything and thats how it should be viewed..
 LAgoodguy
Joined: 8/21/2008
Msg: 198
Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 5/25/2012 5:32:56 PM
Thinking would you explain this for me please..

Maybe you should start the dating process by telling women that you don't have much money....then you will know right off the bat if they like you for you. Of course, you'll probably be waiting a while.

From how I understand it does mean that if the guy doesnt have the money to treat a woman he has a very slim chance for a date. It just means that the complaints the guys have are true. You need money and you do need to have game. Even if most women say its not true. Its up to the guys to impress the women they want to date. Paying for dinner is one way, It shows you can afford dating her. So does an expensive car and a nice watch.
If it wasnt so true why would almost every guy say it is??? Are all guys are drama kings??? All guys are lying about how expensive dating is???
 emi909
Joined: 5/15/2012
Msg: 199
Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 5/25/2012 5:46:29 PM
I can see how dating would be expensive for a guy......A few of my guy friends have told me that they don't date because they cannot afford to. I think that a statement like that is a healthy observation for a man to make. Essentially we all construct our own views of dating and relationships. For me, paying for a date falls into the category of chivalry (which is far from dead). Some more chivalrous acts include opening doors for women etc....... A woman paying for the date is like the woman pulling out the man's chair and helping him put on his coat......really??? Next thing you know she will be picking him up from his house....If I wanted to date a woman then I would....lol
 emi909
Joined: 5/15/2012
Msg: 200
Today's woman is so selfish and totally in love with herself she has no room to love or give freely
Posted: 5/26/2012 8:28:55 AM
From my perspective a real woman is not the way that you described "women" to be. I think now that I am 29, that for myself, this is a transitory period where what once was is no longer and the definition of who I am is formulating. In laymen terms, I am transitioning from being a girl to being a woman and establishing my imprint on life. With that being said I am looking for a Man who is doing the same. Many older men or men who have crossed the bridge into manhood don't even mention a woman paying for anything and act in a chivalrous manner, as though it were second nature.

The girls that you described, are just that, girls.....and should not be mistaken for women....Same thing with boys who do not appreciate the context of chivalry. Long story short Girls should date boys and Women should date Men and vice a versa, from my perspective.
 emi909
Joined: 5/15/2012
Msg: 201
Today's woman is so selfish and totally in love with herself she has no room to love or give freely
Posted: 5/26/2012 8:59:36 AM
Lol.....I am aware that I am a woman....Nothing you have ever posted or will ever post. Will make me have the desire to ever prove that to you.....lol...you type about a sense of entitlement, yet it seems as though you, yourself, are experiencing one. hmmm perhaps, just perhaps, you feel as though people have to prove themselves to you as though somewhere along the line you have come up with a conclusion that you are worth so much......

Women still hold a very nurturing role in relationships. To box a man or a woman into certain constraints in general would be to limit them. However we each have what works for us in our individual systems and our thought processes when it pertains to living. So what might work for some will not work for others. What I type....I specifically am typing from "my perception" and in "my world". I can't speak for all women so I speak for myself. Attempting to gather a general perception is futile because people are different and only share humanity to a certain extent.
 emi909
Joined: 5/15/2012
Msg: 202
Today's woman is so selfish and totally in love with herself she has no room to love or give freely
Posted: 5/26/2012 9:54:39 AM
I have actually answered......however you have managed to turn a very informative post into an argument, which at this point I will no longer engage myself in. Take that for whatever you would like to take it as......But as I mentioned once before....I cannot tell you what a "woman's role is".....reason being, is that we each are different in the way that we approach life and relationships and can only speak for ourselves.....So therefore you are correct in the matter of me not even attempting to take the voice of God for an entire gender.....I can only speak for myself and give a very individualistic perspective on my role in a relationship...However, that is not what the thread is about.....it is regarding men paying for a date...which I gave my perspective on....Feel free to start a thread on the perceived gender roles of women in 2012, however I do not feel the urge to deviate from the topic of discussion at this time :)....take care
 Wonder5750
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 203
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Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 6/11/2012 11:21:48 AM
I had 3 first meets I paid my way, he paid his. One the gentleman offered to pay. It was just coffee... so no big deal, but still... why is this even an issue? If someone "asks you out" then the are saying they will pay. If you make a mutual decision to go somewhere then you plan on paying your way... and it will get worked out. If you ask someone out, you are accepting the responsibility of paying. Its like inviting someone to your home for dinner.. you dont' expect them to bring their own steak...do you?
 prometheus1666
Joined: 4/4/2012
Msg: 204
Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 6/11/2012 1:57:52 PM
@ Steve

Im listening Steve, and there is alot of truth to what you just said, and Im sure the women will start shaming you and I into submission.. Ive heard it all blah blah blah

If we offer to pay they take offense... I have my "own" money!@!!!
If we dont offer to pay they take offense.. Your not a "real" man if you dont offer!!!

And yes many women do act as if they are entitled to be taken care of and pampered
 MotoGPatrick
Joined: 9/5/2011
Msg: 205
Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 6/11/2012 2:04:27 PM
What gets me is when you are about to pay the whole enchilada then they say they will pay for their half. With many if you let them pay part and weeks or months go by and then they eventually say letting them pay part is about the same as when a guy expects them to pay their half. For first dates I go with what they are comfortable with. Which means I make the move to pay and if they offer to pay part I assume they actually want to pay part. If they are trying to play some silly guessing game then tough. I say what I mean and mean what I say. I don't have the time for others that do not.
 prometheus1666
Joined: 4/4/2012
Msg: 206
Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 6/11/2012 2:11:29 PM
If we listen carefully... I think I can hear some clucking hens approaching:)

watch out!! here they come...
 Wonder5750
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 207
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Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 6/11/2012 3:32:57 PM
it doesn't have to be so hard,
my grandmother told me... give what you can freely, and only accept that which is freely offered. If everyone did that things would be so simple :)
 foxonatrain
Joined: 6/9/2010
Msg: 208
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Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 6/11/2012 7:43:09 PM

If someone "asks you out" then the are saying they will pay. If you make a mutual decision to go somewhere then you plan on paying your way... and it will get worked out. If you ask someone out, you are accepting the responsibility of paying.


I don't understand the distinction. If I ask a woman if she wants to go out for coffee on Friday and she says yes, I've asked her out and it's also a mutual decision. If the woman agrees, it's always a mutual decision and unless we both simultaneously ask each other out, somebody is initiating.

My personal take is that I don't pay. I see a date as a mutually beneficial thing. I'm trying to see if the woman is worth getting into a relationship with and she does the same with me. If she has no interest from the get go then she should say no. If she likes everything about me and me not paying is somehow the deal breaker, that's not really a woman I want to be with.

I had a coworker complain to me a couple of weeks ago because she was going out on some date with a guy she wasn't interested in but he kept asking and she caved. The guy paid for dinner and then kept asking for a second date the following week, at which point she told him flat out that she wasn't interested instead of trying to be polite and making up excuses. I'm not sure what he was expecting. I paid for a date once and to be honest, regardless of the intent of the other person you feel a bit used, as well as a bit more broke.
 Wonder5750
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 209
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Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 6/11/2012 9:37:10 PM
^^If I invite someone to do something I expect to pay. If someone invites me I expect them to pay... UNLESS its discussed before hand. Its really pretty simple.
 foxonatrain
Joined: 6/9/2010
Msg: 210
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Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 6/11/2012 9:43:46 PM
Alright I get it now. The way you initially worded it sounded like mutually agreeing to go somewhere together meant you split the cost but you meant mutually agreeing to split the cost beforehand. Makes sense.
 foxonatrain
Joined: 6/9/2010
Msg: 211
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Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 6/11/2012 9:55:21 PM

The guy who predicted the clucking hens obviously understood the.....obvious.


For what it's worth, I thought his prophecy was pretty impressive.
 foxonatrain
Joined: 6/9/2010
Msg: 212
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Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 6/11/2012 10:03:21 PM

Yup, at least he has an understanding of what "contradiction" means.


Clearly a man of many talents.
 foxonatrain
Joined: 6/9/2010
Msg: 213
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Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 6/11/2012 10:14:38 PM
I've never had that conversation but most of the women I've dated were very casual about the dates, as was I. They've been treated more like meet ups than dates. Also I usually go the cheap route with for example coffee and the prospective Mrs. Foxonatrain will usually pay on her own without prompting.

If I felt like after a couple of dates we actually had something going on then I don't mind paying. At that point she's become somebody I care about spending time with and I don't mind spending my money on her. Blowing paychecks on first dates doesn't really seem like a financially or romantically fruitful venture.
 foxonatrain
Joined: 6/9/2010
Msg: 214
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Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 6/11/2012 10:53:47 PM
that discussion sounds awkward!!!


With that many exclamation marks I have to assume you mean it.

Sorry I didn't answer the question directly. No, I wouldn't really want to have that conversation. Also, it probably would always lead to the person being asked saying that they want to split the bill. I can't imagine somebody saying, "No, I'm good with you paying for everything." It makes the question kind of meaningless, because it becomes more manipulative than genuine.

Also, thanks for throwing in "socio-economic" into your post, it made me feel like I was in college again. "He be broke an I ain't" would have also been acceptable.


Can your feel the Roosters astirring? ;)


Nice to see you're also flexing your prophetic muscles but lets not get too cocky now. See what I did there?
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