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Show ALL Forums  > California  > Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?      Home login  
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 emi909
Joined: 5/15/2012
Msg: 201
Today's woman is so selfish and totally in love with herself she has no room to love or give freely Page 9 of 23    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23)
Lol.....I am aware that I am a woman....Nothing you have ever posted or will ever post. Will make me have the desire to ever prove that to you.....lol...you type about a sense of entitlement, yet it seems as though you, yourself, are experiencing one. hmmm perhaps, just perhaps, you feel as though people have to prove themselves to you as though somewhere along the line you have come up with a conclusion that you are worth so much......

Women still hold a very nurturing role in relationships. To box a man or a woman into certain constraints in general would be to limit them. However we each have what works for us in our individual systems and our thought processes when it pertains to living. So what might work for some will not work for others. What I type....I specifically am typing from "my perception" and in "my world". I can't speak for all women so I speak for myself. Attempting to gather a general perception is futile because people are different and only share humanity to a certain extent.
 emi909
Joined: 5/15/2012
Msg: 202
Today's woman is so selfish and totally in love with herself she has no room to love or give freely
Posted: 5/26/2012 9:54:39 AM
I have actually answered......however you have managed to turn a very informative post into an argument, which at this point I will no longer engage myself in. Take that for whatever you would like to take it as......But as I mentioned once before....I cannot tell you what a "woman's role is".....reason being, is that we each are different in the way that we approach life and relationships and can only speak for ourselves.....So therefore you are correct in the matter of me not even attempting to take the voice of God for an entire gender.....I can only speak for myself and give a very individualistic perspective on my role in a relationship...However, that is not what the thread is about.....it is regarding men paying for a date...which I gave my perspective on....Feel free to start a thread on the perceived gender roles of women in 2012, however I do not feel the urge to deviate from the topic of discussion at this time :)....take care
 Wonder5750
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 203
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Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 6/11/2012 11:21:48 AM
I had 3 first meets I paid my way, he paid his. One the gentleman offered to pay. It was just coffee... so no big deal, but still... why is this even an issue? If someone "asks you out" then the are saying they will pay. If you make a mutual decision to go somewhere then you plan on paying your way... and it will get worked out. If you ask someone out, you are accepting the responsibility of paying. Its like inviting someone to your home for dinner.. you dont' expect them to bring their own steak...do you?
 prometheus1666
Joined: 4/4/2012
Msg: 204
Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 6/11/2012 1:57:52 PM
@ Steve

Im listening Steve, and there is alot of truth to what you just said, and Im sure the women will start shaming you and I into submission.. Ive heard it all blah blah blah

If we offer to pay they take offense... I have my "own" money!@!!!
If we dont offer to pay they take offense.. Your not a "real" man if you dont offer!!!

And yes many women do act as if they are entitled to be taken care of and pampered
 MotoGPatrick
Joined: 9/5/2011
Msg: 205
Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 6/11/2012 2:04:27 PM
What gets me is when you are about to pay the whole enchilada then they say they will pay for their half. With many if you let them pay part and weeks or months go by and then they eventually say letting them pay part is about the same as when a guy expects them to pay their half. For first dates I go with what they are comfortable with. Which means I make the move to pay and if they offer to pay part I assume they actually want to pay part. If they are trying to play some silly guessing game then tough. I say what I mean and mean what I say. I don't have the time for others that do not.
 prometheus1666
Joined: 4/4/2012
Msg: 206
Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 6/11/2012 2:11:29 PM
If we listen carefully... I think I can hear some clucking hens approaching:)

watch out!! here they come...
 Wonder5750
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 207
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Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 6/11/2012 3:32:57 PM
it doesn't have to be so hard,
my grandmother told me... give what you can freely, and only accept that which is freely offered. If everyone did that things would be so simple :)
 foxonatrain
Joined: 6/9/2010
Msg: 208
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Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 6/11/2012 7:43:09 PM

If someone "asks you out" then the are saying they will pay. If you make a mutual decision to go somewhere then you plan on paying your way... and it will get worked out. If you ask someone out, you are accepting the responsibility of paying.


I don't understand the distinction. If I ask a woman if she wants to go out for coffee on Friday and she says yes, I've asked her out and it's also a mutual decision. If the woman agrees, it's always a mutual decision and unless we both simultaneously ask each other out, somebody is initiating.

My personal take is that I don't pay. I see a date as a mutually beneficial thing. I'm trying to see if the woman is worth getting into a relationship with and she does the same with me. If she has no interest from the get go then she should say no. If she likes everything about me and me not paying is somehow the deal breaker, that's not really a woman I want to be with.

I had a coworker complain to me a couple of weeks ago because she was going out on some date with a guy she wasn't interested in but he kept asking and she caved. The guy paid for dinner and then kept asking for a second date the following week, at which point she told him flat out that she wasn't interested instead of trying to be polite and making up excuses. I'm not sure what he was expecting. I paid for a date once and to be honest, regardless of the intent of the other person you feel a bit used, as well as a bit more broke.
 Wonder5750
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 209
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Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 6/11/2012 9:37:10 PM
^^If I invite someone to do something I expect to pay. If someone invites me I expect them to pay... UNLESS its discussed before hand. Its really pretty simple.
 foxonatrain
Joined: 6/9/2010
Msg: 210
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Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 6/11/2012 9:43:46 PM
Alright I get it now. The way you initially worded it sounded like mutually agreeing to go somewhere together meant you split the cost but you meant mutually agreeing to split the cost beforehand. Makes sense.
 foxonatrain
Joined: 6/9/2010
Msg: 211
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Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 6/11/2012 9:55:21 PM

The guy who predicted the clucking hens obviously understood the.....obvious.


For what it's worth, I thought his prophecy was pretty impressive.
 foxonatrain
Joined: 6/9/2010
Msg: 212
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Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 6/11/2012 10:03:21 PM

Yup, at least he has an understanding of what "contradiction" means.


Clearly a man of many talents.
 foxonatrain
Joined: 6/9/2010
Msg: 213
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Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 6/11/2012 10:14:38 PM
I've never had that conversation but most of the women I've dated were very casual about the dates, as was I. They've been treated more like meet ups than dates. Also I usually go the cheap route with for example coffee and the prospective Mrs. Foxonatrain will usually pay on her own without prompting.

If I felt like after a couple of dates we actually had something going on then I don't mind paying. At that point she's become somebody I care about spending time with and I don't mind spending my money on her. Blowing paychecks on first dates doesn't really seem like a financially or romantically fruitful venture.
 foxonatrain
Joined: 6/9/2010
Msg: 214
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Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 6/11/2012 10:53:47 PM
that discussion sounds awkward!!!


With that many exclamation marks I have to assume you mean it.

Sorry I didn't answer the question directly. No, I wouldn't really want to have that conversation. Also, it probably would always lead to the person being asked saying that they want to split the bill. I can't imagine somebody saying, "No, I'm good with you paying for everything." It makes the question kind of meaningless, because it becomes more manipulative than genuine.

Also, thanks for throwing in "socio-economic" into your post, it made me feel like I was in college again. "He be broke an I ain't" would have also been acceptable.


Can your feel the Roosters astirring? ;)


Nice to see you're also flexing your prophetic muscles but lets not get too cocky now. See what I did there?
 MotoGPatrick
Joined: 9/5/2011
Msg: 215
Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 6/11/2012 11:14:58 PM
Oh Jeez, this is why I dislike going out with men who nitpick or obsess over fiances. :


Good thing you didn't pick the user name reading comprehension in CA.. Because what you chose to quote from me clearly means I don't care if I have to pay. If you say you want to go dutch I will assume that is what you actually want to do. If that is not what what you want to do then don't ask to go dutch because playing some stupid guessing game bothers me and having to pay for a first date does not bother me at all. When things move from dating to a relationship I feel things should progress to a bit more balanced spending from each.

I spend almost $5 a gallon at times on premium gas and chew through Pirelli P-zero tires like a pitbull chews up a milk bone. So in the grand scheme of things financially I really don't give an aviating coitus if I have to buy coffee or dinner. What does bother me is the type of woman that sends conflicted mixed message after another. Just say what you want so I don't spend the months that follow thinking you want the opposite.
 foxonatrain
Joined: 6/9/2010
Msg: 216
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Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 6/12/2012 12:09:19 AM

but lets not get too****


Did the site sensor the word? That's terrible, it's a legitimate word. Anyways, overthinking stuff is what we do best.

"Am I paying or should I ask her to split it? Should I leave a large tip so she doesn't think I'm cheap or will she think I'm just showing off? If I pay credit will she think I'm broke? If I have to break a hundred will it be too flashy? Does this place take food stamps?"

Dating is an exercise in pointless paranoia.
 JQinSF
Joined: 6/7/2012
Msg: 217
Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 6/12/2012 6:49:56 AM
O je, I'm so confused now. Yes, put your approach in your profile.

If I don't want to see the guy again, I insist on paying for everything. If I do want to see him, I'll let him pay and let him know the next one's on me, or I'll cover his parking and dessert elsewhere or whatever. But overall I prefer to keep dates money-free, as far as that's possible. Walks, taking dogs to park, free museum days, running errands for all I care.
 prometheus1666
Joined: 4/4/2012
Msg: 218
Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 6/12/2012 11:51:05 AM
What do women and Heisenbergs Uncertainty Principle have in common??

The minute you figure them out and they are aware of it... they reverse their opinion and change their minds...

Another thing Ive realized over the years with women:

If they like you, they will back you up even when youre wrong
If they dont like you, they wont back you up even when youre right

One more thing.. They hate it when we break their code... and the closer we get to figuring them out, the more they attack us.

I find that most of the women here in these forums are not the kind of women I have issues with
 Wonder5750
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 219
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Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 6/12/2012 12:18:19 PM
we have a code? I didn't get the memo!
 prometheus1666
Joined: 4/4/2012
Msg: 220
Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 6/12/2012 12:29:19 PM
oh there is a code.. and part of the code is pretending there is no code

Like I said in my post, most of the women here in this forum are not the kind of women most guys I know have issues with, but you(the women of POF) do defend them a little and that is the "code"

I on the other hand, am fully aware that there are guys that are dbags, yes its true...I dont defend or back them up at all just because we share the same type of genitals.

Most women I know will defend a women even if shes completely wrong, Ive seen it, we've all seen it I think.

Im not a fan of stereotyping, but I think Im not far off when I say these things.
 prometheus1666
Joined: 4/4/2012
Msg: 221
Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 6/12/2012 2:34:37 PM
I tell them "no" and watch there heads spin just for fun, especially when sit next to you and play with their hair and flirt...

Women hate to hear "no" its like kryptonite to them..

Im glad you said that Steve.. Since Ive been single now for 2.5 years Ive met way too many "picky" women with a very distorted "value" for themselves to put it bluntly.

 KalGrl
Joined: 2/15/2011
Msg: 222
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Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 6/12/2012 3:47:30 PM
Wow you have been single for 2.5 years so surprising LOL

You hate women why the heck are you on a dating site?!?!
 prometheus1666
Joined: 4/4/2012
Msg: 223
Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 6/12/2012 3:56:54 PM
oh my god I hate women... really??? Is that all you got.. you dont even have a damn pic up.. I dont hate women I just dont take theyre crap.. because I dont have to:)

Nice profile kalgrl... why the hell are you here... you havent even taken the time to fill parts of it out.

So I hate women just because I wont buy them a drink and play the game?? ehh

I promise to act like a "man" when women act like "women" until then there is basically nothing they have that I want.. the social contract is over

I would never expect a woman to put up with mens BS so if I dont want to put up with womens BS.. Im gonna do it.. unless theyre really hot:)
 prometheus1666
Joined: 4/4/2012
Msg: 224
Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 6/12/2012 4:43:30 PM
@thinkinginca


I was kind of kidding about the really hot part...
 MotoGPatrick
Joined: 9/5/2011
Msg: 225
Should Guys pay the full amount on the first Date/Meet?
Posted: 6/12/2012 8:21:22 PM

Actually, it really didn't have to do with the resolution....it was the amount of logic that had to go into just constructing that paragraph....it made my head hurt trying to keep up....then I thought, wow, do guys overthink stuff this much? Who knew?


More in common with Heisenbergs Uncertainty Principle.. She could not find an objection to my stance on things but in order to have something to hen peck about says I think too much. Sorry if it made your head hurt trying to keep up but I can think and make decisions on that level in minimal time. I have served in the military for well over a decade. If you are decisive and as fast at thinking as you are on your feet you will not only go far but more importantly survive.
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