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 aGent Lemon
Joined: 11/10/2005
Msg: 3
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The hardest thing about dating is getting a date...Page 3 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
There are so many "reasonable" advices that are in conflict with eachother as seen in this thread. To know how much confidence any of should have is quite the grey area. Sometimes it's even far easier to get along very well with those who would be way too difficult to imagine would ever fall in love with in them which is believed to be from a whole lot of years in getting rejected by the ones most would determine as borderline attractive.

Sometimes it might even take many of months or years for a "hottie" to realize the person they've considered to be like a "cousin" is actually the one, but find themselves feeling rather uncomfortable that they gave such a label.

It seems that the idealistic type are compassionate... simply happy to find somebody who is just as compassionate... not expecting that person to often be hilarious... not to buy them anything at all and vise-versa... not to be a genius... not to be more than an okay dancer... or any superficial condition of trying to "prove themselves worthy".

If a woman wants to break up with her man "only" because he rarely bought her flowers... most likely she wasn't really that compassionate enough to know how unfair it is for anybody to figure out such details.

So many people are insecure with themselves wanting to selfishly define what their partner needs to do... or even to have them be taken advantage of... primarily due to their own ego... both genders.
 Casper66
Joined: 3/2/2007
Msg: 4
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The hardest thing about dating is getting a date...
Posted: 10/5/2011 11:42:27 PM
Well OP I simply don't take the site that serious, because it's free you are going to run into all types this is true in real life aswell, don't get discouraged if you don't get alot of responses, it happens to alot of people on here. I find the best way is too focus more on the profile than just the picture, look for similar interests so you have something to ask about when you message the ladies, nothing worse then getting numerous"hi sexy" and nothing else to respond to. I don't believe in "leagues", people are either attracted to you or not, it's nothing personal unless you make it so, try different things to meet people besides online dating like voluntarying or interest groups, some people just do better in real life, find out what works best for you and good luck.
 Casper66
Joined: 3/2/2007
Msg: 7
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The hardest thing about dating is getting a date...
Posted: 10/7/2011 4:09:15 AM
First OP, I'm not saying you shouldn't feel hurt, no one likes to be rejected, but it is part of dating for most of us meer mortals. Just because you think you are compatible with someone doesn't mean they think the same way, are you attracted to every woman you meet, it just isn't that simply, it isn't in real life and it's not online either. If you are constantly being rejected, you might want to have a profile review they can be very helpful or you might want to look at the type of women you are choosing to contact, are they the real hotties or regular people. The most attractive females get most of the e-mails, so you have put yourself directly into the most competition catagory and guess what they also get to choose the hottest guy, it's only fair.
 DivineBovine
Joined: 5/13/2005
Msg: 8
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The hardest thing about dating is getting a date...
Posted: 10/7/2011 4:43:48 AM

I find they have to many options and they refuse to understand how compatable and very unique these men could be


this is completely wrong.

most of the women on dating sites have no options - or very, VERY few - at all.

as i posted above, the statistics posted by another large and free dating site, and admitted to by Big Fish on another forum here, it is only the "most beautiful" 20% of women on these sites who get most of the email traffic.

so if you look at 100 profiles and you message 20 women because they're the best looking, what options do those other 80 women have?

the statistics also show that women message men based on a bell curve - the women send messages to the men in the middle of the attractiveness scale; in fact, the men at the top of the "attractiveness scale" get the fewest messages.

shocking, but true...

i know you and some other people won't believe me, but it's all out there on the web for you to read.
 Moonchild51
Joined: 3/11/2007
Msg: 9
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The hardest thing about dating is getting a date...
Posted: 10/7/2011 8:08:02 AM
OP? I think you a a cutie myself! And if I was like 100 years younger, I would date you! Get out there and mingle with like minded hotties!
 aGent Lemon
Joined: 11/10/2005
Msg: 10
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The hardest thing about dating is getting a date...
Posted: 10/7/2011 7:21:08 PM
...they refuse to understand how compatable and very unique these men could be.


Before I carry on to that response, do keep in mind that there are a whole lot of compassionate women who look very attractive altogether. The main problem in regards is that often ultimately against their own will, the "bad-boy" tends to win them over according to what the ladies have told me as most of them have confessed to not knowing why even when they can "easily" be with somebody else far better off. At the same time... the "bad-boy" behaves that way out sheer ego, thinking he can always get practically any type of woman who in turn will want to take that as a compliment in itself or are just lust the eye-candy.

It now seems that the rules are quickly starting change where way more "ladies" have decided to approach men... while completely sober if I must add... usually from giving a little hip check following with a sly hello... to even asking if you can "pose" in a picture with a group of them and join their circle as it seems to be the latest trend at danceclubs. Perhaps because they somehow found that the vast majority of great men feel as though most women seem "instantly" threatened by almost every man no matter how polite they were on introducing themselves. In my opinion... most women are sociably far better hunters for finding the a suitable man... but are afraid that people will think they must be "desperate", a word that instills an unnecessary fear of resentment such as dating somebody who doesn't "perfectly fit" into what the family and friends expect, meanwhile for most people... finding a great life partner is already quite the challenge without that one huge egotistical burden.
 omega460pof
Joined: 3/19/2010
Msg: 18
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The hardest thing about dating is getting a date...
Posted: 10/19/2011 3:40:30 PM
I know exactly what you are going thru. Just getting a response to a message is hard.

Here is a plan I am currently using and seems to work fairly well.

Before starting this approach, make sure you have a profile written to explain who you are, what you have done, what you like, what you are interested in, who you are looking for, and the real passions in your life (even if it is only Halo 24/7/365). Take time to think about yourself, what you like, who you are and make a list as an outline for your profile. Telling girls who you are allows them to see if you are someone they might be interested in. The more you describe yourself, the better your profile is. Review the profile constantly and improve it regularly. Just saying you are a 'horny guy looking for sex' probably will not work very well. But, for the girls that respond to that, you know what that means.

1) Setup an advanced search criteria and search for the girls you are looking for. (this is like selecting a good spot to throw your hook in the water)
2) View EVERY ONE OF THEM. This may be hundreds or even thousands. I limit myself to 500 at a time. Sometimes I 'favorite' someone I am attracted to. Let them know you 'favorite' them. Wait for response(s). (What you are doing here is chumming. (yes fishing terms) )
3) Respond to EVERY ONE who responds to you. These are girls who at least think you are interesting. Respond with a message that says you are a (nice guy/bad boy/etc) and that you are looking for (LTR/Friend/FWB/pen pal/etc). Ask her to let you know if she has any interest in getting to know you better. Wait for response. (you have baited your hook and thrown it in the water, now someone has nibbled at your bait, now time to hook the catch)
4) Responses to the above message are seriously interested in you, (for what ever reason). You can now email a few times, chat, text etc. I personally just want to meet the girl to see if we have any mutual interests that would allow us to be friends (or more). Therefore, I ask very politely to meet with the girl to see if we have mutual interest in each other. Ask her if she is interested in meeting up. Wait for response. (WOW you have hooked a good one)
5) Response(s) to the above message mean she would like to see you. Be ready to suggest where and when you would like to meet her. (now reel her in and prepare yourself for a real treat)

Notice you did not have to email 100's of girls begging for a date. Out of the ones you select, you try to find the ones who think you are interesting and might want to meet you. Its called fishing.

There you go. Follow the steps and you will have dates.

(for the fishermen, these are the great catches that make great life stories. "You should have seen her, she was a HB10, and when we were together, it was like we were meant for each other! WOW the kissing, the touching, the.....)
 Danteslnferno
Joined: 12/12/2005
Msg: 27
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The hardest thing about dating is getting a date...
Posted: 10/25/2011 5:45:06 PM
I think there's about 500 threads on this same topic in the forum history. I write emails and no one writes back. I can't get a response etc etc etc. Hey, I know where you are coming from and trust me, I've been frustrated often enough as well, but remember something; you get what you pay for. I really believe that too.

POF is a great site and it's a free site. How many people on this site are actually genuinely looking to meet someone? Ask yourself that. Of all the profiles you peruse how many are actually on here to find someone to date and get to know? I'd say the percentage is much lower than what some of us hope. So you may be emailing a lot of people who put a profile on this site but who either put their profile on months or years ago or are looking for someone so perfect that they won't respond to ANYONE that emails them because they just set their hopes too high.

If this is your only means of finding a date, then you need to broaden your horizons. You need to consider other options such as Social clubs, other websites, paid dating serrvices, community events etc .... There's more than one way to skin a cat, so to speak, and when I finally broadened my horizons and looked outside the singularity of the internet, my dating life improved dramatically!!!
 Kohmelo
Joined: 9/20/2011
Msg: 47
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The hardest thing about dating is getting a date...
Posted: 11/13/2011 7:07:51 PM
I find most of my messages don't get responded to either.
But I'm also tonguing a blow up doll in my main pic, so I only expect a small percentage of women to be able to handle my sense of humour.

I had better success on a niche pay site a few years ago, but I'm no longer interested in that. I am curious about the stuff mentioned above about alternative methods like dating services and social clubs. I might even look into it
 ADAM!!
Joined: 8/22/2008
Msg: 54
The hardest thing about dating is getting a date...
Posted: 12/18/2011 5:19:58 PM
Agreed, people without photos are not "playing by the rules". Its like going into a bar wearing a giant paper bag that covers your whole body and trying to pick-up - simply bad manners ;-) . If I ran POF I might force everyone to have a pic. They could just have a bot that deletes/deactivates any profile without a pic after, say, 36 hours. That would be effective, if not a little brutal.... But, of course the knife cuts both ways, most of us don't bother to click on a pic-less profile, I usually don't..

As far as unscrupulous people with fake photos are concerned, I never trust a profile with only one photo, too easy to fake. It's like triangulation or sampling a waveform, you need at least two sample points (pics) to have any idea whats going on and three or more to really start to build up a relatively accurate impression of reality.


 ADAM!!
Joined: 8/22/2008
Msg: 57
The hardest thing about dating is getting a date...
Posted: 12/19/2011 6:36:56 PM

men without photos are usally hidding something,


Anyone, male or female who does not have a pic is by definition hidding[sic] something.
They are hiding their physical appearance.
 photopilot1
Joined: 2/28/2007
Msg: 59
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The hardest thing about dating is getting a date...
Posted: 12/24/2011 3:39:46 PM
Even amongst those with photos, what always surprises me is the terrible quality of some of the images.
Good grief ladies, if the whole purpose of a photo is to get you noticed, or attract a response, could you at least smile and not look so dour? It's not only the photographic quality, it's the terrible expression without even a hint of a smile or character in your face. If you're THAT bored with life, why on earth would someone waste the time writing you. It clearly says...."I don't care about how I present myself" which makes us guys ask..... why?
And as a former professional photographer, I'm not talking about how beautiful you are, but a smile, a nice pose, a clear headshot or something that shows your persona.
And I still laugh at the photos with a group of women in the picture and not a single clue which one you are. What.... do we get a choice? LOL!!
 ladybug0077
Joined: 6/26/2010
Msg: 60
The hardest thing about dating is getting a date...
Posted: 1/5/2012 2:08:34 PM
POF is a meat market place. For my opinion as a single female. Enable to stand out from the crowd , you need a presentable pictures( snap shots won't do the job) lol and a well writing profile content. You don't really have to contact others, others will contact you. I had a male client hire me as photographer to take some professional picture, at first he told me, it's for modeling agency , then after I saw his pictures I took on pof
However, normally I would respond to someone write me a nice email, and he has good profile content even he has regular pics
 Rain.
Joined: 5/2/2011
Msg: 61
The hardest thing about dating is getting a date...
Posted: 1/5/2012 3:12:44 PM
its only a meat market if your getting some...other then that its a nice place to window shop
 andremcfly
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 63
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The hardest thing about dating is getting a date...
Posted: 3/1/2012 4:20:19 PM
This site has been very depressing for me. It's bad enough I'm to chicken to talk to girls in person and get rejected now they don't even message me back. Read my profile you'll see how sincere i am towards women but I guess nothing works. Well when you're not 6 feet tall and white.
 LovesToDance1981
Joined: 8/9/2011
Msg: 70
The hardest thing about dating is getting a date...
Posted: 3/14/2012 9:07:46 AM
I find its hard for me to get a date as well. I do not know why...BTW you are breathtakingly gorgeous in my books =)...Just saying =)
 Zoban
Joined: 2/24/2012
Msg: 71
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The hardest thing about dating is getting a date...
Posted: 3/14/2012 11:14:38 AM
Agreed.. Not the easiest of processes now-a-days..

Everyone so edgie with the whole internet thing let alone the meeting people part of it all..

I mean I know I'm not the greatest looking guy out there but I'm far from the worst either..

I've always worked for what I have and while I don't consider myself high maintainence I do like the nicer things.. simple things but I'd rather spend an extra few bucks for the better model.

I'd rather a woman with a healthy weight then a supermodel toothpick shape I'm afraid of breaking. (don't confuse slim/thin with toothpick)
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