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 MikeWM
Joined: 2/7/2011
Msg: 28
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Relationship with someone who has kidsPage 5 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
Even if she had pets and/or kids?



 try1more
Joined: 12/16/2007
Msg: 38
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Relationship with someone who has kids
Posted: 9/30/2011 6:50:56 AM
as here and kirk have said you cannot have a relationship without your kids forming one as well.
unless they never meet.
and you could well find it's you against your partner "and" your kids at some point.
the only difference between living together and living apart is the number of bases covered.
 MikeWM
Joined: 2/7/2011
Msg: 45
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Relationship with someone who has kids
Posted: 9/30/2011 1:22:27 PM

I don't get it sorry, so if I don't want a father figure for my kids I have to keep him hidden from them? How about, the kids are my responsibility and I will deal with them (just like I do now) and you can live with us but remember your name is Ben and not dad


This type of sentiment is quite frequently posted by single parents complaining that the entire planet and their next door nieghbours cousins cats previous owner doesnt feel inclined to date them lol

But at best it shows a VERY naive outlook and the inability to think ahead, at worst its a very deliberate and quite devious attempt to mislead someone at the early stages of a relationship

Lets take that philosophy to its natural conclusion for a minute and see if it floats

You have been with this "doesnt need to be a father figure and wont have to help raise my kids" bloke for several years and are actually living together

So, if you want to go out somewhere with your friends you will of course ALWAYS arrange a babysitter even when he is staying in wont you?

If you need to go somewhere for any other reason and dont have a babysitter at hand you will obviously still be taking your children with you then even if hes at home yeah?

And even if, as is the case with a lot of single mums you dont work, if you want to all go on a family holiday you will obviously save up all the money to pay for your kids too of course?

If on the other hand you work, you will always t ake time off work to be with them even if he would be at home, finish work early to collect them from school or the childminders never ever even once expecting him to do that

And even if not working you will of course still manage to pay for all their clothes, toys and anything else they will ever want till they leave home too wont you?


Or, would that as is commonly the case be the type of man you wouldnt want to be with because you and your kids come as a package blah de blah

or more subtly

Someone who isnt a "kid person" so therefore you wouldnt want to date them?

Because of what you wrote in the bit I quoted IS to be believed then all the other things I put should therefore apply without you ever finding them objectionable or an incompatibility


If on the other hand you WOULDNT like the list of examples I gave, or would veiw them in a severely negative light then you DO want someone to be part of a team and with part of that teams task being to co parent YOUR children


Otherwise its just lying at the start of a relationship then expecting the total opposite later on which isnt a very attractive type of behaviour really
 MikeWM
Joined: 2/7/2011
Msg: 47
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Relationship with someone who has kids
Posted: 9/30/2011 1:50:36 PM
Maybe your kids just arent the type with three 6's on their foreheads and dont start to smolder if touched by a crucifix :)


But if youre not sure flick some holy water on them and see if they scream


Seriously though, why is "missing out" relevant?

Some PEOPLE (as it includes many women too) have either done as much parenting in their life as they want to, or just made the personal choice to not be a parent of their own or anyone elses kids

Other PEOPLE arent bothered by it, or only have some reservations and exclusions like age, how the kids behave and various other things


So theres plenty of each to go around for everyone, so nobody whether they have kids or dislike them would need to "miss out" purely because of that
 Strider886
Joined: 3/28/2006
Msg: 65
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Relationship with someone who has kids
Posted: 10/4/2011 7:31:37 AM
On one hand, a woman who has kids... She's unlikely to turn into a clingy metal case.

On the other hand, if she's been far too soft and the kid is a complete nightmare spoiled brat, who can't stay in their own bed despite being 9 years old.... This isn't conducive to a relationship....
 tagera
Joined: 10/31/2005
Msg: 66
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Relationship with someone who has kids
Posted: 10/4/2011 12:16:50 PM
The message you are replying to:
Posted By: FoxyMoron74 on 9/28/2011 754 PM
Subject: Relationship with someone who has kids
Message: It would depend on the age of the kids to be honest and, as someone else said, the relationship that they have with their ex partner. I have a good relationship with my Sons Dad and he sees his dad every other weekend. Plus my Son is 16 so if i want to go out i dont have to worry about getting a baby sitter.
If he had his kids every weekend and a few nights in the week i dont think i would date him to be honest, i do enjoy the time i have to myself every other weekend and i dont think i would want to spend the time with someone elses 5 rugrats.
...........

How can you say someone else kids RUG-RATS..
Definitely shows how much respect you give to human beings around you.. No disrespect ma'am but will you like some one else to mention your child like this..

Well dating a women with kids is not a problem, I have done that no issue with the child either its just one thing women have to realise is prioritise the relationship along side the important priority she got in her life that is her kids, but I would never like to be father to them because they have one, but yes will be a very good friend to her kids.
 DAFT_DOG
Joined: 4/23/2011
Msg: 76
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Relationship with someone who has kids
Posted: 6/7/2012 11:16:43 PM
I have no kids of my own, but i`ve always got on great with any kids the exes had, ranging from in one case, ages from ( at the time ( 7 to 15 ... to the other end of the scale, grown up kids still living with her ( 20-25 etc) neither was a problem with regards to the relationship :O)
 strings
Joined: 2/7/2011
Msg: 83
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Relationship with someone who has kids
Posted: 6/10/2012 6:21:25 AM
Been there and done it, its tricky.

As much as I liked her kids they went out of their way to be nasty to me, I never put myself up to play the 'dad' role but the kids automatically took me as that,(because of their age I can only surmise?).

Anyhow I would maybe do it again..hmmm then again maybe not? I think if the kids were over 15 or under 5 it would have been a LOT easier.

And an awkward thing is that even though I split with the woman in question ages ago, I still occasionally see her kids in town which is not much fun.
 jaqi
Joined: 2/2/2008
Msg: 84
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Relationship with someone who has kids
Posted: 6/10/2012 7:05:42 AM
No ..... unless they were as handsome as you OP ;-)

~she quickly moves on~ Unfortunately, most guys in my age bracket have got kids and they are generally late teens or older and still bleeding them dry ...lordy! And I can't believe how many guys in the mid forties have young nippers ... quite the deal breaker for me!
 gemini_lady_uk
Joined: 7/16/2008
Msg: 93
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Relationship with someone who has kids
Posted: 6/12/2012 5:01:04 PM
Ah so anyone who has grown up kids and doesn't want to get involved with someone with young kids suddenly becomes selfish. What a load of bollocks
 billymonroe
Joined: 3/3/2010
Msg: 96
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Relationship with someone who has kids
Posted: 6/13/2012 7:55:45 AM
I get the feeling that children of what ever age are being used as excuses for avoiding entering into arelationship. If you love someone strong enough,then nothing on earth will break that bond between you,children or no chilren.
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