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 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 51
Deal breakers-Then and NowPage 3 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
maleman999- I was always told that how a man treats his mother is how he will treat you. I'm not saying this is always bad advice,but now I know the difference between a healthy mother/son relationship and one that isn't. If a man tells me he's a momma's boy, I'm gone.
If a man talks too much about the ex, especially if everything that went wrong is blamed on her, that's a major red flag.
Overly flirtatious is a major warning sign of a cheater.
 onthefly260
Joined: 8/21/2011
Msg: 52
Deal breakers-Then and Now
Posted: 10/11/2011 4:16:00 PM
I would not know where to begin after my last relationship...5 years of red flags..unfortunately it took me 2.5 to notice any and another 2.5 to realize I couldn't change/fix them. After that I guess I would have to say new deal breaker...NO JOB!!
That's right up there with drug use, alcoholism, stealing, lying, repossession, eviction, oh yeah...and did I mention cigarette smoking????

On a lighter note...looks and body type are no longer deal breakers. Last two relationships were with extremely good looking, physically fit men. Can't judge a book by it's cover.
 onthefly260
Joined: 8/21/2011
Msg: 53
Deal breakers-Then and Now
Posted: 10/11/2011 4:17:10 PM
4ms4me....that sucks!!! but how about, not breaking up at all...after 5 years, just disappears...all I can say is GOOD RIDDANCE!!
 sg99
Joined: 8/8/2009
Msg: 54
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Deal breakers-Then and Now
Posted: 10/11/2011 7:05:37 PM
I have both pre and post dating red flags...

Pre-Dating Red Flags (won't meet if any of these are true)...
-Status is "currently separated". Or if they have only been divorced less than a year.
-Only one picture posted, or picture of them with their kids.
-A reference to God in their profile.
-Profile in all caps.
-Anything negative in their profile, even "not looking for guys who play games" (like some guy is going to read this and think "oh, I was just going to screw with your head, good thing you told me that")
-"Just looking for friends"

Assuming we get to a date, the following are red flags...
-Looking at their cell phone during the date (unless there is a reasonable excuse, e.g. kids calling...that's understandable...texting your friends isn't)
-Being mean to the waitress / waiter
-Getting stinking drunk
-Not looking like their picture
-Bad hair

The person who posted this seemed to get some negative comments about red flags...seems normal to me. Without them, how do you filter? Just based on looks?
 Casper66
Joined: 3/2/2007
Msg: 55
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Deal breakers-Then and Now
Posted: 10/12/2011 8:24:53 AM
The only real deal breakers I have is "being married" and "wanting kids"since I don't want any kids we wouldn't be a match. The rest comes from getting to know someone and seeing if we are mutually compatible, so I don't have any real red flags, but according to the forums I have a few.
 good_catch77
Joined: 3/28/2007
Msg: 56
Deal breakers-Then and Now
Posted: 10/12/2011 8:33:03 AM
Would one of the fellow POF'ers please tell me what is the difference in red flags and deal breakers. To me they are the same thing, I see other posters getting dissed for having red flags. But then that same person dissing says they have deal breakers.

Is it like when you call potted meat Pattie everyone dives in head strong but call it potted meat and your looked down on? Same thing just different terms?

Just wondering
 ComplekCity
Joined: 1/17/2011
Msg: 57
Deal breakers-Then and Now
Posted: 10/12/2011 8:44:16 AM
IMO a red flag is a warning sign that the person may not work out.

A dealbreaker is something that disaqualifies someone automatically .

For example, it might be a red flag for me if while I'm visiting a woman at her place a mysterious man shows up to visit out of the blue.

A dealbreaker would be if I woke up at her place in the middle of the night and that same man was having sex with her in the bed beside me.
 HerImperfectsoul
Joined: 9/16/2008
Msg: 58
Deal breakers-Then and Now
Posted: 10/12/2011 12:01:31 PM
Lives with Mom, has no job,has no transportation,young children at home,bad temper,drinks too much.Profiles I avoid : only pics with sunglasses and a hat on,,no pic at all,prefer not to say what body type he has,recently divorced,currently seperated,or never been married.
 straightup35
Joined: 10/4/2011
Msg: 59
Deal breakers-Then and Now
Posted: 10/13/2011 12:14:32 AM
DEAL BREAKER
Well people. I must share this one with you all. One of my best friends.... met a guy on here and dated almost 4 months. Not long I know but she was all wow about him and vs. Supposedly. She was in a really bad car accident. On a Fri. Taken to the hospital with a neck brace and in for a CT scan. Another really good friend of hers was trying to call him to let him know his "girlfriend" was lying in the hospital in and out of conscientious. Her friend tried and tried. Called 20 some times (just in case he couldn't hear his phone) and left msgs.

FINALLY he got the msgs. He called her friend that was there for her at the hospital. I was in a different province and didn't know this until after! She (her friend) told him what happened. Of course he asked if she was ok... blah blah blah.... she (her friend)said she won't know much until the doctor does his test... CT scan... etc. He (the boyfriend) said he couldn't come down ( he was at the lake). His excuse was "I had a few drinks and can't drive". Which.... good move on his part. My thing that makes me so MAD and lost all respect for this guy, is his ooooooh so best friends in the world that "would give their right arm" to help him, why didn't he ask one of them? Why didn't they offer? Why could he not of sobered up and come down ASAP when he could? Why could he not of come down the following day?
She tried to make an excuse saying he will be getting his kids on Sat. night. Ya well there is a whole day to come and see her! And keep in mind this was a Fri. night that the accident happened. She could of been killed! Seriously!!!! PLEASE people, maybe it's just me and our circle of friends etc.....
TO ME... THAT IS A DEAL BREAKER!!!!!
WHAT DOES EVERYONE ELSE THINK. IF IT IS ALONG THE SAME THINKING AS I.... PLEASE GIVE YOUR INPUT.

I WANT TO SHOW THIS TO HER!!! To me it is a selfish, self centered , A..HLOE!!!!!
 DSMTraveler
Joined: 8/18/2011
Msg: 60
Deal breakers-Then and Now
Posted: 10/13/2011 8:20:49 AM
Dealbreaker? Maybe so, maybe no. It may not be a dealbreaker for her and he's her choice, not yours.

Your 'job' is not to convince her to leave him and, in my opinion, you'd be a terrible friend to keep harping on how terrible he is. She (I assume) knows what happened, and she (I assume) knows your opinion. Now drop it and simply be her friend.
 ComplekCity
Joined: 1/17/2011
Msg: 61
Deal breakers-Then and Now
Posted: 10/13/2011 8:23:04 AM
Dealbreaker :

Women who ride motorbikes, have tatts, drink beer out of the can, and belch " I love you " in my face.

... I guess I'm just old fashioned.
 AnnieNIdaho
Joined: 10/3/2011
Msg: 62
Deal breakers-Then and Now
Posted: 10/13/2011 12:23:05 PM
Deal Breakers for me are:
Cheaters
Gender/Sexual Identity Issues (if you are gay...I am OK with that, but if you are unsure, don't drag me into the mix)
Selfishness
Theives
Bad-Mouthing exes, family members
Financial Irresp0nsibility (You don't have to earn a lot of money, just live within your means)
Men who are looking for caretakers rather than Partners (Hypochondriacs)
If you are unemployed, not TRYING to look for work
Lazy
Dishonesty
Poor Hygiene
Dirty Homes
Dr. Jekyll/ Mr. Hyde Syndrome
Short-man Syndrome
Jealousy
Possessiveness
 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 63
Deal breakers-Then and Now
Posted: 10/13/2011 5:32:11 PM
Knottymind- Now THAT is funny!
I'm serious, you made me laugh, which is a good thing.
Sometimes things get too serious here on POF.
I do have a tat on my low back, it's a butterfly and rather pretty, I think. I swear I would never drink beer out of a can and belch I love you in your face ;)
 casio2013
Joined: 6/26/2011
Msg: 64
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Deal breakers-Then and Now
Posted: 10/13/2011 6:51:15 PM
I agree with you. I asked my ex-girlfriend if we were in an exclusive long distance relationship and answered me with a question, "What is an exclusive relationship"? I knew right there that our relationship was over. We had been seeing each other for about two years.
 straightup35
Joined: 10/4/2011
Msg: 65
Deal breakers-Then and Now
Posted: 10/13/2011 10:37:27 PM
Hmmmmm .... so what if it was one of your best friends? In the hospital in bad shape and couldn't feel his limbs? Serious head injury, covered/soaked in blood, glass sticking out of him all over....would you not be concerned enough to tell your buddy what you along with a lot of other friends thought of his (girlfriend) ? And why the hell he'd let someone treat him that way? And this early in a relationship, this happens? SOME guys would POSSIBLY say "get rid of the ****"

Seriously. When staying at the lake and drinking is a priority over getting to the hospital to see his girl friend..... well I must be the worst friend then along with X amount of others. A friends "job" is to love , protect , respect and support . Sort of speak. Do I support her... of course I do. Do I like what he didn't do? Absolutely not. But I have to respect what she wants. Do I like it? No. Again something like this happens this early in a relationship.... "my job" as her friend, I'd be concerned for her well being of what could possibly come. And harping.... aummmm no it's not called harping. It's called talking and listening. Consoling, caring. Giving a shoulder to cry on. It's telling her she is a beautiful person and she deserves so much better etc...

IT'S CALLED BEING A FRIEND.
 WanderingRain
Joined: 3/9/2008
Msg: 66
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Deal breakers-Then and Now
Posted: 10/13/2011 10:57:34 PM
I really liked a former post that said "it depends".

If her positive traits outweigh the negative ones... I am happy regardless.

 meowsaidthetigress
Joined: 7/9/2011
Msg: 67
Deal breakers-Then and Now
Posted: 10/13/2011 11:35:55 PM
Guys that dont like Harleys, tats, piercings, and consume alcoholic beverages beyond the social rarity that belch Im in lust (couldnt resist).
 jpwrnglrwmn_forumsonly
Joined: 4/23/2011
Msg: 68
Deal breakers-Then and Now
Posted: 10/14/2011 1:51:36 AM
Just fresh from a breakup of a relationship that included the following:
1. Like one poster mentioned, this man would speak to some females with so much interest that his body was turned away from me, and the eye contact he maintained with them was so unnerving, they looked away (and they're married)
2. He had to have several drinks a night
3. The majority of his friends were ex girlfriends. . It was also noticed that whenever we went anywhere, to a store, or to hang out with his friends, he made it a point to talk to the women there, not so much the men. His excuse. ."I get along better with women, that's why most of my friends are women"
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 69
Deal breakers-Then and Now
Posted: 10/14/2011 10:08:32 AM
Because of technology (electronic toys), dating is totally different now than when I first started out in the dating world. Dating back when peoples lives weren't totally controlled by gadgets was a lot simpler. People actually met in person to find out if they were a good match without having to jump through hoops to get to that point-a guy would ask a girl out, and she would say yes or no. People didn't spend weeks or months messaging/texting back and forth before deciding to meet. With that being said, some deal breakers now would be:

People would can't resist always checking their phone, texting or answering their phone when on a date. Especially when they use the excuse that they must do it in case of an emergency. If you're that concerned about an emergency happening while on a date, you should not be dating.
When checking a profile, any negativity in it-wastes time describing what she DOESN'T want (the usual BS: must not be a player, a liar, a cheater, married, looking for quick and easy sex, etc.). Just as bad are the women that have a "Must Have" list that's a mile long or is totally unrealistic, especially when they don't have much to offer and don't meet the same criteria that they are demanding.
 xHD1200x
Joined: 11/11/2010
Msg: 70
Deal breakers-Then and Now
Posted: 10/14/2011 10:13:26 AM
Why do you go on a datings when you looking right away for something wrong with a person you date?
You should try and look for the good in a date, not the bad, at least thats my bag.
 irishgirl524
Joined: 9/4/2011
Msg: 71
Deal breakers-Then and Now
Posted: 10/14/2011 10:17:46 AM
I have not added it to my profile but a MAJOR deal breaker for me is a guy is his 40's that only hangs out with guys in their 20's.....it just does not sit right with me.
 ComplekCity
Joined: 1/17/2011
Msg: 72
Deal breakers-Then and Now
Posted: 10/14/2011 11:22:12 AM
Bama girl :


Sometimes things get too serious here on POF.


I agree



I do have a tat on my low back, it's a butterfly and rather pretty, I think.


Some tats are pretty cool and tasteful . In all seriousness , I don't mind a tat or two depending on the location and what it is.

A breast wouldn't exactly look inviting to me if it had a tattoo of Ozzy Osbourne on it , for example- which would be another DEALBREAKER for me.
 clayart
Joined: 9/14/2011
Msg: 73
Deal breakers-Then and Now
Posted: 10/14/2011 3:55:05 PM
[/People didn't spend weeks or months messaging/texting back and forth before deciding to meet.]

Do you really spend this much time before you decide to meet ?
Technology isn't the problem. You allow it to be. If not for technology you wouldn't be communicating, no matter the form, with most people here.
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 74
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Deal breakers-Then and Now
Posted: 10/14/2011 5:29:56 PM
@Maleman999: I couldn't agree more. It's a wonder we were able to date before technology. If you're that preoccupied with your phone, let your phone pay for dinner. I would end the date at that point. More technology has made society more timid.
 Archangel_07
Joined: 6/21/2010
Msg: 75
Deal breakers-Then and Now
Posted: 10/14/2011 5:54:21 PM
Deal breakers - Cancer stixs and smoking weed and atheists * ain't changing that's set in stone *
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