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Show ALL Forums  > Sex and Dating  > Why is having a fetish so difficult?      Home login  
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 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 20
Why is having a fetish so difficult?Page 2 of 2    (1, 2)
I think having a fetish is acceptable, but when one demands that the other dress a certain way, or live thier day to day life a certain way it becomes difficult. What for example would happen to a relationship with you, if a partners fetish evolved into something you dont care for? What if you met someone who was as into rubber and latex as you are and eventually changed to another preferance? I think the fear is that you would no longer have a use for that person.


There is a a local male on here who openly seeks woman who would allow him to indulge in his foot fetish. I cant help but to think he would blow me off if I lost my feet in an accident. However, I guess we all face the same risk...lots of people leave thier mate when they gain weight for example, its just with a fetish it is center stage and sort of known 'going in' that this is an expectation...and not many are willing to say that for the entire time they are with someone, they will be willing to indulge in the same fetish?

I agree with the masses here who say POF is not the best place to find like minded souls in this area.
 Secondhand_Lion
Joined: 11/10/2008
Msg: 21
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Why is having a fetish so difficult?
Posted: 10/14/2011 10:20:03 PM
Yep, this site is just for your everyday people, who just discuss normal sexual behavior like BDSM, S&M, snowballing, scat, facials, golden showers, butt f*cking, rimming, piercing genitalia and other mundane activities for the prudish......Latex and leather????.....get out of here you pervert.
 rAINCOATgIRL
Joined: 2/7/2011
Msg: 22
Why is having a fetish so difficult?
Posted: 10/20/2011 4:02:09 PM
Thanks for all your input. I guess the reason I'm so far out there is that I'm tired of rejection.
As far as the comments about getting excited only by the clothing I wear, whether in church, in bed, or the boardroom; it's not that simple. I have never cum during mass because I'm wearing a leather pantsuit & boots. I just have a sense of confidence and comfort that I can't get from a silk dress.
I know I'm not a bad person; I just want to be able to enjoy the things, the ONLY things that work for me. I have seen a number of shrinks, therapists, Jewish grandmothers and pro's... if there was any way to change my lifestyle I would.
Finally, I have tried Fetlife, Fetish Forum, etc. I have no interest in creative methods of going to the bathroom, pain, witches or warlocks. I just want to chat with someone who understands, the rest we'll get to later. Thanks for all your comments, criticisms, and support.

Jennifer
 BountyHunterMike
Joined: 10/5/2011
Msg: 23
Why is having a fetish so difficult?
Posted: 10/21/2011 5:38:31 AM
Always be yourself and sounds like you are trying. However just don't demand others to fit your life style. It takes all kinds. Hell I don't wear leather or latex. However I do find it a turn on for others. I can see why they pick that certin fetish. GO to Adult Friend Finder fetish. Wish you the very best in your hunt. ( we all have fetishes, some are more bold than others! You go Girl)
 Secondhand_Lion
Joined: 11/10/2008
Msg: 24
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Why is having a fetish so difficult?
Posted: 10/21/2011 11:23:30 PM
Well Jennifer, sense I'm not getting paid like a therapist and there isn't a conflict of interest to be nice to you.....so you will keep coming back for more....I'll just bluntly tell you how I see it.

There is no freakin way that you are getting rejected......you are the one doing the rejecting! Let's look at the facts, even if they are from a mans point of view. You are hot as a firecracker, and I don't mean for a 57 yr. old. You are successful and totally consumed with your product, business and self. Reading between the lines in your profile, you are actually looking for a clone of yourself......what does that tell you??
You may twist the words a tad, to keep others from getting that impression, but anyone with the ability to read should figure that out. I even see the restrictive clothing and bondage as a psychological method of bringing you closer to yourself. You are already very much in love, it just hasn't dawned on you with whom.....you will find her in your mirror. I would even guess that you may not be genetically wired as a lesbian, but choose your gender because it is what you are. That comment you made about confidence that you wouldn't have wearing a silk dress should be thought about a little deeper. How can anything worn on the exterior have any bearing on something internal such as confidence? I tend to think it's more of a feeling that some of your aura could excape through silk rather than being trapped in by rubber. I have no idea what your shrink had to say, and I may be full of poop....but that's how I see it. No doubt you have many fine qualities, but one of these qualities just seems to be misdirected in a manner that has a negative bearing on your life. In short, I think one key issue is responsible for all the unusual traits......it's worth a look!
 no_1_bby
Joined: 5/3/2006
Msg: 26
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Why is having a fetish so difficult?
Posted: 10/23/2011 8:40:44 AM

How can anything worn on the exterior have any bearing on something internal such as confidence?

Just because you can't understand her feelings about being/feeling more confident wearing her preferred clothing, does not make her feelings any less valid or real. YOU don't need to understand why she says she feels more confident in leather or rubber as compared to silk.

I feel sexy in my corset. I feel sexy in my heels. I feel sexy in the ways that are important to me. Not to anyone else. My feeling sexy usually translates into appearing more confident, which in turn is recieved as sexy by my partner.. and most men are drawn to a confident woman.

Maybe you think she's sexier in the silk dress. Maybe you're projecting your own feelings about what is sexy based on your emotions and needs. Negating her feelings don't make them any less valid to her.
 Secondhand_Lion
Joined: 11/10/2008
Msg: 27
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Why is having a fetish so difficult?
Posted: 10/23/2011 10:35:36 AM
^^^^She isn't paying a therapist and a shrink to validate her feelings.....she's paying to understand why she has this fetish and possibly eleminate or control it. You are either confident or you aren't, and it doesn't matter whether you are naked or wearing a ski suit.....anything that depends on how you are dressed, is merely the temporary illusion of confidence.
 no_1_bby
Joined: 5/3/2006
Msg: 28
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Why is having a fetish so difficult?
Posted: 10/23/2011 12:27:43 PM
@Secondhand_Lion - You just don't get it, do you? Confidence is only ever an illusion.. for anyone. All it takes is one person to damage that. Every single person I know has something that they are insecure about. Find what that is, and you can absolutely crush someone's soul without much effort.
 Laha Math
Joined: 7/15/2010
Msg: 29
Why is having a fetish so difficult?
Posted: 10/23/2011 12:38:09 PM
What interest me is, with so few people interested in the fetish, how can OP make a living designing clothes for it? Would like to know if she has sold any to people on this site.
 Secondhand_Lion
Joined: 11/10/2008
Msg: 30
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Why is having a fetish so difficult?
Posted: 10/23/2011 4:35:30 PM
no 1 bby, You sound just like my daughter, about the same age too.....nobody get's it but her.
 getanet
Joined: 6/10/2011
Msg: 31
Why is having a fetish so difficult?
Posted: 10/24/2011 1:15:18 PM
Isn't this manner of dress tantamount to wearing a costume of sorts 24/7?
The appeal of a costume is that you can be somebody else for a while. Perhaps even act in a way you normally wouldn't. Projecting that behavior all the time, to this amateur psychologist, is like putting up a protective wall all the time, and it's less "risky" to be in costume, as the "real self" never needs make an appearance. Confusing this version of "self" which is ALWAYS going to be the "safest" way to present yourself could get quite damaging and emotionally isolating. Nothing about you is ever wrong and people never get a chance to reject or accept the "real you" as that person never makes an appearance.
Just sounds like extreme emotional withdrawal at the root of it?? It's too easy to say "people don't accept me" if your manner of dress or behavior never really lets anyone "in."

Have your therapists ever suggested something along those lines as to why you choose this?
 no_1_bby
Joined: 5/3/2006
Msg: 32
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Why is having a fetish so difficult?
Posted: 10/25/2011 6:10:05 AM

no 1 bby, You sound just like my daughter, about the same age too.....nobody get's it but her.

Now you are making me sound like a teenager having a temper tantrum because her parents aren't letting her do something all her friends are doing. You sound like my exhusband who didn't nuture and support my emotional needs because he didn't feel the same way. Thankfully I don't need your support or understanding.

My comment is a wee bit deeper than that. As a woman, something I have more experience being than you do, I see things differently than a man. It's not better. Just different. Men are usually raised in a way that encourages their confidence based on a separate set of conditions from women. Any confidence I have isn't because it was nurtured in me by my parents, and it comes and goes.

So again, just because you don't understand it doesn't make it less real. It's very real to some people.
 rAINCOATgIRL
Joined: 2/7/2011
Msg: 33
Why is having a fetish so difficult?
Posted: 11/2/2011 10:40:06 AM
Thanks to all of you who replied. As I stated; I never fooled myself into thinking I would discover true love here, just was hoping for some honest chat time. I appreciate all your comments, some sort of make me wish I was autistic!
I put everything out in front so that I wouldn't have to worry about fakers; and believe me, there are tons of people out there just looking for the voyeuristic rush, I hear from them all the time.
Finally, my entire wardrobe is fetish chic, not biker babe. I have received lots of compliments from both sexes, and minimal criticism. I have even designed outfits for some good friends.
Again, thanks for the time...
Jennifer
 Intheclear
Joined: 10/5/2012
Msg: 34
Why is having a fetish so difficult?
Posted: 1/20/2013 12:01:18 PM
Being that I am responding to a post that is 15 months old I will assume that the original poster might be long gone. But I am posting anyway because other people will be reading this and I feel what I have to say is important for people to understand when they are discussing fetishes and their impact on people's lives.

Take heed the following example when you are saying that a fetish is a problem to somebodies life when it appears to permeate all aspects of their lives: A biker calls themself a biker. They wear all the Harley Davidson clothing, buckles, boots and have tattoos of harleys and harley logos on their bodies. Their walls are adorned with biker posters, their homes festooned with biker paraphernalia and debris. They talk bike, act bike, and their whole lives are geared towards the biker lifestyle.
Would you also say that the bikers love for harleys and the biker lifestyle is detrimental to their overall life?
I pick the biker lifestyle simply because it is so easy for everyone who stops to look at it to see the depths to which it is often taken, but there are dozens of other social groups that often contain a complete submersion into the attitudes, lexicon, dress codes, and activities associated with that particular group by the people that identify themselves as being of that group. Yet, because being a biker is rarely, if ever, associated with a sexual predilection, there is no talk of the lifestyle ruining the individuals life, unless, obviously, they are an outlaw biker, which very few 'bikers' these days are.

In this example, I am sure you can see the how silly it is for society to deem a lifestyle based on a sexual enjoyment of latex clothing to somehow be more harmful and destructive to an individual's life then a lifestyle build upon a nonsexual enjoyment of motorcycles. But this is how dysfunctional and infantile we actually are as a society.
 underhersoles
Joined: 1/15/2013
Msg: 35
Why is having a fetish so difficult?
Posted: 1/20/2013 12:06:44 PM
Wish I knew why it's so difficult... shouldn't be! I love being under womens' feet and shoes and it's such a simple thing, yet nobody is willing to try it. Good luck RainCoat
 fetish4u
Joined: 4/18/2007
Msg: 36
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Why is having a fetish so difficult?
Posted: 7/14/2014 12:41:42 PM
Love fetish play myself.
 raincoatlover
Joined: 1/21/2015
Msg: 37
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Why is having a fetish so difficult?
Posted: 1/31/2016 10:30:01 AM
I'm just leaving this here, in case you ever come back... Looks like I joined a few years too late.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 38
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Why is having a fetish so difficult?
Posted: 1/31/2016 2:31:52 PM

I'm just leaving this here, in case you ever come back... Looks like I joined a few years too late.

Wow, that's hardcore dedication making a screen name based off of the OP's -- hoping for her to come back some day! Kudos, I guess. :)
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 39
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Why is having a fetish so difficult?
Posted: 1/31/2016 4:55:29 PM
happydip You made me laugh, thanks for that last sentence. lol!!!

raincoat lover,
congratulations on losing so much weight so far but I would be taking the profile down until you feel you are fitter and more desirable as women wont bother with you if they don't find you physically attractive..... right now.


 raincoatlover
Joined: 1/21/2015
Msg: 40
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Why is having a fetish so difficult?
Posted: 5/8/2016 1:00:02 PM
Actually, I've used the similar name with an underscore in it, on alt for about 8 years. Not quite dedication, perhaps similar interests/tastes?

But thanks :)
 UruGent
Joined: 2/5/2017
Msg: 41
Why is having a fetish so difficult?
Posted: 9/10/2017 12:27:14 PM
Hi Jennifer, I have had this urge for latex rubber clothing for many years and I have not found a nice woman whom wishes to please me with this urge. I'm looking for a steady long term relationship based on friendship, trust and lots of latex rubber, please write to me at lifeasis1@outlook.com, Thank you for your post
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