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 sexandthepof
Joined: 10/10/2011
Msg: 46
what do you do when you love someone and they dont love you?Page 3 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
you cannot do anything. just have to learn to let go and move on. i know it's easy said than done. i think he probably finds that there's no "click" for him. the more someone's clingy to another, the more that another just wants to run away. be strong. i believe there are lots of other nice men on here or in real life would like to get to know you and may want to love you. good luck and take care.
 sexandthepof
Joined: 10/10/2011
Msg: 47
what do you do when you love someone and they dont love you?
Posted: 10/13/2011 8:57:49 PM
i agree with post #45
 JustMary65
Joined: 5/26/2008
Msg: 48
what do you do when you love someone and they dont love you?
Posted: 10/13/2011 9:09:38 PM
OP-

I dunno, but when I fell hard for my Meat Head.....I fell hard. He had no problem expressing his love for me and I for him....but it was mutual. Conversely, I've met other men, over the course of my dating life, who I fell head over heels for, but when my feelings were clearly not going to be reciprocated I was crushed.

Rejection--in any form sucks and it hurts even more so when the party with whom you 'love' appears to be on the same page---even if you, by yourself, are a few chapters ahead of them. I agree with one of the earlier posts---he was honest and upfront telling you he didn't share your feelings. Not all men would do that.

I would much rather have a momentary pity party and move on than to be with a man who led me on thinking he loved me when he did not----be grateful to have the ability to love---and know you can find love again. I think you mentioned he was on this site---if so, he may well read this post. I give him a thumbs up---and you my dear, lick your wounds, hold your head high and carry on the business of living and enjoying life.

Peace,

MM~



And a side bar---some folks might think falling in love only after 6 months seems like a short span of time.....I fell in love with Meat Head almost immediately and it was shortly after a month we both said 'I love you'~
 evskypr
Joined: 6/19/2011
Msg: 50
what do you do when you love someone and they dont love you?
Posted: 10/14/2011 8:50:28 AM
It's hard I had a crush on a guy at work for about three years and he never knew.He was married .I used to go to bed thinking about him and wake up thinking about him.He never knew but he made my day everyday for 3years.I always though of that oldie song by the everly brothers "Whenever I want you all I have to do is dream".We cann't control our hearts,our feelings,It was hard to control my actions I kept praying to God to take these feelings away He didn't belong to me. It took 3 years but he is out of my system finally
 bullielover62
Joined: 12/2/2006
Msg: 51
what do you do when you love someone and they dont love you?
Posted: 10/14/2011 10:38:48 AM

he asked me if its possible for me to take step back - is that possible?!


Yes. And it depends on you......... How capable are you of extricating your emotions from the friendship, and moving forward, SLOWLY, keeping yourself in check?

This happened to me, and I had to have a big cry, feel the pain of not having the love reciprocated, then moved on with the friendship. To do that, I had to SEE him and see MYSELF for all the reasons it would NEVER work.

There were moments where I started to head back into the emotions, and was ultimately RESPONSIBLE for pulling myself back and once again taking a good hard look at the situation.

Now I have the most AMAZING friendship with this fella and can see how blessed we both are for it. No longer do I have feelings of "in love" creep in. Ya have to be really honest with yourself about the truths.... and if you ARE, and you're a woman who can handle her emotional state, then you can do this.

Decide if the friendship is worth it.


bullie~
 *army mom*
Joined: 6/9/2009
Msg: 52
what do you do when you love someone and they dont love you?
Posted: 10/14/2011 10:51:23 AM
Wow ... that's a sticky situation for sure, OP. Personally, I've never been the first to say that to anyone -- too scared of exactly what happened to you I suppose.

And since your guy didn't say it back and now he's cut off communication, the only thing you can do is try to forget about him.

They say time heals all wounds ... well, most of them anyway.

Good luck!
 hearts813
Joined: 9/18/2011
Msg: 53
what do you do when you love someone and they dont love you?
Posted: 10/14/2011 11:52:51 AM
Hi,

Really, what can you do? Sounds like he has past issues and carrying it with him. It's likely that, if he still has issues with that, he will punish you. The thing is, you need to be careful, possibly move on, and here is why. From experience, I can tell you in the similarity of the relationship you are describing- if you allow his punishments now, he will begin a game of control. It happens so subtle, and your heart is in it. It's not true that, "he must love you" if he treats you this way. It's EXACTLY the opposite. If you get in it too deep, I can guarantee you it will mess you up! Try to be logical
 MikeWM
Joined: 2/7/2011
Msg: 54
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History
what do you do when you love someone and they dont love you?
Posted: 10/14/2011 12:53:56 PM
Going from what seems to be the most common reactions to that on this place I would say you could narrow it down based on popularity to the following but not in any particular order


1. You post lots of threads telling people he was a user or player and was only after sex

2. You post threads insinuating he is either married, mentally ill, has poor hygiene, is a wife beater, rapist, kicks puppies, has a small penis or something else along those lines

3. You post "vague" threads about the eternal agony of unrequited love in the hopes that after a year or two of one being posted each week he will see the error of your ways and love you back

4. You threaten to commit suicide in the hopes that will make him love you

5. Stab him, sign him up for junk mail by the lorryload from gay porn sites, post him dead animals, smash his gnome collection and trample his flower beds after keying his car

6. Variations of the above

7. Something equally abhorrent but which I didnt think of

or apparently far less common

3498. You could just accept it as it is, thank him for being honest rather than stringing you along as an ego boost and after a time spent waiting for the feelings to fade start looking for someone who DOES infact love you back
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 55
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History
what do you do when you love someone and they dont love you?
Posted: 10/14/2011 1:58:09 PM
40 times a day? Anyone who talks or texts their partner that much has to be deranged or a 13 year old girl.

Real love is far more relaxed and nowhere near as needy. He is asking you for some breathing room, six months is a very short period of time to many people. At 40 you have probably dated many people, think back on how many you 'loved' after that period of time. He never said he didn't care, only that you need to step back and chill out.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 56
what do you do when you love someone and they dont love you?
Posted: 10/14/2011 2:10:31 PM
Why on earth would you want to try to carry on a relationship with someone who has openly stated he doesn't love you back? As much as you would like him to, he simply doesn't. Why waste your emotions on someone who doesn't reciprocate when you could be taking the time to establish a relationship with someone else who would? Whatever you do, take some time to get over your feelings for this guy before you attempt to connect with someone else on an emotional level such as you crave. You'll convince yourself you're unlovable if you're quicker to feel the emotion than they are and/or you'll consistently turn guys off by appearing to be one of those clingy doe eyed women.
 AdvRacer
Joined: 8/4/2011
Msg: 57
what do you do when you love someone and they dont love you?
Posted: 10/14/2011 2:14:11 PM
I'd suggest that if you like (love?) this guy, that you back off. If he then pursues you, then he's expressing interest but is not quite ready yet.

Whatever you do, do not make this relationship a physical one. If it is, you must stop.

Remain available, and let him come to you. If he does not, that's fine - move on.

I'd say that this should work itself out within a few weeks one way or the other. Be prepared to move on.

AdvRacer
 bullielover62
Joined: 12/2/2006
Msg: 60
what do you do when you love someone and they dont love you?
Posted: 10/14/2011 2:59:24 PM
What does "messaging one another" mean? Are you still physical? How's that working out for you, as a woman?

And also, curious what you mean by
man i think the answer to my initial question get stranger and stranger lol!


This ain't no therapy session headed up by Jung, so you have to take the "cans of crazy" along with the sage advice. Obviously listening to your own head isn't doing it for you, so be discerning with what you read here as well.



bullie~
 bullielover62
Joined: 12/2/2006
Msg: 62
what do you do when you love someone and they dont love you?
Posted: 10/14/2011 3:25:44 PM

messaging means on here...


Yeah, that's a healthy, adult relationship....


as for physical like im going to discuss my sex life on a forum lol!


As far as discussing your "sex life", if you want a TRUE answer to your question, be ready to pony up THE TRUTH.


Yeah of course there are some quite frankly odd men on this site who have messaged me so - yes i know about the "can of crazy" - just though id put the question out there to see what kind of things people think.

im not looking for a Carl Jung or Freudian answer just thoughts ..


Oh.... she knows her Jung/Freudian names. Not impressed. What impresses those of us who have been in a rodeo or two are people who take what's given with a grain of salt or a fookin' salt lick and move on... instead of making excuses for not hearing what they want.
 femaleandflirty
Joined: 7/16/2011
Msg: 64
what do you do when you love someone and they dont love you?
Posted: 10/14/2011 6:34:23 PM
I agree the texting is getting really obsessive with some people. I would be feeling completely smothered and really feel that I am being checked up on. It is also so needy . Not to mention the cost???
 kylaS76
Joined: 3/2/2010
Msg: 65
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History
what do you do when you love someone and they dont love you?
Posted: 1/19/2012 6:42:42 PM
i always heard and also have told others " the best way to get over some1 is to get under some1 else.." so im going w/DEEPVALLEY05 on this 1.. it sucks when u have feelings for some1 and they don't for u.. but with me i go w/the flow and wait and see what happens..if i find we r getting close, i deside just how close it gets, r we better off as friends,lovers or could he b a partner and stand beside me,not infront . or behind.. i met a guy on here i never thought id like any1 4 more then just safe sex,attention and a botty call when needed.. not kidding.. i usally wait aa month after i meet them here, to meet n person,but talking on the phone i usally (if interasted) do the 1st night. this guy,3 yrs younger then me had a 2 day waiting period b4 calling,yet gave me his # aswell. so day 2 i texted hem and said " is 2day day 2 or is it 2morrow".. long story short i always knew he worked early morring,untill late afternoon,then he had collage.. we would talk or text day to day,he would wish me a good morring and always called to say good night. and would take his only day off to spend w/me.. now that school id back i cant even c hem on his day off. i sent hem a e-mail that told hem i wished not to b n the way of his future but he did glue back CRACK N MY GLASS HEART,just by being hem. i never meet some1 who would play pretend like i do. meaning, go in a store and pretend we r from other countries and speak that way.. i miss hem alot and the e-mail i sent he read to me just 2nite and told me not to worry,he will find time here and there,but i wish not to b n the way... im a strong beleaver n goals and doing whats right. i love hem but i have to fight the feelings away so not to loose all of hem. we dont know what the future holds,but i do know its hard to sex any1 else.. I NEED SOME HELP..
 kailania
Joined: 4/10/2008
Msg: 66
what do you do when you love someone and they dont love you?
Posted: 1/19/2012 6:53:00 PM
sorry, but if he doesnt love you..
step way back,
no sex...or you will be more hurt if he continues to not love you.
date others.
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