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 OyVay...
Joined: 7/15/2011
Msg: 164
First Date Expectations - Over 50Page 7 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
The last 2 posts, 170 and 171 were interesting to me, and I learned or I became reacquainted with a good point.

In the first post the poster showed the key difference in male/female communication style men=goal oriented, female=feeling oriented. I wrote my post by how reading the thread made me as a male feel but also as what I heard.

Good post.

In the second from giggles, I found a few things I would like to point out for some of you to think about it.

I will make a mental note of this for other threads.

Giggles said "when she started online dating", and the old 'you are the common denominator' logic. I think one of the key elements peter pervert uses to grope women, is to prey on the newbies, BEFORE they get a chance to understand how this thing works(I use this word sparingly, pun intended).

We tend to say, "if that's all you attract you are the common denominator" or your picker is broken. Though if 15 or 18 of the first 20 guys to write her are the ones here to grope or have sex, how is that her problem? Those who contacted her intended to grope any new member regardless of who answered or accepted the date.

The problem is, how do you warn new members? I doubt the first thing they look at are the forums for answers. The first thing they do is look at profiles, answer emails and try to get a date. So Giggles, don't be so quick to blame yourself, this maybe a flaw in the way of online meeting.

The other thing that struck me was the last paragraph, the teenagers and dating way of looking at it. I think because even though online isn't brand new, it is a different concept on the way we interact. It is very akin to what most consider "the wild west", where supposedly there were no rules. We constantly read threads where people are shocked by certain behaviors. A typical for me is the unanswered emails deleted by both genders. I understand people are busy, or others are rude and make crass remarks when you refuse them.

But normal human behavior IRL, is so vastly different than online. Not a good example but one I will use. You would be more polite to a drunk in a bar or club, IRL, than someone who sends you a nice friendly greeting online. It's because of the face to face interaction with the drunk, online it's just words on a page.

No I'm not asking anyone to change their email habits, it is what it is. But it's one of the differences that we accept in this cyber world of dating. Since in most cases, you are unlikely to have encountered many of these people in the normal course of your life, things seem surreal and sometimes a little insane when someone acts out of character than most would expect in real life.

Just some thoughts.
 TryAgan
Joined: 4/4/2008
Msg: 165
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First Date Expectations - Over 50
Posted: 3/2/2012 1:54:26 PM
Well, drawing some conclusions from this debate, it would seem that most of the general male population are gropers, in stark contrast to the men on this forum thread.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 166
First Date Expectations - Over 50
Posted: 3/2/2012 2:00:30 PM
Message #166-if it's any comfort to you, I'm a woman and I don't get it either. As far as that goes-the whole "dirty dancing" thing conspired a movie, did it not?


have had men in this area tell me about going to a ladies home at 7 pm on a Friday night to meet her and she answered the door butt ass naked.

I've been told this by male platonic friends as well.


Times have changed and its very confusing for men.

At one time, this man's approach was more or less expected.

With all due respect-either you or I must have at some point fallen into a time warp-because I never had the experience that it was "expected."So what one time was that?

As for the "warn" thing-the sites I started out on did not have forums. Perhaps I was exceptionally lucky to weed out potential gropers before a meeting occurred? Maybe I scared the hell out of anybody who started out with an intent to grope? However, I don't doubt a bit that women have frequently run into pushy or grope-y behavior. I do think-I've said this often, it shouldn't be news- that THIS site has a bit of "street cred" as a "hookup" site. There is another active thread right now where a little boy of 32 said exactly that.
But-to go back to the question posed in the OT;

NO, it is not the norm, it is not an accepted practice, it is not something that women have to endure as the price of dating-nor is it now, or ever has been-"expected".
Maybe if more women pressed charges-or at least made a public scene-when this crap occurs, word would get around. But Lord, I hate to see a "sex offender" tag attached to some poor clueless fool just because he bought into some locker room talk.
Having said all that-even though it is NOT any kind of "norm"-I think women need to be prepared for it.
Cindy O
 BlackLady1953
Joined: 5/27/2011
Msg: 167
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First Date Expectations - Over 50
Posted: 3/2/2012 2:42:59 PM
I've had men (99% Caucasian), try to feed me the line that because I'm African-American, they just "know" that I "wouldn't mind."To that I usually reply, "bring your daughter or niece over so my brother can "do" her, because I "just know" that she won't mind....

That usuallyshuts 'em up!
 That_girl*
Joined: 9/29/2008
Msg: 169
First Date Expectations - Over 50
Posted: 3/4/2012 10:43:15 AM
@ BlackLady1953 hmmm

the majority of the trashiest overly sexual messages ive gotten have usually been from white men..not to say that black men cant or havent sent or said some raunchy things but dear God if anybody was to look at my inbox an trash you would see 80% of the trashy emails are from white guys especially the ones who are looking to "try out black women" as if black women are some kind of social sexual exsperiement to be used for only that..
 sedonajazz
Joined: 6/8/2010
Msg: 170
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First Date Expectations - Over 50
Posted: 3/4/2012 11:28:43 AM

And when I told him to stop it, he said "C'mon. You're no virgin. What's with the games??"


My reply would have been simply "And you're not 18 years old, so stop acting like it!" Then I would have simply LEFT the building (or wherever you were).
 EALGator
Joined: 2/2/2012
Msg: 172
First Date Expectations - Over 50
Posted: 3/6/2012 7:26:05 PM
As a man, I apologize for that very unacceptable behavior. You should have, at the very first move, walked out on him after slapping him hard across the face and saying in a very loud voice exactly what the guy had done, loud enough that everyone would have heard!
Please know that there are men out there that respect women and that there are "Plenty of Fish"...... Good luck............
 damsel19
Joined: 2/22/2012
Msg: 173
First Date Expectations - Over 50
Posted: 3/6/2012 7:41:11 PM
Tremolux

Very witty. She could have been Lady Grinandbear.
 damsel19
Joined: 2/22/2012
Msg: 174
First Date Expectations - Over 50
Posted: 3/6/2012 7:45:10 PM
spaniard1961
Meeting for dinner is a bad idea for a first meet and sitting next to him so he can hug you? Another bad idea. Of course he wanted to make out next time but in your car?? What a classless pig. You allowed him to have sex with you early and in a motel and he pumped and dumped you. You were just a conquest. If he was desperate you came across that way too I have to say. He was not insecure about his sexuality, he got what he wanted. You were just not datable for him, for whatever reason.
First Date Expectations - Over 50
Posted: 3/7/2012 12:22:15 AM
I understand you perfectly. This attitude is not just the older guys. Men think that being a mature grown woman is letting them treat us like its only about them. They act like we dont have to like them, its about them liking us. They have an annoying attitude that once we're no longer a virgin, we are suppose to give up. I am so fed up about hearing the word games coming from men. They dont realize that not everyone is an excebitionist and that one big word used through most of these sites is Descreet, but once we decide to meet, they forget manners, respect and courtesy. If you choose not to kiss because their breath is kicking, they dont realize it, they assume we dont like kissing or that we cant kiss or we're playing games. Some want to see whether we have anything under our clothes worth a second date. We should start asking them, lets see what your working with.
 freetime_prospector
Joined: 2/17/2012
Msg: 176
First Date Expectations - Over 50
Posted: 3/9/2012 9:29:03 PM
Don't judge us all by one jerk....he should have waited till after darkjavascript:smilie(''). Just kidding most men know better than that.
 wanted555
Joined: 2/18/2011
Msg: 177
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First Date Expectations - Over 50
Posted: 3/10/2012 9:13:47 PM
i find many men on this site just want free sex / they are married , have girlfriend , live far out of town , etc etc / free sex is hard to find so theyll try anything / so you must be carefull all girls !! theyll tell you huge sob story / i just met a few for 10 minutes and i say i have to go now cos you can tell quickly if they are for real or not / but if your not carefull they can slide right in there !
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 178
First Date Expectations - Over 50
Posted: 3/10/2012 9:31:51 PM
No woman deserves to be treated like this!

Chalk it up to experience--I have had two guys pull something like this. Overall, most men are respectful.
 TryAgan
Joined: 4/4/2008
Msg: 179
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First Date Expectations - Over 50
Posted: 3/10/2012 10:14:14 PM

free sex is hard to find so theyll try anything .... but if your not carefull they can slide right in there !

That would require some lubricaton on both parts.
 wanted555
Joined: 2/18/2011
Msg: 180
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First Date Expectations - Over 50
Posted: 3/11/2012 3:00:21 AM
thats the whole point cheesy is pleasey to some ! you should know !!
 CulturedBlackMan
Joined: 2/20/2012
Msg: 181
First Date Expectations - Over 50
Posted: 3/11/2012 7:52:57 AM
Without reading any responses, let me say, You have every right to feel violated, in fact, since it was a public venue you may have been right in causing a little bit of a scene......throw drink in his face, slap, or simply gather your things and head to the exit.

I dont know you but these are the things I hear that make it difficult for a mature gentleman to even get a date on these sites....just my opinion.

Sorry for your experience
 forums1
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 183
First Date Expectations - Over 50
Posted: 3/11/2012 10:16:33 PM
If I were your date OP, I'd expect a kick in the nuts for something like that.
Seriously, we're not all like that.
 FantasyBeach
Joined: 3/5/2012
Msg: 185
First Date Expectations - Over 50
Posted: 3/12/2012 9:29:52 PM
WOW, I can't believe that in this day and age somebody woul dbe that stupid to 1) try and do what he did and 2) try to justify it with a crappy two bit line......sorry buddy but he, the groper is an a$$. Tiy wanna grope and dirty dance, go to the swing clubs.
 Ladyinred4755
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 186
First Date Expectations - Over 50
Posted: 3/14/2012 4:51:51 PM
This seems so simple to me! LOL I expect to be treated as a lady, so therefore I act like a lady! I don't put myself in a compromising situation. You pretty much get what you ask for. Respect yourself first!
 Giggles10000
Joined: 6/17/2011
Msg: 187
First Date Expectations - Over 50
Posted: 3/14/2012 5:12:23 PM

This seems so simple to me! LOL I expect to be treated as a lady, so therefore I act like a lady! I don't put myself in a compromising situation. You pretty much get what you ask for. Respect yourself first!


That is complete bullshit! This woman did nothing wrong, it was the expectation of the man that was off. It is thought patterns like yours that do more harm than good... I guess you think rape victims ask for it also?

Because it hasnt happened to you doesn't mean it wont...well unless no one is asking you out and then that was a pretty safe thing to say!

But meeting a man who acts like a gentleman on the initial meet doesnt mean he will continue to act that way from that point on.
 GuessWho123456
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 188
First Date Expectations - Over 50
Posted: 3/14/2012 6:41:00 PM
Buy a stun gun !!!!

Seriously, no one should be allowed to act like that. Obviously, this guy is a pathetic loser. Sorry you had to endure that, better luck next pick...
 jhfis49
Joined: 4/30/2010
Msg: 189
First Date Expectations - Over 50
Posted: 3/14/2012 7:18:00 PM
Call 911 and charge with assault! It speaks for itself!
 JFA123
Joined: 7/20/2010
Msg: 190
First Date Expectations - Over 50
Posted: 3/15/2012 7:34:19 PM
I would have excused myself to go to the bathroom and then left. Not on a first date
 DreamyMaryAlice
Joined: 6/27/2006
Msg: 191
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First Date Expectations - Over 50
Posted: 3/17/2012 8:24:47 PM
sorry to hear this, i was in facebook telling my friend about this, because we met in plenty of fish than i added him to my facebook, i usually chat a long time and see how interested their really are in me before i make any plans of meeting up with them, if that guy did that to me, i wouldn't be very nice like you were, he'd get a can of whoop azz lol i wouldnt care if people were watching too
 damsel19
Joined: 2/22/2012
Msg: 192
First Date Expectations - Over 50
Posted: 3/17/2012 9:16:21 PM
mark allen finn

That is she is attractive is why the jerk got carried away. But it is unbelievable he would do that in public on a first meet. It is really harrassment and he must be some kind of drugged out weirdo or just desperate for it. Not surprising as he would have been kicked to the kerb before no doubt..
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