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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > EX GF wants to be friends and possibly get back together. What is my      Home login  
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 Tangles62
Joined: 3/18/2008
Msg: 51
EX GF wants to be friends and possibly get back together. What is my best move here?Page 3 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
If you do choose to give it another crack it's one way to get closure. Because she'll frustrate the crap out of you and you'll end up hating her.
I've just gone through the same exercise.
Gave it another crack, she didn't want to take things too seriously. What she didn't say was how much at arms length she was going to keep me. It didn't take long, I'd had a gutsful, fell out of love, broke up Saturday and feeling free as a bird right now.

Feeling a lot better than the first split in fact. So there is that if you decide to give it another go. It will decide things once and for all.

Don't be her doormat mate. Hold your ground. They do want their cake (independence and a security blanket) and eat it too. It just doesn't work like that.

Good Luck.
 trplfire39
Joined: 11/1/2011
Msg: 52
EX GF wants to be friends and possibly get back together. What is my best move here?
Posted: 11/20/2011 10:13:25 PM
She's still fishing, you are her "carpie"...play the game if you want to, don't expect to win the booty for keeps...
 trplfire39
Joined: 11/1/2011
Msg: 53
EX GF wants to be friends and possibly get back together. What is my best move here?
Posted: 11/20/2011 10:16:18 PM
OMG! you only want HER for sex, hahahaha
 gingerchick30
Joined: 11/5/2011
Msg: 54
EX GF wants to be friends and possibly get back together. What is my best move here?
Posted: 11/21/2011 7:30:04 AM
How did you "play it cool" when you had sex with her and came running to spend time with her when she called??

BTW, she probably WAS having sex with other guys. Her wetness has NOTHING to do with it. Could just be because it "felt new" since you guys hadn't had sex in awhile.

She's using you in case something better doesn't come along. End of story
 distinct_purpose
Joined: 12/16/2008
Msg: 55
EX GF wants to be friends and possibly get back together. What is my best move here?
Posted: 11/21/2011 7:34:20 AM
Anyone say "Safety Net" because that's what you are...
 yabunchabums
Joined: 11/12/2011
Msg: 56
EX GF wants to be friends and possibly get back together. What is my best move here?
Posted: 11/21/2011 10:42:20 AM
Move on.

The "friendship" is not what you want, and she does not want more. It will never change and will only lead to you trying to break up every relationship she is in and never finding one of your own.

I've had it happen. Another woman just wouldn't let go and the guy I was with remained "friends" with her anyway. Our relationship ended, and now he is back searching, trying to find someone who will put up with her sending messages and calling constantly with how much she misses him, loves him and wants him back.

They are still not together, but neither are we, which is just sad for everyone involved.

If he would have just grown some balls and told her NO once and for all....
 Capn_America
Joined: 10/6/2011
Msg: 57
EX GF wants to be friends and possibly get back together. What is my best move here?
Posted: 11/21/2011 11:26:51 AM
Go down on her. That's what she wants

Nah, waste of your time. Plenty of decent girls out there (hiding really really well...) that you could have a happier life with
 cutenperky2
Joined: 8/2/2011
Msg: 58
EX GF wants to be friends and possibly get back together. What is my best move here?
Posted: 11/21/2011 2:06:29 PM
to run the other direction
 RealDealNeal99
Joined: 11/12/2011
Msg: 59
EX GF wants to be friends and possibly get back together. What is my best move here?
Posted: 11/21/2011 7:55:43 PM
I am the OP. For some reason it won't let me post with my original account. Anyways...

It would be great if I could just do what everyone is telling me which is to completely disconnect. With other girls I have been able to do this but with this girl...it is so hard.

She decided to take someone from her "greek life" at college to her college formal citing that it would be much much easier since its a different circle of friends. I am not in college or greek life, I am graduated and have a career. She claims that he is simply a friend and that she has already told him that they will not be dating. I have mixed feelings about this. Obviously the guy wants more and I know girls can be persuaded by guys into dating them even if they repeatedly say no to them at the beginning. Why is that girls?

She keeps asking me if I'm sleeping with anyone and says she cant stand to think of me sleeping with anyone else and that she loves me. Ugh...this is the BS that keeps me talking to her, when she makes statements like this.

Anyways, thanks for all the advice that I know I should be following. I feel myself beginning to resent her and I think it might start to become easier.
 gingerchick30
Joined: 11/5/2011
Msg: 60
EX GF wants to be friends and possibly get back together. What is my best move here?
Posted: 11/21/2011 8:13:23 PM
OP, you obviously won't follow any advice except the advice you want to, but this girl is playing you BAD. She's taking other guys to formals and then telling YOU she can't stand the thought of you with other girls and loves you so much. BIG head games going on. If she wanted to be with you, she would BE with you. I don't care what kind of circle of friends it is.

She's keeping you tied to her without actually being your girlfriend and then going out with other guys right in front of you. If you honestly believed that she told this guy she wasn't going to date him, you need a real reality check. She's stringing you along in case something better doesn't come along.
 RealDealNeal99
Joined: 11/12/2011
Msg: 61
EX GF wants to be friends and possibly get back together. What is my best move here?
Posted: 11/21/2011 8:17:33 PM
I do honestly believe that she told him that.

But again, girls can say one thing just to get a certain reaction out of them. Example, she told him that because she found out he was telling another girl that he loved her. So, by telling him that they aren't going to date, perhaps maybe he will "show" her that he isn't involved with another girl.

She claims that she needed to "find something wrong with him" so that she could better explain to him why they couldn't date and that was what she found. She also claims to have told him that she still has feelings for me.

HOWEVER, you are right. If she wanted to be with me...she would!
 cutenperky2
Joined: 8/2/2011
Msg: 62
EX GF wants to be friends and possibly get back together. What is my best move here?
Posted: 11/21/2011 8:30:26 PM
She is a control freak she doesnt want you nor does she want you to have someone else. She has no right to ask you who you are sleeping with thats non of her bussineess nor is it your bussiness what she does over is over. The more you keep this crazy conection going the worse it will be for your mind.. move on and stop contact.... block her phone number or something
 gingerchick30
Joined: 11/5/2011
Msg: 63
EX GF wants to be friends and possibly get back together. What is my best move here?
Posted: 11/21/2011 8:31:02 PM
OP, don't you see how silly that is? She's telling the guy that she can't date him because he told another girl he loved her, yet she's telling YOU she loves you?? Sounds like she's trying to play both of you.

And call me crazy, but shouldn't YOU have been the reason she couldn't date the guy if she really cared about you and wanted to be with you?? That should show you that you weren't really a factor in her thinking. Plus, do you really need to explain why you don't want to date someone? Won't a simple "NO" do??

BTW, guys AND girls both do this kind of thing, and the best thing you can do is find someone who genuinely wants to be with you and ditch the one that doesn't.
 RealDealNeal99
Joined: 11/12/2011
Msg: 64
EX GF wants to be friends and possibly get back together. What is my best move here?
Posted: 11/21/2011 8:38:11 PM
She backtracked and claimed she didn't really need to find a reason but in her mind giving him a reason made it easier on her. Yes, its silly.

Exactly, she should want to be with me. For 8 months, I could tell that she genuinely did and that's what I keep thinking about. How great things were.

She says stuff like "I think it will be a lot easier when this semester is over and your house is built next month and you have a place of you own"

It does entice me to wait a final month and see what happens then.

If something good comes my way before then, though, I will definitely try it out. You are right, I don't owe her anything and I should explore a new opportunity if it comes my way.
 gingerchick30
Joined: 11/5/2011
Msg: 65
EX GF wants to be friends and possibly get back together. What is my best move here?
Posted: 11/21/2011 9:38:28 PM
OP, you are fully entitled to do whatever you like, but don't be surprised if you just get more reasons why she can't be with you. I truly hope it works out, but you also need to show her that she needs to value YOU as well and that you are a person and not just some toy that she can pick up and put down whenever she likes. She sure seems to be treating you like one!

Like the saying goes, "Don't make someone a priority if they only treat you like an option". I know it's trite, but it's true.
 Francoise13
Joined: 6/15/2011
Msg: 66
EX GF wants to be friends and possibly get back together. What is my best move here?
Posted: 11/22/2011 11:36:06 AM
Sounds to me like she wants to see if anything better is out there and you're her plan B...move on..if she truly loved you she would be with you and wouldn't have any doubts.
 distinct_purpose
Joined: 12/16/2008
Msg: 67
EX GF wants to be friends and possibly get back together. What is my best move here?
Posted: 11/22/2011 12:00:33 PM

She says stuff like "I think it will be a lot easier when this semester is over and your house is built next month and you have a place of you own


Gold digger!!!
 yourstillhere
Joined: 7/30/2008
Msg: 68
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EX GF wants to be friends and possibly get back together. What is my best move here?
Posted: 11/24/2011 6:39:45 PM
if you thought it hurt to lose her the first time, its twice as hard the second time around dude. dont do it you`ll be sorry.
 larissan04
Joined: 8/11/2011
Msg: 69
EX GF wants to be friends and possibly get back together. What is my best move here?
Posted: 11/24/2011 7:05:42 PM
look, there is no "friends" here. you don't want to be her friend, and you can;t be. if she "possibly wants to get back together," then there is no friend b.s. here. to make matters worse, she still isn't sure. she still can't make up her mind.

personally, i think she's in love with someone else. she's stuck on some other guy, and he's pulling the same thing on her. she is confused because she isn't open to loving you. she just wants to keep you hanging around because she needs a back up plan just in case.

do you honestly want to be with someone who is conflicted or confused about a relationship with you?

do you want to be someone's second or third choice?

don't you deserve absolute true love that is reciprocated?

honestly, move on. tell her up front that you love her, want to be with her, and that if she ever un-confuses herself to let you know. then tell her that until then there is no "friends" (female translation: friends = being used...using you for emotional intimacy - no physical intimacy, of course, to feed the ego, to have a guy around in case some work needs to be done on the car, etc.). tell her to leave you alone until she is sure about what she wants, and tell her that you will not be calling her. seriously, if you continue on the path you are on right now this will peter out, and you will lose this woman (why you would want her i do not know). if you keep hanging out and letting her use you as some kind of emotional crutch, then she will soon bale on you when another guy that she is really interested in comes along.
 rec_diver
Joined: 11/13/2011
Msg: 70
EX GF wants to be friends and possibly get back together. What is my best move here?
Posted: 11/24/2011 8:46:34 PM
Op you have received a ton of great advice on this thread and it's rare to find that it's almost unanimous.

You're her sextoy, her doormat, her "goto" guy.. and as soon as she find another guy that really does it for her she's going to kick you to the curb and it's going to hurt infinitely more than if you take control of the situation now and do it yourself.

The reason she was so wet that time is because makeup sex is perhaps the best sex in the world... it's the second honeymoon.. it's a relief, a release.. both parties think everything's going to be great again.. but it's just a fantasy.

The only chance you have with this girl and with yourself to get over this with a reasonable amount of damage control is to back off and don't be so accessible to her. If you can't cut her off completely at least start saying "no" once in a while when she comes around.

Be less available. It makes you more attractive and you learn how to be more independent and less needy.
 Suffox1
Joined: 9/15/2011
Msg: 71
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EX GF wants to be friends and possibly get back together. What is my best move here?
Posted: 11/25/2011 5:04:38 PM
I recommend you brush up on the "Ladder Theroy". From the sounds of it you are on the friendship ladder.
 ticka
Joined: 11/17/2006
Msg: 72
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EX GF wants to be friends and possibly get back together. What is my best move here?
Posted: 11/25/2011 9:13:10 PM
You can't love anyone unless you love yourself..... she sounds like she's ashamed of you or playing you... like she wants you only if she has no one else or unless you find another girlfriend.... stick up for yourself... be honest with her and if she can't handle it, well then i recommend breaking all ties with her... move on and get over her... that's all i can give as advice...
 virVerus
Joined: 2/5/2011
Msg: 73
EX GF wants to be friends and possibly get back together. What is my best move here?
Posted: 11/26/2011 12:48:49 PM

Dated for 8 months. I love her and I want her. She broke up with me saying she loves me but is not in love. We have talked on the phone and she mentions that perhaps we just need to start over and try again. But she is confused and doesn't know what she wants.

So we have gone out as friends a couple of times now. It's hard for me to be just friends. I want more.

Getting her back is the goal so what should I do?

Do I tell her that just friends is not good enough for me, and its all or nothing?

Or do I continue playing along with her friend game?

The only reason I haven't told her that we cant hang out anymore, is because I am wondering if this will make her think I hate her and don't want her.

I just want to make sure I play my cards right.

Here's what would happen if you took her back as a girlfriend...

She would think she was the best you could find, and she would treat you accordingly.
 cadnb
Joined: 12/6/2010
Msg: 74
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EX GF wants to be friends and possibly get back together. What is my best move here?
Posted: 11/26/2011 3:09:26 PM
first of all if you dont want to be just friends, DONT. it may be temporary and you may want to be friends again once you heal or it may be a real feeling you have. either way youll be lying to yourself and to her EVERYDAY, and throwing yourself into the pain of being the friend as you watch her **** other men.
**** that. Never understood why guys not wanting just friend ship just kinda go "well, alright i guess. ill be just friends" when theyre rejected.
im friends with all my exs but its always taken if not months, year.

first of all you have to agree and honestly believe that it was right to break up at that time. Not saying that you dont but just throwing it out there. Until you realize that, good luck.

i just got back with my last ex that im pretty into so i can tell u what i did.

first made an ass out of my self so i didnt talk to her at all for two weeks, she texted me and i was nice and told her things like it made me happy she missed me but not anything to deep.

things progressed and one night i left her a drunk sorry letter that she seemed to appreciate cause she thought i hated her. then i made her a song which she said nothing about till much later and added her on facebook but she ignored my request. I got super bitter feeling like she was playing with me and for a couple weeks i maintained no contact, till she texted about some stuff i still had that she wanted.

i decided then to get her flowers and wrote her a note saying how much i missed her and what about her i missed. I ended with saying i missed the romance, but it wasnt as important as her herself, and i wasnt worrying about it right now.

we hung out, had a deep heavy convo about everything. OH YEA! dont dump all these lessons and things you have learned on her. itll sound like excuses and **** everything up.
I waited for to ask and show a genuine interest in that before i told her.
The night ended with me telling her i think we should be friends right now but i wanted to be 100 percent clear that my intention is to build a romantic relationship again. she didnt say anything about the romance but was ecstatic to be friends again

had a few pretty "date type" encounters that were SO fun. like refreshingly surprisingly fun compared to how it was when we broke up

and then we got drunk had sex and now are together.

its really confusing dealing with all that i hope my experience helps you cause i know intesnse it is
 cadnb
Joined: 12/6/2010
Msg: 75
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EX GF wants to be friends and possibly get back together. What is my best move here?
Posted: 11/26/2011 3:12:29 PM

Here's what would happen if you took her back as a girlfriend...

She would think she was the best you could find, and she would treat you accordingly.


i dont totally disagree, but personally things have been awesome since my ex and i got back together.
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