Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > Using POF as the easy way out      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 dobbie101
Joined: 1/24/2011
Msg: 26
view profile
History
Using POF as the easy way outPage 2 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
There is no easy way out for anybody. We are all creatures of habit and sooner or later those ugly patterns will emerge to bite in sensitive areas. If we will not look at and learn from the "why's" we are certainly destined to repeat the same trash of failed relationships. Yes there are plenty of fish in the seas but that gives us no right to just use up a resource for the sake of doing so. Relationship is a lot more than looking for bumps in the road, it is also about learning for ourselves, our negative and destructive behaviours that prevent meaningful and mutual partnership.
 Pingshooter
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 27
view profile
History
Using POF as the easy way out
Posted: 10/20/2011 7:28:58 AM

I have dated...


Eh...and the problem is what?

You're dating, they're dating.

I fail to see the problem..enlighten me.
 bds1976
Joined: 8/22/2011
Msg: 28
Using POF as the easy way out
Posted: 10/20/2011 8:35:28 AM
So, you were back out on PoF very shortly after breaking up with him and noticed his profile up and are wondering why he's back out here so soon?

As for the other, he probably thought he was getting the blow-off or he was doing the blowing off. It happens.
 OyVay...
Joined: 7/15/2011
Msg: 29
Using POF as the easy way out
Posted: 10/20/2011 9:21:51 AM
WOW! Lady I think you have a problem with communication!

Let's take the easy stuff first OK? The second guy, you dated 2 weeks according to you. Well if I were him, I wouldn't have taken down or hidden my profile in the first place. 2 weeks is bupkis lady, in 2 weeks maybe there are 4 dates, I doubt either of you know enough about each other. During a 2 week dating thing, it should be new enough that you would both desire communication EVERYDAY!!

As for Mr. 4 months, you say "bumps in the road", I kinda visualize an 10 inch deep pothole, in a car with no springs or shock absorbers! What's "bumps" to you, maybe craters to him. Funny you give very little info on those bumps, even after you reposted! Further you go onto say "you broke up with him". So why wouldn't he put his profile back up?

Finally color me crazy, but I think some 500K guys sign on here every day, so an experience with 2, hardly seems an epidemic. But in the end, what can we say that accurately describes your situation. YOU dated 2 guys, they left and went back to dating because it did not work out with YOU! You are the common denominator in this, so if this happens a third time, take a break from dating, and figure out what is causing the problem.
 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 30
view profile
History
Using POF as the easy way out
Posted: 10/20/2011 9:24:40 AM
I am so different.................I have never taken mine off and have no intentions of doing that, and I have had a number of relationships over the 8+ years that I have been on here.

The difference is that I put on my profile that I am not seeking anyone when I have someone in my life, and if anyone takes the time to actually read my profile, they will know my intent overall!!!

cd.................
 bullielover62
Joined: 12/2/2006
Msg: 31
Using POF as the easy way out
Posted: 10/20/2011 9:45:42 AM
And deac, I for one am glad you never took it down. I have made a lifetime friend because of your candor.

As far as the OP, me thinks there's a lot of growing up that needs to occur. Who considers themselves to be exclusive after two weeks, and um, who's ARGUING after two fookin' weeks????

The four month thing makes me worry a bit as well..... four months of bumps galore, probably means there were troubles two weeks in as well.

Yes, the online biz has allowed BOTH sexes to treat this dating thing like a child in a candy store.... loads of options and always available to browse and choose..... But if you are an adult and MEET an adult and TREAT the new thing like adults, you shouldn't have to worry about PoF being available.

If it's not PoF, it's any number of dating sites, bars, etc.....

Get your own act together and find the common denominator... which is you, hon.


bullie~
 Blu_Angie
Joined: 11/7/2010
Msg: 32
Using POF as the easy way out
Posted: 10/20/2011 9:48:25 AM
Its so easy for people to keep shopping around. Ask yourself this.... is it worth being with a cheater? If you said no.... then don't let it get you down and move on.
 Archangel_07
Joined: 6/21/2010
Msg: 33
Using POF as the easy way out
Posted: 10/20/2011 10:04:42 AM
I was in a relationship and I am the one that broke up.
----------------------------------
I've had my share of females breaking up with me and sometimes it feels good being the dumpee than the dumper. Once I'm dumped, I run and I don't look back
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 34
view profile
History
Using POF as the easy way out
Posted: 10/20/2011 10:35:47 AM

...everyone wants to trade up...


Based on what facts? Why do people say this? Only some people think about trading up all the time, always on the ready, just in case a better piece comes along, but stop acting like it's everybody, because it's not. The people who keep posting this may well feel a need to 'trade up' whenever they get a chance but I don't think that's the norm. I have never been with someone and then thought, oh he's better, I either like it as it is or I'm not happy and plan on leaving, but not because I saw some shiny babble and lost track of how I felt for the person I am with. That sounds like a personal problem that some are trying desperately to pin on everyone so they don't have to look at their own actions.

As for dumping someone then following them around and finding they aren't home missing you and instead went back to active POF status, you have the problem, you are either hoping they were home bawling over losing you or you think they should wait until you get to brag about dumping them before they find another date. Sounds like a big ole ego problem. The solution, when you dump someone, move on, don't stalk them.
 OyVay...
Joined: 7/15/2011
Msg: 35
Using POF as the easy way out
Posted: 10/20/2011 10:52:58 AM
Bingo!! Who says everyone looks for the next thing or concentrates on trading up?

If every relationship you start, begins with YOU having one foot out the door, and one hand on the doorknob, you should examine WTF, you want!

I often wonder, having read some posts by people, when I look at their profile and they have "long term" on their profile, but their answers always have a short term outlook, what they are really thinking. In truth, I believe they feel by checking long term they have access to more wo/men, than if they just said dating.

Then when things start to move toward serious, they flee the scene, blaming it on the other person, perceived problems or the dog ate their homework!

Do everyone a favor, including yourself, be clear about what you want. There's enough of everybody(meaning those for LTR and dating) to make everyone happy.
 MegaSharkVsGiantOctopus
Joined: 10/10/2011
Msg: 36
Using POF as the easy way out
Posted: 10/20/2011 11:27:55 AM
Hey OP

girls do the same thing.
 scottey63
Joined: 3/8/2008
Msg: 37
view profile
History
Using POF as the easy way out
Posted: 10/20/2011 11:45:47 AM
Not enough info about guy #1 and the argument you had. Maybe he thought you and he were done. Is this the guy you "were in a relationship" with and you broke up with him?

Men are simple creatures and take things at face value. When you break up with someone, you break up with them. It's done. It's not a "bump in the road". Men don't buy into a passive-aggressive game when you do it to try to manipulate him into coming crawling back. So naturally, he put his profile up.

Guy #2...well, after 2 weeks, you're not even "dating" yet. That one doesn't even count.
 --Zen--
Joined: 6/29/2011
Msg: 38
Using POF as the easy way out
Posted: 12/13/2011 3:47:01 AM
Some guys know exactly what they want and not willing to put up with crap. My way or the highway mentality
 BLoNde__ANgeL
Joined: 9/20/2011
Msg: 39
Using POF as the easy way out
Posted: 12/13/2011 4:30:54 AM

as soon as there were some bumps in the road the men would immediately put their profile up on POF again instead of trying to work things out, they prefer to go find someone to do the same things with and just repeat things over and over again.
THIS IS CALLED SERIAL DATING

In other words...they may have made the decision to end it before those events. Once it was ended...it's a matter of starting over.
IT GOT BORING 4 THEM SO THEY LOOKED 4 AN OUT...

they're just waiting for a bump so they can start the hunt all over again.

AGREED

There's a difference between dating and being in a relationship.
YOU GOT THAT ONE RIGHT

It's 2011, guys don't even pick up the phone to ask a woman out anymore, they text. Common courtesy has flown out the window so don't hold your breath that people are getting better with age.
ONLY CUZ WE HAVE ALLOWED THIS- I WOULD NOT GIVE SUCH A RUDE PERSON THE TIME OF DAY

Ideally, when you found the right person, it wouldn't matter how many options you had, since you wouldn't want to exercise them.
THAT'S LOVE!

No, it's the smart person who knows themself well enough to know when they don't want to pursue someone any longer. So someone talked to you or dated you for a couple of weeks and found they weren't interested in you, what part don't you get? It really doesn't matter why someone is not interested in you anymore, it only matters that they aren't interested. Learn to not invest into something too quickly, you don't even know these guys well enough to bother caring. They lost interest, good enough reason.
SAD BUT TRUE

Good grief, men don't just hurt us, there are two people involved, when you become nothing more than floating fluff waiting for some man to validate you, then yeah, every guy who pays attention to you, you will latch onto and then feel hurt when your imaginary relationship doesn't build to anything, but he didn't hurt you. You set yourself up for that by only feeling validated when a man wants you.
IF U WANT TO DATE, U GOTTA GET A SET...

Gets confusing when men don't follow the stereotype of "he just wants sex" and strings you along for more until a new girl comes along.
SOME THINGS NEVR CHANGE

Could be you just pick the wrong guys or could be that the guys you pick don't want to date you
DR PHIL WOULD SAY THIS

I would say that is " the dating" game. A few years ago I kind of felt hurt when such a thing happened, but learned when the guy I was dating found someone he really saw a future with he was OFF ALL sights immediately. I realized we were just not right for each other or it would have been the same with me. Not that he was a bad person we had not monogomous dating relationship, we all want to think someone thinks we are the "one" even if we aren't. Just our egos I think. So be realistic when dating.
A VERY MATURE STATEMENT

The story is : if he is on here often or off quickly after a problem--He is still looking and "not that in to you".
IN OTHER WORDS, HE ALREADY PLANNED ON GETTING OUT AFTER A CERTAIN TIME

When you meet someone that makes fireworks you will know it and he won't be on a dating sight and there will not be any question about how he feels. So until then just expect if you are dating and not serious yet, it's all up for grabs.
OR U CAN CHANGE HOW U DATE TO SCREEN OUT SUPERFICIAL PLAYERS

OP: It is the same ole story and it boils down to everyone wants to trade up. Just like cars, they want a newer model, with less miles, bigger motor, better gas mileage and better looking.
THAT IS CHILDISH IMMATURE NARCISSISTIC BEHAVIOR

Just because one is physically, visually or sexually compatiable, does not mean they are devoted to work the issues out.
A TRUE RELATIONSHIP MAY START OUT W/ PHYSICAL ATTRACTION, BUT WHAT HOLDS IT TOGETHER IS AN EMOTIONAL, INTELLECTUAL & SPIRITUAL CONNECTION.

Nonverbally saying something along the lines of "see here, how little you meant to me, I can replace you any time I want, with no need to pause for reflection."
THAT'S JUST CRUEL-KARMA WILL BITE THESE PEEPS IN THE AZZ
this is why i don't "date" anymore...i've seen other women get caught up, got caught up myself years ago...relationships & friends are real...the rest is just hooking up, don't make it into more than it really is
PS- in another thread i recommended a book called "The List" it's not about playing games, it is about REGOGNIZING behaviors of people around you
 LyamB
Joined: 7/25/2010
Msg: 40
view profile
History
Using POF as the easy way out
Posted: 12/13/2011 5:38:45 AM
Try to be optimistic about it. At least they didn't waste too much of your time. If they were the 'ones' for you; they wouldn't have scared so easily. :)
 TerrieLynnC
Joined: 5/31/2011
Msg: 41
Using POF as the easy way out
Posted: 12/13/2011 5:44:26 AM

If you didn't talk to me for a couple of days, I'd assume you couldn't be that interested in talking to me,


Abelian I usually like your replies but I don't agree with this. Why should she have been the one to make contact? Could the guy have not picked up the phone as well? I think we all should quit emailing, texting, facebooking, and start TALKING IN PERSON when it comes to relationships.

I think in today's world communication break down is a leading cause of people not being in a relationship.

When you ASSume you make an ASS out of U and ME. That's where TALKING FACE TO FACE comes in.
 AnEvilgenius
Joined: 11/8/2011
Msg: 42
Using POF as the easy way out
Posted: 12/13/2011 6:17:25 AM
That's funny because the only way you would know they are back on line is if you too were back on line..

Damn it man!
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 43
view profile
History
Using POF as the easy way out
Posted: 12/13/2011 6:31:15 AM
I agree with the general consensus. Two observations, you need to accept that you do and will only have control over your actions only. When you're upset over what someone else does, because it's not something you wanted them to do, it signals you haven't made that realization. Secondly, the only way you could have known they put their profile back up is if YOU were also back on the site. You really paint yourself into a corner on that one, you're finger pointing is going back to you.
 AnEvilgenius
Joined: 11/8/2011
Msg: 44
Using POF as the easy way out
Posted: 12/13/2011 6:45:56 AM
You might want to think about the "back on line to do the same things over and over" since this is an issue repeating itself in your life.
 BLoNde__ANgeL
Joined: 9/20/2011
Msg: 45
Using POF as the easy way out
Posted: 12/13/2011 6:55:26 AM

We are all creatures of habit and sooner or later those ugly patterns will emerge to bite in sensitive areas. If we will not look at and learn from the "why's" we are certainly destined to repeat the same trash of failed relationships
ageed, after reading this thread this morning, it inspired me to start a new one...modus operandi or M.O. when i hit a roadblock w/ anything in life, i go back & break it down step by step to see if i can find where the problem lies...what part do we take in this
 RL0058
Joined: 6/26/2009
Msg: 46
Using POF as the easy way out
Posted: 12/13/2011 7:12:24 AM
IMHO, this is a door that swings both ways. It's not just a guy thing but, I'm sure many women do it as well. It owes to the nature of the individual. I'll bet many people use this site as a barometer anyway. They are just here to see what kind of responses they will get and from who they get them. Many of them aren't serious to begin with. JMHO.
 AFireThatProtects
Joined: 12/5/2011
Msg: 47
Using POF as the easy way out
Posted: 12/13/2011 7:24:37 AM
There's a difference between dating and being in a relationship.
.........................................................................................................................
I totally agree with you... where the heck did that mindset go? You go on one date with a guy and he pretty much stalks you over the internet now!!!!
 Xc0de
Joined: 11/29/2011
Msg: 48
Using POF as the easy way out
Posted: 12/13/2011 7:40:30 AM

I have dated a couple of guys on this website and I found it interesting that as soon as there were some bumps in the road the men would immediately put their profile up on POF again instead of trying to work things out.



When a woman refuses to listen to what a guy has to say then there's no point. Why would I waste my time trying to work things out if a woman doesn't want to even really listen to me.



The last guy I was with for four months went on POF right after an argument we had. I was actually in the hospital when he put his profile up. The second guy I dated for a couple of weeks, put his profile up again because we hadn't talked for a couple of days.


Maybe you're the problem not them. When it's more than one person you should look at yourself first.
 lacalli
Joined: 11/27/2011
Msg: 49
Using POF as the easy way out
Posted: 12/13/2011 8:04:22 AM

I have dated a couple of guys on this website and I found it interesting that as soon as there were some bumps in the road the men would immediately put their profile up on POF again instead of trying to work things out, they prefer to go find someone to do the same things with and just repeat things over and over again. The last guy I was with for four months went on POF right after an argument we had. I was actually in the hospital when he put his profile up. The second guy I dated for a couple of weeks, put his profile up again because we hadn't talked for a couple of days.

You haven't given any details so it's hard to say. I do agree that since the internet there's more of a tendency to just walk away from people and not try and work things out. But that seems to be with all kinds of relationships as well: friends/family/work. On the other hand I've talked to men and dated men where it took a few times before I realized that they were not at all what I was looking for. And when I tried to explain why they didn't understand or didn't want to understand or plain didn't care.
 Cat*Eyes
Joined: 9/13/2006
Msg: 50
view profile
History
Using POF as the easy way out
Posted: 12/13/2011 9:51:18 AM
In my opnion, "never chase men, because, they will lose arousal" and interest", and in my opinion, this is true. Put your 2 hands together in a prayer, straight up way. Now push one hand toward the other hand and you will see you are pushing the other hand away. I hope you people get this, because, I do.
2 people should have to have mutual interest. If one has more interest than the other, they push the other one away.
Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > Using POF as the easy way out