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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > Using POF as the easy way out      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 BLoNde__ANgeL
Joined: 9/20/2011
Msg: 45
Using POF as the easy way outPage 3 of 3    (1, 2, 3)

We are all creatures of habit and sooner or later those ugly patterns will emerge to bite in sensitive areas. If we will not look at and learn from the "why's" we are certainly destined to repeat the same trash of failed relationships
ageed, after reading this thread this morning, it inspired me to start a new one...modus operandi or M.O. when i hit a roadblock w/ anything in life, i go back & break it down step by step to see if i can find where the problem lies...what part do we take in this
 RL0058
Joined: 6/26/2009
Msg: 46
Using POF as the easy way out
Posted: 12/13/2011 7:12:24 AM
IMHO, this is a door that swings both ways. It's not just a guy thing but, I'm sure many women do it as well. It owes to the nature of the individual. I'll bet many people use this site as a barometer anyway. They are just here to see what kind of responses they will get and from who they get them. Many of them aren't serious to begin with. JMHO.
 AFireThatProtects
Joined: 12/5/2011
Msg: 47
Using POF as the easy way out
Posted: 12/13/2011 7:24:37 AM
There's a difference between dating and being in a relationship.
.........................................................................................................................
I totally agree with you... where the heck did that mindset go? You go on one date with a guy and he pretty much stalks you over the internet now!!!!
 Xc0de
Joined: 11/29/2011
Msg: 48
Using POF as the easy way out
Posted: 12/13/2011 7:40:30 AM

I have dated a couple of guys on this website and I found it interesting that as soon as there were some bumps in the road the men would immediately put their profile up on POF again instead of trying to work things out.



When a woman refuses to listen to what a guy has to say then there's no point. Why would I waste my time trying to work things out if a woman doesn't want to even really listen to me.



The last guy I was with for four months went on POF right after an argument we had. I was actually in the hospital when he put his profile up. The second guy I dated for a couple of weeks, put his profile up again because we hadn't talked for a couple of days.


Maybe you're the problem not them. When it's more than one person you should look at yourself first.
 lacalli
Joined: 11/27/2011
Msg: 49
Using POF as the easy way out
Posted: 12/13/2011 8:04:22 AM

I have dated a couple of guys on this website and I found it interesting that as soon as there were some bumps in the road the men would immediately put their profile up on POF again instead of trying to work things out, they prefer to go find someone to do the same things with and just repeat things over and over again. The last guy I was with for four months went on POF right after an argument we had. I was actually in the hospital when he put his profile up. The second guy I dated for a couple of weeks, put his profile up again because we hadn't talked for a couple of days.

You haven't given any details so it's hard to say. I do agree that since the internet there's more of a tendency to just walk away from people and not try and work things out. But that seems to be with all kinds of relationships as well: friends/family/work. On the other hand I've talked to men and dated men where it took a few times before I realized that they were not at all what I was looking for. And when I tried to explain why they didn't understand or didn't want to understand or plain didn't care.
 Cat*Eyes
Joined: 9/13/2006
Msg: 50
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History
Using POF as the easy way out
Posted: 12/13/2011 9:51:18 AM
In my opnion, "never chase men, because, they will lose arousal" and interest", and in my opinion, this is true. Put your 2 hands together in a prayer, straight up way. Now push one hand toward the other hand and you will see you are pushing the other hand away. I hope you people get this, because, I do.
2 people should have to have mutual interest. If one has more interest than the other, they push the other one away.
 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 51
view profile
History
Using POF as the easy way out
Posted: 12/13/2011 9:59:20 AM
And in my opinion......."never chase women".......so, tit for tat......so to speak!!........

I have not lost arousal for any woman that I had attraction and chemistry with, and it had nothing to do with who was chasing whom............ Mutual interest is a good thing, but, and I repeat this.....BUT.........to many women expect men to chase them, and when they do not, THEY lose interest..............

Equality of the sexes is an awesome thing, and chasing is not needed at all, but much more an equal walk side by side, enjoying the journey............

OT..........The best way to deal with the POF profile, is to not take it down at all, just change the information to let all know that you are either with someone now, or only interested in friends.............so easy, yet so hard for some to tolerate............shakes head and leaves the room..........

cd.............
 apurfectmeow
Joined: 11/19/2011
Msg: 52
Using POF as the easy way out
Posted: 12/13/2011 10:03:14 AM
Ive gotten to the point where many dates have become boring.
They are so vanilla when I want SPARK-
Thats all I really look for these days.
 peppermint petunias
Joined: 9/2/2009
Msg: 53
Using POF as the easy way out
Posted: 12/13/2011 10:15:09 AM

Excuse me while I get off my heart monitor.
* wildly beeping*

It may blow up.

You break up with guys and they jump back in wookin for nub?
HOW DARE THEY???

Raised by jackals I tell ya...the whole lot of them.
 gentleplus
Joined: 9/8/2008
Msg: 54
view profile
History
Using POF as the easy way out
Posted: 12/13/2011 6:32:11 PM
I think everyone here is missing a core issue... and that is... have we done our own internal work on character, lifestyle, life goals etc.. so we are attractive, available emotionally, and ready for an authentic relationship???...

once this is under our belts attraction and relational success are much easier for anyone...
 SweetLilGTP
Joined: 10/22/2010
Msg: 55
Using POF as the easy way out
Posted: 12/13/2011 7:46:20 PM
Well, I've never really made it to "relationship" status with anyone on here, but I've heard this from my friends. And while my girlfriends will delete their profiles when a relationship begins, the men will just hide theirs. Obviously, they're just waiting for a bump so they can start the hunt all over again.


"My" profile isnt going anywhere until we're living together at LEAST.

If things go well; I wont have much time or desire to hang here anyways. (no offence anyone)

If you want to think being off of POF means no opportunity to date, and that being on POF means trollin for ladies (EVEN THOUGH I spend all my off time with you, and give you straight up answers); that's your problem.

Tell me when you're leaving so I can wave my hand in a byebye sign to you.

 hotmerlot
Joined: 11/3/2011
Msg: 56
Using POF as the easy way out
Posted: 12/13/2011 8:01:35 PM
Uhm, men are allowed to date whomever they please, and end things if they want to. Without being made to disappear! Shocking, I know!
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 57
Using POF as the easy way out
Posted: 12/13/2011 8:05:00 PM

I have dated a couple of guys on this website and I found it interesting that as soon as there were some bumps in the road the men would immediately put their profile up on POF again instead of trying to work things out, they prefer to go find someone to do the same things with and just repeat things over and over again.

It's not that pof is the ``easy way out.'' As a guy, what I see are LOTS of women and less reason to make something work when it really isn't working.

The second guy I dated for a couple of weeks, put his profile up again because we hadn't talked for a couple of days.

Actually, that would be a pretty good example of what I think is just you having less abilitity online, to have it your way. If I was dating someone and she didn't want to talk to me for a couple of days, I'm pretty sure I could find someone was more interested in me. Ican't really blame him for putting his profile back up.
 TylerDurd3n
Joined: 2/14/2011
Msg: 58
Using POF as the easy way out
Posted: 12/13/2011 9:37:49 PM
maybe you give up the sex too easily?
 moutainbreeze
Joined: 10/19/2011
Msg: 59
Using POF as the easy way out
Posted: 12/13/2011 10:31:27 PM

It's 2011, guys don't even pick up the phone to ask a woman out anymore, they text. Common courtesy has flown out the window so don't hold your breath that people are getting better with age.
As they always say here, until you have had the exclusive talk and promise fidelity everyone is a free agent to do as they please..


1. Uh, if a man asks me out via a text message, the answer is, "NO." He has to be able to pick up a phone and talk to me. I cannot imagine going out with a guy who just texted me. Why would you tolerate such behavior in the first place?

2. this is true, you have to talk to the person and make a decision together that you want to be in a long term relationship. Now if the guy is shacking up with several women at once, while "dating" you, that is different. Then he is a biohazard and you should run for your life... literally.

******************************************
As for the OP: it really depends on the argument, what was said and how you argue. Someone starts attacking me personally in our "first argument," saying vicious, cruel or disrespectful things... I am outta there that same day. No explanation. None needed. I will not tolerate verbal abuse from anyone. Maybe it is just me, but I cannot imagine "getting into an argument" with someone after dating them for only 4 months.

I mean sure, you will disagree on stuff right off the bat. However, I prefer to sit down and work out the bugs along the way. Either one or the both of you change your mind, you reach common ground between you or you both agree that you will disagree and respect that the other person has a different take on life than you do. Why would people waste energy arguing with someone they are exploring and getting to know? Seriously?

If I find that arguing is the only way to resolve issues in a relationship, I am in the wrong relationship. People disagree and that has to be worked out; but arguing to the point that someone leaves is something entirely different.
 BEACHBUM611
Joined: 12/12/2011
Msg: 60
Using POF as the easy way out
Posted: 12/18/2011 7:53:34 AM
WHAT THE HELL???????????????? I never heard of such nonsense!!! To sum it up, all I can say is and not to be funny but they weren't really into you OR they were just players looking for reasons to hook up with someone else. I would choose the latter because I'm sure you're a catch. Lots of luck fishing.
 justagoodstuff
Joined: 8/3/2011
Msg: 61
Where is your profile photo?
Posted: 12/18/2011 11:57:59 AM
POF is an interesting social media tool. Someone in New Jersey referred me here. Sometimes I wish that I had never met the person who referred me here.

Dating is tough no matter where you try to do it. For some reason there just seems to be a disposable mentality here, as you are eluding to. Why is that? Why do people want to treat other people like a pair of Pampers?

Let me see if I can sort this out. When you have a society that is not based primarily on principles and values this sort of thing happens. If you took the Golden Rule and applied it there would certainly be a lot less of this sort of thing. If more people valued the people that they once did value they would consider that person's feelings and emotions in the cases that you presented.

I could say that everything that is not right with the world today stems from a total lack of these inherent right/wrong values. We were born with a sense of right and wrong and we find every opportunity to rationalize and justify all of the wrong things that we do.

Let's wake up and put principles back into practice.
 edjoecdn
Joined: 5/25/2006
Msg: 62
view profile
History
Using POF as the easy way out
Posted: 12/18/2011 12:54:05 PM
Okay folks.... we're NOT in Kansas anymore....

All of us have a history, men and women alike! All of us have gotten different things out of our pasts... and we're all different people to start off with.

To many people used to "settle" for what they found or got... NOT so anymore! Here's POF a wonderful tool for people to sit around looking there worst on the computer with there HOTTEST / best photo up...

The whole "trade- up" line of thinking is alive and well ! Why ? Because people have wasted ( insert the number of years they were in the relationship that ended) and THIS TIME... type of thinking.

I knew women for several months on here.. but in reality we had seen each other only about one a week due to schedules etc. The "romance" wears off quite fast and that's when the true person comes out.... is this the same person we met ? Is this a person we want for any further length of time ? ....

Fix your self, be happy with your life alone and with just yourself... then go forth and see what's out there! Maybe you'll get "lucky" ( excuse the pun ) for the long term ...

It's a matter of POF reality.... it's window shopping and try before you buy... mentality...
 chewy13
Joined: 6/5/2007
Msg: 63
Using POF as the easy way out
Posted: 12/18/2011 6:14:11 PM
I too had the same thing happen not just once but over and over with the same guy for 7 yrs....lol..These men are very unstable and it is a cycle that should be avoided because it will affect your self esteem it did mine..I hope the next guy I do meet will be normal and mature enough to be in a relationship..
 Randal5
Joined: 10/23/2009
Msg: 64
Using POF as the easy way out
Posted: 12/18/2011 6:45:23 PM
STRAY CAT is the most reading comprehension challenged poster I have ever encountered. I appear to be the poster most frustrated by poor reading comprehension. It's hard to call those guys out technically. The four month guy might have displayed a little more empathy and class.
 artskier
Joined: 12/12/2011
Msg: 65
Using POF as the easy way out
Posted: 12/18/2011 7:39:06 PM
My ex had his profile back up when we were still married - and he said he was single. I filed for divorce shortly after. Then after we were divorced he called me to have a hissy fit because I had put a profile up here. It was okay for him to go back to dating but not okay for me to do the same. Considering the email I got after I filed the divorce - the one where he said how much money he had spent "finding"me (on a dozen different dating sites) and how he did not intend to let me go, I had to understand that he believed he had bought and paid for me.

Look out girls - he is back. Right here on POF. An upgraded membership. Serious!
 SweetLilGTP
Joined: 10/22/2010
Msg: 66
Using POF as the easy way out
Posted: 12/18/2011 7:47:44 PM
It's not that pof is the ``easy way out.'' As a guy, what I see are LOTS of women and less reason to make something work when it really isn't working.


Like in a lightbulb analogy.

If the car is broken, meaning a lightbulb is out;SCREW getting a new bulb and replacing it.....just come to POF n get a whole new car again!!

Everythings, ok everyONES disposable!!

Cool hu!?

I wonder if this was first place prize in third world countries? [Is that what we get for winning that competition?]^

POF is for hooking up, and breeding; bottom line.
 Jewnolikebeef
Joined: 11/25/2011
Msg: 67
Using POF as the easy way out
Posted: 12/25/2011 2:31:09 PM
DEEDEEDE!!!! Not rocket science, if I thought a relationship wasn't gonna work, I'd put my profile back up too, oh wait it's been here all along. This blows my mind do women expect us to terminate all other options when they so much as say "yes, I'll go have coffee with you"?

If you want a man to make an effort to stick it out through the hard times, you have to PROVE YOURSELF WORTHY of sticking it out for. I certainly learned from experience, I used to be all serious and devoted n all that, until I got f*cked over one too many times when things "got rough", so f*ck it I'm no idiot.

Bottom line, treat others as you've have them treat you, if you want someone to stand by you, stand by them, if you want someone to appreciate you, appreciate them. I aplogize if it sounds like I'm blaming you I'm not, I'm just saying, no one's innocent, we've all treated people like sh*t, and if I thought I was gonna get dumped, I'd sure as sh*t be back on here before she could break the news.
 cinsav
Joined: 6/10/2009
Msg: 68
Using POF as the easy way out
Posted: 12/25/2011 2:40:38 PM
Here's a news flash.... as much as I wanted to believe the Internet dating could work - the fact of the matter is - it's a joke. It's great for hooking up, it's great for making friends. But, if you are expecting to really and truly find love? You are going to be seriously let down.

Most people on here have issues... that's WHY they're here. I can understand if you're living in the middle of the country where your chances of meeting someone are limited.... but seriously? If you're living in a CITY and you have use the net to meet that special someone? You're screwed up.

I have met a LOT of women on the webbernets and I can say with 100% certainty that 99% of them of have been whackjobs with more baggage than a Delta flight. Don't like it? I don't care - it is what it is.

Woman have to deal with players and guys that lie about who they really are. Men have to deal with fatties who post 15 year old pics only to show up at the first meet to see whale instead of the slim trim hottie they THOUGHT they were going to meet.

People on the web suck - get used to it - don't use dating sites to find love. Use it to make good friends, use it for dates.... use YOURSELF and your intuition to find that whom you're supposed to be with.
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