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Show ALL Forums  > Single Parents  > Do guys actually date single mothers?      Home login  
Joined: 4/3/2005
Msg: 212
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Do guys actually date single mothers?Page 13 of 13    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13)

Ontariowoman...perhaps what you define as serious committed relationship differs from others....under 25....children from 2 different fathers.....does not inspire serious committed opposed to easy uncommitted rolls in the hay.

I always did attribute committed serious relationships as requiring a few years of development and effort before one could suggest commitment...or one could claim serious relationship enough to consider planning and following through with children are a life time of responsibility....yet some it seems consider the few months as sufficient to define or qualify as a committed relationship?

I generally define a committed relationship as either being married or being together for at least a couple of years; not months. I never stated otherwise. I mentioned that I was 5 years into an 8 year relationship when I had my daughter. We were living in a common-law relationship and raising his two children from a previous relationship. I consider that a committed relationship.

What I was trying to convey to smiling rock is that his perception of all single mothers as very young and having multiple children with multiple fathers is not only stereotyping, but only represents a minority of single mothers.

Most of us were in committed relationships and most young mothers who had children due to an 'oops' in the backseat of their boyfriend's car usually learn their lesson the first time around and don't have anymore children until they are a bit older.

Granted, there is a subset that do have multiple children with multiple fathers at a very young age and are irresponsible, but to paint all single mothers as being like them is akin to lumping all non-custodial fathers with young men who impregnate several young women and don't contribute anything else to their offspring.
Joined: 11/20/2011
Msg: 213
Do guys actually date single mothers?
Posted: 2/5/2012 2:33:02 PM
Thank you! I am a single mother and it disgusts me when I see people stereotype so cruelly. Just because I am young and happen to have a child does not make me any less of a person. I am very capable of taking care of him myself and I dont need a man to step in a father either. He has a very involved father. Stop and think before you judge an individual.
Joined: 12/25/2011
Msg: 214
Do guys actually date single mothers?
Posted: 2/5/2012 4:57:55 PM
I personally couldn't date a single mother for the reasons listed below.

1: I will never be first, but yet i'm expected to deal with all the bull.
2: Passion suffers as kids get older. A lot of women lack sex drive after kids. Your sex suffers because another man has already been there with the moneyshot.
3: Problems with the kid's ex. You feel like a third wheel when he's around.
4: Most parents push their kids on men way too hard. Most men I know run.
5: Kids are expensive. They can ruin your goals, hopes and aspirations. She can leave, I have to deal with the fact of why i've lost 20 years and didn't do anything from sacrifice.
6: Most single parents on POF talk about their kid more than themselves. Why not just date the kid? (Sarcastic)

There are more, but i'm stopping here.

My points, not necessarily everyone elses. Single parents aren't BAD, it's just hard to consider being that they are a lot of "kidless" options out there that would probably lead to a more meaningful relationship.
Joined: 1/14/2012
Msg: 215
Do guys actually date single mothers?
Posted: 2/5/2012 5:16:50 PM
Boondocksaint73 ---your ignorance stands for all to see. Go back to the hell hole that is your mind. OP - you just need to date older, more mature men. Why would you want to date men with attitudes like the aforementioned anyway?
Joined: 10/1/2011
Msg: 216
Do guys actually date single mothers?
Posted: 2/6/2012 9:35:44 PM
its the other way for me i tried to date someone with a kid she was cool and everything but she wound up leaving me instead but to answer your question i would have to say yes most of us are immature and are a little scared of i guess you could say the thought of having a kid at any age its just a fear we all have and you can tell who is a boy and who is a man by the choice they make but in my eyes it does not matter if there's a kid or not the only thing that matters is if there is a connection just my opinion
Joined: 1/18/2012
Msg: 217
Do guys actually date single mothers?
Posted: 2/6/2012 10:31:56 PM
I have two friends that have been paying child support for years. The children are not theirs but because the mother of the children does not know who their father is (one of them does but won't have anything to do with him) and they accepted responsibility during the three year relationship, they are now accountable for their well being. they were considered common law.

Fortunately these two dads stayed active in these kids lives.....but its not always that way.
Joined: 10/1/2011
Msg: 218
Do guys actually date single mothers?
Posted: 2/8/2012 11:05:25 PM
To add most of you want a ass hole and never give a good guy a chance so you should not complain when when you probably said no to the perfect guy to be with a prick and you know that's true if a guy is to nice then you wont give him the time of day and you know it
Joined: 7/15/2011
Msg: 219
Do guys actually date single mothers?
Posted: 2/9/2012 12:04:00 AM
Came back to this thread, some 5 pages later.

No change, same ol, same ol. Men saying one thing, women saying something else.

Unless you have experienced a relationship with a single mom, I guess you are only spouting things you have heard. Further for the guys who date single moms, and find no difficulty, it is a matter of differenece of experience.

Frankly I have no problem with single women, with children seeking a relationship. I do have a problem with people who wish to make men second class citizens in such relationships.

I had a step daughter, guess what? I have had no relationship with her since her mom and I divorced. Worse was I put myself out there and supported her through her teen years. Now I'm not talking money, but emotional support and some medical interactions as well.

Her mother divorced me, than told her daughter it was my fault. Hence the daughter viewed me as a bad person, even though I had been there for her and had no part in ending the marriage. I paid for college, but that's not here or there, what is important is the fact that she never accepted me, even though she said she did.

Women want to make this all about "why guys won't date single moms"

A better view would be why do single moms make guys come in a distant second, or allow their kids to diss a guy who was there for them?

No it's easier to say, gee the guy was a shit, or the guy played me and my kids, than to accept the fact that he has no claim to that child's emotions or connection cause he was just a temporary dad!

The truth is we are all selfish, we want what we want! So why is it better to view a single mom's needs, than that single guy who says "hey why should I put up with the hastle?"

Joined: 4/3/2005
Msg: 220
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Do guys actually date single mothers?
Posted: 2/9/2012 6:10:05 AM

These single moms need to stop worrying about peoples reasonings. The reasons that you are single doesn't make it any less.

Doesnt matter if you were a party girl and have a **stard, or tried your hand in marriage and planned the child, the fact is you have kid, and the same restrictions apply regardless.

Most single mothers don't have a problem with men who choose not to date us. We fully understand that adopting a ready-made family is not everyone's cup of tea.

However, we do have a problem with people who choose to bash us, stereotype us and claim that we are not dating or relationship material.

Everyone has their preferences, but there is no need to bash people who do not fit those preferences. I prefer dating single fathers, but I don't bash men without children and imply that there is something wrong with them.

Having preferences doesn't exempt people from having to behave decently towards others.
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 221
Do guys actually date single mothers?
Posted: 2/9/2012 6:23:06 AM
Well said Ontario :)
Joined: 9/29/2011
Msg: 222
Do guys actually date single mothers?
Posted: 2/9/2012 2:46:02 PM

that is akin to a woman in her mid- late 30s who has 3 kids from different daddies...

It's funny how guys seem to think that when woman get pregnant it's ALL her fault. Men who think like that are pansies and can't take responsibility for their actions.
Joined: 5/23/2010
Msg: 223
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Do guys actually date single mothers?
Posted: 2/10/2012 5:26:17 PM
Sweetheart guys will date you kid or not, it depends on the guy. Some will like you and then see the challenge and responsibility a child or children brings to the table. I am not saying this is a bad thing. Some guys are able to deal with it but get scared because they rushed it. Some feel it’s a responsibility issue they may have to take care of you money wise. Show them your independent and that even if a guy doesn’t want to date you with a child. You are sure to be fine and be happy tell he comes around. Confident is what you have to be and what matters. Also don’t ever explain how the Childs dad left him it may scare a man to think your looking for a baby daddy. I say this b/c I am divorced with 3 kids. I am very picky and never bring a man around my kids unless it’s friendship first and I get to know them aside from my kids. Good luck and I hope this advice helped.
Joined: 9/3/2011
Msg: 224
Do guys actually date single mothers?
Posted: 2/10/2012 5:35:44 PM

100% Correct

Remember guys, you date a single mom you are Plan B or even Plan C or D

This, it's a bit like crying fowl after the bird has flown the coop and is long gone. Your happy enough to put yourself out to pasture and have unprotected sex at a young age with someone you think is just fun then come crying to a decent guy to solve your problems. In this age bracket which I'm in with the original poster people don't want that.

They want people who have sensibility, who are a clean slate and that they may or may not settle down with once things are sorted out. Having kids to someone you're probably not committed to at 22 years old comes across as being nothing short of irresponsible in this day and age when its easily prevented.
Joined: 2/8/2012
Msg: 225
Do guys actually date single mothers?
Posted: 2/11/2012 9:52:57 PM
"All your baggage"???? Are you kidding me? If your 2 yr old and you being 22 yrs old is considered baggage then someone in my shoes has the biggest load of baggage and I will be single forever. No a good response to give a single mom and by the way anyone that looks at my beautiful children as "baggage" are not worth my time.
Joined: 12/16/2008
Msg: 226
Do guys actually date single mothers?
Posted: 2/12/2012 7:07:25 AM
I love it when woman stand on the pulpit and cry about owning up to responsibility.....and when one see's and hears part time employment....while raising employment....where is the responsibility to themselves and their children....looking for someone else to assume it?

However, we do have a problem with people who choose to bash us, stereotype us and claim that we are not dating or relationship material.

Everyone has their preferences, but there is no need to bash people who do not fit those preferences. I prefer dating single fathers, but I don't bash men without children and imply that there is something wrong with them.

Having preferences doesn't exempt people from having to behave decently towards others."


Hey X...I have no issue with single mothers...and I never stereotype all single mothers as the same....I have children...I have financial responsibility and emotional responsiblities from those children and an ex who feels that as a man I am the one who is supposed to be financially responsible for those children....but like the majority of single custodial fathers,,,I am employed full time....and I have and are having the time of my life without regrets and without a sense that I am owed something more. In fact…I have often suggested that for many mid 40’s woman I am not a good dating prospect when they already have seen their children pass 18…and they have more time on their hands in which to travel…to do things….what was funny…one objected to my profile where I prefer dating partners who are employed…as I know longer want further to financial support someone.

The census reports 50% of custodial mothers work full time...or do not work full time....a big number when looking at dating a single mother....and being responsible and prudent when understanding they may be assuming a financial requirement of supporting that single mother and her children. That is not a stereotype…that is factual. drain...who cares what someone else will look at the children as....your children require your emotional and financial support...along with the father if...he is in the picture...and will continue to be in the a student...there is no guarantee you will finish...if you will find anyone can suggest baggage...encumbrances...inconveniences.....or a single mother without employment and with children as potentially to costly and a financial risk or liability.

After all age 22...I was not looking for dating partners where the anchor was already in place......One could easily suggest that for are not worth their time and financial effort as well....Because equal considerations are required both ways? But then with the diminished dating pool some will never look at this as a problem either?
Joined: 4/3/2011
Msg: 227
Do guys actually date single mothers?
Posted: 2/16/2012 12:13:31 AM
A single mothers child is not baggage
A single mother is not a bad person

would I date one or more to the point get into a relationship with one - no

Call me mercenary, caveman, pig or whatever you want but my "resources" will be for my genetic offspring only not some other mans - law of the jungle prevails

In nature often the new alpha male kills the offspring of the male he ousted ? - good thing we have evolved beyond that.

I just can not fathom why single mothers decided to have children with the men that they did ?

I have heard many (single mothers) say the child's father is an ass, immature, drunk , abusive and so on -- did you not see this in him from the beginning ? why did you have children with this person ?
Joined: 12/9/2008
Msg: 228
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Do guys actually date single mothers?
Posted: 2/16/2012 5:32:20 AM
This may be hard to grasp Calypso, but he wasn't talking specifically about YOU. You are just 1 particular instance amongst many.

For instance 82% of all teen pregnancy is unplanned, and 20% of all unplanned pregnancies is from teens. 56% of unplanned teen pregnancies ended in birth.

<div class="quote">I have heard many (single mothers) say the child's father is an ass, immature, drunk , abusive and so on -- did you not see this in him from the beginning ?

To add to this, only about 20% of teen males would actually be pleased if they got someone pregnant. Too bad "my body, my choice," overrides his feelings. IMO, it's completely reckless to bear the child of a knowingly unwilling father. And people (men and women) love to sling such venomous rhetoric at these guys, and yet, somehow they were still somehow considered fitting to be parents, and "live up to their responsibilities."

I always wonder what it would be like if we lived in a society where BOTH parents were willing to have children WITH EACH OTHER at a time in their lives when BOTH of them were mentally, emotionally, AND financially ready for child rearing.
Joined: 9/26/2010
Msg: 229
Do guys actually date single mothers?
Posted: 2/16/2012 8:50:50 AM
well im mutch older then you,i gues when i was your age i would have ben scared to go out with a mom as i get oldder it seemes that i miss having a kid around,going out with a girl with a kid would be cool..have a great day..
Joined: 12/9/2008
Msg: 230
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Do guys actually date single mothers?
Posted: 2/16/2012 4:03:34 PM

Sex education works wonders.

Application of said sex education is where the wonders work in. As they said in G.I. Joe, "Knowing is HALF the battle." I don't know what the k-12 system is like nowadays, but I was taught sex ed in the 5th grade, so it's not like these teens aren't in the know.

I am also fed up with being stereotyped therefore I CHOOSE to share the difference.

I'm pretty sure that everyone knows that there is pretty much nothing in regard to human behavior that is 100% intrinsic. This should go without saying. Of course there are people like you who are part of the "not all" police that lurk these forums.

You sharing the difference isn't going to take away from the large numbers of single mothers that got into the predicaments they got into via a series of bad choices, as well as the repercussions of those choices. We live in a society where people are assumed guilt until proven innocent. The court systems we have may have indoctrinated otherwise, but it just doesn't work that way. I mean there are still millions of people that found OJ Simpson to be a killer and Michael Jackson to be a child molester despite some -very- extensive court trials.

That alone is one of the big reasons why men distance themselves from single mothers. They have already associated stigmas to you, and A LOT of valid evidence (not just your personal anecdote; you should look up "hasty generalization fallacy") that backs it. You can argue for your case until you're blue in the face, but that won't change anything. And then of course, there are all the other difficulties of dating a mother, that have been iterated and reiterated ad nauseum.

Actually he made that choice sleeping with her so his choice was there.

She made the same choice to have sex. However, she made the -only- choice when it came to keeping it. So she doesn't get to cry foul if/when he becomes yet another deadbeat that disappears and doesn't pay child support while she has to completely change her way of life, and he goes back to normalcy. Roger that.

It happens as per my view as I demonstrated.

It doesn't happen NEARLY enough.
Joined: 4/3/2011
Msg: 231
Do guys actually date single mothers?
Posted: 2/16/2012 5:22:41 PM

essexvikki on 2/12/2012 1036 AM
Hi hun im a single mum too, and find it hard to date or even find a man interested in me when they find out i have a child. i've just accepted that these boys are just immature, and wouldn't be good for me or my daughter. i believe the right one will come along one day, just as yours will babe xx chin up gorgeous

Immature you say

I would say they are rather prudent

With the plethora of single no child women in your age bracket why would these younger males of your age group not pursue and approach those women instead?

No they are not immature at all - they just have much better options available to them.

Keep waiting for the right one -- should be along at the same time that Jesus returns
Joined: 9/29/2011
Msg: 232
Do guys actually date single mothers?
Posted: 2/21/2012 11:15:40 PM
i am also a single parent, and i of course would date a single mom. I would almost prefer it actually, cause she would know what its like to have a child and take car of them etc...

I am having one hell of a time finding a good woman, this single stuff is for the birds!!!
Joined: 7/31/2007
Msg: 233
Do guys actually date single mothers?
Posted: 2/26/2012 10:57:48 AM
I am *only* interested in a relationship with a woman with a kid(s). I feel too old to have my own, but I love being a father so the solution is to look for someone who's ex is absent or uninvolved. I think age has a lot to do with it. Lots of younger guys don't care much about family-type activities like coaching soccer, teaching kids to swim, etc.
Joined: 1/24/2012
Msg: 234
Do guys actually date single mothers?
Posted: 2/26/2012 12:01:48 PM
I would HAPPILY date a single mom
but my only problem is that i don't meet the RIGHT kind of single mom
alot of women are really dishonest and cruel down to a T
especially if they still act childish and they have a kid already

i'm not bashing anyone
but i would definitely love to date a single mom again
i just hope that the next one that comes around will actually appreciate a person who gives them respect and wants to have as much fun as possible with BOTH the mom and the child istead of just one
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