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Show ALL Forums  > Single Parents  > Do guys actually date single mothers?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 dad2stay
Joined: 8/11/2011
Msg: 51
Do guys actually date single mothers?Page 3 of 13    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13)
^^

Then they are adults not children and capable of taking care of themselves.

This topic and subsequent responses addresses minor children specifically toddlers

However in some cases I still believe many parents would show priority over their offspring than someone they are merely dating, though if it becomes more than dating I can see how they would naturally start to be more prioritized
 Arlo_Troutman
Joined: 9/26/2009
Msg: 52
Do guys actually date single mothers?
Posted: 10/23/2011 10:14:42 AM


(AT) *sigh* Yet again, a single mother arguing that, "*I'M* not like that; therefore, obviously, NO SINGLE MOTHER, ANYWHERE, EVER, is/was like that!


(5150Rivergirl) Where did you get that from?


Her post.


She was just stating that she isnt struggling.


Good for her. It was her defensive dismissal of an explanation why *SOME* men may not wanna date single mothers, a general observation. This general observation may NOT apply in her SPECIFIC CASE, but her SPECIFIC SITUATION in no way invalidates the general observation...


She was talking speaking of herself, not all single mothers.


Then she's off-topic, not to mention making an irrelevant contribution to the discussion, which is "Do guys actually date single mothers?", not "Just how kick-ass are JR's finances?"

Listen, I get that you want to be brilliant, witty and charmiing just like me; but, there's a difference between smart-ass and smart...

Arlo...
 iq2t123
Joined: 10/13/2011
Msg: 53
Do guys actually date single mothers?
Posted: 10/23/2011 10:41:01 AM
The problem with dating single mothers are that they all put their kids first before anybody and anything (as do I) any 'good" parent would. That's the problem with being a single parent. Your significant other will never be on equal footings to your kids or family, and will always be put second, third, fourth, etc.. I don't think any person would want that and would not turn out to be a healthy relationship, which I do not blame them.
 5150Rivergirl
Joined: 8/3/2008
Msg: 54
Do guys actually date single mothers?
Posted: 10/23/2011 12:03:09 PM
Its only a "problem" when you make it a problem. This I need to come first reaks of neediness and strikes me as a person who shows codependency issues. I have never experienced any problems dating single parents. For those that cant handle it, dont date them. I dont know why this is such a huge deal. Life is too short to worry about who wont date you because of any status.

Arlo


Her post.


Negative. You took her post to sway it towards your slanted viewpoint.


It was her defensive dismissal of an explanation why *SOME* men may not wanna date single mothers, a general observation. This general observation may NOT apply in her SPECIFIC CASE, but her SPECIFIC SITUATION in no way invalidates the general observation...

Again. Negative. You have taken a simple sentence and curved it to fit what you WANT it to suggest.

Good luck on your quest for an intimate encounter hunt.
 5150Rivergirl
Joined: 8/3/2008
Msg: 55
Do guys actually date single mothers?
Posted: 10/23/2011 12:10:16 PM

That's the problem with being a single parent. Your significant other will never be on equal footings to your kids or family, and will always be put second, third, fourth, etc.. I don't think any person would want that and would not turn out to be a healthy relationship


Just because your ex wife left you over you putting the kids first, does not mean that it will always happen. I get you learned your lesson. yadda yadda yadda.

It takes a stable minded individual to handle dating a single parent. Damn. Ive dated plenty of single fathers, and both of us have never had a problem if plans have to change on ea other.. (visitation changes, etc)
I seriously dont get why people need to have this constant attention. It screams codependency to me. IMO.


he problem with dating single mothers


thats the problem right there. its only a problem if YOU make it a problem.
 iq2t123
Joined: 10/13/2011
Msg: 56
Do guys actually date single mothers?
Posted: 10/23/2011 2:09:38 PM
[bold]Just because your ex wife left you over you putting the kids first, does not mean that it will always happen. I get you learned your lesson. yadda yadda yadda.

who's ex wife? lmao! I am only 21 missy, and had my boy at 15..no marriage in there, as been a single parent from day 1 with my little guy, at this age, I know the relationship will not be good, hence why I don't date. I know in my mind, all my attention and time is needed towards my son, which I will not have time for the other person. Been single for 6 years since my boy Don't need no woman
 5150Rivergirl
Joined: 8/3/2008
Msg: 57
Do guys actually date single mothers?
Posted: 10/23/2011 2:31:19 PM
Wrong poster. My bad.
You sound as if I should be so shocked you weren't married, as if having a child at 15 is so above the marriage part. Its also amusing that you say "I'm only 21" to the marriage statement, yet, you noncholantly say you had a kid at 15. Crap. I think I was still playing with barbies then lol.
 iq2t123
Joined: 10/13/2011
Msg: 58
Do guys actually date single mothers?
Posted: 10/23/2011 2:38:17 PM
[bold]Wrong poster. My bad.
You sound as if I should be so shocked you weren't married, as if having a child at 15 is so above the marriage part. Its also amusing that you say "I'm only 21" to the marriage statement, yet, you noncholantly say you had a kid at 15. Crap. I think I was still playing with barbies then lol

Hey now! I have no regrets. I clearly got the love of my life out of it
 Silverhawk_tkn
Joined: 12/3/2010
Msg: 59
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History
Do guys actually date single mothers?
Posted: 10/23/2011 4:50:19 PM

I simply pointed out that ANY halfway decent parent/person would never:

A) Put anyone before their own child

B) Ask someone to put them before their own child



Okay, now clearly I must not be a halfway decent person, because my relationship with my GF and her kids is one of equality with myself and my son. The kids in our relationship are always looked after and their needs are met, from soccer games to dance practice to homework and everything else that is required from a parenting perspective. They are never denied their NEEDS, and between my son and her kids, they are treated equally. My GF and I also take time for ourselves and we do make working arrangements through friends and our exes (I do get along well with my ex) to have the kids from time to time to make this happen. We DO NOT let the kids dictate to us how to spend our time and we don't go running to them for their every whim. They are just fine with this arrangement and we all seem to be a very happy bunch.......now on to my question.........

As you seem to be someone that:


attended school, seminars, read books and networked with like minds, so my experience is not based off just my own body but the shared experiences and knowledge of many. My life and career is dedicated to this topic


and you clearly disagree with my relationship built on equality in the family, how do you propose I create a hierarchy based on "kids coming first"? Whos kids should come first in the relationship? Should it be mine, or hers? How subservient do we as "good" parents have to be in order for a properly functioning and happy family unit in your opinion?

My GF and I met on the premise that we both wanted long term relationships and, potentially, a blended family and we both agreed that the best way to support our kids was to ensure that our relationship needs were met with equal importance to the needs of our kids. After all, I thought happy parents would go a long way to ensuring happy kids too, and make for a generally happy family, but clearly in your mind I'm going about this the wrong way......

So, can you tell me and your throngs of fans here on POF how to do this the right way by putting the kids always first so I can be a halfway decent person?

Thanks so much.........
 dad2stay
Joined: 8/11/2011
Msg: 60
Do guys actually date single mothers?
Posted: 10/23/2011 5:55:54 PM
Wow totally getting off topic trying to twist this so let me try to make it a little more clear

IN A DATING RELATIONSHIP some of the men and women here and similar topics were stating jealousy that the single parent they were dating were cancelling dates and rescheduling or not being available due to their children, Some posters went as far as stating they should be first in the lives of the single parent they were dating meaning even if the kids had issues, sick, had activities, family time, etc, that they should be cancelled in the best interest of the person being dated

I pointed out that kids always come first, that family and blood is always more important than a NEW partner

I also stated that when the children are older or move out, or when the relationship gets to the point where family activities are shared or the person being dated is serious as in living together, engaged or marriage that they become more important as it is earned but that should a decision come down to the partner or child the child will win (Tommy needs braces, new daddy needs golf clubs)
 Silverhawk_tkn
Joined: 12/3/2010
Msg: 61
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History
Do guys actually date single mothers?
Posted: 10/23/2011 7:04:00 PM

I pointed out that kids always come first, that family and blood is always more important than a NEW partner



Ah, I see. So then single parents who are in a new dating relationship should never have expectations to be an equally important part of a family until "proven" otherwise, whether it be through living together, engaged, or married or any other "serious" committment? Until then, those same partners should be considered less important than the kids regardless of the contributions made to the relationship or family elements prior to that time?

I just want to be absolutely clear on this........
 dad2stay
Joined: 8/11/2011
Msg: 62
Do guys actually date single mothers?
Posted: 10/24/2011 6:36:22 AM
Silver

It seems you just like to argue so this is my last response

KIDS ALWAYS WILL COME FIRST TO A NORMAL PARENT

If you and her child are hanging off a cliff and she can save only one of you.

YOU'RE GONNA DIE!!!

If the child is sick and you are sick I bet the child will get more attention and before you get any

If you are stranded on one side of town and the child on the other guess who gets picked up first?

If you and the child are starving and there's only enough food for 1 guess who gets the first and only bite?

You will never be equal to a parents child you will never be on the same playing field, a dating partner relationship is in a totally different universe than a parent child relationship

Now granted you may find parents who neglects their kids and put their own needs above all others but this is not a normal GOOD parent

The only exception I see is when the child has grown then you may become a priority over them as they are not around to take care of, but I guarantee that if a adult child called their mom in a crisis and you were about to leave for a special date the mother would run to her baby despite your cries that your important tooo

This does not mean that the single parent doesn't love you, does not mean they'd not die for you or give all they had for you, or make time for you, it just means that most would only do it if it didn't negatively affect their child by doing so
 iq2t123
Joined: 10/13/2011
Msg: 63
Do guys actually date single mothers?
Posted: 10/24/2011 6:42:48 AM
^^I agree with Dad2stay, my boy will always come first before anyone and anything! My child requires all my attention as it is, which I will not have any time for the other person, and I surely won't make time for the person over his. guess that's 1 of the many reasons I refuse to be in a relationship. It wouldn't be healthy in general.
 1Truthhurts1
Joined: 9/25/2011
Msg: 64
Do guys actually date single mothers?
Posted: 10/24/2011 7:02:30 AM
I can agree to your post that not all single mothers are struggling or have issues with the father of the child popping back into your life...the stereotypes are insulting however I suggest you focus on what you can do for yourself and your child unfortunately people (younger men) use the excuse that they are sowing their oats ect. You don't want anyone like that anyway even to date a single parent that person needs to exude responsibility and even men in their 30's are ready to be responsible.... So just focus on what you can do to makesure you and your family is taken care of and put dating on the back burner it's their loss not yours.
 dad2stay
Joined: 8/11/2011
Msg: 65
Do guys actually date single mothers?
Posted: 10/24/2011 8:34:44 AM
iq2t123

I am a single primary custodial parent, when I have my kids they are my priority

The only time I focus on my desires such as dating is when they are at their moms, visiting friends or family, school or sleeping (no i don't leave them alone but I will find a sitter or invite someone over)

I am not going to put my life on hold as lets be honest I am not getting any younger but I will not neglect my kids because I am lonely or make them feel 2nd to a date

I also will not introduce anyone to my kids unless we get to a point where i think they are willing to have a LTR as I do not want my children hurt should a casual date not come back
 Cdn_Iceman
Joined: 12/1/2010
Msg: 66
Do guys actually date single mothers?
Posted: 10/24/2011 8:51:40 AM

It seems you just like to argue so this is my last response

KIDS ALWAYS WILL COME FIRST TO A NORMAL PARENT

If you and her child are hanging off a cliff and she can save only one of you.

YOU'RE GONNA DIE!!!

If the child is sick and you are sick I bet the child will get more attention and before you get any

If you are stranded on one side of town and the child on the other guess who gets picked up first?

If you and the child are starving and there's only enough food for 1 guess who gets the first and only bite?
This is ridiculous , I cant be silent anymore about this, this premises is insane, why are you comparing such a extreme case this is so far fetched its laughable.

So what would you do if its a choice to save your child or your parents, or your child or your wife? your grandparents or your siblings child? see how ridiculous that sounds.

You are taking it to the extreme pal, What Silver was referring to is equality time with kids and a long time spouse, it has nothing to do with dating or casual dating or someone they just met, anyone who dates a single parents knows that.

This has nothing to do with a child being sick,dying, stuck on the other side of town, jealousy or priorities blah blah blah.

Not once did I read Silver saying to neglect or he's important over the kids, he said equal time, as in adult with partner, time with the kids, time together creates healthy relationships.

Some single parents cannot balance that, this has nothing to do with who is on the totem pole and the position and importance.
 Silverhawk_tkn
Joined: 12/3/2010
Msg: 67
view profile
History
Do guys actually date single mothers?
Posted: 10/24/2011 9:22:42 AM
Dad2Stay,

You are missing my point. The needs of the kids are never in question, and I think I've made that clear. The point I'm making is that if you intend at some point to blend families, you will have to have a balanced relationship. To have a balanced relationship, you have to have some form of equality in the family. If you go into an LTR without an expectation of balance, it will be doomed to failure - someone always gets the short end of the stick (unless, of course, your ok with getting the short end of the stick i.e. doormat, and it seems that someone like you is ok with that).

This all falls back on saying "your kids come first", which is closer to the point of this thread. I read "your kids come first" as a sign that there is NO expectation that you intend to have a balanced LTR relationship where my kids and your kids and you and me will live equally as a family, thereby I avoid any mom that says this, and it is one of the (many) reasons why guys don't want to date single moms........

IQ2t123 gets it. His kids come first, so his expectation is set that he will casually date or not date at all. I commend him for this and think more moms (and parents in general) should say this up front. Set the right expectation up front and that way you avoid any heartbreak when things don't work out to your liking.

Again, my GF and I went into our relationship with expectations up front that we would have an LTR based on equality, and its worked so far. Kids needs are met, we take time for our relationship, and we live happy. I fail to see how your reasoning will better my relationship with both her kids, my son, and her (and I've invited you to show me how).

Point of the thread again is "Do guys date single moms". Some of them don't, and the "my kids come first" explanation above is a reason why. I've made my point, take it or leave it, and I have nothing further to debate on this one. Good luck to you all.
 dad2stay
Joined: 8/11/2011
Msg: 68
Do guys actually date single mothers?
Posted: 10/24/2011 9:23:13 AM

So what would you do if its a choice to save your child or your parents, or your child or your wife? your grandparents or your siblings child? see how ridiculous that sounds.

Id save my kids always, help my kids always and I believe most parents would do the same. That is why I find it almost amusing that someone just startling a relationship with someone with kids thinks they are equals to the children or entitled to be put first before the children


why are you comparing such a extreme case this is so far fetched its laughable.

The reason I mentioned extreme cases is because when I tried to explain the simple things such as not being available to go out last minute or having to cancel a planned date or trip or not being available every day or night to the potential partners whim the point was not taken

The relationship between a parent and child is not the same as the relationship between couple dating, therefore you can never be equals

Also Ice I never said Silver neglects his kids that's you putting words into my mouth, he said he and his partners are equal to the kids and I simply asked how that can be as the parent will always put the kids first and should a time to choose one over the other ever come up it will most likely be the kids who win

Now I completely agree that it is important to make time for your partner and make them feel special, that is why I only date as detailed in my previous post so when I am with my partner it is 100% them


Some single parents cannot balance that, this has nothing to do with who is on the totem pole and the position and importance.

Actually it has everything to do with it silver was one person posting other posters say they demand to come first and all my posts were saying that most likely will not happen with a good parent or even many bad ones
 dad2stay
Joined: 8/11/2011
Msg: 69
Do guys actually date single mothers?
Posted: 10/24/2011 9:27:19 AM
Silver hawk

I think we are thinking the same thing,

You are referring to a LTR and blending families stage I am referring to those who posted when first starting out they must come first over the kids

When you are in a serious relationship or living together it is much easier to find middle ground and have more time and flexibility

And the answer to the OP is YES some will
 Arlo_Troutman
Joined: 9/26/2009
Msg: 70
Do guys actually date single mothers?
Posted: 10/24/2011 5:39:22 PM

(dad2stay) I pointed out that kids always come first, that family and blood is always more important than a NEW partner


Sometimes, kids need to hear the word, "No.". And, sometimes, they need to be told, "Too bad if you don't like that the person I'm dating is important to me. I'm gonna date them, and that's all there is to it!" If you (not you specifically) wanna cater to y0ur kids' every whim, and refuse to ever teach them to establish boundaries (and respect those of other people) well, that's your business. Personally, I see it as a recipe for disaster, raising self-indulgent, spoiled, demanding brats... but, hey, YMMV...

Arlo...

(they can learn about boundaries from the loving hand of a parent, or from the not-so-loving fist of a Hell's Angel in a back-alley...)
 Cdn_Iceman
Joined: 12/1/2010
Msg: 71
Do guys actually date single mothers?
Posted: 10/24/2011 7:09:47 PM

Actually it has everything to do with it silver was one person posting other posters say they demand to come first and all my posts were saying that most likely will not happen with a good parent or even many bad ones
oh he did ...did he? copy and paste his post... Unless I'm myopic I didn't see it.
 singledadinmichigan
Joined: 5/14/2011
Msg: 72
Do guys actually date single mothers?
Posted: 10/24/2011 7:11:00 PM
Yes, I am a single 100% full-time father of a wonderful 12 year old son. I am proud of my son and all the things he does in life for himself and most of all others. I will only date single mothers. I would rather date a single full-time mother to be honest. The time on and off is hard sometimes and the females children have gotten jealose in the past.
I am having one of those lonly nights. I go to collage full-time and work a full-time job also. I write poetry and I am a very stable and romantic guy with tons to offer any woman. I have all my maners and have all my teeth. I do not have someone that can take a good profile pic though.lol... I work out daily and take care of my mind and body. I "you would think" would be a great find in the single world.
I am not though, every woman I have dated, or got serouse with has fell apart in lies and misstrust. They get to know me and try to be someone they are not. Thats where they fail, not me. The last relationship ended on the worst week, I only slept for about 10 hours the entire week. I got two flat tires and had to walk to class. I had to order the tires for my van. I did not want to walk home and I really did not want to bother anyone with my troubles. I spent the night in back of the school studing. My son stayed with my mother that night. I did not sleep and it was very cold at 38 degrees. She dumped me because I was so tired and exausted when we had our time together for the week. She hated that. It was her time and I was sopose to shower her with effection and failed. She told me that she was not ready to settle down yet at 40. I did love and cared for her. I just never relized how shallow she was entil she showed me no love and compassion back when I really needed it. She let me down....
I tell you this because, I work very hard, I try to be the best father I can be, and I will never give up and finish my studies for me and most of all my son. I let that woman go without a fight. I am proud of doing that. I fought for a dead marrige for 8 years by myself. I am happy I can let the bad ones go and move to the future now. Two years and mostly single and my one best advise to give you is...
look at my story of this one woman. She is gone and my wonderful son and me are still here. I will keep looking and keep tring to find love. I will never give up, no matter what life throws at me. Please look at this and do the same. Your dear family is what is important, not any man or immature boy. Family first and if a man does not want to part of that. Let him go and learn and keep moving forward.. Always,
 5150Rivergirl
Joined: 8/3/2008
Msg: 73
Do guys actually date single mothers?
Posted: 10/24/2011 9:00:23 PM

about 20 percent of woman your age do NOT have kids but want childern.

Where did you get that stat from?



Many single woman you age are NOT dating till their children are a bit older.

Really...? hmm.
 U make it entertaining
Joined: 7/17/2009
Msg: 74
Do guys actually date single mothers?
Posted: 10/24/2011 9:17:03 PM
Ice ...




Actually it has everything to do with it silver was one person posting other posters say they demand to come first and all my posts were saying that most likely will not happen with a good parent or even many bad ones

oh he did ...did he? copy and paste his post... Unless I'm myopic I didn't see it


Do you really expect to see it?
You know the type of man you're dealing with.
 Josephscott1
Joined: 10/18/2011
Msg: 75
Do guys actually date single mothers?
Posted: 10/25/2011 12:06:32 AM
As a guy in my early 20's i did date a women with a kid. Granted she didnt tell me tell later, and also she was pregnet with an ex's kid as she told me a little more down the road. That big old decision making process started and i thought and thought until i decided to stay with her. I tried my best, i went or tired to go to all baby events during pregency etc etc. I was actually exicited for a good while, until she told me she didnt have enough time for me anymore.


If u want some tips when trying to find a man and u have a kid do these things.

Tell him upfront-- it will weed out men who can do it and cant right away.

What ever you do dont tell him your kid will always come first--- we all know your kid will come first even if he was the real father but saying it like that will turn guys away plain and simple.

Never tell him u dont expect him to take care of your kids or dont need him too---If he wants to be with u then he is going to have to want to be with your kids also, if he doesnt then well probbley wont work. some guys like the responsability and it shows that u trust him and want him their.

And further more lower your damn expections, sorry their isnt enough rich handsome funny built tall dark guys around that want kids.
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