Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Single Parents  > Do guys actually date single mothers?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 Tealwood
Joined: 12/16/2008
Msg: 204
Do guys actually date single mothers?Page 9 of 13    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13)

hi jessrose, im a single mom myself but hey life is wonderful! you can do better than all these shallow men.


Perhaps we can define shallow men? Then we can also look at the profile of the guys you deem shallow...and then compare with the plethora of single mothers...the OP...young but seems to hold down a job....as opposed to a single mid 30's mother who still is a student?


I like to see nice places in Sydney.
I want to feel young again. Want to do allot of things and explore the world.


I like to see new things...and I look towards travel as something I would like to do more of...but then when one pays for it with their own money...from their own efforts in employment...it can be less than what one wants?


I found the true happiness with my kid.


So who is the adult...and have one ever heard of living their life through their children...and when they grow up and break free...you will I suggest have a great hole?

I remember being mid 20's and the last thing I wanted was to be saddled or restricted by dating a single mother with children....even worse a single mother with no job and little to no career potential.

Now we have full justice as some woman have easily suggested they will not date a full time custodial father who has mid teens as they went through that already and do not want to backwards in life...something I can easily understand....now a difference would be I seemingly have proof financial support is not required by anyone dating me...as I would suggest the same is not true for 50% of custodial mothers.
 Things_happen_4a_reason
Joined: 2/26/2011
Msg: 205
Do guys actually date single mothers?
Posted: 2/1/2012 5:57:46 PM
easy for you to judge eh? this forum isnt about how you see me as a single mom or how you judge my status. You dont know me, i dont know you, so how about you separate your opinion about me and just focus on what jessrose needs in this forum?

Ignorance make you look stupid. Ok i will educate you then, when a person just arrived in YOUR country, no matter how educated he/she was or his/her position from her country she came from.. that person has to establish her career here in Australia. He/she has to start from scratch, that means he/she has to further her/his study to get a Certificate or Diploma. People in 30's and still studying doesnt mean they are stupid, they want to be somebody.

Now if you got nothing good to say, why not just shut the mouth instead of criticising people?

After all, this forum isnt about you or me. Lets just help jessrose to feel better. Cos im not here to argue with narrow minded people like you.
 Tealwood
Joined: 12/16/2008
Msg: 206
Do guys actually date single mothers?
Posted: 2/1/2012 6:40:03 PM
I would never suggest someone who is advancing themself as being stupid?

But then equally I would not suggest someone as shallow because they choose not to date someone who has responsibilities...be it a young guy with no interest in a ready made family...or a more mature woman who will not date a single father because she has already done her parenting and does not want to go there again?

As to starting from scratch there are many people who have done that. Something one can be commended for..and not an easy thing to do. Some do it on their own effort and others do it expecting or accepting free handouts.

As to Jess....a very good looking woman who at 22 has now financial responsibilities and family responsibilities...and unlike allot of single mothers...does appear to be doing the financial requirements on her own?

But when I was mid 20's....not something I would have wanted to get involved in...as I did not want ready made family...and I had my own ideas of settling down and having a family when I was financially capable.

Now take Jess...and take her forward 20 years...her child leaving home....would she then date a guy who had preschool children who had custody? maybe she would...maybe she would prefer someone who was in a similar situation of her as being an empty nester or having children in university...

And if she was of that mind...I doubt I would suggest her ???how was it that you put it...SHALLOW?

She was simply exercising her choice of what she wanted and what she did not want.

Something that equally single guys age 22--to --28 are entitled to without being called shallow or immature.
 JerseyGirl2008
Joined: 12/27/2007
Msg: 207
Do guys actually date single mothers?
Posted: 2/3/2012 9:47:28 AM

Now this is precious coming from a single mom..

Gotta agree with SmilinRock. A guy is a "loser" because he doesn't want to saddle himself with someone else's kids? LOL. I don't think it has anything to do with being 'scared' and everything to do with simply not wanting any part of a set up like that.
 peakbagger7
Joined: 5/31/2010
Msg: 208
view profile
History
Do guys actually date single mothers?
Posted: 2/4/2012 10:28:01 PM

I personally see single mothers as be irresponsible with their choice in men. Open those legs for the bad boys & get the nice guys to fix the problem later, if any.


100% Correct

Remember guys, you date a single mom you are Plan B or even Plan C or D
 ontario_woman
Joined: 4/3/2005
Msg: 209
view profile
History
Do guys actually date single mothers?
Posted: 2/5/2012 4:45:05 AM
So someone please explain to us all now, how kids are NOT baggage to the guy....


As someone who has spent a number of years raising children that weren't biologically mine, I can assure you from personal experience that there are positives associated with being a step-parent. Of course, if you go into a relationship with the view that children are baggage, you will never see or experience those positives yourself.


And apparently women do not give you unconditional love either... or you wouldn't be saying this...



Children are far more important than any potential boyfriend!


You don't honestly expect a woman to sacrifice the well-being of her children for you, do you? Her primary responsibility is to her children, not her boyfriend.
Children are incapable of taking care of themselves yet. You, on the other hand, is a grown man!

When I am in a relationship with a single father, I know that his children will come first. I don't feel threatened by that and would honestly be worried if they didn't come first. They're children!


My question to these bitter women is: Haven't you heard of birth control?


Birth control methods fail and not all children of single mothers were the result of unplanned pregnancies. Many single mothers were in committed relationships where the children were planned additions to the family.

In regards to bitterness, you should really take a look in the mirror. You have to be one of the most bitter people I know.
 ontario_woman
Joined: 4/3/2005
Msg: 210
view profile
History
Do guys actually date single mothers?
Posted: 2/5/2012 5:13:53 AM



I happen to screen people for rentals and see young women with no father yet little children with different last names. Became calous to the cause of whiny women in such straits. Heck those that don't know the fathers name suck of the welfare system for both themselves and their kids.

I wouldn't call myself bitter just disgusted with the low morals and even lower IQs of these breeders.


It's quite telling that you don't mention anything about the fathers of these children...Where is your condemnation of them?

Not all single mothers are like that. I was 5 years into an 8 year committed relationship when I had my daughter and I only have one child, not several. You will find that a large percentage of single mothers were also in committed relationships when they had their children.
 Tealwood
Joined: 12/16/2008
Msg: 211
Do guys actually date single mothers?
Posted: 2/5/2012 6:07:47 AM
Ontariowoman...perhaps what you define as serious committed relationship differs from others....under 25....children from 2 different fathers.....does not inspire serious committed relationships.....as opposed to easy uncommitted rolls in the hay.

I always did attribute committed serious relationships as requiring a few years of development and effort before one could suggest commitment...or one could claim serious relationship enough to consider planning and following through with children...as children are a life time of responsibility....yet some it seems consider the few months as sufficient to define or qualify as a committed relationship?

Perhaps the problems for many women are reading to many romance novels?
 ontario_woman
Joined: 4/3/2005
Msg: 212
view profile
History
Do guys actually date single mothers?
Posted: 2/5/2012 6:19:32 AM

Ontariowoman...perhaps what you define as serious committed relationship differs from others....under 25....children from 2 different fathers.....does not inspire serious committed relationships.....as opposed to easy uncommitted rolls in the hay.

I always did attribute committed serious relationships as requiring a few years of development and effort before one could suggest commitment...or one could claim serious relationship enough to consider planning and following through with children...as children are a life time of responsibility....yet some it seems consider the few months as sufficient to define or qualify as a committed relationship?


I generally define a committed relationship as either being married or being together for at least a couple of years; not months. I never stated otherwise. I mentioned that I was 5 years into an 8 year relationship when I had my daughter. We were living in a common-law relationship and raising his two children from a previous relationship. I consider that a committed relationship.

What I was trying to convey to smiling rock is that his perception of all single mothers as very young and having multiple children with multiple fathers is not only stereotyping, but only represents a minority of single mothers.

Most of us were in committed relationships and most young mothers who had children due to an 'oops' in the backseat of their boyfriend's car usually learn their lesson the first time around and don't have anymore children until they are a bit older.

Granted, there is a subset that do have multiple children with multiple fathers at a very young age and are irresponsible, but to paint all single mothers as being like them is akin to lumping all non-custodial fathers with young men who impregnate several young women and don't contribute anything else to their offspring.
 Saraboo12
Joined: 11/20/2011
Msg: 213
Do guys actually date single mothers?
Posted: 2/5/2012 2:33:02 PM
Thank you! I am a single mother and it disgusts me when I see people stereotype so cruelly. Just because I am young and happen to have a child does not make me any less of a person. I am very capable of taking care of him myself and I dont need a man to step in a father either. He has a very involved father. Stop and think before you judge an individual.
 Keepburning
Joined: 12/25/2011
Msg: 214
Do guys actually date single mothers?
Posted: 2/5/2012 4:57:55 PM
I personally couldn't date a single mother for the reasons listed below.

1: I will never be first, but yet i'm expected to deal with all the bull.
2: Passion suffers as kids get older. A lot of women lack sex drive after kids. Your sex suffers because another man has already been there with the moneyshot.
3: Problems with the kid's ex. You feel like a third wheel when he's around.
4: Most parents push their kids on men way too hard. Most men I know run.
5: Kids are expensive. They can ruin your goals, hopes and aspirations. She can leave, I have to deal with the fact of why i've lost 20 years and didn't do anything from sacrifice.
6: Most single parents on POF talk about their kid more than themselves. Why not just date the kid? (Sarcastic)

There are more, but i'm stopping here.

My points, not necessarily everyone elses. Single parents aren't BAD, it's just hard to consider being that they are a lot of "kidless" options out there that would probably lead to a more meaningful relationship.
 whistlinatwork
Joined: 1/14/2012
Msg: 215
Do guys actually date single mothers?
Posted: 2/5/2012 5:16:50 PM
Boondocksaint73 ---your ignorance stands for all to see. Go back to the hell hole that is your mind. OP - you just need to date older, more mature men. Why would you want to date men with attitudes like the aforementioned anyway?
 paulsammons
Joined: 10/1/2011
Msg: 216
Do guys actually date single mothers?
Posted: 2/6/2012 9:35:44 PM
its the other way for me i tried to date someone with a kid she was cool and everything but she wound up leaving me instead but to answer your question i would have to say yes most of us are immature and are a little scared of i guess you could say the thought of having a kid at any age its just a fear we all have and you can tell who is a boy and who is a man by the choice they make but in my eyes it does not matter if there's a kid or not the only thing that matters is if there is a connection just my opinion
 wilh
Joined: 1/18/2012
Msg: 217
Do guys actually date single mothers?
Posted: 2/6/2012 10:31:56 PM
I have two friends that have been paying child support for years. The children are not theirs but because the mother of the children does not know who their father is (one of them does but won't have anything to do with him) and they accepted responsibility during the three year relationship, they are now accountable for their well being. they were considered common law.

Fortunately these two dads stayed active in these kids lives.....but its not always that way.
 paulsammons
Joined: 10/1/2011
Msg: 218
Do guys actually date single mothers?
Posted: 2/8/2012 11:05:25 PM
To add most of you want a ass hole and never give a good guy a chance so you should not complain when when you probably said no to the perfect guy to be with a prick and you know that's true if a guy is to nice then you wont give him the time of day and you know it
 OyVay...
Joined: 7/15/2011
Msg: 219
Do guys actually date single mothers?
Posted: 2/9/2012 12:04:00 AM
Came back to this thread, some 5 pages later.

No change, same ol, same ol. Men saying one thing, women saying something else.

Unless you have experienced a relationship with a single mom, I guess you are only spouting things you have heard. Further for the guys who date single moms, and find no difficulty, it is a matter of differenece of experience.

Frankly I have no problem with single women, with children seeking a relationship. I do have a problem with people who wish to make men second class citizens in such relationships.

I had a step daughter, guess what? I have had no relationship with her since her mom and I divorced. Worse was I put myself out there and supported her through her teen years. Now I'm not talking money, but emotional support and some medical interactions as well.

Her mother divorced me, than told her daughter it was my fault. Hence the daughter viewed me as a bad person, even though I had been there for her and had no part in ending the marriage. I paid for college, but that's not here or there, what is important is the fact that she never accepted me, even though she said she did.

Women want to make this all about "why guys won't date single moms"

A better view would be why do single moms make guys come in a distant second, or allow their kids to diss a guy who was there for them?

No it's easier to say, gee the guy was a shit, or the guy played me and my kids, than to accept the fact that he has no claim to that child's emotions or connection cause he was just a temporary dad!

The truth is we are all selfish, we want what we want! So why is it better to view a single mom's needs, than that single guy who says "hey why should I put up with the hastle?"

IMO
 ontario_woman
Joined: 4/3/2005
Msg: 220
view profile
History
Do guys actually date single mothers?
Posted: 2/9/2012 6:10:05 AM

These single moms need to stop worrying about peoples reasonings. The reasons that you are single doesn't make it any less.

Doesnt matter if you were a party girl and have a **stard, or tried your hand in marriage and planned the child, the fact is you have kid, and the same restrictions apply regardless.


Most single mothers don't have a problem with men who choose not to date us. We fully understand that adopting a ready-made family is not everyone's cup of tea.

However, we do have a problem with people who choose to bash us, stereotype us and claim that we are not dating or relationship material.

Everyone has their preferences, but there is no need to bash people who do not fit those preferences. I prefer dating single fathers, but I don't bash men without children and imply that there is something wrong with them.

Having preferences doesn't exempt people from having to behave decently towards others.
 CarKam1
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 221
Do guys actually date single mothers?
Posted: 2/9/2012 6:23:06 AM
Well said Ontario :)
 letitbemeforever
Joined: 9/29/2011
Msg: 222
Do guys actually date single mothers?
Posted: 2/9/2012 2:46:02 PM

that is akin to a woman in her mid- late 30s who has 3 kids from different daddies...


It's funny how guys seem to think that when woman get pregnant it's ALL her fault. Men who think like that are pansies and can't take responsibility for their actions.
 0gental1
Joined: 5/23/2010
Msg: 223
view profile
History
Do guys actually date single mothers?
Posted: 2/10/2012 5:26:17 PM
Sweetheart guys will date you kid or not, it depends on the guy. Some will like you and then see the challenge and responsibility a child or children brings to the table. I am not saying this is a bad thing. Some guys are able to deal with it but get scared because they rushed it. Some feel it’s a responsibility issue they may have to take care of you money wise. Show them your independent and that even if a guy doesn’t want to date you with a child. You are sure to be fine and be happy tell he comes around. Confident is what you have to be and what matters. Also don’t ever explain how the Childs dad left him it may scare a man to think your looking for a baby daddy. I say this b/c I am divorced with 3 kids. I am very picky and never bring a man around my kids unless it’s friendship first and I get to know them aside from my kids. Good luck and I hope this advice helped.
 Sunny_Coaster
Joined: 9/3/2011
Msg: 224
Do guys actually date single mothers?
Posted: 2/10/2012 5:35:44 PM

100% Correct

Remember guys, you date a single mom you are Plan B or even Plan C or D


This, it's a bit like crying fowl after the bird has flown the coop and is long gone. Your happy enough to put yourself out to pasture and have unprotected sex at a young age with someone you think is just fun then come crying to a decent guy to solve your problems. In this age bracket which I'm in with the original poster people don't want that.

They want people who have sensibility, who are a clean slate and that they may or may not settle down with once things are sorted out. Having kids to someone you're probably not committed to at 22 years old comes across as being nothing short of irresponsible in this day and age when its easily prevented.
 Whoompthereitis77
Joined: 2/8/2012
Msg: 225
Do guys actually date single mothers?
Posted: 2/11/2012 9:52:57 PM
"All your baggage"???? Are you kidding me? If your 2 yr old and you being 22 yrs old is considered baggage then someone in my shoes has the biggest load of baggage and I will be single forever. No a good response to give a single mom and by the way anyone that looks at my beautiful children as "baggage" are not worth my time.
 Tealwood
Joined: 12/16/2008
Msg: 226
Do guys actually date single mothers?
Posted: 2/12/2012 7:07:25 AM
I love it when woman stand on the pulpit and cry about owning up to responsibility.....and when one see's and hears part time employment....while raising children...no employment....where is the responsibility to themselves and their children....looking for someone else to assume it?


However, we do have a problem with people who choose to bash us, stereotype us and claim that we are not dating or relationship material.

Everyone has their preferences, but there is no need to bash people who do not fit those preferences. I prefer dating single fathers, but I don't bash men without children and imply that there is something wrong with them.

Having preferences doesn't exempt people from having to behave decently towards others."

THANK YOU ONTARIO_WOMAN


Hey X...I have no issue with single mothers...and I never stereotype all single mothers as the same....I have children...I have financial responsibility and emotional responsiblities from those children and an ex who feels that as a man I am the one who is supposed to be financially responsible for those children....but like the majority of single custodial fathers,,,I am employed full time....and I have and are having the time of my life without regrets and without a sense that I am owed something more. In fact…I have often suggested that for many mid 40’s woman I am not a good dating prospect when they already have seen their children pass 18…and they have more time on their hands in which to travel…to do things….what was funny…one objected to my profile where I prefer dating partners who are employed…as I know longer want further to financial support someone.

The census reports 50% of custodial mothers work full time...or do not work full time....a big number when looking at dating a single mother....and being responsible and prudent when understanding they may be assuming a financial requirement of supporting that single mother and her children. That is not a stereotype…that is factual.

Wh.....baggage....liabilities...financial drain...who cares what someone else will look at the children as....your children require your emotional and financial support...along with the father if...he is in the picture...and will continue to be in the picture...you..as a student...there is no guarantee you will finish...if you will find employment...so anyone can suggest baggage...encumbrances...inconveniences.....or a single mother without employment and with children as potentially to costly and a financial risk or liability.

After all age 22...I was not looking for dating partners where the anchor was already in place......One could easily suggest that for many......you are not worth their time and financial effort as well....Because equal considerations are required both ways? But then with the diminished dating pool some will never look at this as a problem either?
 Spank_Me_Honey
Joined: 4/3/2011
Msg: 227
Do guys actually date single mothers?
Posted: 2/16/2012 12:13:31 AM
A single mothers child is not baggage
A single mother is not a bad person

would I date one or more to the point get into a relationship with one - no

Call me mercenary, caveman, pig or whatever you want but my "resources" will be for my genetic offspring only not some other mans - law of the jungle prevails

In nature often the new alpha male kills the offspring of the male he ousted ? - good thing we have evolved beyond that.

I just can not fathom why single mothers decided to have children with the men that they did ?

I have heard many (single mothers) say the child's father is an ass, immature, drunk , abusive and so on -- did you not see this in him from the beginning ? why did you have children with this person ?
 mrcs84
Joined: 12/9/2008
Msg: 228
view profile
History
Do guys actually date single mothers?
Posted: 2/16/2012 5:32:20 AM
This may be hard to grasp Calypso, but he wasn't talking specifically about YOU. You are just 1 particular instance amongst many.

For instance 82% of all teen pregnancy is unplanned, and 20% of all unplanned pregnancies is from teens. 56% of unplanned teen pregnancies ended in birth.



<div class="quote">I have heard many (single mothers) say the child's father is an ass, immature, drunk , abusive and so on -- did you not see this in him from the beginning ?

To add to this, only about 20% of teen males would actually be pleased if they got someone pregnant. Too bad "my body, my choice," overrides his feelings. IMO, it's completely reckless to bear the child of a knowingly unwilling father. And people (men and women) love to sling such venomous rhetoric at these guys, and yet, somehow they were still somehow considered fitting to be parents, and "live up to their responsibilities."

I always wonder what it would be like if we lived in a society where BOTH parents were willing to have children WITH EACH OTHER at a time in their lives when BOTH of them were mentally, emotionally, AND financially ready for child rearing.



http://www.guttmacher.org/pubs/FB-ATSRH.html
Show ALL Forums  > Single Parents  > Do guys actually date single mothers?