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 MissStackhouse
Joined: 8/1/2011
Msg: 26
Is she lying or am I overanalyzingPage 2 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
I'm sorry OP - but you sound like a crazy Stage 5 Clinger psycho stalker

If anyone snooped through my things I'd cut their hands off

But I'm from Jersey and that's how we roll....
 Papinoir
Joined: 7/17/2010
Msg: 27
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Is she lying or am I overanalyzing
Posted: 10/21/2011 10:39:34 AM
This reminds me of the old adage: "If a person will do it with you, they will do it to you."

Yes, she was lying and as other posters already noted she might have "accidently" fallen on his penis several times that night too.

But she also did that with you the first time you met, so why be surprised? That's not passing judgement, it's just stating facts.

The girl obviously is a liar but you obviously are a snoop, and she kept lying after she was caught.

So, either be content with knowing that you're dating and sleeping with someone whose 1st instinct is to lie when confronted with the truth and play Sherlock Holmes for the duration of your relationship.

Have a long and honest talk with her and start anew.

Or just let it go.
 itechman63
Joined: 7/7/2005
Msg: 28
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Is she lying or am I overanalyzing
Posted: 10/21/2011 10:45:15 AM
I've learned one thing over the years... you never have to search for answers, they're in front of you.
 Smilingeyes10
Joined: 5/3/2010
Msg: 29
Is she lying or am I overanalyzing
Posted: 10/21/2011 10:46:53 AM
Let's say the OP is right and she slept with this guy(Just like she slept with him)on this date. And that's how she got the hickey on her neck. So what? How is any of that relevant to where they are now?.
TDH

The relevance is that he does not TRUST her.. a month later... do you think he is going to be able to regain that trust? When you break a trust, it is very difficult to earn it again.. So early on in a relationship is a big red flag to me!!!!


If anyone snooped through my things I'd cut their hands off

But I'm from Jersey and that's how we roll...

 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 30
Is she lying or am I overanalyzing
Posted: 10/21/2011 10:50:44 AM

Let's say the OP is right and she slept with this guy(Just like she slept with him)on this date. And that's how she got the hickey on her neck. So what? How is any of that relevant to where they are now?.

Well, it's relevant if you don't want to end up in a relationship with someone who was sleeping with outher people while you were dating that person. I didn't and this is exactly the scenario I was avoiding by insisting on exclusivity up front.

She had ONE date with the OP at this point. How is anything she is doing with another man any of his business?

It wouldn't matter. If I dated someone who was looking for a relationship, she dated me exclusively. If it had been me, she'd have ruled out a relationship by going on that date.
 semi_sane_jane
Joined: 3/10/2011
Msg: 31
Is she lying or am I overanalyzing
Posted: 10/21/2011 10:52:21 AM
Technically, she didn't owe you any explanation about any of her other activities after one date, regardless of whether you mated or not. But since she lied when you asked, instead of giving it to you straight (whether that would have been yes, i had another date, or hey, it's none of your business) I'd have trouble trusting her. Especially since her story didn't match his, and she only seems to admit things you already know. And the bite mark on her neck came from her gf? (the gf that wasn't even on the date???) She's talking to you like she thinks you're a moron, which is the most offensive part of the whole thing. You know in your heart she boffed that boy silly, but she'll never admit it till you have a polaroid in your hand that proves it. Here's your moment of truth to decide who YOU are OP.... Are you a man who settles for a game playing conniver, or do you think you deserve something better than that?

As for you, you need to take a look at your boundries. After one date, you really had no right to insist it was your business what she was doing the following weekend, so perhaps it would have been better to just leave it alone and not force the issue? She was not "yours" at that time, and you needed to respect that. So you dug around, and found a phone number... not cool, in my opinion. Then you actually had the audacity to call it and demand answers from a stranger? Get a grip, sweetheart! You are over the top. It's a catch 22 at this point though, because you need to start being willing to have a little faith in a partner, but this one's already made it clear she's not trustworthy. Damned if you do, damned if you don't....

If you like the way this feels, and you don't want to have to do any growing of your own, then by all means, stick it out, see how long you can hold it together.

But if you're sick of spending your days questioning your own perceptions and trying to convince yourself that a lie here and there is somehow reasonable or acceptable, then shut it down now, before you have too much more invested. It will be much harder on you to walk away next year at this time, or whenever it is that you realize that you can't change the fundamental nature of other people.
 Cdn_Iceman
Joined: 12/1/2010
Msg: 32
Is she lying or am I overanalyzing
Posted: 10/21/2011 10:52:41 AM

Only people who are liars say this. Truth is, some people do not lie. But, people who think lying is normal and 'everyone does it' never believe that.
You know I think you're cool and agree with most things you say , but this time I don't agree, I agree with Basiate, every one lies ,it depends on the degree of the lie, or omission of the truth etc, every one does, we can be as honest as possible. I think any one that demands 100% honesty is out to lunch or a sociopath. Here me out for a sec.

No one is 100% because if you are you would be insensitive, how many times have we seen homely babies or children? how many times has some one close to us worn hideous outfits and we think WTF are you thinking? how many times has a guy said " no honey you don't look fat in those jeans or what ever she is wearing"? or a good friend/family/co worker introduces you to their latest love and they say " isn't so and so sexy person?" and you look at the person and think " what a f uckin swamp donkey, nice eyes jumbo" etc etc etc or nice shirt on him , who ever sold you that shirt has a sense of humour.

Or our loved one cooked and slaved for hours making someone special for dinner and it was crap, I mean reach for the pepto bismol or gravol as your perched over the Loo hoping and begging the sick feeling will go away, you don't tell the person that the food was shit.
 _shakti_
Joined: 7/5/2011
Msg: 33
Is she lying or am I overanalyzing
Posted: 10/21/2011 10:55:31 AM
This made me remember my ex from way back snooping through my journal.. he had some issues with trust, so I almost understood him looking at the CURRENT journal.. but when he dug through my old ones too?

I personally think that once you feel the need to snoop, it's already over. Having learned from my past, I would never put myself in a scenario where I didn't trust the person and I wouldn't want to be with someone who didn't trust me either.

But such things are built over time, not the product of 'instant intimacy'.
 Revilors
Joined: 10/9/2008
Msg: 34
Is she lying or am I overanalyzing
Posted: 10/21/2011 10:57:30 AM

Everyone lies and if you say you dont, your a liar.


Yes we do.

So...I have plans for NSA for the evening and the nice old lady next door asks what I'm doing this evening. I could tell her what my plans are. I could tell her it's none of her fvcking business. Or...I could tell her I'm having dinner with a friend or going to the movie. I'm probably going to tell her the latter...or something else.

Now...I'm dishonest. Right?

OP...don't tell us you didn't know where her bite mark most likely came from. You had no right to ask...or to know. But you decided to snoop anyway. And verifying what you already knew does not justify your snooping. What was the point?

If I were her...instead of coming relatively clean about the whole thing...I would have said..."you're weird and I don't want to know you anymore".

The biggest fault I'm finding with her is what's wrong with her that she continues to hang out with you and accommodate your strange compulsions.
 TDH49
Joined: 8/13/2010
Msg: 35
Is she lying or am I overanalyzing
Posted: 10/21/2011 11:14:58 AM
The biggest fault I'm finding with her is what's wrong with her that she continues to hang out with you and accommodate your strange compulsions.
I once invited a woman I was dating over to my house for dinner. I was missing something for the meal so I left her at my place and went to the grocery store to get it. 5 mintes after leaving my house my cell phone rings. It's a female friend of mine asking me who is at my house messing with my msn? The looney tune woman had gone on my computer, checked my msn(which I always leave open) and had send messages to every female on my friends list who were on line. Telling them to leave me alone because she was with me now . Needless to say I did a Uturn and broke the speed limit getting back home. At which point I shows her the door and told her to make sure it didn't hit her butt on the way out.


Only people who are liars say this. Truth is, some people do not lie. But, people who think lying is normal and 'everyone does it' never believe that.
I would comment on this. But I honestly don't think you believe this yourself. Truth is EVERYBODY including you lie, have lied, and plan to lie some more in the not too distant future.
 4ms4me
Joined: 4/24/2010
Msg: 36
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Is she lying or am I overanalyzing
Posted: 10/21/2011 11:18:11 AM

The loonie tune woman had gone on my computer, checked my msn(which I always leave open) and had send messages to every female on my friends list who were on line. Telling them to leave me alone because she was with me now

Wow, stories like this astound me. That's insane, to say the least. But at least she let you know early on how nutz she was.
 Cdn_Iceman
Joined: 12/1/2010
Msg: 37
Is she lying or am I overanalyzing
Posted: 10/21/2011 11:20:05 AM
yes I meant to address that Winter oops bad me , yes if you're diplomatic, but I guess I don't separate the lies, a small one, diplomatic one, big one etc its all the same to me
 Welsh474
Joined: 9/13/2010
Msg: 38
Is she lying or am I overanalyzing
Posted: 10/21/2011 11:30:27 AM
If I was the gal in question, I would run from the OP as fast as my size 6's would take me. He is a 42 year old insecure dude with mega trust issues.

This gal had a date a week after her first date/s with the OP, she owed him nothing (the OP owed her nothing). Somewhere down the line they both decide they kinda like each other and wanna go steady (still thinking the OP is 42 going on 12). Then the OP finds out about the date with the other guy and goes prying. He is insecure, she trys to hide the fact cause she's backed into a corner (and doesn't have the guts to tell him to FO), and we don't know whether she slept with guy #2 or not and who really cares and it doesn't matter - again, she owed the OP nothing at that time.

So, she SHOULD have told the OP to kiss her azz regarding date #2, I might add that I'd tell the OP to pizz off because who needs an immature, insecure, jealous, nosy dude in their life. To me the OP should grow up, apologize for being a snoop and either move on with the relationship or end it because he will not let this go.

Dating 101. Or how about Dating for Dumbies.
 Sweven
Joined: 9/29/2011
Msg: 39
Is she lying or am I overanalyzing
Posted: 10/21/2011 11:41:28 AM
A boy I knew in H.S. was caught smokin' in the boys' room. He gave the explanation that he was standing there in innocence when a kid flicked a lit cigarette into the room. He picked it up, and THAT is when the teacher walked in.

That story, to me, is more plausible than a bite mark getting on her neck the way she says it did. Correction: either of the TWO ways she said it did.

You are not overanalyzing. Because. After finding out a month+ in, she lied about who the date was with, you still wonder if she's a liar.
 DrummingNut
Joined: 4/26/2010
Msg: 40
Is she lying or am I overanalyzing
Posted: 10/21/2011 11:43:46 AM
When there are doubts and snooping stuff and lying going on in a fairly new relationship..
it's safe to say it sure isn't all that wonderful a relationship, in my opinion.

I don't care about the why's and what-for's .. it's just not all that wonderful a relationship to begin with.

But I have to keep reminding myself that there ARE people out there that think playing games drama IS suppose to be a part of relationships. It's all they know and all they are comfortable within.

I think both OP and the gal are of that ilk.

So they're in another world than I.. and I can't give any of the type of advice they'd listen to or want to believe.
 MikeWM
Joined: 2/7/2011
Msg: 41
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Is she lying or am I overanalyzing
Posted: 10/21/2011 11:54:56 AM
Thing there though basiate, is that had she not lied he wouldnt have had any reason to snoop

It was only because of not just the initial fairly white lie, but most probably because he could pick up the deciet the day after her date

Its one thing to distrust everyone you date and to "snoop" and in that case I would agree its a trust issue on the part of the snooper when its inate to their character

But when its in response to someone giving off a clear signal of dishonesty as is clearly the case here then its not a "trust issue" at all, and had she either been truthful from the start or at least after she went on her saturday night shagfest chances are he would never have felt the need to snoop as he would have had no reason to distrust her honesty in the first place

So I have to admit I see those as two totally different scenarios entirely, and with only one being a "trust issue"

And in the same vein as people claiming she barely knew him after the first date as a way to defend her choices that also cuts the other way too. As she didnt know him and wasnt exclusively seeing him she also had no reason to hide the real reason for not seeing him

The fact she did would seem to suggest that rather than dating the OP because of any "chemistry" he was just seen as being the best of the two currently available after she had taken both out for a test drive

Wow, I bet he feels REAL special lol

If there had been any serious attraction in play then I think most people would put other dating on hold until they had made their mind up about the current one. But if theyre just "so so" then obviously they would keep looking incase someone better happened a long rather than "make do"

So the fact she did carry on looking would kind of put this guy further into the "he will do for now" bucket rather than anywhere else really
 cheryl1229
Joined: 6/13/2011
Msg: 42
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Is she lying or am I overanalyzing
Posted: 10/21/2011 12:24:10 PM
First, I agree with the others who say you didn't own her at the time. She should not have lied. You should not have snooped. And you definitely were out of line to call the other number. You should not have gotten so jealous after just one weekend together, you were not exclusive at the time. But, I think we posters are not answering your actual question, which is
But do u think he went up or should I believe her.....


I don't think you can actually believe anything she said about that night, but I also don't believe you have any right to be The Grand Inquisitor. If you can't trust the girl, you don't have a real relationship. If you can't let it go, then you are only delaying the inevitable, and you should break up now before it gets any harder. If you really want to keep the girl, then it's been months now, let it go.

But, while you are complaining about her going on other dates, maybe you should update your profile because it says you are looking for someone else. That's a little double standard, don't you think?
 Tim0066
Joined: 7/2/2007
Msg: 43
Is she lying or am I overanalyzing
Posted: 10/21/2011 12:26:27 PM
Nice bit of drama ya got goin there lol

She's just a fwb for you and if you have issues with her sleeping with other men at same time (yes women are no different then men, unfaithfulness isn't a "male" thing) then you shouldn't see her anymore.

Personally I wouldn't have snooped, if I have doubts about a girl and I ask and get an answer that just doesn't seem honest I stop dating them, period. The bite mark on her neck was enough to say she's screwing other men... move on.

Just move on to a new girl...
 MikeWM
Joined: 2/7/2011
Msg: 44
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Is she lying or am I overanalyzing
Posted: 10/21/2011 12:38:07 PM

Personally I wouldn't have snooped, if I have doubts about a girl and I ask and get an answer that just doesn't seem honest I stop dating them, period


I have to admit I actually cant buy into that extreme either, no more than I can go with the "if you need to snoop you have trust issues" line

If I had some tangible doubts about someone I definitely wouldnt just ignore them as my instincts are generally pretty good so I never ignore them

But at the same time, I wouldnt just end a relationship of any validity PURELY on the basis of a gut feeling, as I'm nowhere near arrogant enough to assume I am never mistaken which IS exactly the outlook required to do that

So for me I would want to first explore every avenue available to try and "know" definitively on way or the other, so I can either chalk it up to my own mistake or discover the suspicions were infact acurate ones

But as I'm not a suspicious type unless something shows an inconsistency that approach tends to work out ok for me, and the absolute ONLY time I've ever felt the need to "snoop" my intuition was bang on the money. But if it hadnt been at least I wouldnt have ended up throwing away a good relationship on the basis of a mistaken hunch which to me would seem as stupid as not even bothering to see if youre instincts are right

Facts are (for me at least) far more important than anything else. And I would only make a decision without having facts when I had exhausted every avenue to try and find them first. At which point youre only left with making a judgement call obviously

That would never be my first or preferred choice though
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 45
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Is she lying or am I overanalyzing
Posted: 10/21/2011 6:40:04 PM
@Iceman: "no honey you don't look fat in those jeans". It's not the jeans that make you look fat, it's the fat that makes you look fat!

MikeWM makes a lot of good points concerning intuition, gut feeling, gut instinct, etc...I have investigated based on that and my instincts were right. My last relationship was like this, my marriage wasn't. Just depends on the person you're with. I have not always chosen my women well. Hopefully, that changes in the future.
 3xsacharmsotheysay
Joined: 8/12/2011
Msg: 46
Is she lying or am I overanalyzing
Posted: 10/21/2011 6:49:47 PM
Do her the favor and leave. You sound very controlling...
 home_osorio
Joined: 2/12/2011
Msg: 47
Is she lying or am I overanalyzing
Posted: 10/21/2011 6:51:12 PM
let's just say they also had sex on their first date. wanna bet? i will surely bet to that!
 BoonDockSaint73
Joined: 3/29/2010
Msg: 48
Is she lying or am I overanalyzing
Posted: 10/21/2011 7:41:11 PM
OP sooo....you met a girl, she gave it up 1st night...

spent all weekend together...

sounds great huh ? usually if/when that happens - the sex must be pretty good. lol

YET....the next weekend, she has no time for you and ends up screwing another guy...

YET>>>>

NOw,,, you are seeing this girl ?

are you serious ?


This is easy to analyze...this girl likes to screw guys...different ones if she can...

that means you should make scarce and forget trying to make this ho into your housewife bro...


bascially you're about to lose the tap on that girl's azz...because you are turning into a stage 4 clinger...

I bet the other guy isn't calling her up and the dudes she is boning...



1st rule: when there is any doubt at all...there is never a doubt....
 BountyHunterMike
Joined: 10/5/2011
Msg: 49
Is she lying or am I overanalyzing
Posted: 10/21/2011 8:12:17 PM
Dude, walk away from this lier! Simple as that. Once a lier always a lier...she played you and u got used. Move on! U dont own her nor does she own u. Age has nothing to do with it...she is a freaking lier...MOVE ON!
 Miss W
Joined: 12/4/2006
Msg: 50
Is she lying or am I overanalyzing
Posted: 10/21/2011 8:16:55 PM
You both sound like messes and a prime example of water seeking their own level. You both need to grow up.
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