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 deere rancher
Joined: 7/9/2008
Msg: 51
Is she lying or am I overanalyzingPage 3 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
Yeah !.... She 's probally lieing .
Its really simple ..if you don't trust her ....GET OUT !
 Pingshooter
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 52
view profile
History
Is she lying or am I overanalyzing
Posted: 10/22/2011 5:04:53 AM

OK, Ill make it quick. I met a girl on here we emailed and texted for about a week. Met out for our first date, had a great time, and yes ended up sleeping together.


And so..you sleeping with her, immediately became the point that you owned her, could dictate her life? Bit clingy there?

My suggestion is that why did you start this 3rd degree interrogation to begin with?

You're dating..understand? You're not exclusive to one another..understand?

Since you'll never trust this woman again, you might want to apologize and move on, learning something from this instance.
 awarmplace
Joined: 1/11/2011
Msg: 53
Is she lying or am I overanalyzing
Posted: 10/22/2011 5:09:25 AM
its not about her its about u, u need a backbone. no one wants a guy that seems needy, learn how to let go, look it up on line if u dont know how.
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 54
Is she lying or am I overanalyzing
Posted: 10/22/2011 5:35:03 AM

Should you believe her? not the issue here, I would look at the big picture here, you guys met and slept together for a weekend and you think you're in a committed relationship after a week? okay then


This is the crux.
 SC67
Joined: 6/21/2009
Msg: 55
Is she lying or am I overanalyzing
Posted: 10/22/2011 5:49:01 AM

Met out for our first date, had a great time, and yes ended up sleeping together.

Here's the issue. You had sex with her on the first date. You thought maybe it was YOU she was crazy for & couldn't resist jumping into bed with you. Now you find out not only did she go out with some other guy afterwards, but she let him "mark" her with a bite. Now you're thinking since she slept with you right away maybe she did with him too.

Yep...she did. Get over it or get out of it. You still hardly know each other and didn't know each other AT ALL when she did it. Next time...speak up if you want exclusive right from the start.
 TerrieLynnC
Joined: 5/31/2011
Msg: 56
Is she lying or am I overanalyzing
Posted: 10/22/2011 6:09:39 AM

So you slept with someone the first time you met them. That doesn't mean you are in a committed, monogamous relationship.


^^^^RIGHT AND RIGHT..........unless you had THE TALK about being exclusive then you are not even in a relationship with this girl. Shame on you for snooping. Your 42 it's time to act like it.

It's also obvious this woman doesn't want to be in a committed relationship. And I question whether or not you do since you slept with her ON THE FIRST DATE
 Debisusanne
Joined: 5/3/2011
Msg: 57
Is she lying or am I overanalyzing
Posted: 10/22/2011 7:23:14 AM
She didnt feel she was exclusive at the time..

Does one date (even a weekend) constitute being "not single"?

I'd lie too.. none of yo damn business.
 Maraleyha
Joined: 9/12/2011
Msg: 58
Is she lying or am I overanalyzing
Posted: 10/22/2011 7:41:13 AM

OK, Ill make it quick. I met a girl on here we emailed and texted for about a week. Met out for our first date, had a great time, and yes ended up sleeping together. We actually spent just about the whole weekend together going out and enjoying each others company. A week later..


From this I presume you spent 1 weekend together AND dated 1 week, did you mutually agree that you would not see other people at some point between the headboard banging, emails & text messages? To say in this short amount of time you'd felt you were 'serious' is downright scary. Oh, I get accidentally bit by flying vampires, objects, werewolves, etc also. So that is bite mark is justified.. NOT.. it doesn't just happen by accident.

You have some unresolved trust issues or you wouldn't of gone looking where you honestly shouldn't have nor would she have gone out on a date with another individual. Now take all this any way you wish but you did ask for personal opinions so I'm giving you mine. Now do yourself a favor & run, do not walk away from this situation. Then take a good look at yourself & the expectations you will have in future relationships so it doesn't come down to having to check up on someone your dating.
 BoonDockSaint73
Joined: 3/29/2010
Msg: 59
Is she lying or am I overanalyzing
Posted: 10/22/2011 9:32:35 AM
Meh. Man-sluts. That they will have sex with a woman on the first date indicates that they are cheap, immoral men and not to be trusted. Get it?


nope, apples and oranges...


men who sleep with women on the first date are not immoral...

they are called " lucky "


as in ""I got lucky"" last night -
really what happened ?
i went out with a slut and she LET me sleep with her..
damn you have all the luck man...



OP - do you really wanna date a girl, who after having had sex with you - it was sooo good for her that she IMMEDIATELY went out and jumped into another dudes bed !!


hell to the NO...

quit acting desparate.
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 60
Is she lying or am I overanalyzing
Posted: 10/22/2011 10:35:43 AM
Yes---she lied, but it's irrelevant, because your snooping was out of line. You two weren't exclusive at that point, so she had to right to date whomever she wanted, and it was none of your business. If I were in her shoes, I would have dropped you like a rock after finding out you called that other guy.

What you did was akin to asking a woman you just met if she farted, and she answers no, the dog did it---but yet you keep badgering her until she finally admits she did. Yes, she lied about farting---but you asked her an improper question to begin with, so it negates the lie.

The real problem here is your overly suspicious and controlling nature that compelled you to invade this girl's privacy---not the fact that she lied to you to avoid an uncomfortable, embarrassing scene. I think you need to look inward and find out why you have trust issues, and work on yourself, before getting involved with anyone else.
 MikeWM
Joined: 2/7/2011
Msg: 61
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History
Is she lying or am I overanalyzing
Posted: 10/22/2011 4:11:58 PM
Its not like that at all though is it

What its ACTUALLY like sticking with that analogy, is a woman farting on the first date, you ask her about it on the second date and she lies

Then after you've been dating for a month youre curious so you ask her again and she then goes through a variety of different lies rather than admitting the truth now that its NOT the first few dates anymore

And lets not forget theres a HUGE difference between lying about farting which isnt exactly a relationship killer, and lying about being so UNimpressed with you that they still felt the need to not only date, but most probably sleep with other people too

And if someone cant be honest, then IMO they lose any right to be offended about being snooped on
 Revilors
Joined: 10/9/2008
Msg: 62
Is she lying or am I overanalyzing
Posted: 10/22/2011 7:03:19 PM

Are people's expectations so low now, that you only expect someone to tell you the truth, once you're in a committed relationship?


It just wasn't any of his business. Period. Not before they were exclusive...and not now assuming they became exclusive. She probably should have just told him that. Except then she would have to deal with BS for God knows how long. Or...she could have told him the truth and put up with that BS for God knows how long. Little did she know...telling him what she did is making her put up with BS for God knows how long.

Yes...she lied. She lied about something that was none of his business or concern before they were a couple. He...on the other hand has behaved even more inappropriate with his snooping and calling numbers...while they WERE in a relationship.

The OP is NOT innocent. And show us where she cheated. She told him (possibly) a lie to prevent him from....well....being weird about it. It was a no win situation for her.

Edit:

She slept with the OP on the first date. Why are we assuming that IF she slept with someone the weekend after...it was their first date? For all we know...and as long as were speculating about her character...it could have been their third or fourth or whatever. She was "taking applications". Maybe it came down to sack time.

She is what you wanted. She is what you got. Now you need to decide if you want what you got. Sh1t or get off the pot. THAT is all that really matters.
 Cdn_Iceman
Joined: 12/1/2010
Msg: 63
Is she lying or am I overanalyzing
Posted: 10/22/2011 7:16:17 PM
Nubiangent, I'm not sure why you think its pretty cut n dry? its not....... Two wrongs don't make a right.

He snooped, she lied, but if he didn't snoop he wouldn't of caught her in a lie, one doesn't excuse other, they are both wrong, he snooped because he didn't trust her, trust is a major component in a relationship, no trust no relationship, obviously he didn't trust so he snooped, made up some b.s story about he found the number which he hasn't explained how he " found " the number did it appear out of the sky like a gift from God, was it on the floor as he was vacuuming or was it up a dog's ass? calling the other guy ,and this is cool to you?

The bottom line is they are both wrong, its a toxic relationship he needs to either resolve the issue or kick her to the curb or she might kick him to the curb.
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 64
Is she lying or am I overanalyzing
Posted: 10/22/2011 7:43:43 PM
And if someone cant be honest, then IMO they lose any right to be offended about being snooped on


She wasn't dishonest until after he asked her an invasive question and snooped, which was duplicitous, and was a violation of her privacy---and which he had no right to do.


Wow, who would've thought that people would be sticking up for the liar/cheater, instead of the person who just wanted to know the truth.


She didn't cheat. They had no exclusivity agreement when she went out with the other guy. Just because the OP wanted to know the truth, didn't mean he was entitled to know the truth. His snooping was an invasion of her privacy and a breach of trust. The OP was in the wrong.
 Revilors
Joined: 10/9/2008
Msg: 65
Is she lying or am I overanalyzing
Posted: 10/22/2011 7:48:45 PM
The strangest behavior out of the two of you is this.

BEFORE you "had" her. You were convinced that she got the "bite" from another dude. You asked her...BEFORE you "had" her...and you were convinced that she lied about it. Yet...you still wanted her. Before you snooped and found the number...and called it...you knew it was that other guy. Yet you called it anyway.

Now...that you "have" her...you come on here looking for us to justify the fault you have ALWAYS had with her.

To what end?

You looking for upper hand? Looking for an excuse to get out? Just a reason to beat her down a couple of notches? What?

It's all just very very strange.
 Revilors
Joined: 10/9/2008
Msg: 66
Is she lying or am I overanalyzing
Posted: 10/22/2011 10:33:25 PM

Wow, that's a pretty radical view of relationships, and one which I am certain the majority of people in, and seeking healthy, committed relationships don't share.


What relationship? They had a date that turned into one weekend. Committed relationship ...he was poking into her business eight day after they met. Talk about "radical view" when it comes to defining a relationship. And yes....IF you are in a relationship...you should be free to share. Emphasis on FREE. In regards to pertinent...I don't believe past relationships are pertinent to my CURRENT one. It's a new chapter in both of their lives. We can agree to disagree on this personally. Personally...I don't care or want to know who she was with or what they did prior to us being in a relationship. Again...we most likely will need to agree to disagree on what constitutes a relationship.


What about marriage? Are people entitled to know whether their mate is seeing other people or not, then?


Absolutely. But what does that have to do with this thread. But who she SAW before we were in a committed relationship...much less married...is irrelevant. Like to exaggerate much?



I'm sorry. While I agree, and have stated that calling numbers was over the top, her lying was more inappropriate than his snooping. If she hadn't lied, then he wouldn't have had any reason for snooping.


And if he wasn't snooping into her business (by asking about the next weekend) when he had no right and she had no obligation...she would need to lie. So they are both wrong and we're stuck in the whole 'chicken and the egg" loop. Aren't we. But he did set it in motion.



Funny how you say he should decide if he "wants what he got, and sh!t or get off the pot" when according to you, he had no right to the MOST pertinent info upon which to make an informed decision, in the first place.

Contradiction much?


I haven't made a contradiction. It is my opinion he had (what you call) the pertinent information from day 8. She had another date and they may have taken it physical. And...he knew she didn't come clean with it. What has he learned since? NOTHING. Yet he still perused her and has no further "pertinent" information in which to ponder. Other than his own trust issues and excessive behavior. Which I'm assuming he had prior to meeting her.




#1 Is a woman entitled to know the intentions of a man she has just met online? In other words, are women entitled to know whether a man they have just met, is just out for sex, or a long-term relationship?


Irrelevant and completely off topic.




#2 You say he wasn't entitled to the truth. Ok, so what about being entitled to an honest answer? "It's none of your business" or "I don't feel you're entitled to the truth" would have been honest answers, and would have preserved her right to hide her intentions, and actual feelings about the status of their relationship.


I think that was covered in a couple of other posts. Personally, I think she should have seen the red flags...told him nothing...and chalked it up as a good weekend in the sack. And again...where did she "hide her intentions" and WHAT RELATIONSHIP? It was 8 days after they met.



Or is your position, that until you're in a committment, it is "invasive" to want to know if the other person is still pursuing other options, and therefore, completely acceptable to offer nothing but lies in response to any question(s) you feel the other person isn't "entitled" to ask?


First of all...until you are exclusive...hell yes you are free to pursue other options. That's called dating. That...in and of itself has nothing to do with offering "nothing but lies". We've already covered that. She made an inappropriate response to an inappropriate question.

Maybe that's a place for them BOTH to start.
 BrownInOrange
Joined: 7/30/2011
Msg: 67
Is she lying or am I overanalyzing
Posted: 10/22/2011 11:05:22 PM
Please reread your message OP. Hopefully you stop after the second sentence.

One week bro. I doubt you guys had an kind of exclusivity. You're completely out of bounds on this.
 Rain587
Joined: 7/9/2011
Msg: 68
Is she lying or am I overanalyzing
Posted: 10/22/2011 11:23:11 PM
Message 85 cdn iceman is right.
 Exalted805
Joined: 10/10/2011
Msg: 69
Is she lying or am I overanalyzing
Posted: 10/23/2011 2:07:46 AM
Dang, truly surprised by a lot of responses.

It's already been said, but you busting her on lies, especially that amount of lies, is going to make you never trust her again...it's pretty safe to assume that if she slept with you on the first date, and she comes home with bites on her neck after going on a date with someone else..that she's probably done it again.

I could maybe see trying to work past it if it were one lie, she admitted to it, and wanted to work past it..but being busted, lying again to cover up the last one, and continually getting busted..you'll just never trust her again, and you have good reason not to. Don't think you're really over analyzing anything.

Don't really understand the topic title either, since you busted her on several lies. She's a liar.

Sorry dude, if it were me, I'd definitely toss this one back if you're after anything close to a stable relationship
---

On a side note, I can't believe that so many people consider that acceptable...to sleep with someone, hang out with them for a week or whatever, then go sleep with some other guy just because they didn't have an "exclusivity talk", and consider that no big deal, and none of his business. I'd feel betrayed too, and he was betrayed..but at the same time, it's predictable, since she'd slept with him on the first date too. It's just harder to see it when you're not an outsider :(
 MikeWM
Joined: 2/7/2011
Msg: 70
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History
Is she lying or am I overanalyzing
Posted: 10/23/2011 6:01:36 AM

Yeah, you got played big time. Dump the ho-ho-ho. So.... gentlemen, the moral of the story is - keep your pecker in your pants on the first, second and third dates.


I havent checked, but at a guess I would wager youre female yes?

What difference would that have made?

Suppose HE had opted not to sleep with her, they had still had a great weekend together with no sex, that still wouldnt have changed ANYTHING that happened the following weekend, nor the incessant lies about what had happened so how on earth would being "chaste" have altered anything?

What youre actually implying is that ANY woman who could, as an adult even consider having sex early on MUST be a total horndog who will drop their knickers for anyone. which is kind of insulting to a LOT of women and takes sexual equality back about 30 years to what people thought was the ONLY two types of women in existence, the "nice" girls and the sluts

Wow, way to sell out the sisterhood and stigmatise every non frigid, non manipulative sexually liberated woman on the planet as being a slut pmsl

And also killing off the notion of love at first sight too while you were at it haha

Classic



While watching some of the answers here I have to admit that I have started to wonder how many of the people with such a stick up their arse about the privacy thing whilst being almost dismissive about the lying in its entireity are doing that because of their own personality and because if such a practise were more widely adopted it would have meant they'd be "found out" doing things they shouldnt have been doing by more people


I have to agree with posters who have said that the only acceptable answers would have been to either tell the truth as no exclusivity agreement was in place, and therefore he couldnt expect that, but openness and honesty is still reasonable, or at the very least being honest enough to have said it was none of his business what she got upto. So at least he would have been able to decide whether to progress with an informed perspective of what type of woman she was

Because this isnt exactly a matter of right or wrong as such, just one of differing morals and mindsets

Someone dating, and even sleeping with multiple partners in the dating process isnt "wrong", nor is people choosing to stop seeing other people until they figure out if a "possible" is a potential LTR, theyre just different

But as having similar or at the very least "compatible" mindsets, outlooks and morals on such key topics is a fairly important part of the foundation of any relationship

So lying about something so fundamental isnt "trivial" in the slightest and is more on a par with someone lying about their views on monogamy as for many a different view in either of those areas will be an instant and non negotiable incompatibility
 spiceual
Joined: 12/2/2010
Msg: 71
Is she lying or am I overanalyzing
Posted: 10/23/2011 8:34:01 AM
shes playing you like a fool move on....
 Cdn_Iceman
Joined: 12/1/2010
Msg: 72
Is she lying or am I overanalyzing
Posted: 10/23/2011 9:19:43 AM
say what ?I don't know about sticking up for the woman, I don't believe in supporting Liars, never have and never will, second I don't agree what the guy did, if he suspected her of lying or being unfaithful you deal with it like mature adults , snooping and making up stories about " oh I found a number" which he hasn't addressed how he found this number is Bull shit.

Two wrongs don't make a right, its not about privacy or other nonsense that was mention, the problem here is there were red flags, he ignored them and now is trying to justify his wrong on catching her in her wrong, that is the issue.
 Cdn_Iceman
Joined: 12/1/2010
Msg: 73
Is she lying or am I overanalyzing
Posted: 10/23/2011 9:41:20 AM
That was my point Nubian, if the answer wasn't satisfactory that should of been a red flag right there, mind you there is always three sides to a story.

Mature adults has this thing called " communication" and actually communicates , Im betting the sex was good between them and he ignored some things , some people are funny when it comes to the physical part, Im betting the woman in question is probably attractive or a hottie
and he ignored some of the things which explains the lack of communication.
 TDH49
Joined: 8/13/2010
Msg: 74
Is she lying or am I overanalyzing
Posted: 10/23/2011 9:43:26 AM
I am always amused by the asinine view that if you snoop and find something, it justifies your snooping. When 100 percent of the time if your snooping ass finds nothing, you keep quiet and pretent nothing happened. Where the hell is the honesty in that?

This man had no damn right to be asking this woman the kind of questions he was asking. It's only after realizing just how fragile his ego was that she told him the little white lie. Had he been the type of man who could handle the truth, then I have no doubt she would have told him the truth.

The white lie she told him in the beginning is no worst than what a man answer his wife when asked " Does this dress make me look fat" It was solely designed to appease his extremely fragile ego.

Him going around playing Sherlock Holmes searching for evidence to disprove what she said is deplorable and MUCH MUCH worst than her telling him " I have plans with friends".

Frankly if I was her I would kick his insucure ass to the curb and go find a man whose ego isn't as easy to crack as a two minute egg.

Digging around for numbers then calling the number asking questions.... Are you people seriously trying to compare something that deplorable to what this woman did? Get real!
 frijolera_ninja
Joined: 4/11/2011
Msg: 75
Is she lying or am I overanalyzing
Posted: 10/23/2011 9:55:28 AM
You have good instincts. Too bad you didnt discuss stuff sooner. You have trust issues ( I can see why) and she deems untrustworthy. Go back to square one and start over with someone else. You will never feel comfortable with this chick even if you say you trust her ... you never really will. Good luck!
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