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 ComplekCity
Joined: 1/17/2011
Msg: 76
Is she lying or am I overanalyzingPage 4 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)



When I saw her the next day, she had a small bite mark on her neck and said her gf did it.


IMO this is where she should've come clean.

If she had , you could've decided whether or not you were ok with her going on the date and the avalanche of BS wouldn't have begun.

Now, your relationship is based on BS.

Not a good foundation.
 frijolera_ninja
Joined: 4/11/2011
Msg: 77
Is she lying or am I overanalyzing
Posted: 10/23/2011 10:00:38 AM
I agree with Nubian. If you voice your concerns and they respond with a lie then what? If he hadnt of snooped or investigated further you guys would think him a sucker and a fool so OP and Nubian you just cant win here.
 TDH49
Joined: 8/13/2010
Msg: 78
Is she lying or am I overanalyzing
Posted: 10/23/2011 10:02:32 AM
2. Should he have kicked her to the curb, not really knowing for sure whether his suspicions were in fact valid?
What right did he have after one date to be asking this question let alone having suspicions?. How can you kick someone to the curb when you're not seriously involved with them?.

Let me try this one more time.... IT WAS ONE DATE.... She can go sleep with the entires football team at the local university if she wanted to.... IT'S NONE OF HIS DAMN BUSINESS. He had no right to question her about her love life. Why is this so hard for some posters to understand?

Him sticking his nose where it didn't belong forced her to tell him a white lie. If she was more like me she simply would have told him to f*ck off and lose her number. But she took the more diplomatic route. And look where is got her? Some insecure guy digging in her purse and cell phone , calling men from her past asking more none of his business questions.





3. Should he have continued to pretend that everything was hunky dory, and be eaten up by by doubt and suspicion?
If his ego is so fragile that what a woman did when they weren't together eats him up inside. He need to either strangle himself with a celibate rope or go find a virgin. Because at his age pretty much every woman he comes across has a past that involves some man and sex.

And if his plan is to go running around playing detective in all his relationship. Perhaps his time might be better served in theraphy instead of attempting to date.
 SC67
Joined: 6/21/2009
Msg: 79
Is she lying or am I overanalyzing
Posted: 10/23/2011 10:07:17 AM
Ahhh...OP...you want us to tell you she didn't have sex with the guy or that you were in the right about snooping or what exactly is it you want to hear?

Yes, she lied to you & she fooled around with the guy. Yes, you were in the wrong to snoop. No...sadly a weekend with you did not make her forget every other man on the planet. Who knows...maybe she was seeing the other guy before she spent the weekend with you. There's no way for us to know this. Talk to her.

Advice in the future...clarify the situation before you assume you're exclusive. Don't snoop unless you're ready to accept/deal with what you find. You can probably expect the person you've snooped on to be pretty ticked off when they find out you've invaded their privacy. When they find out you're a snoop you'll probably be dumped regardless of what you find.
 Cdn_Iceman
Joined: 12/1/2010
Msg: 80
Is she lying or am I overanalyzing
Posted: 10/23/2011 10:11:42 AM

Ok, let's try this for the LAST time.

HOW SHOULD HE HAVE REACTED TO THE "red flag(s)"?????????????????????????????????

Let me make this simple, since you appear to be avoiding answering the question.
good Lord, what did I say earlier? there are three sides to a story, you know his, hers and the truth, I said I'm betting there were some things ( meaning he's not posting them) he has added to his story every time he's posted, which leaves me to believe there is more to this story

IS THAT C L E A R E R now? I can Say it a bit S L O W L E R if you like.

I don't think there was communication,or much of communication, I wouldn't be in his situation , all I know If I'm dating a woman and she shows up at my place with some type of hickey on her neck and tells me "her girlfriend" gave it to her, yeah she has some explaining to do, and if its not satisfactory or as we say " bull shit" I'm gone faster than popcorn chicken at a fat kids birthday party.
 ComplekCity
Joined: 1/17/2011
Msg: 81
Is she lying or am I overanalyzing
Posted: 10/23/2011 10:16:38 AM

all I know If I'm dating a woman and she shows up at my place with some type of hickey on her neck and tells me "her girlfriend" gave it to her, yeah she has some explaining to do, and if its not satisfactory or as we say " bull shit" I'm gone faster than popcorn chicken at a fat kids birthday party.


Exactly !

It's not about whether or not he had the RIGHT to know her business at that point, it's about her giving him a glass of milk and telling him it's beer.
 Revilors
Joined: 10/9/2008
Msg: 82
Is she lying or am I overanalyzing
Posted: 10/23/2011 10:23:30 AM

Ok, don't take this the wrong way, but are you at all familiar with debating by analogy, comparison or illustration, and/or indirectly attacking the underlying principle of a position as a means to discredit the position?


I'm quite familiar and have been know to do the same. However...equating what they had in that weeks time with a marriage only discredits your "analogy, comparison or illustration" of the underlying principle.

You continue to combine my stated POV with your analogies, comparisons and illustrations in an attempt to blur my actual POV with your illusions.

We can cut and paste until we all go blind. Let me restate my actual POV.

She gave an inappropriate response to an inappropriate query.

Nobody has the "copy rights" to another persons intentions. He did, however, have a "choice" to disassociate himself from her...based on her response.

We have the right to decide our own dating protocols which includes when we feel dating and sexual exclusivity begins. It's possible their protocols are in conflict. Yet another reason for him to choose to disassociate himself from her.

It is completely inappropriate to invade others' privacy. There are exceptions when it comes to minor children or matters of health and welfare...but I see none in this case.

Trust is paramount in any relationship. They have both given cause not to trust each other. The only part of their relationship that may be functional is the sex. It's not a "relationship"...it never was...not by my standards. Which is why most of everything else is irrelevant. IMO

Quite honestly...were I on either side of this situation...my investment would have been limited at best...and more probably non existent. Far less than you and I have invested in this thread.

I understand you point...at least I believe I do. You might be surprised that our expectations within a relationship are most likely similar. You might also be surprised that our expectations and tolerances for suitable dating and/or relationships only diverge in the slightest. Without going into detail...I can tell you this...in order for me to consider "investing" myself...the expectation would be that of exclusivity.

Others have the right to date in the manner that works for them. If it's not working for me...I have the right to choose not to date them.

Perhaps I'm just more adept at disassociating my personal expectations and tolerances from the debate at hand.


Don't believe me? Here is the definition of "relationship" at thefreedictionary.com:
1. The condition or fact of being related; connection or association.
2. Connection by blood or marriage; kinship.

3. A particular type of connection existing between people related to or having dealings with each other.
4. A romantic or sexual involvement.


So I have the "right" to ask my doctor who's azz he's stinking his finder in...next week? And...it's ok for me to grab his cell phone and call his other patients because "we have a relationship". I recognize the completely exaggerated and perverted analogy, comparison or illustration.


Well I cry Bullsh!t!


Didn't mean to make you cry.
 TDH49
Joined: 8/13/2010
Msg: 83
Is she lying or am I overanalyzing
Posted: 10/23/2011 10:32:17 AM
all I know If I'm dating a woman and she shows up at my place with some type of hickey on her neck and tells me "her girlfriend" gave it to her, yeah she has some explaining to do, and if its not satisfactory or as we say " bull shit" I'm gone faster than popcorn chicken at a fat kids birthday party.
Can we say insecure little boys and girls? I knew you could.

Unless you had an agreement with this woman to date exclusively and see where it went. You would have no right to be questioning her about any mark on her body. Even if her purse fell on the ground and 12 open condom wrappers spilled out. You would still have no right to question her. Being exclusive gives a person a right to ask certain questions. Until that point you're just sticking your nose into something that's none of your business.

You want the right to ask questions? Be like Abelian and date exclusively.
 MissyTrouble
Joined: 3/21/2011
Msg: 84
Is she lying or am I overanalyzing
Posted: 10/23/2011 10:35:09 AM
so... what would have happened if she had honestly answered the questions.

YES I HAD ANOTHER DATE.. we werent exclusive.. and i f@cked him too?

Had a great time.. but i chose you?

do men really want to know that ?..

A single woman (as does a single man) has the right to sleep with whomever she wants.. and you do not share your other dates with your current dates...
 TDH49
Joined: 8/13/2010
Msg: 85
Is she lying or am I overanalyzing
Posted: 10/23/2011 10:42:24 AM
so... what would have happened if she had honestly answered the questions.

YES I HAD ANOTHER DATE.. we werent exclusive.. and i f@cked him too?

Had a great time.. but i chose you?
He would have started one of those whiney threads crying about how he thought they had a real connection but obviously not.

The Op thought he was ohhhh so special that this woman slept with him on the first date. He is the man...She was all into him. Then a week later she went out and he now thinks did the exactly same thing with someone else. The next guy was having so much fun that he left his mark on her neck. Now it's just killing him knowing there really wasn't anything special about him at all. His now exclusive g/f very well might have made a habit of sleeping with men on the first date. So now he need to either quit whining and deal with it. Or end the relationship and move on. No real mystery here.
 Cdn_Iceman
Joined: 12/1/2010
Msg: 86
Is she lying or am I overanalyzing
Posted: 10/23/2011 10:45:06 AM

Can we say insecure little boys and girls? I knew you could.
FFS so Im insecure? are you f ucking kidding me with this? Ive read some bull shit stuff but this takes the case Got to love people who break balls for the sake of breaking balls.


I see we are playing word games again, because I didn't say dating exclusively you ASSumed we were dating for the sake of dating and Im dating others and she's dating others

So I should of said If Im dating EXCLUSIVELY a woman and she shows up at my place with some type of hickey, is that better? FFS.


Lol, nothing cracks me up like the person that thinks they are making perfect sense, but in actuality are spouting the written equivalent of Damon Wayan's imitation of a "mentally handicapped" person, and accusing the listeners of having the problem.
Well slick Its not my fault if you cant comprehend something so simple, unless you realize that what you were saying didn't make any sense. Or you weren't expressing it clearly. It's not my fault that I can't accept half-processed thoughts.

 TDH49
Joined: 8/13/2010
Msg: 87
Is she lying or am I overanalyzing
Posted: 10/23/2011 10:48:25 AM
So I should of said If Im dating EXCLUSIVELY a woman and she shows up at my place with some type of hickey, is that better?
Yes it is. In this case you would have every right to ask questions and demand answers.







And you know what? In THIS instance, I'm inclined to agree with you. A "hickey" is pretty irrefutable evidence for me as well. But since it wasn't for him, I feel he had a right to dig deeper.
Evidence of what exactly? evidence that she slept with someone else? If she did, so what? how does that concern him when they only had one date and was in no way shape or form exclusive?
 frijolera_ninja
Joined: 4/11/2011
Msg: 88
Is she lying or am I overanalyzing
Posted: 10/23/2011 10:50:59 AM
Um heres a lil something none of you guys have addressed ... she said her friend gave her the hickey ... Its ok then if a woman gave it to her?! your all dorks!
 Vannili
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 89
view profile
History
Is she lying or am I overanalyzing
Posted: 10/23/2011 10:55:24 AM
I am not a man but I don't need to snoop and analyze the woman it is crystal clear what kind of a person she is....

First meet she slept with you, means she slept around with any other men she met. Of course she lied about her other activity, and that is normal, you yourself won't be confiding your conquest of others to your newly date .. Would you ?

Seeing her with a "hickey" pwcking her doesn't gave you the Right to "investigate" her sex life ??? If I were her I will not rock and roll with bullshyte with you and tell you upfront< Bug Off You Are Not My Father!!!!!!!!!!!!
 SeaCatcher
Joined: 9/11/2011
Msg: 90
Is she lying or am I overanalyzing
Posted: 10/23/2011 11:02:24 AM
Hey buddy, you don't own her. She had every right to see someone else from this site - she is a free agent, particularly since she'd arranged to meet the guy awhile ago. Just because you slept together, doesn't mean you have exclusive rights to her. She lied because you were too nosy. I can see you are a jealous type and that this issue will come up again and again and get in the way of any blossoming relationship you might have had with this woman. You wont trust her and she wont want to be open with you, so the whole thing will come tumbling down. Sorry about that.
 _shakti_
Joined: 7/5/2011
Msg: 91
Is she lying or am I overanalyzing
Posted: 10/23/2011 11:03:03 AM
Sheesh, where's the popcorn eating smiley when you need one?
 semi_sane_jane
Joined: 3/10/2011
Msg: 92
Is she lying or am I overanalyzing
Posted: 10/23/2011 11:08:48 AM

Him sticking his nose where it didn't belong forced her to tell him a white lie. If she was more like me she simply would have told him to f*ck off and lose her number. But she took the more diplomatic route. And look where is got her? Some insecure guy digging in her purse and cell phone , calling men from her past asking more none of his business questions.
With all due respect, tdh, I disagree. It would seem as though he was overstepping the boundries of a "we've only had one date so far" relationship by asking the question, but that didn't force her to lie. It forced her to decide how to respond to the inappropriate question. She wouldn't have had to lie, she wouldn't have had to respond overaggressively by telling him to fvck off.... She could have simply reinforced her boundries assertively by telling him she considered the question inappropriate at this point. Lying isn't diplomatic~it's decietful.

An honest answer on her part, whether it was "yes, i have another date" or "I don't feel it's necessary to share that with you at this point" would have given them each the opportunity to determine whether they wanted to move forward in their relationship with dignity and authenticity. The lie breached the integrity of their communication, and robbed him of any opportunity to develop trust or respect for her.
 Cdn_Iceman
Joined: 12/1/2010
Msg: 93
Is she lying or am I overanalyzing
Posted: 10/23/2011 11:14:21 AM

Um heres a lil something none of you guys have addressed ... she said her friend gave her the hickey ... Its ok then if a woman gave it to her?! your all dorks!
Doesn't matter who gave her the hickey, guy, gal, both, the dog or a bird.

Second the OP, said in his original post, they met, slept with each other started dating for a week, then comes back and said, its a month in a half in the relationship, which changes everything, if he stuck to his original post, after a week she did this, I would of said the same thing, its none of his business because they were not exclusive

But then he comes back and posts, it was a month in a half into the RELATIONSHIP before he finds the lie, so now he feels he is justified for snooping, Finding out the truth is one thing, but the way he claims he did it is suspect.

Which was my point, doesn't matter who gave her the hickey, the problem is or from what it sounds like there is a lack of communication and trust and game playing.
 sportsgirl7700
Joined: 5/22/2009
Msg: 94
Is she lying or am I overanalyzing
Posted: 10/23/2011 12:14:57 PM
Wow...I would have dumped you on your ass the minute you called the other guy. What are you- the boss of her? So what? She met you and slept with you on the first night then a week later met someone else and slept with him too (which in my opinion is what happened regardless of what the dude claimed 'didn't" happen). She was a single woman at that time and able to do what she wanted, when she wanted with whom she wanted!

When she saw you the day after her date with the other guy, she probably had decided she wanted to be with you. She most likely didn't want you to know that she slept with the other guy because it wasn't really any of your business and she probably didn't want you to feel bad or jealous.

If you are insecure in this relationship, get out of it,

I don't think she did anything wrong. Nothing matters that happened before you decided to be exclusive in my opinion.
 Fleuron
Joined: 8/18/2010
Msg: 95
Is she lying or am I overanalyzing
Posted: 10/23/2011 1:48:53 PM

But what is baffling is WOMEN coming to the aid and support of someone playing games, and going along with justifying it on the technicality that the word "committment" hadn't been officially stated. But then again, I should probably not be surprised by that either, because sometimes, in the zeal to support one of their sisters…


Oh, please. If some random date starts questioning me and my whereabouts after ONE date….GONE…whether we slept together or not. And if he snooped in my phone (or wherever he snooped) and actually made a call to check up on me, GONE, with an earful he won't forget first.

What games is she playing? She lied to avoid his drama…which evidently he’s full of. No, it wasn’t right. She shouldn’t have had to say ANYthing to him. When he asked her out for that weekend, “I’m busy,” or “No, thank you” should have been enough for him.

It’s not about "the word 'commitment' hadn't been officially stated" … we’re talking about A WEEK.

What a joke. I would LOVE to hear her side of it… she’d probably say, “OP Who??”
 galaxxy
Joined: 6/11/2010
Msg: 96
Is she lying or am I overanalyzing
Posted: 10/23/2011 2:00:13 PM
this is 2010.

if we wanna be whores, we'll be whores
 Lolita_LeBron
Joined: 1/12/2011
Msg: 97
Is she lying or am I overanalyzing
Posted: 10/23/2011 2:06:38 PM
OP:

Isn't this grand! The OP sleeps with someone on the first date and then questions his own motives later on. Dude, she LIED to you. Dump her. You are dating someone you basically DO NOT KNOW enough to be in a relationship with. You slept with her and got involved with her, what did you expect? It could be the other way around, with her suspecting you, and it still would be the same. I have a sneaking suspicion that you are a needy, clingy type of person who needs to be in a relationship to feel important. Get some self-respect and get to know the people you date before getting involved with them. This could save you a multitude of headaches.

If you have to go around acting like you have, snooping and questioning, then you really don't need to be near the person on the receiving end.
 BoonDockSaint73
Joined: 3/29/2010
Msg: 98
Is she lying or am I overanalyzing
Posted: 10/23/2011 2:42:37 PM

this is 2010.


oh really... ???


care to put down the crystal meth for a while ?

its 2011 man going on 2012...


lol
 NobadeeFTW
Joined: 10/20/2011
Msg: 99
Is she lying or am I overanalyzing
Posted: 10/23/2011 3:02:33 PM

You are a man in your 40's, act like one. Stop playing 007 and dump her lying ass not every fish is a keeper.


roflmao!
 SC67
Joined: 6/21/2009
Msg: 100
Is she lying or am I overanalyzing
Posted: 10/23/2011 4:16:21 PM

So easy, even a caveman could grasp it.

Did he even need to snoop after she showed up with a hickey?
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