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 TDH49
Joined: 8/13/2010
Msg: 101
Is she lying or am I overanalyzingPage 5 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
Rightly or wrongly, if a man's expectation is that he wants to date someone who's not seeing anyone else, then yes, he has the right to try to ascertain that information.
The time to set the ground rules was BEFORE they went on the date and had sex. If he wanted to date her exclusively then he has lots of time to bring this up over the weekend they spent together. Even when he asked her out and she told him the white lie. No mention was made about 1 on 1 dating to see where it went.

If at ANY POINT he has mentioned wanting to date exclusive and she then lied to him. I would be on his side about the lying. But his ass still would be booted to the curb for all that snooping.
 Fleuron
Joined: 8/18/2010
Msg: 102
Is she lying or am I overanalyzing
Posted: 10/23/2011 4:19:37 PM
nubiangent1 : Taking posts out of context to attempt to prove your point is Forums 101…lazy and unimaginative.
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 103
Is she lying or am I overanalyzing
Posted: 10/23/2011 4:41:44 PM

She lied to avoid his drama…which evidently he’s full of. No, it wasn’t right. She shouldn’t have had to say ANYthing to him. When he asked her out for that weekend, “I’m busy,” or “No, thank you” should have been enough for him.


I think where she first went wrong was before she lied, when she allowed him to intimidate her. It was a mistake for her to tolerate his continued line of inappropriate questioning to the point that she was under duress and felt she had to lie to get him to back off.
 justonhere1
Joined: 9/21/2011
Msg: 104
Is she lying or am I overanalyzing
Posted: 10/23/2011 4:53:47 PM
She's lying, and if you with her it won't last long. Come on now, the red mark on her neck, should have told it all, but since you took it a lil further then you found more which turned into more lies. The only reason why she won't admit that he walked her home cause she knows something happend when they go to the house.
It's not that hard to figure out.
 cin____dy
Joined: 8/21/2011
Msg: 105
Is she lying or am I overanalyzing
Posted: 10/23/2011 4:59:15 PM
She is lying. When two people are dating even if not a couple they have no reason to lie. You are both free to date and should not hide it.

However, I do think that snooping is wrong . If you feel you can't trust someone then you back off and see if what she does and says is indeed trustworthy.
I never believed in checking up on people, I know when someone cares about me and if things are not adding up then I know it without betraying their privacy
.
She should not be lying, she should tell they truth or say I am dating others, not lead you to believe you are a couple. And it doesn't matter if she had a date set before you met, she should have cancelled it with the other guy if you had an understanding.
All this deception and games are leading down a bad path.

Sleeping with someone right away is always a problem because both think well they do that with just anyone. So, I would say you should take things slower and not jump into bed with someone you hardly know if you expect things to work out.-, because they ususally never do if you get too intimate too quickly.

Also to add, no one forces a person to lie, if she had been honest upfront in the first place instead of playing games, she would not have to lie. Her excuses and bs on the hickey is rediculous.
 TDH49
Joined: 8/13/2010
Msg: 106
Is she lying or am I overanalyzing
Posted: 10/23/2011 5:04:44 PM
Besides, that doesn't even make sense. How would he even know whether or not he wanted to date her exclusively BEFORE even meeting? I'm sorry, but you're really straining here.
Stop playing stupid, you're way too damn smart for that.
If I only date one person at a time and expect the same from the person I'm dating. I let every woman I plan on going out with know in advance my position. That way they know what to expect from me and what I expect from them. And they have important info to make an informed decision.

One of my favorite posters here in the forum will only date exclusively. And he let women know upfront his position on the subject. If they then tell him they can't do it that way. Then there is no chance of them moving forward to a potential ltr.

This is just dating. It aint rocket science. If you don't tell the person you plan on dating what's on your mind and your expectations. Then you have no reason to whine when things get confused... Like I said before the Op had plenty of opportunity to discuss dating exclusive with this woman. He took none of them. He has no reason to whine after the fact.



And that's the cruxt of the issue. You feel she was justified in lying.
Stop trying to play holier than thou.... Everybody lie, including you, so spare me the soap box speech.

 TDH49
Joined: 8/13/2010
Msg: 107
Is she lying or am I overanalyzing
Posted: 10/23/2011 5:11:24 PM
I certainly wouldn't have. A hickey would have told me all *I* needed to know.

I think in his heart, he just wanted so bad to believe her.

But his brain was like "C'mon Mannnnnnnnn!"

So he snooped.
And that's the cruxt of it. YOU think he is justified in snooping. Regardless of how you try to sugar coat it rolling poop in powered sugar don't magically turn it into a donut.
 SC67
Joined: 6/21/2009
Msg: 108
Is she lying or am I overanalyzing
Posted: 10/23/2011 5:16:29 PM

So he snooped

That's where I stopped being pro-OP. I would go ballistic if someone went through my phone & started calling my friends. He didn't need to invade her privacy to know the truth. The hickey told him everything he needed to know. I respect my partner's privacy & don't think you can make anyone faithful by constantly checking up on them. blech...no way to live...I'd have dumped him regardless...

Would it have been ok to snoop into her bank statement if he'd suspected she'd been lying about her finances?
 MikeWM
Joined: 2/7/2011
Msg: 109
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History
Is she lying or am I overanalyzing
Posted: 10/23/2011 5:25:54 PM
In a way its kind of comical that suppose this woman was being suspected of a crime (lets say "fraud" for arguements sake) where her dating habits were relevant. And she was suspected of lying it wouldnt be an ethical issue, nor a dilema she WOULD be investigated, her phone records checked, who she spoke to questioned etc etc

In this example she has in a way been "fraudulent" in the very precise definition of the word as she has misrepresented both her actions and intent, and rather than "the police" it was in effect a "private investigator" who outed the deciet

Strange how the first scenario wouldnt cause an eyelid to bat in shock or horror, but the later although basically the same situation has droves of people up in arms


Kind of makes you wonder how many people on here are terrified of a partner actually knowing anything approaching "the truth" about them really, or who at the very least want an "assumption" of trustworthyness rather than actually having to show it via their words and actions by actually being open and honest


As for


However, I do think that snooping is wrong . If you feel you can't trust someone then you back off and see if what she does and says is indeed trustworthy.


Maybe a dumb question, but how exactly is that NOT snooping? It might not be quite the same as looking through someones phone, but it IS watching them with an underlying assumption with the aim of gathering more proof



I never believed in checking up on people, I know when someone cares about me and if things are not adding up then I know it without betraying their privacy


Firstly I dont really consider betraying someones privacy as being ANYWHERE near as serious as somebody betraying somebodies trust

And if the betrayal of privacy is in response to a betrayal of trust then IMO its even less "bad" because honesty in the first place totally negates the need for the invasion of privacy anyway

That aside though, LUCKY YOU to ALWAYS be so 100% sure and to never ever make ANY mistakes at all, ever in your entire life

But I doubt anyone else (and realistically not you either) can really claim that, for most people sometimes we will be 100% spot on, other times 100% wrong with the majority tending to fall somewhere between the two

so where its someone youre not really that fussed about it might be easier to just kick them to the curb on a very faint suspicion and no actual evidence as theyre going to be pretty disposeable anyway.

But for most people, if its someone they did like quite a bit or a lot even, they would want to actually be "sure" and that requires actual proof one way or the other

Which cant actually be attained if the person is lying can it?

I prefer to make important decisions based on actual facts rather than whims. And despite knowing sometimes my intuition is quite unfathomably spot on, I am also self aware enough to know that it cant be assumed nor relied upon that this will always be the case

So for me facts tend to be quite an important aspect of decision making really

Call me old fashioned
 Fleuron
Joined: 8/18/2010
Msg: 110
Is she lying or am I overanalyzing
Posted: 10/23/2011 5:38:08 PM

Most NORMAL people consider lying to withhold pertinent information, to be playing games. It's ok that you you don't. But don't act like there's something wrong with me pointing that out.


Right. You’re calling me abnormal, then accuse me of “acting” like there’s something wrong with you. I seem to remember you accusing Iceman of being a politician, too… at least I’m in good company.

There was no pertinent information withheld…what she did or didn’t do a week after meeting him was none of his business.

In bite size components: He had no right to ask her anything. She owed him nothing. Going through someone’s phone to call old boyfriends is psycho. If you consider yourself to be in an exclusive monogamous relationship after a week and a lay, cheers!
 Revilors
Joined: 10/9/2008
Msg: 111
Is she lying or am I overanalyzing
Posted: 10/23/2011 8:09:34 PM

Firstly I dont really consider betraying someones privacy as being ANYWHERE near as serious as somebody betraying somebodies trust


Yeah...I had to read that one four times and I'm still scratching my head.

Just a note for stance that she should have either given full disclosure or told him it was none of his business. Why doe Opie get a pass? Instead of puzzy footing around and snooping...why didn't he have an upfront conversation right then and there after seeing the "bite". "Hey...you've got a hickey on your neck and I didn't give it to you. It's not cool with me if you and I are going to see each other for you to be seeing anyone else. That's the way I roll and if that doesn't work for you...I understand".

There was no point in taking confessions. Just setting boundaries for the future. You know...like real adult conversation and conduct.

 Greatcatch12345
Joined: 5/2/2011
Msg: 112
Is she lying or am I overanalyzing
Posted: 10/24/2011 10:26:18 AM
if its a good piece of azz..keep banging it...but dont expect the truth..cause u cant handle the truth!! LOL..
 Cynderella
Joined: 3/8/2007
Msg: 113
view profile
History
Is she lying or am I overanalyzing
Posted: 10/24/2011 1:52:06 PM

if its a good piece of azz..keep banging it...but dont expect the truth..cause u cant handle the truth!! LOL..


OMG Too friggen funny!



Yeah, not really "keeper" material from the start.


Ain't that the truth...
 TDH49
Joined: 8/13/2010
Msg: 114
Is she lying or am I overanalyzing
Posted: 10/24/2011 3:14:19 PM
Yeah, not really "keeper" material from the start.
As opposed to someone who goes snooping around looking for phone numbers to whine about. Yea, he had "keeper" written all over him. Some woman will be thanking her lucky stars he came into her life.
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 115
Is she lying or am I overanalyzing
Posted: 10/24/2011 9:09:16 PM
As opposed to someone who goes snooping around looking for phone numbers to whine about. Yea, he had "keeper" written all over him.


Peter, Peter, pumpkin eater, had a girl but couldn't keeper

Took a peek inside her cell, and made her life a living helllll!
 Laura05452
Joined: 10/22/2011
Msg: 116
Is she lying or am I overanalyzing
Posted: 10/25/2011 1:42:40 PM
Since when does spending a weekend together after you just met make you a "couple"?

Dating means to go out with more than one person......

You were not mutually exclusive.....

I would have dropped you in a heartbeat
 Revilors
Joined: 10/9/2008
Msg: 117
Is she lying or am I overanalyzing
Posted: 10/25/2011 1:48:49 PM


Peter, Peter, pumpkin eater, had a girl but couldn't keeper

Took a peek inside her cell, and made her life a living helllll!


Cinderella begged the Fairy Godmother to turn her into a pumpkin for arriving home after midnight. She had a late date with Peter after his gal kicked him to the curb for snooping.
 MikeWM
Joined: 2/7/2011
Msg: 118
view profile
History
Is she lying or am I overanalyzing
Posted: 10/25/2011 1:51:26 PM
I think you will actually find that dating doesnt infact "mean" that at all

It "can" mean it to some people, it can also mean exclusively exploring the potential with one person then if its not worth pursuing doing the same with another too

Infact it can mean lots of things to lots of different people

Dating multiple people all at once isnt last time I checked compulsory, but please feel free to let me know if that has changed anytime in the last 50 years or so and has now become a legal requirement that nobody is allowed to just date one person anymore
 Fleuron
Joined: 8/18/2010
Msg: 119
Is she lying or am I overanalyzing
Posted: 10/25/2011 1:57:44 PM

Peter, Peter, pumpkin eater



Cinderella begged the Fairy Godmother to turn her into a pumpkin


Umm…..

 Cdn_Iceman
Joined: 12/1/2010
Msg: 120
Is she lying or am I overanalyzing
Posted: 10/25/2011 2:33:04 PM

Cinderella begged the Fairy Godmother to turn her into a pumpkin for arriving home after midnight. She had a late date with Peter after his gal kicked him to the curb for snooping.
no no no Revilor, Cinderella was fooling around with Jack, which is why Jill beat the shit out Jack and he broke his crown or something like that, she tossed him a beating for fooling around with Cinderella.
 Revilors
Joined: 10/9/2008
Msg: 121
Is she lying or am I overanalyzing
Posted: 10/25/2011 2:54:10 PM
Sorry man...that's not right.

Jill threw Pinocchio down the hill and came tumbling after. She likes it when HE lies to her. Exclaiming............ "Over-analyze this!!!"
 Cdn_Iceman
Joined: 12/1/2010
Msg: 122
Is she lying or am I overanalyzing
Posted: 10/25/2011 3:07:37 PM
Im thinking Pinocchio was one of those metro sexual guys and he might be been doing Geppetto? I could be wrong
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 123
view profile
History
Is she lying or am I overanalyzing
Posted: 10/25/2011 3:56:51 PM
@Iceman: They probably have a movie like that at the adult bookstore. A porno version of Disney and fairytales.
 amethystdancer14
Joined: 8/27/2011
Msg: 124
Is she lying or am I overanalyzing
Posted: 10/26/2011 2:48:19 PM
OP it takes two to tango. There are trust issues on both sides of the fence in this instance, definately not a good foundation to continue a relationship. Instead of agonising over this incident, make the decision to move forward - either its a relationship worth pursuing, go talk with her and work it out or its unfortunately too damaged to fix and call it a day and move on.
 Ah_zeese
Joined: 10/14/2011
Msg: 125
Is she lying or am I overanalyzing
Posted: 10/26/2011 4:27:56 PM
First off, your talking about somebody you just met. I seriously hope for the most part that you had protected sex.. Because if you didn't, then worring about her neck is the wrong thing to be worrying about. Secondly, she's your girl... already.. What is it that you could possibly know about her in a week that would make you want to claim her.. The only thing you could possibly say is the sex, and sorry, sex never makes a relationship.. It makes a sex partner. Which is exactly what you are.
Calling the next man... You've just confirmed it partner... Your whipped already.So let's replay it.. Your whipped over a woman that you know close to nothing about ,that your had sex with in under a week, and your calling her your girl... SMH
OK now let's look further.. You called dude ( which was a bad move because if he got the skins, and your not his boy, he's not gonna tell you... Why mess up what you could hit again, with out claiming her like your doing) which should auto matically tell you straight from the rip.. shorty ain't the one.. The mark on her neck confirmed it.. Just the fact that she went on a date after sleeping with you should let you know where her head is at... My advise.. Put your feelings in check, and try again. Stop being so fast to claim someone that isn't trying to claim you and a good thouight is, maybe you should try to get to know someone before you start putting labels on them..
last but noit least.. take your but to the doctor and get checked out, and on the way home.. get you some condoms.
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