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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > S/he has no health insurance. Dealbreaker?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 Blah_User_Name
Joined: 8/27/2011
Msg: 127
S/he has no health insurance. Dealbreaker?Page 8 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
I don't think it's a deal breaker - there are many circumstances where this happens and some are temporary.

Some self employed people don't have health insurance as it's pricey and even though here in Canada, the cost can be written off against the business, there is of course the requirement to pay that money out first. I do have Health Insurance but there was a short period of time following my marriage split, where I did not. Plus people change jobs too - so again, there are times when they might not be covered until the new benefits kick in.

But by dating someone, you are not committing to take on their financial commitments. You are merely committing to spending some time learning about that individual. It's only after getting beyond that stage that this would even come up for most people, IMO.
 geoweb
Joined: 11/24/2005
Msg: 128
S/he has no health insurance. Dealbreaker?
Posted: 5/14/2012 7:31:09 AM
I am going to take a big risk here, and attempt to hijack the thread back to the original topic.

No, Health Insurance should not be a dealbreaker, in the context of a first date! Yes, it could become a dealbreaker if the dating evolves into a relationship and the two of you cannot reach an agreement about how to deal with health issues. As any relationship develops, our individual circumstances such as housing, health care, employment, nationality, etc. become important and the ability to discuss and resolve such issues as a couple is critical to the longevity of the relationship. Any discussions of health insurance can wait until you at least decide if you like each other!
 BlokeInSydney
Joined: 5/7/2012
Msg: 129
S/he has no health insurance. Dealbreaker?
Posted: 5/14/2012 6:15:50 PM
What a dreadful place to be in when you have to worry about the health insurance status of a prospective mate?

I'm not talking about the OP's attitude, I'm talking about the fact the US doesn't have a system of universal health care. If they did, the OP's concerns would be a moot point.

In Australia we have it and, although not perfect, it works and the situations the poster describes just don't come into play.

As for the poster, 58? I don't believe it, what a great profile pic. Active in mind and body, that's the way to be for sure!
 BlackLady1953
Joined: 5/27/2011
Msg: 130
view profile
History
S/he has no health insurance. Dealbreaker?
Posted: 5/15/2012 8:57:25 AM
Unfortunately, we have to worry about whether or not our SO has health insurance, is paying child support, raising grandchildren, in foreclosure, etc., etc., etc.
 starofgaia
Joined: 4/11/2012
Msg: 131
S/he has no health insurance. Dealbreaker?
Posted: 5/15/2012 9:15:24 AM

Vision is not 100% perfect, but other than that, we are both healthy. We do not smoke, are not overweight, and do not have high blood pressure, high cholesterol, or anything life-threatening.


This can all change in car accident. Do you think you're less worthy of love once your SO splits because he doesn't want to keep his promise to you, after you became unhealthy?
 starofgaia
Joined: 4/11/2012
Msg: 132
S/he has no health insurance. Dealbreaker?
Posted: 5/15/2012 9:17:10 AM
Because in the USA, people are viewed as commodities, not as deserving, living people - hence, the thoughtlessness of posters who pride their health as if it were one more accolade they could shelve. What an insidious state of affairs in which my USA is.
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 133
S/he has no health insurance. Dealbreaker?
Posted: 5/15/2012 7:35:04 PM

Vision is not 100% perfect, but other than that, we are both healthy. We do not smoke, are not overweight, and do not have high blood pressure, high cholesterol, or anything life-threatening.

This can all change in car accident. Do you think you're less worthy of love once your SO splits because he doesn't want to keep his promise to you, after you became unhealthy?


Not at all. I simply chose not to get involved with a person that was currently unhealthy---which is a totally different situation than if my mate or I become unhealthy later in our relationship. Sure, there are no guarantees in life---but that doesn't mean I have to enter into a relationship where the odds are already stacked against us.


Because in the USA, people are viewed as commodities, not as deserving, living people - hence, the thoughtlessness of posters who pride their health as if it were one more accolade they could shelve. What an insidious state of affairs in which my USA is.


Perhaps if more people did take pride in their health by eating right and getting enough exercise, the state of affairs in the USA would be even less insidious---certainly, it would be a hell of a lot easier on the taxpayers.
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 134
S/he has no health insurance. Dealbreaker?
Posted: 5/16/2012 6:34:49 PM

When you love you love.


You get to decide how you love, and have no say in how others choose to love.
 Ready_Real
Joined: 12/30/2010
Msg: 135
S/he has no health insurance. Dealbreaker?
Posted: 5/16/2012 7:13:20 PM

Because in the USA, people are viewed as commodities, not as deserving, living people - hence, the thoughtlessness of posters who pride their health as if it were one more accolade they could shelve. What an insidious state of affairs in which my USA is.


How about the "thoughtlessness" of smoking, alcohol and drug abusing, processed food consuming "living people" whose health is shot to hades by the time they hit their 40's because they've made the choices to embrace what is 100% clearly an unhealthy lifestyle for decades? Sure: they can choose to abuse their bodies in a democracy. But in abusing their bodies they continue to drain the health care system in the USA which is rapidly running dry.

I'd say it's these people who view themselves as "not deserving" ------ apparently of lives less prone so such physically debilitating (and yes: economically catastrophic) self-inflicted health conditions as lung cancer, liver disease, heart disease, and diabetes.


Perhaps if more people did take pride in their health by eating right and getting enough exercise, the state of affairs in the USA would be even less insidious---certainly, it would be a hell of a lot easier on the taxpayers.


Amen. It would also be a hell of a lot easier on the loved ones of these people.

And to clarify -- crystal clear clarify --- this post has absolutely nothing to do with those individuals whose health has been compromised by things out of their control, including accidents and genetics and things mostly still unknown such as ALS with which my loved ones lived up close and personal until the death of our PALS. So yes: some of us have indeed walked the walk and know only too well that talk is not all talk.
 PointingWestAV
Joined: 5/9/2012
Msg: 136
S/he has no health insurance. Dealbreaker?
Posted: 5/16/2012 7:16:29 PM
Wow.

Has anyone here heard the phrase "paralyzation by analyzation"?

If you have to think about things THIS deeply in the process of finding a mate, you yourself will end up being the one needing the medical coverage...

Ulcers can get pretty serious if left untreated.

Give it a rest, it's not that complicated. Enjoy life while you're riding this rock, don't analyze everything that happens while you're on it!

Life's too short!
 Larrytwa
Joined: 8/1/2006
Msg: 137
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History
S/he has no health insurance. Dealbreaker?
Posted: 5/17/2012 12:33:20 AM
Extremely SHALLOW person.

WALMART should be banned in the US. If they want to be a CHINESE company then they should do so.

Wait, I guess 90% of the US companies are really Chinese companies... LIKE Apple, Microsoft, ect.


Health at our age.......who cares we all lived longer than we should have, at this stage every day should be a gift. If the REPUBLICAN had their way only multimillionaires would have any health coverage. Yes, the taxpayers would be required to pay for their services... you know like how the poor pay for Law Enforcement so they can protect the RICH who don't pay a dime for this service.
 Infinity_G
Joined: 1/29/2012
Msg: 138
S/he has no health insurance. Dealbreaker?
Posted: 5/17/2012 4:13:40 AM
I was shocked to see how a woman said in her profile, "If you don't have health insurance, do not email me....I am looking for a PROFESSIONAL"

Quite shallow, but I saw she was over 40, never married, no kids....so it stands to reason why she's still single.

I think I've heard it ALL now. :P
 PointingWestAV
Joined: 5/9/2012
Msg: 139
S/he has no health insurance. Dealbreaker?
Posted: 5/17/2012 4:29:30 AM

over 40, never married, no kids....so it stands to reason why she's still single.

I think I've heard it ALL now


LOL A little off topic, but I may have one to add to the list - same criteria you mention, but had "Undecided/Open" for "Want kids?"

I believe she was 48.

Can we say "Downs" anybody? How irresponsible is that? :/
 mjinict
Joined: 8/13/2008
Msg: 140
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History
S/he has no health insurance. Dealbreaker?
Posted: 5/17/2012 5:43:45 AM
Quite shallow, but I saw she was over 40, never married, no kids....so it stands to reason why she's still single.
------------
Maybe still single, but not lowering her criteria. Good for her, means she's fine being single....Not desperate!
 Infinity_G
Joined: 1/29/2012
Msg: 141
S/he has no health insurance. Dealbreaker?
Posted: 5/17/2012 6:08:25 AM
Maybe still single, but not lowering her criteria. Good for her, means she's fine being single....Not desperate!


How would she be lowering it? There would be no lowering of any criteria, I'm talking about being realistic in one's criteria.
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 142
S/he has no health insurance. Dealbreaker?
Posted: 5/17/2012 7:50:49 AM

I was shocked to see how a woman said in her profile, "If you don't have health insurance, do not email me....I am looking for a PROFESSIONAL"

Quite shallow, but I saw she was over 40, never married, no kids....so it stands to reason why she's still single.


Labeling someone as "shallow" simply because she has criteria that you are unable to meet is nothing more than a defense mechanism on your part---it's just a convenient way to salvage your ego.

We can't all be everyone's cup of tea, and we're all entitled to our own personal preferences. It doesn't make other people shallow just because you might not possess the qualities they desire in a mate.

Indiscriminately labeling someone else as "shallow" or "not realistic" merely because they don't share your viewpoints or are not acting in a manner you expect them to is ridiculous---it just makes you seem bitter; and quite frankly, it's a turn-off.
 tbicon
Joined: 5/6/2012
Msg: 143
S/he has no health insurance. Dealbreaker?
Posted: 5/17/2012 8:35:38 AM
Halycyon, it is a given that anybody can set any criteria they choose, and by the same token, anybody else has the right to judge anybody else for those criteria. I have health insurance AND I am a professional. But would I want to waste my time with a woman who displayed this kind of demand? NO . . . . because to me it shows there is something wrong with her. She may or may not be shallow, but there is a screw loose somewhere. A middle aged woman never married is already highly suspect to me. High Demand . . High Maintenance comes to mind, maybe an inability to love. How does a person get through their twenties or thirties without having fallen in love? And then to DEMAND that a person have "health insurance". Are you kidding me? You don't see something wrong here? Demanding similar backgrounds, religions, whatever . . that's all understandable. But a never married woman in her forties either is to be completely avoided OR, if she is desperate to get married . . . maybe she should be a little more realistic on her demands, don't you think?
 tbicon
Joined: 5/6/2012
Msg: 144
S/he has no health insurance. Dealbreaker?
Posted: 5/17/2012 8:43:53 AM

How about the "thoughtlessness" of smoking, alcohol and drug abusing, processed food consuming "living people" whose health is shot to hades by the time they hit their 40's because they've made the choices to embrace what is 100% clearly an unhealthy lifestyle for decades? Sure: they can choose to abuse their bodies in a democracy. But in abusing their bodies they continue to drain the health care system in the USA which is rapidly running dry.

I'd say it's these people who view themselves as "not deserving" ------ apparently of lives less prone so such physically debilitating (and yes: economically catastrophic) self-inflicted health conditions as lung cancer, liver disease, heart disease, and diabetes.


Hi Ready. You are a pretty smart woman . .and yes people need to be held accountable for their actions in life. . but many people are victims of our society. They are inundated from youth about the allure of smoking or of that cheese burger from McDonalds. They are even given toys so they come back for more. Many people do not have the educational background to make smart choices. And many people are victims in a world where they are required to spend most of their time working or commuting to work, just to be able to afford to put food on the table and pay for the roof over their heads. So, yea, people are at fault, but they are also victims of a society that deprives them of the very health care they need to be healthy if they are unfortunate enough not to have health insurance..
 Welsh474
Joined: 9/13/2010
Msg: 145
S/he has no health insurance. Dealbreaker?
Posted: 5/17/2012 9:05:12 AM
""What a dreadful place to be in when you have to worry about the health insurance status of a prospective mate?
I'm not talking about the OP's attitude, I'm talking about the fact the US doesn't have a system of universal health care. If they did, the OP's concerns would be a moot point.""

One less thing for me to worry about as well, my date might not be perfect for me but he does come with automatic health coverage.

I find this sad as well, not like we don't have to decipher whether a prospective partner is a cheat, abuser, lier, idiot or azzhole - now they have to have health insurance. I guess that is why we had that discussion on "marrying up", the "marrying up" folks just might come with health coverage and a great life insurance plan as well.
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 146
S/he has no health insurance. Dealbreaker?
Posted: 5/17/2012 9:47:08 AM
Wow....not sure how you would know he couldn't meet the criteria of having insurance. Looks like a big assumption there.


Where there's smoke, there's usually fire.


AND, it really is just an opinion of how having criteria of "must have insurance" translates into character.


Although I didn't mention it in my profile, it was one of my criteria as well---I wouldn't date a man who couldn't afford his own health insurance. The only reason her character was being questioned was because she was openly honest about it in her profile. Sour grapes.

Moreover, he negatively judged her as still being single simply because she was "over 40, never married or had kids". To me, that sounds a bit like the pot calling the kettle black.
 Infinity_G
Joined: 1/29/2012
Msg: 147
S/he has no health insurance. Dealbreaker?
Posted: 5/17/2012 11:09:46 AM
I just realized, let's say if someone doesn't have health insurance, and the other does, and they get married, can they get on that person's plan (through their employer of course)? Don't see what the big deal is here. I know when a spouse got laid off, at least they had they could use the other spouses plan. Of course, I'd probably be able to afford to contribute towards that premium, since that would probably bring the price of the premium up.

Of course, this is in marraige though.

So are we talking about marriage or just dating someone with/without health insurance? If it's just dating, I can't see how this can be a dealbreaker anyhow, because it wouldn't even have an impact on that person. How would this even be a problem?

I may have been going out on a limb with the "over 40 and still single remark", was just frustrated at the time of post, felt the need to vent. Must have been a timing issue, because I saw that profile and this at one time.

You have any IDEA how many people cannot and are not even on Health Insurance these days, and how many companies employers are dumping health ins? Pretty high numbers.

This is one of those unrevealed things anyways, because by the time a person has fallen head over heels, they are like, "Oh, you have no health insurance? No biggie, let's grab a movie and cuddle".

Perhaps that's how online dating differs from real life, those are one of things you don't find out until cupid has already landed the arrow. :)



 amethyst10616
Joined: 7/23/2009
Msg: 148
view profile
History
S/he has no health insurance. Dealbreaker?
Posted: 5/31/2012 7:58:34 PM
Health is a big issue in our age range and whether someone takes care of themselves is a lifestyle compatibility issue. Whether or not someone has health insurance is less of an issue to me than whether or not they eat right, exercise, and are non-smokers. A healthy lifestyle is especially important if you do not have health insurance. If you think about it, preventative care is the best medicine of all.
 hen
Joined: 11/17/2005
Msg: 149
S/he has no health insurance. Dealbreaker?
Posted: 5/31/2012 8:32:57 PM
Walts, There are many people who are 100% healthy. They don't even have any dental or vision needs. The pharamaceutical companies had us believe that we are living longer because of the drugs they are selling. I 100% believe its a false statment.
Our forfather survived just fine without the hralthcare industry and the human race is still around.
Don't live the lifestyle that the big corporation tells you to live and may be you will healthier too. Don't buy the snake oil in the fancy bottle sold by people holding fancy degrees.
Whats going on in our bodies is perfectly normal, we are aging and we shall die.
 Discerning Virtuosa
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 150
S/he has no health insurance. Dealbreaker?
Posted: 7/8/2012 8:56:19 PM
National Health Care Coverage - the great equalizer. lol
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 151
S/he has no health insurance. Dealbreaker?
Posted: 7/9/2012 1:16:00 PM

Quite shallow, but I saw she was over 40, never married, no kids....so it stands to reason why she's still single.

Ever stop to think that she might have spent YEARS gaining education/knowledge( they are not always exactly the same thing LOL) and building her own professional career?Perhaps she chose to put those things as a higher priority than marriage and children. If she was a he would you be saying "it stands to reason why HE's still single?"

Perhaps she's had the misfortune to witness someone close to her be financially devastated by an uninsured spouse/SO/close relative who had no medical insurance?


LOL A little off topic, but I may have one to add to the list - same criteria you mention, but had "Undecided/Open" for "Want kids?"

I believe she was 48.

Can we say "Downs" anybody? How irresponsible is that?

Ever occur to you that she listed herself as "undecided/open" so as to not piss off men who might have children? I'm not going to go on a statistics hunt- but I do not believe that a later-in-life pregnancy is a guarantee of birth defects.Can we say "small minded?"


I'm talking about being realistic in one's criteria.

Oh? Because she's 40 and single, she's not allowed to establish her OWN criteria for whom she dates or enters into a committed relationship with?

Labeling someone as "shallow" simply because she has criteria that you are unable to meet is nothing more than a defense mechanism on your part---it's just a convenient way to salvage your ego.



Wow....not sure how you would know he couldn't meet the criteria of having insurance. Looks like a big assumption there. AND, it really is just an opinion of how having criteria of "must have insurance" translates into character. It's individual, as is the definition of shallow. We're allowed. :)

Well, I took the use of the word "you" to be a general term, not directly specifying a particular poster.
Hint to all- it seems to sometimes be a better way to phrase a general statemen by using the term "one"-ex., "one is unable to meet criteria, it is just a convenient way to salvage ones' ego".


I just realized, let's say if someone doesn't have health insurance, and the other does, and they get married, can they get on that person's plan (through their employer of course)?

Quite often that is the case, but in many employment situations health insurance and/or other benefits are NOT guaranteed. Nor are retiree health care benefits.

I think that it's something each individual needs to make their own decision about. I blame no one who does some research before making a committment-especially an OFFICIAL committment. To those who reported marrying someone to provide them with medical insurance, I say that those folks PROVE that saints really do till walk among us.
If you are just going to date someone, or have a non-cohabiting LTR, I wouldn't think that medical insurance would be that big a deal. If one HAS medical coverage that can add a spouse, why worry-unless one is genuinely worried that they are being courted for access to that benefit( in other words, is one being targeted as a "marrying up" opportunity, rather than out of genuine love)-but somebody earlier mentioned "analysis paralysis". Analyzing a situation, researching benefits &risks, etc, are not necessarily bad,wrong or unwise actions-unless carried to extreme, IMO.
Cindy O
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