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 ontario_woman
Joined: 4/3/2005
Msg: 18
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Ironic...Page 2 of 2    (1, 2)
Your 24 and divorced and you're complaining that you can't find anyone?

My advice: Enjoy your freedom and have some fun. The right guy will come by soon enough. There is no need to jump from your marriage right into another relationship.
 carelesswhisper00
Joined: 1/11/2007
Msg: 19
Ironic...
Posted: 11/4/2011 12:41:49 PM
Quit tormenting yourself. You are divorced from him for a reason remember? Wish him well and continue to be the independent woman you say you are. Looking at what he is going to do with his future should not be your concern, you should focus on yourself.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 20
Ironic...
Posted: 11/6/2011 1:27:18 PM
Remember this.

He found "someone". If you divorced him, there was a reason - and she's not on to that reason yet. She also may not be as special as she was just "around". He may well be marrying a rebound chick to deal with the divorce.

I guarantee you it's not all it appears to be on the outside, and unless she's just as bad as he is, it likely won't work out. Now some new broad gets to learn the hard way what a so and so he is - and you're not stuck in that situation. Add to that you're still young enough to meet and marry a better person, and I'd say you made out in all this.

Whether or not you meet someone has nothing to do with whether or not he has - it's not a race. He very well may be filling a void - your information about him going on a honeymoon in the same place reeks of not being healthy enough to be getting married; he's either trying to relive old times or go back and make things different - either way it doesn't sound like the new woman is the focus for him. You could kill time with just some guy you're not into but keeps you busy when you're bored, and you could even end up married to someone who's just around - but is that what you really want?

In a year, you'll be dating someone 10 times better than your ex and grateful you're no longer married so you could meet him, and your ex'll be back on the market and miserable that his attempt to fill a void didn't go well.
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 21
Ironic...
Posted: 11/6/2011 2:04:52 PM
Uh, no him getting married in the future was not the first thing on my mind when I initiated the divorce!


Why not? Did you really think he couldn't do any better than you, and he'd spend the rest of his life pining over you? A bit narcissistic aren't we? Maybe she was willing to give him something you couldn't give him. A child, perhaps?

You got what you wanted. Now you can focus on yourself.
 DudeistPriest
Joined: 3/30/2009
Msg: 22
Ironic...
Posted: 11/6/2011 10:27:57 PM
Just stop it. Stop the drama. You ended the marriage. What was he supposed to do? Spend the rest of his life shut up in his room mooning over you? That's really what you expected isn't it, that he would come running back, begging you to give it another try. You were using divorce as punishment but he didn't learn the right lesson? You sound just like my ex. Let it go before you turn into a bunny boiler.

"It isn't codependancy. I have been (and continue to be) a very independant woman my entire life."
Codependency is NOT the opposite if independent. In fact They often go hand in hand, IMHO. Codependent people tend to be very independent and have a need to fix and/or rescue someone. They need to have someone that needs them.
 Padawan61
Joined: 3/1/2008
Msg: 23
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Ironic...
Posted: 11/6/2011 10:46:36 PM

It's a matter of if he loved me enough to be married to me for 3.5 years, I wouldn't anticipate it being so easy for him to move on. And given that I was the one who ended the relationship, why am I the one stuck in a relationship rut?

Everyone knows that us guys can move on very easily whether or not the woman initiated the breakup. And since you did ... maybe what you're feeling is regret.

Most guys do not continue to yearn for someone who clearly wanted out.
 LinuxD
Joined: 12/6/2008
Msg: 24
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Ironic...
Posted: 11/11/2011 2:09:36 AM
You divorced him. You got what you wanted, that set's him free to do as he wishes. It's no longer your business.
You didn't love him enough to stay married to him for whatever reason, so why should he hold back on his life?

You decided a divorce was the best course of action,so now decide on another.

A.) Keep torturing yourself over someone you chunked into the weeds,

OR

B.) Get out there and make your self irresistible to some guy.
 machrider
Joined: 12/1/2008
Msg: 25
Ironic...
Posted: 11/11/2011 5:19:34 AM
I will admit I had a hard time getting over my ex. Until you get over your ex your not going to find someone. Trust me. Although she had cheated on me it took a long while to get over those emotions of hate and jealousy. It's called healing.

Is it you can't find someone or you can't find someone like him? Your young, your very attractive, and of course, you know how to shoot (btw what kinda gun is that? ).

Until your over him, your not going to find someone. If you need it, seek councelling. I did, worked wonders :)
 taxos
Joined: 9/30/2011
Msg: 26
Ironic...
Posted: 11/11/2011 7:47:41 PM

And given that I was the one who ended the relationship, why am I the one stuck in a relationship rut?


Are you competitive? Could be you're really done with this guy but it just bugs you that he is beating you at something. Maybe you're worried she really is the one for him- they'll be really happy, and then you'll have to face the possibility that it might have just been you. If you're hyper-competitive, this is my guess.

Otherwise, you probably are just jealous and still have feelings for this guy.

Regardless, cut him loose. If it's painful to watch, then don't watch.
 christyis4real
Joined: 7/6/2011
Msg: 27
Ironic...
Posted: 11/11/2011 8:40:44 PM
I honestly do not understand why you are worrying about what he is doing. He's moving on with his life (as he should). You ended the marriage...so live YOUR life.
 sexandthepof
Joined: 10/10/2011
Msg: 28
Ironic...
Posted: 11/11/2011 9:33:42 PM
There are always two sides of/for a story. You initiated the divorce and you got it. If it was a mistake, maybe because you were young, had too much pride and thought you were too good for him, and wanted to test how he would be without you, then here you see what's happening. This is a lesson for you to learn in the future. If it was for the right reason, you should be happy and move on without any bitterness. Leave your ex alone. Especially, you and him don't have a child together, there's no need to have any connection with him at all. When you still keep checking on him, his fiancé, what and how's he doing, means you're still having feelings for him. Why? For whatever reason, what was done was done. He has his life. You have yours. Don't compete, don't compare. You will feel better and happier.
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 29
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Ironic...
Posted: 11/13/2011 5:02:49 AM
I suspect a couple of things.

One, that what you are hung up on isn't the GUY, it's all the mythos surrounding marriage. You were supposed to get married and live happily ever after, and have that confirm your worth as a person, and your place in society. All of that went down the tubes with the decision to divorce.

Now you see HIM launching right BACK into that set of dreams and validations that YOU wanted to have, and because you don't want him, you resent the fact that he's getting (actually only might be getting) the prizes that you wanted.

Second, you feel that because he DID move on so quickly, that this proves that you were unimportant, and easily replaceable. I would suggest instead, that you consider that what it might prove, is that HE is easily entertained, and that he wasn't even AWARE of how valuable a person you are.

I know that can be tough to make yourself believe when you are down in an emotional pit, as I've had to deal with that myself more than once. The way to get out, is to sort things out carefully in your mind. Instead of running away from your emotional angst, examine it closely to find out exactly what it is about. Sort out the things which are from fantasies about how things ought to be, and sort out how your sense of self has been tied to things outside your control.

Cut those ties, one by one, and build your way out of the pit.
 Arteest1650
Joined: 11/8/2011
Msg: 30
Ironic...
Posted: 11/13/2011 8:44:29 AM
Hes afraid of being alone and needs a woman to take care of him and give him worth... do NOT feel bad about this. have sympathy for him, and well for his new bride for she has become a lean to for a needy guy.... I would be willing to bet hes never been single longer than a few weeks his entire life...
 free4all131220
Joined: 10/28/2011
Msg: 31
Ironic...
Posted: 11/17/2011 6:33:56 PM

I wouldn't anticipate it being so easy for him to move on. And given that I was the one who ended the relationship, why am I the one stuck in a relationship rut?


sounds like you're having second thoughts about having ended the marriage; and now you've lost your chance.
what was he suppose to do sit and wait for you to change your mind?
some people have an easier time finding someone new, maybe you're more selective than he is, and that's why he found someone already.
 andy1961
Joined: 6/15/2006
Msg: 32
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Ironic...
Posted: 11/18/2011 2:28:19 AM

Why not? Did you really think he couldn't do any better than you, and he'd spend the rest of his life pining over you? A bit narcissistic aren't we? Maybe she was willing to give him something you couldn't give him. A child, perhaps?


Wow! That's a vicious comment.

(Only a woman could come up with something like that)
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