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 ontario_woman
Joined: 4/3/2005
Msg: 47
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Men and spoiling womenPage 3 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
@OyVay

For most people, the term "spoiling" conjures up images of gold-diggers, both male and female, exchanging sex and their attention for material possessions, money and status.

I think that "treating her like a lady" or another similar statement would better describe the provision of thoughtful gestures and desire to please someone that you are thinking of.
 matchlight
Joined: 1/31/2009
Msg: 48
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Men and spoiling women
Posted: 10/25/2011 12:14:05 PM
^^^^Agreed as to those crass, superficial arrangements. Maybe they're enough to satisfy some people, but in most cases, I doubt they could make either person really happy.

In a way, it seems like each one should enjoy doing those things for the other. If either of you does *not,* and makes a habit of not holding up their end of things, they shouldn't be surprised if their partner decides to call it quits.
 getanet
Joined: 6/10/2011
Msg: 49
Men and spoiling women
Posted: 10/25/2011 12:59:05 PM
Without a similar level of effort on the part of the man and woman to return the favor, it would get old quickly. Materialism isn't the only way to spoil, anyway.

Do nice things? Yes. Be a human doormat? No thanks.
 modivin
Joined: 8/21/2011
Msg: 50
Men and spoiling women
Posted: 10/25/2011 1:17:05 PM
It depends on your idea of spoiling.

You have to remember there are 5 love languages. If you care about the other person you are with, know what their language is.

Say for example a boyfriend buys his gf gifts/material objects but her love language is quality time, then she will not feel loved and he may feel unappreciated.

That is why it is important to understand the languages so that you speak to the other person's higher language. When you are in a relationship like this, I don't see it as spoiling but showing the other person you care about them.

Now...if your idea of being spoiled is a man buying you a bunch of materialistic objects, then that means your language is receiving gifts.

Personally, while presents are nice, it certainly is not my language and I have too much respect for myself and others to only be with a man because he buys me stuff.

If you have no idea what I'm talking about then here is a link for the 5 love languages

http://www.5lovelanguages.com/learn-the-languages/the-five-love-languages/
 Fleuron
Joined: 8/18/2010
Msg: 51
Men and spoiling women
Posted: 10/25/2011 4:02:09 PM

No my girlfriend doesn't always have it when she wants it. If she gets all pissy about it, I be an even meaner person. I don't reward bad behavior.


That’s a great attitude. Do you make her sit in the corner or whack her nose with a newspaper when she misbehaves?

Every woman wants a mean boyfriend! What a prize!
 Archangel_07
Joined: 6/21/2010
Msg: 52
Men and spoiling women
Posted: 10/25/2011 5:18:01 PM
^^^ I throw her treats and give her a doggie bone when she's good, what a prize indeed lol :-p I'm mean only if I have to be fleuron. As long as she and I are on the same page being respectful and acting right toward each other, it's good Lady. Then I won't have to be mean a boyfriend and vice versa that.
 Archangel_07
Joined: 6/21/2010
Msg: 53
Men and spoiling women
Posted: 10/25/2011 5:18:25 PM
^^^ I'm mean only if I have to be fleuron. As long as she and I are on the same page being respectful and acting right toward each other, it's good Lady. Then I won't have to be mean a boyfriend and vice versa that.
 ZachariahTicer
Joined: 9/22/2010
Msg: 54
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Men and spoiling women
Posted: 10/25/2011 7:49:50 PM
^
You can also use operant conditioning similar to how Sheldon used chocolates to reinforce Penny's good behavior. They will never see it coming...
 SC67
Joined: 6/21/2009
Msg: 55
Men and spoiling women
Posted: 10/25/2011 8:02:31 PM

You have to remember there are 5 love languages. If you care about the other person you are with, know what their language is.

This is so true! Contrary to the sh!tstorm that is going on in the "going dutch" thread, I do not care much about material things. My love language is acts of service. It's what I do when I care about someone (cooking, laundry, back rubs, balancing your checkbook...haha...etc). It's what I prefer to get in return. Expensive gifts & mushy romantic words make me very uncomfortable. But...wash my car & I will be happy the rest of the day!
 modivin
Joined: 8/21/2011
Msg: 56
Men and spoiling women
Posted: 10/25/2011 8:09:22 PM
Nice sc!!! Yea..wtf is going on in that one....I've gotten out of it. Getting too ugly...

Anyways...I listened to the book (CD) when I was working and loved it!! I hated giving it back to my old boss when I moved because it was incredibly awesome to listen to with excellent stories to go along with it.
One of the best I've listened to in awhile.

My two are Quality Time and Physical Touch.
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 57
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Men and spoiling women
Posted: 10/26/2011 4:35:21 AM
I've looked at this thread several times, and I STILL can't figure out what, if anything, the OP was actually getting at.

Everyone responded to the keywords "spoil women," which triggered lots of prejudices and old business to be dredged up from responders pasts. But nothing in the original post indicated that the OP was advocating anything, or was asking any functional questions, "she" was just stirring things up aimlessly.

For myself, the notion of "spoiling" has multiple interpretations.

In some cases, people are referring anxiously to "artificially raising another person's expectations of what is normal, in such a way that both people suffer in different ways from it, and the relationship becomes fake." Children in particular can be made more vulnerable to predators in the future, or be made less able to care for themselves, if they are "spoiled" when they are young (not assisted to developing self-discipline, etc).

In another interpretation, it is seen more positively, as in someone being extra nice to someone else because of their great affection for them. In this case, the term "spoil" is actually applied facetiously, as it is meant to be understood, that no one is actually being lessened by the behavior.

Anyway, at the end of all of this, what in the WORLD is this thread supposed to be about?

I have concluded that it is about kicking ant hills to watch the ants scurry.
 Lint Spotter
Joined: 8/27/2009
Msg: 58
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Men and spoiling women
Posted: 10/26/2011 4:41:36 AM

Everyone responded to the keywords "spoil women,"
I responded based on that and the age of the OP... if the OP had been a more mature woman, then the meaning would have been more in question.

You can try to interpret it 20 ways to Sunday, it's not going to change that the OP was speaking in terms of appreciable gain in exchange for her company and favours.
 ontario_woman
Joined: 4/3/2005
Msg: 59
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Men and spoiling women
Posted: 10/26/2011 5:53:43 AM
@ Lint spotter

That's pretty sums up my thoughts too.
 totalazzhole
Joined: 3/27/2011
Msg: 60
Men and spoiling women
Posted: 10/26/2011 7:09:05 AM

You can try to interpret it 20 ways to Sunday, it's not going to change that the OP was speaking in terms of appreciable gain in exchange for her company and favours.


egads! are you trying to imply that maybe, *gasp* --'prostitutes' actually use POF to troll for business???

the very thought!!! well, I never!!! *gasp* --LMAO..
 Fleuron
Joined: 8/18/2010
Msg: 61
Men and spoiling women
Posted: 10/26/2011 1:06:53 PM

Archangel_07: I'm mean only if I have to be fleuron. As long as she and I are on the same page being respectful and acting right toward each other, it's good Lady. Then I won't have to be mean a boyfriend and vice versa that.


That’s cool, Archangel_07.

Personally, if I feel like I have to be mean to my partner to get my point across, something is seriously wrong….and if my partner feels the need to be mean to me, he can pizz off.


ZachariahTicer: You can also use operant conditioning similar to how Sheldon used chocolates to reinforce Penny's good behavior. They will never see it coming...


You think? Are you talking about your girlfriend, or your pet? Or your girlfriend with your pet’s IQ?
 Archangel_07
Joined: 6/21/2010
Msg: 62
Men and spoiling women
Posted: 10/26/2011 1:31:29 PM
^^^
fleuron,
We just have our differences, still have love for ya sweetheart. Say if you were being disrespected how would you react?

Personally I'm very respectful of people around me, ( unless they screw me over, or the person tells lies to me, or is not pulling their own weight then they lose all respect ).

However if someone is not acting right or being respectful towards me I'll stand up for myself.

For me, if I'm being disrespected I'm not going to just sit back and further allow it like a pussywhipped puppy. I'm standing up for myself and fighting back verbally of course, to the person that's being disrespectful towards me if they see me as mean for standing up for myself. That's just the tip of the iceberg, they have no idea what they are in store for. And if it means me being mean when I'm being disrespected in the first place so be it. Why should anyone have to put up with it.

If my partner was just down right disrespectful towards my family, friends and me and not acting right. She can piss off the boat for all I care.
 Fleuron
Joined: 8/18/2010
Msg: 63
Men and spoiling women
Posted: 10/26/2011 3:31:08 PM

Archangel_07: fleuron, We just have our differences, still have love for ya sweetheart. Say if you were being disrespected how would you react?

Personally I'm very respectful of people around me, ( unless they screw me over, or the person tells lies to me, or is not pulling their own weight then they lose all respect ).

If my partner was just down right disrespectful towards my family, friends and me and not acting right. She can piss off the boat for all I care.


Are we really that different? It seems like you and I are saying the same thing, only we’re saying it differently ….you seem a bit more aggressive about it than me.

You’ve walked down that road, right?

Me, too. I was disrespected, a lot. Once all that was behind me, it became really easy to recognize when the subtle warnings appeared again. There are some things I will absolutely NOT tolerate…being yelled at is one of them….by anyone.

How would I react if I was being disrespected? Of course it would depend on the circumstances but in general, that relationship would end.

I imagine there would probably be a bit of stupid drama getting from the disrespect to The End, but I really try to avoid it if possible. I’m very straight forward…act like a
d!ck: goodbye.
 Double Cabin
Joined: 11/29/2004
Msg: 64
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Men and spoiling women
Posted: 10/26/2011 3:48:02 PM
There are indeed men that would prefer to be attached to a child than a real woman, and there are men that want their women walking beside, not behind, them every step on life's path.

Out of curiosity how many 19 year old guys respond favorably, and honestly, to a 19 year old gal listing shopping as one of their top interests?
 ZachariahTicer
Joined: 9/22/2010
Msg: 65
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Men and spoiling women
Posted: 10/26/2011 3:50:36 PM

You think? Are you talking about your girlfriend, or your pet? Or your girlfriend with your pet’s IQ?

Actually for my pet I use chocolate as a form of punishment..
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 66
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Men and spoiling women
Posted: 10/27/2011 6:31:46 PM
I use to feel like I had to buy a woman's love, but not anymore. I trace this back as a subconscious behavior to my childhood with my mother. I had to do impressive things to get any kind of attention as she was very detached and non-affectionate to me.

I believe more in give and take. I would rather give my time and do quality things that are lasting to a relationship. Those things do not always have a pricetag attached to it. It's great to know there are quality women out there like Fleuron, SC67, and modivin.
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 67
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Men and spoiling women
Posted: 8/21/2014 4:35:29 PM
^^^^^ Who are you addressing? *Shaking my head*
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 68
Men and spoiling women
Posted: 8/22/2014 12:02:00 PM
I thought this was about women out of the refrigerator for too long.

I've known some men who thought "being a man" meant providing every little thing their (immature) wife wanted.
As you can imagine, he spent a little time in the gym and she wasn't lacking in looks. If they (as adults) agree to that arrangement, then...bully for them. Personally, I want a woman who thinks it takes more than having a job to be a real adult.

some spoiling, sure. but if you're doing something excessively...you aren't doing it for your partner. you're doing it for your own pleasure.
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