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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Tell her I was a virgin?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 Revilors
Joined: 10/9/2008
Msg: 31
Tell her I was a virgin?Page 2 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)

What ? How are you coming up with this from what I wrote ?**not rolling eyes, they are popping out of my freakin' head**


Well...put them back in. The only part of the post you reference that was directed at you was the one line below your quote.

This....

I guess that would show that you are now wishing to be honest with her and compliment your physical intimacy with a little emotional intimacy. What would he possibly gain by doing that? **rolls eyes**


....was just a personal observation with no particular post in mind...other than the original.

But...it reflects my personal opinion in response to....


I think the answer is pretty simple....you need to ask yourself "what purpose would it serve?" If you cannot come up with a good reason then it is not worth bringing up.


Again...all of this is just my opinion. I would have thought a gal may have considered it a sweet anecdote. It seems many could care less. I'm just here to learn like the rest of us.

Don't lose your cool. It's only a discussion.


Did you notice the word, "IF", in my original message ? It means I was casting doubt upon his story. It is a small word so it would be easy to miss with rolling eyes.


IF he's lying about it...he'd be a trolling whack job without benefit of our opinions. I didn't entertain that notion because it's irrelevant to the discussion at hand. Other than categorizing his OP as a hypothetical. I can discuss it either way without the need or compulsion for it to be fact or fiction.
 instride
Joined: 12/14/2007
Msg: 32
view profile
History
Tell her I was a virgin?
Posted: 10/25/2011 7:54:04 PM
I try that line all the time and it never works.
 Revilors
Joined: 10/9/2008
Msg: 34
Tell her I was a virgin?
Posted: 10/25/2011 11:58:36 PM

Hey REV,
My eyes are back in. No harm, no foul. Misunderstanding on my part.


No worries friend. I've "been there...done that". Half the time I don't know what I'm talking about.

Shoot me off some river crab and we'll call us square.
 Villies
Joined: 10/6/2011
Msg: 36
Tell her I was a virgin?
Posted: 10/26/2011 12:41:07 AM
I agree with the other posters; there's no reason in lying.

But at the same time, you'll have to say it with tact.

Insecurity = unattractive, turn off.

Don't make it a big deal, bring up the line in a way that portrays confidence and not a handicap.

You can totally turn this in your favor and make her feel like the most special girl in the world.

Ciao!

Alex
 ZachariahTicer
Joined: 9/22/2010
Msg: 37
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History
Tell her I was a virgin?
Posted: 10/26/2011 12:57:10 AM

Crabbing is done for this year. You will have to wait about 8 months. Rockfish (striped bass) are here now. I think you know them as, "Stripers"


I call them stripers here in non-coastal CA. Please stop posting this you guys... wish I lived on the coast
 Welsh474
Joined: 9/13/2010
Msg: 38
Tell her I was a virgin?
Posted: 10/26/2011 11:37:24 AM
"I wouldn't tell her unless she ever point blank asksy you how many partners you had before her." I don't understand why anyone would ask this question of another person, it's a "none of your business" type of answer.
 _shakti_
Joined: 7/5/2011
Msg: 40
Tell her I was a virgin?
Posted: 10/26/2011 1:04:24 PM
Welsh:
I don't understand why anyone would ask this question of another person
Yeah, exactly.

I guess she isn't entitled to know such things. She's good enough to take his virginity, but doesn't get to know about it. Yup, makes perfect sense to me
 Lawlush
Joined: 6/30/2011
Msg: 41
Tell her I was a virgin?
Posted: 10/26/2011 1:25:04 PM
She might freak. But this happened to my best friend, he told her he was a virgin AFTER they had sex, freaked her out a bit, we had a few laugh over drinks (me and her) and then she moved on, she says its some of the best sex shes ever had, her insecurities arent there anymore because, well... he doesnt know any better? and hes super eager... im happy to announce they are still together , after a year!

Secrets between couples are never a good thing!
 Welsh474
Joined: 9/13/2010
Msg: 42
Tell her I was a virgin?
Posted: 10/26/2011 1:26:52 PM
"She's good enough to take his virginity, but doesn't get to know about it." I don't know what there is to "know about". It seems the OP's gal is quite happy with him, the relationship is progressing nicely. There is no benefit to know or not know he was a virgin. Most of us come with a past and it seems we should be putting more emphasis on our future. Some folks look for problems or deal breakers when there are none.

As for the "how many people have you slept with", that question is for the immature, insecure and just plain nosy to ask as what purpose does it serve?
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 43
Tell her I was a virgin?
Posted: 10/26/2011 2:02:46 PM
Im in the camp that says dont tell her unless she right out asks. If she asks, be honest.
 Revilors
Joined: 10/9/2008
Msg: 44
Tell her I was a virgin?
Posted: 10/26/2011 2:48:18 PM

It seems the OP's gal is quite happy with him, the relationship is progressing nicely. There is no benefit to know or not know he was a virgin.


I think you're thinking in terms of attempting to fix something that isn't broken. That's not what I'm referring to. And I can understand why a guy might be embarrassed to mention it before they had sex. I really do. And...I can understand that a woman may not be interested in taking a guy's virginity. Especially when it's been held on to longer than usual. They may feel someone without experience will not be all that great about it. They may feel pressure in being someone's first. I get that.

But now...all of that is a non issue. It's been done. I guess I thought many women were more sentimental than that. That they may find it on the special side that they were "that" person for them. AND...I think it would give them a different perspective in terms of helping him explore the limits and enhance his repertoire.
 _shakti_
Joined: 7/5/2011
Msg: 45
Tell her I was a virgin?
Posted: 10/26/2011 3:31:07 PM
I don't understand why you wouldn't want to know. That's pretty big info, why hide it? But then, I try not to make decisions based in fear.. and would rather my partner feel that he can be open with me.

Revilors:
I guess I thought many women were more sentimental than that. That they may find it on the special side that they were "that" person for them.
That is how I would feel about it, but apparently many others would look at him like he's a freak because he waited so long and would rather he not tell them.

Go figure.
 Welsh474
Joined: 9/13/2010
Msg: 46
Tell her I was a virgin?
Posted: 10/26/2011 6:34:16 PM
I don't think the OP is a freak for waiting or not having the opportunity (as he said). But people judge and it's a crap shoot sometimes as to what the reaction of others may be. In this situation there are two reactions that first come to mind - the OP is a freak for not having sex by the time he's 30 and those that go "aaww, that is sweet". You also might get "I'm not going to be someone's first lover". I just don't think he's a freak. The gal in question, had she been told, may have run for the hills or she may have thought there was nothing wrong with it and continued on with him - but you never know. I think the OP made a good choice by not saying anything.

There was a thread on here before where a guy was whining because his gal had more sex partners than he had. He was fixated on numbers. My question would be, why would you ask someone how many people they had slept with - and why would you answer that question if it was asked. People get fixated on numbers instead of the type of human being they are with, what is their character, are they a good person. What does it matter if they had 3 sex partners or 13. It's a question that should not be asked nor answered. We all come with a history and we either learn from our past choices or we're dumb not to have.

I don't think the OP needed to tell his gal before they had sex that it would be his first time. Just let the natural progression of the relationship unfold. It seems that everything worked out and is progressing normally. If they do break up somewhere down the line it certainly won't be because he was a virgin. The gal seems happy with the sexual part of their relationship. Why rock the boat.
 1usernotfound
Joined: 9/4/2011
Msg: 48
Tell her I was a virgin?
Posted: 10/29/2011 2:03:45 AM
Tell her or not I don't think it's an issue. It was not an issue with my first partner who was in her 30's and had been with several partners and I was in my early 20's. The reality is if "She's a great girl" then it won't run her off becasue she thinks your odd. She would approach it like a great girl. With rationality, compassion, and respect. (This would be my approach)

If you don't want to tell her though it is up to you as well. I don't want it to sound harsh but your sexual past is your business that you can choose to share with the people you decide. Honesty is a good policy but would everyone be preaching honesty if you had been with 45 women? Most likely no the would say to keep it private.

Best of luck to you with your great girl.
 yabunchabums
Joined: 11/12/2011
Msg: 49
Tell her I was a virgin?
Posted: 11/21/2011 9:11:40 AM
No one really cares about the virgin/nonvirgin thing except the one who is the virgin or those who have a fetish about it.

The only foreseeable problem is the lack of experience dealing with the opposite sex and the issues that arise when sex is involved. Everything becomes much more emotional, attached and confusing to someone who has never dealt with the situation before or those who have very few (less than five) partners/relationships. Some people actually end up marrying the first person they are with, not due to true love, but because they find that emotional connection and can't imagine ever having it with another person.

Be careful.
 Capn_America
Joined: 10/6/2011
Msg: 50
Tell her I was a virgin?
Posted: 11/21/2011 9:21:01 AM
I'm still a virgin. My daughters sprouted in cabbages
 _shakti_
Joined: 7/5/2011
Msg: 52
Tell her I was a virgin?
Posted: 11/21/2011 9:36:22 AM
^^ I'm curious, would you want to know that you took someone's virginity?
 gingerchick30
Joined: 11/5/2011
Msg: 53
Tell her I was a virgin?
Posted: 11/21/2011 9:42:05 AM
I agree with the posters said about not telling her outright,but if asked, tell her and don't lie about it.

Obviously she couldn't tell that you were inexperienced, which is good. I'd say just enjoy it, and enjoy getting plenty of practice
 JerseyGirl2008
Joined: 12/27/2007
Msg: 54
Tell her I was a virgin?
Posted: 11/21/2011 9:48:30 AM
Lol....I'm going to guess that you probably didn't have to tell her - an inexperienced man is pretty easy to spot from a mile away. She's probably either being very polite and not letting you know how it really was, or it's possible she's just too inexperienced to really know the difference.
 KratosSpawn
Joined: 10/24/2010
Msg: 55
Tell her I was a virgin?
Posted: 11/21/2011 10:38:15 AM
It seems irrelevant to even make a big deal about. You guys have something good going on...if she wants to know tell her if not just keep it hush. It can't be a deal breaker since you two have already had sex and done all that.
 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 57
Tell her I was a virgin?
Posted: 11/21/2011 4:50:25 PM
bmt23- Tell her. Never, ever, keep things from the person you care about.
Btw- I think she'll be fine with it. Don't stress about it. She's still with you, so.........
 _shakti_
Joined: 7/5/2011
Msg: 58
Tell her I was a virgin?
Posted: 11/21/2011 5:59:21 PM


I'm curious, would you want to know that you took someone's virginity?
shakti- yes I would, in fact it's the one unfulfilled things I've always wanted to do, and at my age I doubt it'll happen unless I do something illegal LOL
I'm sorry but that is unbelievably creepy.
 DrumminD
Joined: 2/3/2011
Msg: 60
Tell her I was a virgin?
Posted: 11/21/2011 6:58:55 PM
I tell every woman I'm a virgin the first time...
 _shakti_
Joined: 7/5/2011
Msg: 62
Tell her I was a virgin?
Posted: 11/22/2011 9:01:29 AM

If she asks you at some point be honest if not then maybe she doesnt want to know
Can you explain this logic to me?

Why would she ask if she has no idea about it? That's like saying- hey, if she asks about you having a criminal record (or whatever) then tell her, if not just keep it to yourself. What would cause her to ask such a thing in the first place?? And seriously, why would someone NOT want to know something like this?

Would you want to know if you took someone's virginity? Someone you are in a relationship with and have feelings for?
 Flurr
Joined: 4/24/2010
Msg: 63
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History
Tell her I was a virgin?
Posted: 12/14/2011 5:14:46 PM
So let me get this straight. You want to tell her this out of the blue, without her asking, for no apparent reason at all??? And how are you going to lose her? You didn't lie to her so she can't be mad at you for lying if she found out from a third party somehow and if you tell her and she gets made because you were a virgin then would you really want to waste your time on a **** like that? Just leave it be.
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