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 Tick Tock
Joined: 2/27/2005
Msg: 17
pre-arranged marriages!Page 3 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
You guys have missed the most important point as to why arranged marriages are more successful. People who have these types of marriages come from a very traditional upbringing and from a traditional society/culture. Not only is it more difficult to divorce but, most importantly, the families do everything to ensure that the union between their children is a lasting one. How? If you follow their wishes by marrying the correct person, they will reward you financially (ex. dowry, mounds of jewelry, large downpayments on a house, setting son-in-law up with a lucrative job, etc). Also, the parents of the marrying couple will gladly babysit their children while the couple works, goes on vacations, parties on a Saturday night, romantic dinners, etc...not just once in a while, but every day if need be. These parents do not follow the Western concept of 'Freedom 55', but rather their life is devoted to their children and their children's children. Also, the families tend to get very interwoven into the fabric of the marriage by befriending their son- or daughter-in-law and, quite commonly, living in a tightly-knit extended family under one roof.
 Matahari2004
Joined: 6/27/2004
Msg: 18
pre-arranged marriages!
Posted: 8/18/2005 3:57:35 AM
I can see your point Tick Tock...but I still think its a matter of choice....I love to have choices in my life...for me who has been away from home since I was 12 and financially independent, the thought of living in a tightly-knit extended family under the same roof where everything is so intertwined, can be suffocating..but I can only say that for myself...
 bjintendra
Joined: 9/27/2004
Msg: 19
pre-arranged marriages!
Posted: 8/18/2005 4:18:19 AM
I do agree with Zora.... mostly all parents in this part of the world would like their children no matter weather boy/gril to go for arrange marriage.

Checkout the divorce ration in india vs western countires like US, Europe etc... eventhough ppl in that part of world have choice to marry girl/guy of their choice still after few yrs thy get deperated... % is very less compared to that part of world here in india....
 Tick Tock
Joined: 2/27/2005
Msg: 20
pre-arranged marriages!
Posted: 8/18/2005 2:13:54 PM
Matahari, I wasn't saying that I would want an arranged marriage, but I was stating some of the reasons why they last longer. Personally, I have always picked my own girlfriends.
 Matahari2004
Joined: 6/27/2004
Msg: 21
pre-arranged marriages!
Posted: 8/18/2005 6:17:17 PM
What Silken wrote about divorce rates makes so much sense...I am only very concern about those who are forced into arranged marriage without any choice and got trapped in a loveless, hopeless and meaningless marriage..that would be a tragedy.

Tick Tock, no problem and I am happy for you! To have a choice in life is a gift! and I will not let anyone take that away from me....
 Miss AngelA
Joined: 7/19/2005
Msg: 22
view profile
History
pre-arranged marriages!
Posted: 5/3/2006 3:33:25 PM
i agree that those who are forced into arranged marriage without any choice and got trapped in a loveless, hopeless and meaningless marriage..that would be a tragedy.
it should be agreed on both that are going to be arranged to be married
divorce rates are high because many couples who marry for the wrong reasons and too soon before they really know each other
times has change, we need to change with the times. what happen 100 years ago dont mean it can apply to now
An arranged marriage is a marriage arranged by both families. The bride or the groom does not have any say in it. The religions that are involved include Muslim and Hindu. It may occur in other religions, but these are the two main religions. Once married, the bride is considered the property of her in-laws. Arranged marriages are strong in these peoples beliefs and in their past. Muslim and Hindu people believe that arranged marriages have fever divorces. They believe in marrying girls young because if not they have the chance to be with other men, so then potential husbands do not want them. The family chooses whom the girls are going to marry by their social status. Sometimes, the girls are married because their families need the money from their daughter's bride price. They could marry to settle land disputes, or to keep land in the family, they often marry cousins for this reason. Some of the believers of this practice believe the pros of arranged marriages are low divorce rates, and the bride and groom do not have to worry about the parents not approving of their choice of spouse. The cons of arranged marriage are if your dowry is not paid you could die, a brutal death. If they were arranged to marry their cousins, their children would have a four- percent chance of being abnormal. The girls may not like whom her parents have picked for her to marry, so she may commit suicide to get out of the marriage. When the bride marries she has no choice but to be a semi-servant for the family because she is now considered property of her in-laws. To secure marriage of girls they must have huge dowries, university education, or be tall and of light complexion. Fathers go far into debt providing dowries for their daughters. One form of brutal death the bride can face if her family can not pay the dowry is bride burning. This occurs when the brides clothes are lit on fire near the gas stove by her husbands or in-laws. It is made to look like an accident. There is a law under Pakistan's Muslim Family Laws Ordinance of 1961 that asks for a bride, groom, two witnesses, registration of marriage and fixing dowry. The minimum age for girls is 16 and for boys 18. People just don't abide by this law. It isn't effective because the police and Judges are male and the deaths are recorded as suicides. Divorces are limited. The only way they can get them is if their husbands are impotent, suffering from severe diseases, the husbands marriage to another women without the permission of the union council, his failure to provide her maintenance or her subjection by him to different forms of violence. Changes in attitudes are starting to occur in Pakistan because the women are now committing more crimes due to marital conditions. Woman's groups in India are being backed by lawyer's who are offering free service. As part of an on-going education campaign, a two-month-long street theatre was organized to deal with social issues such as gender empowerment.
 Bezoar
Joined: 4/6/2007
Msg: 23
pre-arranged marriages!
Posted: 7/31/2007 8:42:00 PM
who wants to trade a 18-25 year old female off for a dozen goats? any takers? As long as she looks nice, talks nice, and isnt a money grubber ill consider it.

Seriously, the idea of the prearranged marraige is ancient, it can be good or bad but the idea of th system is great. use two kids from different families to create family and business bonds that will be beneficial to all involved. What a good idea.
What most western women dont like about it is that the mans wealth is not taken into consideration. For example the mans family could have a couple million in anual income, and he could just be a janitor at best amkiing 3 grand a year after taxes, and shed have to make do with his income, and not his families income.
 Manmademan0083
Joined: 5/14/2007
Msg: 24
pre-arranged marriages!
Posted: 7/31/2007 10:29:36 PM

Aren't all marriages pre-arranged by God?


of course not. Assuming said god exists (not going into that here) it's generally assumed that that level of predestination would seriously compromise free will.

i.e. If your marriage (or any aspect of your life) was already pre-planned out for you, are you truly responsible for your actions? What's the point of sin then? Or salvation?

ah, I'm off topic. carry on.
 ejluvtolaugh
Joined: 12/10/2006
Msg: 26
pre-arranged marriages!
Posted: 11/11/2007 6:42:17 AM
I just read an article this morning online about an Indian lady who was at the end of her 'timeline' for marriage in her culture. Her family had over the years introduced her to about 4 men that they thought would be of interest to them but she did have a say so in the final decision and with each of them for one reason or the other was not socially attracted to them and members of her family felt the same way. Eventually a man that was from her culture had came to visit his family in India and they met through mutual friends/family. He is a NY city bank broker would was raised mainly in the US but still followed the guidelines of his family's culture and knew that he wanted to find a woman from his own cultural background.

Arranged marriages are ones that do involve both families and because of tradition, culture, and strong family ties all are involved in being loving and supportive of the union from the onset. There is so much mutual respect for not just the couple but for the entire marriage of the families together. This does bond a couple in this marriage more so than what an 'Americanized' marriage does. There is a more deeper bond spiritually, more respectful of one's self and what is expected in each other's roles to one another. Some people feel that with this sort of marriage that the gender roles are one where the women are always the ones that are so submissive to their husbands but in all actuality it is that the two are submissive and very supportive of each other. The man does take the responsibility of being the main one as far as working outside the home but it is allowable but not a requirement that the wife work. Most women in this type of marriage entertwine the traditions and modernization of today's society and the husbands do the same. To me, having the blessings and having the entire family being supportive on both sides makes for a better union.
In the American society we have lost sight of 'all' the conditions of marriage and take so much for granted and don't consider the spirituality of the sancity of marriage. We have become such a shallow society and it is proven with all the failed marriages, broken families, infidelities, one parent families that don't have the support of either side of the family units due to them initially being supportive of the unions in the first place.

Many times I have thought back of how my great grandparents met and how their marriage was over the years. That was when divorce was out of the question and the old saying 'you made your bed now lie in it' had true meaning and two people truly worked on their marriage and took the time to really learn about each other and respected each other's thoughts and desires. They molded themselves to each other and made it through their indifferences instead of not liking a certain situation and running to a lawyer to get out of the marriage.

Would I go for an arranged marriage... Sure.. especially since it is one that is more thought out and planned for all the right reasons but one with a more modern twist. Better than bouncing from one man to the next but taking the true time that is needed to secure a great relationship and the blessings from both families.
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