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 motownmaniax
Joined: 8/13/2006
Msg: 153
Replying To Messages When Not Romantically InterestedPage 6 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
Plain and simple, if you aren't interested, do not reply!

It is a sock in the gut when a girl that you actually took time to message replies, BUT, says she isn't interested. Don't string them along because guys equate response with interest, and will pursue it further.


What he said.

The biggest misconception on dating sites is the idea that you "must" answer all messages you get, no matter what. You don't. No one is obligated to answer anything. If someone doesn't catch your fancy or you get "any" impression or inkling they would react negatively to even a polite rejection, don't answer. If they continue to follow up, and follow up rudely, they just confirmed your original suspicions. Block and report 'em depending on whatever site you're on.

And this is not gender-specific. I've had some instances where I've told the woman, and I believe firmly but sensitively, that I'm not interested and she exploded on me. Maybe it happens more with men but since I don't interact with them on here I'll leave the testimonials to the gals.

Rejection is part of dating. I've gotten it and had to dole it out. It's never fun, from either side. But too many can't accept it and would rather unload their anger and frustrations upon you, so don't give them an opening.
 The_Standard_Model
Joined: 7/14/2007
Msg: 154
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Replying To Messages When Not Romantically Interested
Posted: 11/19/2011 2:16:56 PM

Great idea!



Maybe I should do classes in tact and class. (orrrrrr......maybe not)

Keep at er; you'll figure er out.




Ahhh, my mistake. You are obviously a troll. Not a very bright troll, but a troll none the less.


Ya; that one makes no sense to me.

Makes sense to you yet she still got treated that way. Yet you still believe that women are rude, stupid and lazy when they do not give you a nice rejection message. So it is obvious that the best move here is despite what else is said to simply not bother. You will never make them happy. As the above message states, some people don't want to get one anyways and not replying does NOT make you ignorant or rude. After my repeated asking, it is obvious that none of the folks that want a reply are willing to explain why a person should risk the confrontation or how to avoid getting one. It is OBVIOUS that some folks just need to be coddled like eight year olds when someone rejects them and that is no ones resposnisblity.

Whew. I am glad that is finally settled.
 HappySingleSpirit
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 155
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Replying To Messages When Not Romantically Interested
Posted: 11/19/2011 2:33:35 PM

Love how those who claim abuse are often the abusers.

That is exactly what an abuser would say.


Maybe I should do classes in tact and class. (orrrrrr......maybe not)

I would say maybe not.
 SweetLilGTP
Joined: 10/22/2010
Msg: 156
Replying To Messages When Not Romantically Interested
Posted: 11/19/2011 8:56:59 PM
Yet you still believe that women are rude, stupid and lazy when they do not give you a nice rejection message.


BUDDY:

Show me ONCE whee in my initial post where I said that that I said they are lazy when they dont respond to "me"? In this case; i will again pos what I said. I said that a lady who does not respond to someone who shares 85% of their interests and sends them a decent and well thought out message was lazy.

Maybe I will have to go back and post all of your statements that make no sense, and where you have misinterpeted the english language, through adding words that change the whole spirit and focus of a subject. This, in turn, will show you to be the logicless obsessive low end shrub that you truly are. (And aparrently one who seems to have a love on for my gitch, and some good old nonsensical logicless no win arguing!)

I'm not gay ok buddy? (Sorry; it just wont work; but THANK you for changing all focuses to "me" personally, the thought IS what counts )

it is obvious that none of the folks that want a reply are willing to explain why a person should risk the confrontation or how to avoid getting one


Probably because they see that you and the methadone hooker who is too old to ply her trade anymore will spend four pages trying your hardest to lick whomever answers your questions dirty parts as deep as possible.

Frankly; they justdnot want to play with you.

should risk the confrontation or how to avoid getting one.


Probably because they have decided that some low borns dont deserve the gift of tact and grace.

Ask your mom or something.

It is OBVIOUS that some folks just need to be coddled like eight year olds when someone rejects them


Ask the retired hooker. Maybe she will coddle you and comfort you from the pain that you are feeling because nooone will answer your question then.

You two ARE a fit.



My very favorite is where you first introduced A leading to B. THAT was some awesome logic

 motownmaniax
Joined: 8/13/2006
Msg: 157
Replying To Messages When Not Romantically Interested
Posted: 11/19/2011 9:24:54 PM

Some actual messages I've gotten recently from the wonderful men of POF....

"Um ok****be a stuck up **** not like any hot guys like me ever try to get with u I'm sure so ur loss ha"

"I d like to tell you that you are simply a POS. You are offended by people fishing and
wont date anyone of that sort and that just sounds crazy. You can shove the organic food
you eat everyday up your a*** because clearly you are a sh*tfor brains person who
doesnt have a personality and are just a waste of space. Having a 4.0 GPA doesnt change
anything because you havent learnt tolerate and you might as well just trash your degree
if/when you get it!! Please go fu ck yourself and shove some vegetables up your cu nt
because you are a horrible person. Any guy you date would dump you in a
heartbeat.........You are not relationship material b i yo tch!"

Another guy I thought would be a gentleman about rejection, so I told him that I was very grateful for his service in the Marines, but that I didn't think we were a match. I don't have his message anymore, but basically I got a message calling me stupid because I'm still in college (wtf?), saying that I clearly can't take care of myself so am here looking for a man to take care of me, and that he was just lowering his standards for a quick lay. You really never know which men are going to take rejection like men and which are going to take it like spoiled children who have their toy taken away.


These are the kinds of jackass guys I have to continually apologize for on here. Some of the stories I hear, if even just half-true, make me ashamed of my gender.
 Alpha78
Joined: 7/18/2009
Msg: 158
Replying To Messages When Not Romantically Interested
Posted: 11/19/2011 9:34:23 PM
Replying just to say I'm not interested - I don't think so!!!
I barely have the time to weed out through that cluttered inbox of mine filled with no pic/fake pic/didn't bother to read profile/"hi" "wanna have fun" "phone #" messages just to find one or two out of thirty or so that I DO feel like talking to, to be wasting my time sending out 30 or so explanations of rejections! More if the conversation continues!
Some of you with those fragile egos that need further explanations so they can ease your pain over rejection from a stranger need to get over yourself. Seriously.
I have sent messages before and some guys didn't respond. If I see that they checked the profile and no response - to me that means: no interest in interaction with me. Move on. There is your answer.
 The_Standard_Model
Joined: 7/14/2007
Msg: 159
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Replying To Messages When Not Romantically Interested
Posted: 11/19/2011 9:55:16 PM

BUDDY:

Show me ONCE whee in my initial post where I said that that I said they are lazy when they dont respond to "me"? In this case; i will again pos what I said. I said that a lady who does not respond to someone who shares 85% of their interests and sends them a decent and well thought out message was lazy.

Well you do not say it in your initial post. You say it in message number 127 though. The exact conversation went like this: In message 126 I said...


Just because they did not give you a chance to have any sort of conversation does not mean that they did not look enough or are being picky. For whatever reason YOU did not make thet cut. It's not a personal attack on you. they simply were not attracted to you, nor interested enough to look any further.

To which you replied in message 127...

Oh I now; they're just lazy, and possibly stupid. (And defintely not tactful enough to repulse, placate, or content anyone)

very bluntly, very clearly calling them stupid and lazy for not responding to you. You even copied the sentence...

It's not a personal attack on you.

... before saying that they were stupid and lazy so that we would know that you meant that they were lazy and quite possibly stupid for not contacting you and not being interested. That is where you said it. It not being in your first post is meaningless.


Probably because they see that you and the methadone hooker who is too old to ply her trade anymore will spend four pages trying your hardest to lick whomever answers your questions dirty parts as deep as possible.

Surprise!! I knew that it would come. You argue with ME, but a woman disagrees with you and she becomes a methadone hooker. All she had to do was disagree with what you wrote a few times and you were on her like a dirt bag!!

shocking.

So as it turns out, you are the sort that will send these sort of messages to people. As it turns out, many that claim that they are not that type will insult and demean people when they are rejected. This is exactly why people do not respond. This is the exact silliness that people are trying to avoid by not giving you a polite 'rejection' message. Went from zero to methadone hooker in four seconds flat.


I'm not gay ok buddy? (Sorry; it just wont work; but THANK you for changing all focuses to "me" personally, the thought IS what counts )

This is the second time that you have brought up being gay. While it does not matter to me one way or the other (I am friends with some great gay men and women) but you do seem fixated upon this as you are the ONLY one to bring up or discus this topic. But as for focusing on you... uh no. I had directed the conversation to others and you answered (which is fine). In message 153 I am responding to Natgoat that posted a reply in 151, not you... but you answered for him anywyas. In message 159 I literally ask you to not reply to me any more...

But you know what. Don't bother with an answer. You are going to ignore what was said. You are going to ignore what was asked (or twist it into something else). You are going to ignore the women here that give story after story about how they leave polite rejection messages and get called stuck up and whores, so really just save it.

... but of course you reply. So REALLY, who is focusing upon whom here?
 modivin
Joined: 8/21/2011
Msg: 160
Replying To Messages When Not Romantically Interested
Posted: 11/19/2011 10:24:39 PM
I don't reply when I'm not interested for a simple reason. If I take the time to say thank you but not interested....like many women who have commented above me....the replies are typically less then polite....especially after their oh so original polite note of admiration that is spammed to 1000 women in their local region.
Why make an effort on my part if the email is generic?

Of course lately, I just get my chat box blown up and I don't want to disable it because I do talk to a few people. But holy cow.......saying Hi..Hi!!!!!!!!!! 5 times in a 3 minute time frame is no way to get my attention. Its like the 2 year old who says Mommy 100 times before she says what!!.....

Like Stewie from Family Guy badgering Lois...until she says WHAT?

Hi!

Runs away...

Come on now, lets all be real. Those who say send a polite note back...when a woman rejects you and says no thank you, not interested....what is your typical response. Do you go the name calling route ever?
 Plus-SizeAndProud
Joined: 12/30/2007
Msg: 161
Replying To Messages When Not Romantically Interested
Posted: 11/19/2011 10:56:30 PM
I don't consider it rude to not reply to a potential suitor's e-mail.

You don't owe anyone a thing, so you shouldn't feel guilty.

If a man sends me a message, and I don't find him attractive and/or feel that we don't share common interests, I simply delete said message.

I understand not wanting to hurt other people's feelings -- I struggle with that myself.

However, rejection is part of the dating game and life in general.
 HappySingleSpirit
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 163
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Replying To Messages When Not Romantically Interested
Posted: 11/20/2011 12:04:49 AM

These are the kinds of jackass guys I have to continually apologize for on here. Some of the stories I hear, if even just half-true, make me ashamed of my gender.


I hear you. There is no need to be ashamed of your gender. Women do it too. And Sweet Lil Mr polite has hardly anything to do with your gender. There is nothing real or MAN about him. He belongs to an entirely different category.


I'm not gay ok buddy?

You again? Go away and don't come back unless you have something meaningful to say.
 SweetLilGTP
Joined: 10/22/2010
Msg: 164
Replying To Messages When Not Romantically Interested
Posted: 11/20/2011 11:20:43 AM
Go away and don't come back unless you have something meaningful to say.


Pardon?

Who the f*ck are you to say such a thing? (And HOW did yo get yuor user name? I have never seen you do ANYTHING happy or sunny on a board at all..ever. All I see you do is attack people.

And Sweet Lil Mr polite


Again; does not reply impolitely to those who respectfully thank me for my message and state not interested. The BEST ones are those who do not even NEED to say not interested for me to gauge their interst levels...even when those levels are low. TAct is saying something and letting it be known that it means other things. With all these shy people proclaiming that they like to be pursued, that they dont klnow what to say, ect etc etc; a no reply does not necessarily mean no interest. (Mostly does; but not always) How do I know? because I have resent messages weeks or months later to thse who have responded with no reply and received surprising info on why they did not reply. (Which had 0.....to do with me or my message)

It has been stated here that noone owes anyone anything. If that is your thought on life; that's the way it is. There are others who believe in a minimum standard of civility in life. Unless those who feel that life should be solitary and one which should only require people to do what they "have" to do turnthese people into anti-socials also; they, also, will not change.

Were I a girl that received terrible replies to tactful replies meant to end a conversation; I probably would think twice about sending no thanks mails too. However; if you send a message saying "not interested" to a mail that doesnt even suggest any interest on the part of the person sending the message; you look a bit presumptuos and spacious of mind. NOw before yo say it s adating site and it should beasumed everyones trying to et with you; note that I get messages from dudes and people thousands of miles away; so that theory isnt so solid. Add the fact that married people and those "not looking" can also chat on here; and your theory is now completely blown.

NOW....I will leave this board and let the trolls jump on my shadow like hyenas in heat.

Enjoy your afternoon
 Home_for_30
Joined: 2/6/2010
Msg: 165
Replying To Messages When Not Romantically Interested
Posted: 11/20/2011 8:14:21 PM
I have been following this thread for some time...even commented once or twice. But it has turned like so many others after a few pages...I'm right,. your wrong. I can not help that some guys, maybe even most guys can not handle rejection. And I can not help that women get flooded with BS emails daily...or that both sides simply look at a pic, and breeze through a email and delete it unless something amazing jumps out at them. I don't take it personal if you READ/DELETE me...or even UNREAD/DELETE me. It's just the internet. Do I think it stinks that after I take my time to read your profile, write something creative only to hear that you don't have 'time' to atleast anwser me with a no thanks, blah blah blah. Of course. But oh well... The only part that I disagree with on here is the 'not obligated' group. No you are not obligated to answer, or really do anything but die and pay taxes. But like many things you do that are not obligated, you do because the type of person you are....do you hold doors opens for others, do you help others just for no reason? I do and I even do it when I 'don't have time'. But in the end, this is only a free dating site...used by most for a quick lay, or their dream of meeting Mr/Ms Perfect...but by reading many of these posts, I'm sure their email would be deleted too...haha
 HappySingleSpirit
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 166
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Replying To Messages When Not Romantically Interested
Posted: 11/21/2011 8:05:17 AM

But like many things you do that are not obligated, you do because the type of person you are....do you hold doors opens for others, do you help others just for no reason? I do and I even do it when I 'don't have time'.

Yes I agree with this. I do believe in holding doors and am respectful and civilized within reason and appropriate to the situation. However, when you tell someone, who is holding the door open for you, “no thanks I’m not going through that door” and get kicked and slapped it won’t take too long before people stop initiating a response. That does not make them rude people.

That is the only part I disagree wit ...when self respect and minding my own business is confused with disrespect to others. Yes, maybe there are some men and women who are rude, but to generalize and say men and women who don’t respond are rude and disrespectful, methadone hookers etc... is just not fair. Most people don’t wake up one morning and say “how can I be an as***le today.
 Mikey7619
Joined: 5/14/2008
Msg: 167
Replying To Messages When Not Romantically Interested
Posted: 11/21/2011 9:38:14 AM
"Why make an effort on my part if the email is generic"

Why should guys constantly make the effort when the messages they make the effort on are constantly either unread/deleted or read deleted??
 cutenperky2
Joined: 8/2/2011
Msg: 168
Replying To Messages When Not Romantically Interested
Posted: 11/22/2011 4:15:23 PM
I reply to almost everyone who writes to me ( I dont get much mail :( If i like the guy I will write back a few times so they can tell i like them... A few people who just sent me phone numebers with no message I didnt ans was to strange.
 HappySingleSpirit
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 169
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Replying To Messages When Not Romantically Interested
Posted: 11/22/2011 5:02:46 PM

Why should guys constantly make the effort when the messages they make the effort on are constantly either unread/deleted or read deleted??

It's frustrating but try not to be bitter about it and realize that it does happen to women too. None of the men I wrote ever responded. Ever!!! Seriously. None! So I am tired of hearing that it only happens to men. I find there is no point in complaining about it. It is what it is and probably for a good reason.
 The_Standard_Model
Joined: 7/14/2007
Msg: 170
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Replying To Messages When Not Romantically Interested
Posted: 11/22/2011 5:14:59 PM

I have been following this thread for some time...even commented once or twice. But it has turned like so many others after a few pages...I'm right,. your wrong.

Well this is an age old issue that gets brought up constantly. The idea (at least for me) is that this gets posted with the idea that people who do not respond are 'wrong', or 'rude' or 'ignorant' and lack social graces for not responding.


I can not help that some guys, maybe even most guys can not handle rejection. And I can not help that women get flooded with BS emails daily...or that both sides simply look at a pic, and breeze through a email and delete it unless something amazing jumps out at them. I don't take it personal if you READ/DELETE me...or even UNREAD/DELETE me. It's just the internet. Do I think it stinks that after I take my time to read your profile, write something creative only to hear that you don't have 'time' to atleast anwser me with a no thanks, blah blah blah. Of course. But oh well... The only part that I disagree with on here is the 'not obligated' group. No you are not obligated to answer, or really do anything but die and pay taxes. But like many things you do that are not obligated, you do because the type of person you are....do you hold doors opens for others, do you help others just for no reason? I do and I even do it when I 'don't have time'.

The previous post where she talk about being kicked and slapped for trying to hold a door open is perfect. A few of those and you would become leery of holding the door open for strangers too. No of course YOU are not to blame for the actions of others, but you ARE suggesting that the people that you message should take the risk that YOU are not going to attack them as well. You ARE suggesting that they ignore previous experience to give you a response. Even though they do not want to. Yes it stinks to not recieve a response sometimes, but it stinks even MORE when you take the time to craft a polite and pleasant thanks but no thanks letter and get blasted and personally attacked. Are you suggesting that they should risk that poor behaviour so that you can get a response from someone that does not want to give you one? Even more to the point, you have beenon the thread from the beginning. You must have seen the post after post from people that CLEARLY state that they would rather not have a reject response. That it sucks to craft a nic intial greeting only to get shot down. What then? Yes you say that it has degenerated into a I am right, you are wrong conversation, put that is the point. Those saying that others should message are saying that they are right, but saying that those that don't are somehow rude, bad or socially out of line. It is an attempt to control the actions of another person, which is not reasonable.
I keep asking over and over again, but it always gets ignored so I willask you. How do you suggest that they respond so as not to get personally attacked in this manner (called b!tch, dyke and $@whore)? If you can not come up with a reasonable way to stop this, then is a person being rude when they try to protect themselves from this behaviour?
 cutenperky2
Joined: 8/2/2011
Msg: 171
Replying To Messages When Not Romantically Interested
Posted: 11/22/2011 6:11:42 PM
just currious how could you know your not romantically not interested in someone unless you communicate with them and see what they are like. If you write back to someone you might become romantically interested in them?? ever think of that... and if your not romantically interested maybe they would be a fabulous friend... you might be missing alot of chances.
 The_Standard_Model
Joined: 7/14/2007
Msg: 173
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Replying To Messages When Not Romantically Interested
Posted: 11/22/2011 7:25:37 PM

just currious how could you know your not romantically not interested in someone unless you communicate with them and see what they are like. If you write back to someone you might become romantically interested in them?? ever think of that... and if your not romantically interested maybe they would be a fabulous friend... you might be missing alot of chances.

Easy. You look at the picture and you are completely not attracted to them. You read their message and they say something that is off putting to you. You read their profile and you have absolutely nothing in common, or worse you and they are the equivelent of Republicans and Democrats. Maybe they are too old/too young or too athletic. Maybe they are too far away. Maybe he is short and you are 6'7, maybe they are one of a billion things that you are just not interested in.
In the end it does not matter though. You can never tell if you folks would be a connection without talking to them but, without a DOUBT you can tell if you are not interested at this time in them at all. If there is no chemestry on BOTH parts then it is a bust.
No one is required to try with someone that they are not interested in.


Why should guys constantly make the effort when the messages they make the effort on are constantly either unread/deleted or read deleted??

Well the short answer is that you are very possibly getting that response due to sending generic messages. If you insist on sending substandard messages then understand that the response that you get will be a poor one. What you are really saying is 'why try?"
 HappySingleSpirit
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 174
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Replying To Messages When Not Romantically Interested
Posted: 11/22/2011 11:16:17 PM
just currious how could you know your not romantically not interested in someone unless you communicate with them and see what they are like.


My answer is what Cannom said.

In addition, I am also curious what difference it makes to you personally how I know. Are you asking because you want to learn something or are you asking because you want to convince me that there is a right and wrong way? Who cares how I know? How will my giving someone a chance that I am not attracted to have an impact on your life?

We are responsible for the decisions we make. Everything we do has outcomes and consequences. So I could ask the same thing. How can you know what is best for ME?
 jpwrnglrwmn_forumsonly
Joined: 4/23/2011
Msg: 175
Replying To Messages When Not Romantically Interested
Posted: 11/22/2011 11:40:49 PM
I'm definitely agreeing with what Canam said also. . attraction (ie. pictures) are what draws one in initially, then it is what someone writes. If there is no attraction there, it's not going to work. I will also agree with what one poster said about how replying to messages might be taken as a sign that you are interested in them, also. (As in, the whole back and forth messaging) If you aren't, it's best to just say you aren't, and then continue on to someone you are interested in.
 Mikey7619
Joined: 5/14/2008
Msg: 176
Replying To Messages When Not Romantically Interested
Posted: 11/23/2011 4:18:05 AM
Did you even read what I wrote?????? I SAID constantly MAKE THE EFFORT ON when the messages they make the effort on are read/deleted or unread/deleted

IT MEANS People construct personalized e-mails to people only to have all of them being READ/DELETED OR UNREAD DELETED

When you construct rnough personalised messages to people and you constantly have that happen you think to yourself why keep sending personalized messages to someone so they just start copying/pasting
 Natgoat
Joined: 3/24/2011
Msg: 177
Replying To Messages When Not Romantically Interested
Posted: 11/23/2011 5:03:16 AM
I just got one from a lady....(1st contact)
She said that she liked my profile and thought we might hit it off....
Odd thing, though....
I'm 8 years and 1,500 miles outside her parameters...!!!
I can't usually get a Reply from someone...Across Town..!!

...???
 Home_for_30
Joined: 2/6/2010
Msg: 178
Replying To Messages When Not Romantically Interested
Posted: 11/23/2011 6:28:18 AM

I keep asking over and over again, but it always gets ignored so I willask you. How do you suggest that they respond so as not to get personally attacked in this manner (called b!tch, dyke and $@whore)? If you can not come up with a reasonable way to stop this, then is a person being rude when they try to protect themselves from this behaviour?


I don't have a answer...and in that specific case it's not rude. But there are 2 sides to everything. You asked why they should make an exception to me and answer...and I say why group me in with every other guy. So, we are back to square one. Do what you feel comfortable doing...don't take it personal if you don't get an answer...and just chalk it up to the guy/girl being an a-hole if they can't handle a little bit of rejection.
 Home_for_30
Joined: 2/6/2010
Msg: 179
Replying To Messages When Not Romantically Interested
Posted: 11/23/2011 6:42:27 AM

Easy. You look at the picture and you are completely not attracted to them. You read their message and they say something that is off putting to you. You read their profile and you have absolutely nothing in common, or worse you and they are the equivelent of Republicans and Democrats. Maybe they are too old/too young or too athletic. Maybe they are too far away. Maybe he is short and you are 6'7, maybe they are one of a billion things that you are just not interested in.
In the end it does not matter though. You can never tell if you folks would be a connection without talking to them but, without a DOUBT you can tell if you are not interested at this time in them at all. If there is no chemestry on BOTH parts then it is a bust. No one is required to try with someone that they are not interested in.


I think you are being far too kind. From what I have read on several threads...both men and women...is more like unless EVERYTHING is pretty much near perfect, don't respond. There are definately things that are a turn off...or must haves...but chemistry??? That only happens in person, which again from what I see on here, rarely happens. But again, I am sure there are two schools of thought on this subject also.


Well the short answer is that you are very possibly getting that response due to sending generic messages. If you insist on sending substandard messages then understand that the response that you get will be a poor one. What you are really saying is 'why try?"


Actually, I think most people start off writing very well thought out messages...but then degrade into something generic like 'call me' after they get tired of READ/DELETE...or worse UNREAD/DELETE
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