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 Home_for_30
Joined: 2/6/2010
Msg: 165
Replying To Messages When Not Romantically InterestedPage 8 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
I have been following this thread for some time...even commented once or twice. But it has turned like so many others after a few pages...I'm right,. your wrong. I can not help that some guys, maybe even most guys can not handle rejection. And I can not help that women get flooded with BS emails daily...or that both sides simply look at a pic, and breeze through a email and delete it unless something amazing jumps out at them. I don't take it personal if you READ/DELETE me...or even UNREAD/DELETE me. It's just the internet. Do I think it stinks that after I take my time to read your profile, write something creative only to hear that you don't have 'time' to atleast anwser me with a no thanks, blah blah blah. Of course. But oh well... The only part that I disagree with on here is the 'not obligated' group. No you are not obligated to answer, or really do anything but die and pay taxes. But like many things you do that are not obligated, you do because the type of person you are....do you hold doors opens for others, do you help others just for no reason? I do and I even do it when I 'don't have time'. But in the end, this is only a free dating site...used by most for a quick lay, or their dream of meeting Mr/Ms Perfect...but by reading many of these posts, I'm sure their email would be deleted too...haha
 HappySingleSpirit
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 166
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Replying To Messages When Not Romantically Interested
Posted: 11/21/2011 8:05:17 AM

But like many things you do that are not obligated, you do because the type of person you are....do you hold doors opens for others, do you help others just for no reason? I do and I even do it when I 'don't have time'.

Yes I agree with this. I do believe in holding doors and am respectful and civilized within reason and appropriate to the situation. However, when you tell someone, who is holding the door open for you, “no thanks I’m not going through that door” and get kicked and slapped it won’t take too long before people stop initiating a response. That does not make them rude people.

That is the only part I disagree wit ...when self respect and minding my own business is confused with disrespect to others. Yes, maybe there are some men and women who are rude, but to generalize and say men and women who don’t respond are rude and disrespectful, methadone hookers etc... is just not fair. Most people don’t wake up one morning and say “how can I be an as***le today.
 Mikey7619
Joined: 5/14/2008
Msg: 167
Replying To Messages When Not Romantically Interested
Posted: 11/21/2011 9:38:14 AM
"Why make an effort on my part if the email is generic"

Why should guys constantly make the effort when the messages they make the effort on are constantly either unread/deleted or read deleted??
 cutenperky2
Joined: 8/2/2011
Msg: 168
Replying To Messages When Not Romantically Interested
Posted: 11/22/2011 4:15:23 PM
I reply to almost everyone who writes to me ( I dont get much mail :( If i like the guy I will write back a few times so they can tell i like them... A few people who just sent me phone numebers with no message I didnt ans was to strange.
 HappySingleSpirit
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 169
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Replying To Messages When Not Romantically Interested
Posted: 11/22/2011 5:02:46 PM

Why should guys constantly make the effort when the messages they make the effort on are constantly either unread/deleted or read deleted??

It's frustrating but try not to be bitter about it and realize that it does happen to women too. None of the men I wrote ever responded. Ever!!! Seriously. None! So I am tired of hearing that it only happens to men. I find there is no point in complaining about it. It is what it is and probably for a good reason.
 The_Standard_Model
Joined: 7/14/2007
Msg: 170
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Replying To Messages When Not Romantically Interested
Posted: 11/22/2011 5:14:59 PM

I have been following this thread for some time...even commented once or twice. But it has turned like so many others after a few pages...I'm right,. your wrong.

Well this is an age old issue that gets brought up constantly. The idea (at least for me) is that this gets posted with the idea that people who do not respond are 'wrong', or 'rude' or 'ignorant' and lack social graces for not responding.


I can not help that some guys, maybe even most guys can not handle rejection. And I can not help that women get flooded with BS emails daily...or that both sides simply look at a pic, and breeze through a email and delete it unless something amazing jumps out at them. I don't take it personal if you READ/DELETE me...or even UNREAD/DELETE me. It's just the internet. Do I think it stinks that after I take my time to read your profile, write something creative only to hear that you don't have 'time' to atleast anwser me with a no thanks, blah blah blah. Of course. But oh well... The only part that I disagree with on here is the 'not obligated' group. No you are not obligated to answer, or really do anything but die and pay taxes. But like many things you do that are not obligated, you do because the type of person you are....do you hold doors opens for others, do you help others just for no reason? I do and I even do it when I 'don't have time'.

The previous post where she talk about being kicked and slapped for trying to hold a door open is perfect. A few of those and you would become leery of holding the door open for strangers too. No of course YOU are not to blame for the actions of others, but you ARE suggesting that the people that you message should take the risk that YOU are not going to attack them as well. You ARE suggesting that they ignore previous experience to give you a response. Even though they do not want to. Yes it stinks to not recieve a response sometimes, but it stinks even MORE when you take the time to craft a polite and pleasant thanks but no thanks letter and get blasted and personally attacked. Are you suggesting that they should risk that poor behaviour so that you can get a response from someone that does not want to give you one? Even more to the point, you have beenon the thread from the beginning. You must have seen the post after post from people that CLEARLY state that they would rather not have a reject response. That it sucks to craft a nic intial greeting only to get shot down. What then? Yes you say that it has degenerated into a I am right, you are wrong conversation, put that is the point. Those saying that others should message are saying that they are right, but saying that those that don't are somehow rude, bad or socially out of line. It is an attempt to control the actions of another person, which is not reasonable.
I keep asking over and over again, but it always gets ignored so I willask you. How do you suggest that they respond so as not to get personally attacked in this manner (called b!tch, dyke and $@whore)? If you can not come up with a reasonable way to stop this, then is a person being rude when they try to protect themselves from this behaviour?
 cutenperky2
Joined: 8/2/2011
Msg: 171
Replying To Messages When Not Romantically Interested
Posted: 11/22/2011 6:11:42 PM
just currious how could you know your not romantically not interested in someone unless you communicate with them and see what they are like. If you write back to someone you might become romantically interested in them?? ever think of that... and if your not romantically interested maybe they would be a fabulous friend... you might be missing alot of chances.
 The_Standard_Model
Joined: 7/14/2007
Msg: 173
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Replying To Messages When Not Romantically Interested
Posted: 11/22/2011 7:25:37 PM

just currious how could you know your not romantically not interested in someone unless you communicate with them and see what they are like. If you write back to someone you might become romantically interested in them?? ever think of that... and if your not romantically interested maybe they would be a fabulous friend... you might be missing alot of chances.

Easy. You look at the picture and you are completely not attracted to them. You read their message and they say something that is off putting to you. You read their profile and you have absolutely nothing in common, or worse you and they are the equivelent of Republicans and Democrats. Maybe they are too old/too young or too athletic. Maybe they are too far away. Maybe he is short and you are 6'7, maybe they are one of a billion things that you are just not interested in.
In the end it does not matter though. You can never tell if you folks would be a connection without talking to them but, without a DOUBT you can tell if you are not interested at this time in them at all. If there is no chemestry on BOTH parts then it is a bust.
No one is required to try with someone that they are not interested in.


Why should guys constantly make the effort when the messages they make the effort on are constantly either unread/deleted or read deleted??

Well the short answer is that you are very possibly getting that response due to sending generic messages. If you insist on sending substandard messages then understand that the response that you get will be a poor one. What you are really saying is 'why try?"
 HappySingleSpirit
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 174
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Replying To Messages When Not Romantically Interested
Posted: 11/22/2011 11:16:17 PM
just currious how could you know your not romantically not interested in someone unless you communicate with them and see what they are like.


My answer is what Cannom said.

In addition, I am also curious what difference it makes to you personally how I know. Are you asking because you want to learn something or are you asking because you want to convince me that there is a right and wrong way? Who cares how I know? How will my giving someone a chance that I am not attracted to have an impact on your life?

We are responsible for the decisions we make. Everything we do has outcomes and consequences. So I could ask the same thing. How can you know what is best for ME?
 jpwrnglrwmn_forumsonly
Joined: 4/23/2011
Msg: 175
Replying To Messages When Not Romantically Interested
Posted: 11/22/2011 11:40:49 PM
I'm definitely agreeing with what Canam said also. . attraction (ie. pictures) are what draws one in initially, then it is what someone writes. If there is no attraction there, it's not going to work. I will also agree with what one poster said about how replying to messages might be taken as a sign that you are interested in them, also. (As in, the whole back and forth messaging) If you aren't, it's best to just say you aren't, and then continue on to someone you are interested in.
 Mikey7619
Joined: 5/14/2008
Msg: 176
Replying To Messages When Not Romantically Interested
Posted: 11/23/2011 4:18:05 AM
Did you even read what I wrote?????? I SAID constantly MAKE THE EFFORT ON when the messages they make the effort on are read/deleted or unread/deleted

IT MEANS People construct personalized e-mails to people only to have all of them being READ/DELETED OR UNREAD DELETED

When you construct rnough personalised messages to people and you constantly have that happen you think to yourself why keep sending personalized messages to someone so they just start copying/pasting
 Natgoat
Joined: 3/24/2011
Msg: 177
Replying To Messages When Not Romantically Interested
Posted: 11/23/2011 5:03:16 AM
I just got one from a lady....(1st contact)
She said that she liked my profile and thought we might hit it off....
Odd thing, though....
I'm 8 years and 1,500 miles outside her parameters...!!!
I can't usually get a Reply from someone...Across Town..!!

...???
 Home_for_30
Joined: 2/6/2010
Msg: 178
Replying To Messages When Not Romantically Interested
Posted: 11/23/2011 6:28:18 AM

I keep asking over and over again, but it always gets ignored so I willask you. How do you suggest that they respond so as not to get personally attacked in this manner (called b!tch, dyke and $@whore)? If you can not come up with a reasonable way to stop this, then is a person being rude when they try to protect themselves from this behaviour?


I don't have a answer...and in that specific case it's not rude. But there are 2 sides to everything. You asked why they should make an exception to me and answer...and I say why group me in with every other guy. So, we are back to square one. Do what you feel comfortable doing...don't take it personal if you don't get an answer...and just chalk it up to the guy/girl being an a-hole if they can't handle a little bit of rejection.
 Home_for_30
Joined: 2/6/2010
Msg: 179
Replying To Messages When Not Romantically Interested
Posted: 11/23/2011 6:42:27 AM

Easy. You look at the picture and you are completely not attracted to them. You read their message and they say something that is off putting to you. You read their profile and you have absolutely nothing in common, or worse you and they are the equivelent of Republicans and Democrats. Maybe they are too old/too young or too athletic. Maybe they are too far away. Maybe he is short and you are 6'7, maybe they are one of a billion things that you are just not interested in.
In the end it does not matter though. You can never tell if you folks would be a connection without talking to them but, without a DOUBT you can tell if you are not interested at this time in them at all. If there is no chemestry on BOTH parts then it is a bust. No one is required to try with someone that they are not interested in.


I think you are being far too kind. From what I have read on several threads...both men and women...is more like unless EVERYTHING is pretty much near perfect, don't respond. There are definately things that are a turn off...or must haves...but chemistry??? That only happens in person, which again from what I see on here, rarely happens. But again, I am sure there are two schools of thought on this subject also.


Well the short answer is that you are very possibly getting that response due to sending generic messages. If you insist on sending substandard messages then understand that the response that you get will be a poor one. What you are really saying is 'why try?"


Actually, I think most people start off writing very well thought out messages...but then degrade into something generic like 'call me' after they get tired of READ/DELETE...or worse UNREAD/DELETE
 SweetLilGTP
Joined: 10/22/2010
Msg: 180
Replying To Messages When Not Romantically Interested
Posted: 11/23/2011 3:24:51 PM
I still think that:

C'est La Vie and It is what it is are the best answers.

<img src=http://www.plentyoffish.com/smiles/icon_201.gif border=0>
 The_Standard_Model
Joined: 7/14/2007
Msg: 181
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Replying To Messages When Not Romantically Interested
Posted: 11/23/2011 9:41:52 PM

Did you even read what I wrote?????? I SAID constantly MAKE THE EFFORT ON when the messages they make the effort on are read/deleted or unread/deleted

IT MEANS People construct personalized e-mails to people only to have all of them being READ/DELETED OR UNREAD DELETED

When you construct rnough personalised messages to people and you constantly have that happen you think to yourself why keep sending personalized messages to someone so they just start copying/pasting


Yup I read it and the answer is the same. As you have read in the forums, it takes some folks a lot of effort and many, many tries to get a response from women here. You can not let some misfires diswade you as when you stop putting the effort in you will simply NOT get good results. it is as simple as that.
 angelo0311
Joined: 12/22/2010
Msg: 182
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Replying To Messages When Not Romantically Interested
Posted: 11/23/2011 9:56:54 PM
I think if hes honest with himself you can tell from the reply if shes just being polite or remotly interested .
 Former_Yamaha650_Rider
Joined: 9/4/2011
Msg: 183
Replying To Messages When Not Romantically Interested
Posted: 11/24/2011 4:55:32 PM
If you know right away that you're not interested, reply with something like: "Thanks for writing but I am not interested. I wish you the best in your search, take care!"

If someone that might be a match writes you but you just don't fancy him/her, you should reply. If someone who is not a match to whatever criteria you have stated writes you, you have no obligation to reply.

JMO
 Big_fun_wave
Joined: 2/28/2009
Msg: 184
Replying To Messages When Not Romantically Interested
Posted: 11/24/2011 8:26:31 PM
Yes, a reply is like an invite. I use to not like it when I was ignored. But now if they have no interest, I would rather a non reply. People who waste my time and effort this way are annoying!
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