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 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 51
Would you pay for safety?Page 3 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
is this what you mean:

https://www.crimesolutions.gov/ProgramDetails.aspx?ID=142

otherwise, never heard of it before. but they never had virginity cards in my day, either. They let us be "Free range".
 burts_tutor
Joined: 7/27/2016
Msg: 52
Would you pay for safety?
Posted: 8/2/2016 10:36:35 AM
Might be this one, but just ask her what she is referring to.
https://www.datesafeproject.org/live-the-movement/
 hemingway234
Joined: 6/6/2015
Msg: 53
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Would you pay for safety?
Posted: 8/2/2016 3:38:49 PM
Safety experts will tell you, the number one defense is you intuition. This is built into the first rule of online dating - meet in a public place. Your intuition is how you gauge not just what someone says, but their mannerisms, facial expressions, body language, eyes, and voice inflection..... which can only be experienced in person.
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 54
Would you pay for safety?
Posted: 8/3/2016 6:59:10 AM
Absolutely not. No need for a background check or bring a friend / relative to a first date / meeting. Besides a complete background check would involve SSN and other personal info. Most people aren't going to give that info to a virtual stranger.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 55
Would you pay for safety?
Posted: 8/3/2016 7:29:50 AM
What are you referring to when saying pay for safety? Are you referring to a background check or purchasing an assault rifle, handgun and hunting knife to take when on a date? If you feel meeting someone in a public place could be dangerous, why exactly would you agree to do that? Like it was pointed out here and in other threads, who is going to give out personal information to a stranger they haven't met if they say they need it to do a background check? I don't even like giving out personal information to an employer or to the government.
 purplerider1200
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 56
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Would you pay for safety?
Posted: 8/3/2016 4:50:15 PM
For the most part, you roll the dice and take your chance.

If a $20 dollar investment give you peace of mind, then do it. I trusted my ex wife to tell me everything before we got married. Turns out, her father was quite the shyster. I got snookered on a couple projects he asked me to do. But, he was family and I put up with it. The last straw was when he asked me to pick up a truck camper for him, and it was sitting on a property in another state. I did. The following day, I was sitting in a police car having my rights read to me. Never, ever have I had that done to me. I was LIVID. I chewed out everyone connected to that, including my wife, and I never did anything more for her father.

Had I checked her out, I might have not married her, if I had found that out about her father. But there's no way to tell if that would have shown up if I did a search. I might consider it if I suspected something from a new person.
 InnerGorilla2
Joined: 8/1/2016
Msg: 57
Would you pay for safety?
Posted: 8/5/2016 10:48:49 AM

Safety experts will tell you, the number one defense is you intuition. This is built into the first rule of online dating - meet in a public place. Your intuition is how you gauge not just what someone says, but their mannerisms, facial expressions, body language, eyes, and voice inflection..... which can only be experienced in person.


This is the best advice so far.

But what happens when your picker is screwed? When you go from one bad choice to another bad choice. This is more common with women than men, but they end up over and over again in bad relationships, or being at the wrong place at the wrong time.

I tend to be trusty. Yet my radar goes off when I hear a guy talking like a sales man and saying trust me, and I guarantee you, or I promise and crap like that.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 58
Would you pay for safety?
Posted: 8/5/2016 3:19:52 PM
Sometimes, staying sober can make all the diff in the world. What happens if your picker is poor? well, i'm going to upset a few and suggest, we pick people who make us feel comfortable with our beliefs. Our picker may be poor b/c our pecker has no brains. Or we might not spot the gold digger b/c we're trying to buy our way into her briefs. Live healthily, and you can spot the people trying to screw you--they do things to you, that you've never do to yourself. Lack self respect, and disrespect looks like what you see in the mirror.

the question then becomes...can you save people from themselves? if we believe the salespitch b/c we look for the simple solutions in life, b/c we don't want to do any mental heavy lifting and want to trust everything the person says b/c then we can blame them when it goes wrong...how can we be steered away instead to something good? we might even resist.
 ThroatLozenge
Joined: 3/2/2016
Msg: 59
Would you pay for safety?
Posted: 8/5/2016 8:29:27 PM
I'm tired of wearing this anchor!

Somebody toss me a life jacket!!!


Somebody save me
Let your warm hands break right through it
Somebody save me
I don't care how you do it, just stay, stay
C'mon, I've been waiting for you
 _Cinnamon__Girl_
Joined: 3/28/2016
Msg: 60
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Would you pay for safety?
Posted: 8/6/2016 1:55:32 PM
I always mention how proud I am of my brother- a recently appointed Asst. Chief of Police of a major U.S. city.
 HUMHUMA
Joined: 1/14/2018
Msg: 61
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Would you pay for safety?
Posted: 12/29/2018 5:11:40 AM
Protecting oneself is a must these days with anything on-line and especially dating sights....people who pray on innocents are all over...been that way for years and not likely to change. I don't use my real name in chatting with women I might be or be interested in. While I got tired of the usual trying to find a soul mate gave up for an FWB situation which isn't going any better but raises some's dander and makes me laugh....I'm honest and lay it on the table as I have been screwed with by females in the past about the same issue....stalkers are all over and doesn't mean just males. So in saying that one has to be careful and READ the profiles....lol
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 62
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Would you pay for safety?
Posted: 1/10/2019 4:58:01 AM

Would you pay for safety?

Yeah... and I do. I almost always have to buy my own condoms! Girls off the 'net never seem to have any ones that fit underneath their bed or in their purse...

people who pray on innocents are all over...been that way for years and not likely to change.

God bless the Internet, right? ;)
 PennyAnte
Joined: 4/17/2016
Msg: 63
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Would you pay for safety?
Posted: 1/10/2019 10:10:33 AM
I have my own dating rules. For first meet.

1. Don't drink alcohol on a first meet
2. Meet close to home, familiar surroundings.
3. Part at the establishments door.
4. Do not let him walk you to your car.
5. Dress conservatively
6. Use a disposable phone
7. Only give your first name
8. Discuss work but do not disclose workplace
9. Check the left finger for tan lines
10. Do not add them on facebook or other social media
11. Give a friend his phone number
12. Have a friend call for a safety check or means to exit.
13. Bring your own vehicle or walk
14. Meet during the day for the first meet
15. Meet in a public place usually crowded at lunch time or breakfast
 fullmoonguy2
Joined: 6/14/2017
Msg: 64
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Would you pay for safety?
Posted: 1/10/2019 11:40:07 AM

Would you pay for safety?

Yeah... and I do


Me too.

It's called US military and local law enforcement.


people who pray on innocents are all over...been that way for years and not likely to change.

God bless the Internet, right? ;)


Yeah, too bad the Internet was invented.
Everything and everybody was perfect before that.
 MyTrueCompanion
Joined: 9/20/2018
Msg: 65
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Would you pay for safety?
Posted: 1/10/2019 1:24:37 PM
How safe are we in our local house of worship, in a movie theatre, a student line-dancing event, in an office building, in a hospital, in a mall, in high school, a drugstore, at a concert, at a yoga studio, at a one-year-old's birthday party, in a Turkish consulate building etc.?
 purplerider1200
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 66
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Would you pay for safety?
Posted: 1/10/2019 1:47:00 PM

I have my own dating rules. For first meet.

1. Don't drink alcohol on a first meet
2. Meet close to home, familiar surroundings.
3. Part at the establishments door.
4. Do not let him walk you to your car.
5. Dress conservatively
6. Use a disposable phone
7. Only give your first name
8. Discuss work but do not disclose workplace
9. Check the left finger for tan lines
10. Do not add them on facebook or other social media
11. Give a friend his phone number
12. Have a friend call for a safety check or means to exit.
13. Bring your own vehicle or walk
14. Meet during the day for the first meet
15. Meet in a public place usually crowded at lunch time or breakfast


What about his dog's nose print? Perhaps a clump of kitty fur for DNA analysis?
 2ufo
Joined: 12/25/2017
Msg: 67
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Would you pay for safety?
Posted: 1/10/2019 2:05:35 PM
^^^
I kind of agree... that's excessively obsessive in my mind.

My only real rule is... remain safe.
I do tend to follow some of those rules... for instance, I don't drink alcohol on a regular basis, I don't usually drive or go anywhere after dark. I don't keep my social media current. But that's more part of who I am and my daily routine and less a check mark on my dating to-do list.
 MyTrueCompanion
Joined: 9/20/2018
Msg: 68
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Would you pay for safety?
Posted: 1/10/2019 3:19:43 PM
I agree w/ Penny. Too many weirdos & pervs, particularly on a FREE site.

Anyone here can make a fake ID etc.

Do you know how many ACTIVE serial killers & rapists are out there?

Let alone peeping Toms, etc.
 PennyAnte
Joined: 4/17/2016
Msg: 69
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Would you pay for safety?
Posted: 1/10/2019 3:53:22 PM
It may be a joke to you Purple.. and excessively obsessive to you 2ufo but they are in place for a reason.

In 2007 I chatted online with a man for about a week. He claimed to be a Boston Policeman. He had photos in uniform and was polite and engaging online. I exchanged my real phone number, my name and the type of car I drove.

He invited me out to a bar in Newton and said he had to work a little late and asked me to meet him there at 9pm. I parked in the back in a dim lit parking lot. It was a very hot summer night and I told him he would recognize me because I was wearing a red sun dress.

He ambushed me in the parking lot and raped me in the front seat of my car and left me bleeding.

I contacted my local PD and they could not find him.. His profile disappeared that night and the dating site could not trace him for any information about who he was.
He lied about his identity and the phone # could not be traced. He was not who he said he was. I paid a price and still do today.

I saw a rape crisis counselor for months afterwards and I still suffer from PTSD. It was a trauma I could have avoided if I had a set of rules
FOR MY OWN SAFETY. I was new to online dating and naive to say the very least.

My rules are not obsessive they are protective and precautions.
 MyTrueCompanion
Joined: 9/20/2018
Msg: 70
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Would you pay for safety?
Posted: 1/11/2019 4:23:11 AM
^^^
Penny sorry to hear your story (& sorry that some people r a$$holes).

You are brave & strong to be so honest, open & willing to share your story.

Perhaps you have saved a life by sharing, we never know who may have done what or been where.


Although I am taken & have stopped OLD years ago, I still retain my spidey sense in all situations. I grew up in the borough of Queens, NYC & went to college in Brooklyn & worked in Manhattan/NYC for years.

I constantly assess my surroundings & have made observations, comments, changed where I/my companion(s) was/were sitting in public places, left early, switched things up etc. due to instincts that oftentimes proved correct.

As I younger woman I did encounter a variety of various levels of sexual assault.

Safety should be paramount.
 hemingway234
Joined: 6/6/2015
Msg: 71
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Would you pay for safety?
Posted: 1/11/2019 5:50:54 AM


I have my own dating rules. For first meet.

1. Don't drink alcohol on a first meet
2. Meet close to home, familiar surroundings.
3. Part at the establishments door.
4. Do not let him walk you to your car.
5. Dress conservatively
6. Use a disposable phone
7. Only give your first name
8. Discuss work but do not disclose workplace
9. Check the left finger for tan lines
10. Do not add them on facebook or other social media
11. Give a friend his phone number
12. Have a friend call for a safety check or means to exit.
13. Bring your own vehicle or walk
14. Meet during the day for the first meet
15. Meet in a public place usually crowded at lunch time or breakfast


- I'm sorry about your ordeal, Penny. I can understand your list.

It is a sad thing to say, but many women have bad encounters from sick men. These guys should be hung for it. These types of crimes can scar somebody emotionally for life.

Many items on that list are a good idea. However, I've had a few dates and 99 out of one-hundred let me walk them to their car...but I'm a gentleman and they know it. My last date Ubered to the resturant. I offered to drive her home and she accepted (I did not like the idea of her getting into a car with a stranger). But that's not the norm.

Also, a lot of the time I do dinner dates, and most of the time it's dark out.

That list might be a little over the top, but it's better to be safe than sorry? I think the main thing is, to meet in a crowded public place. Also, do not leave your drink unattended so that someone could slip a Roofie in there when you go to the bathroom. It has happened many times. Finally, when you head for home, make sure you are not followed (yes, this has happened)...if you are followed, relax and drive to the police station or up to a cop car. Those are the big ones.
 2ufo
Joined: 12/25/2017
Msg: 72
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Would you pay for safety?
Posted: 1/11/2019 8:00:45 AM
Penny...

I do understand. I have been raped by a date as well. However, I have also been raped by a man who jumped into my car at a stop light. I was molested as a child and I've had a man point a shotgun at me - not a date. Never would checking for a wedding ring or not parking in a dark area have helped.

Maybe what I am saying is that making a rule to follow AFTER some event doesn't prevent someone else from taking a different kind of advantage of you.
Having a set of rules doesn't cover every possibility.
Having a set of rules will not prevent trauma.
I think the reason you have these rules is they make feel safe.
Which may or may not translate to real life.

To me, staying alert, listening for internal consistency, paying attention to my own comfort level is more important than a set of rules which can be misleading and make you think you're 'safe' when you are not.
 ginghamgal
Joined: 10/11/2018
Msg: 73
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Would you pay for safety?
Posted: 1/11/2019 8:53:07 AM
No. If I felt unsafe or uncomfortable, I wouldn't agree to a date or I would end the date ASAP.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 74
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Would you pay for safety?
Posted: 1/11/2019 3:01:10 PM

It may be a joke to you Purple.. and excessively obsessive to you 2ufo but they are in place for a reason.

I think nobody could argue that your rules are there for a reason. Even if the situation wasn't so traumatic as yours, some people still thru a reasonably bad situation will put up an obstacle course. To what Degree, making it worth their while or Not, is the question. And your situation I can understand has affected you, and that really really sucks that happened.

Rules being obsessive are obviously protective -- even more so. And for at least a little while, when one's not ready nor should be ready for the dating scene, I don't think anyone should argue against someone having a barricade of rules IF one really wanted to go out with them some time.

Human emotion is going to make people naturally want more obstacles. At at first, that's something understandable (although at first, said person probably won't be on-point to be dating). But after a while, what is Too much, and why? What is too little, and why? When we use our emotions as the barometer, it's not going to be accurate -- but yes, when coming from Bad situations, too-much may throw many babies out with the bath water, but it is safer than 'enough'.
 ssm508
Joined: 5/27/2018
Msg: 75
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Would you pay for safety?
Posted: 1/11/2019 3:56:37 PM

I have my own dating rules. For first meet.

I agree with many of these things. But not all though.


Don't drink alcohol on a first meet

There are certain bars that I wouldn't go to. But I wouldn't avoid alcohol. I would probably have 2 or 3 drinks. If I'm not driving, I might have a little bit more. I simply wouldn't leave my drink unattended or get drunk.


Do not let him walk you to your car.

That depends on well the date is going. I have walked women to their car after a good first date / meeting.


Meet during the day for the first meet

Many people might be usually available at night after work. There are plenty of places that have well lit parking lots and are fairly crowded.
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