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 dad2stay
Joined: 8/11/2011
Msg: 30
Single mums - What's the big deal? Page 2 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
interesting that coming from a guy who has absolutely no experience in either sex nor marriage and from your age I assume you do not have much experience in dating either

Let me learn ya a little something Jr.

#1 Sex is very important in a relationship after all it is all that separates friendship from relationship

#2 Looks are very important when dating after all looks is the first thing you see when finding someone new so no attraction usually means no meeting only exception i see is if you know the person before dating them then there's a chance you might forget your not attracted physically

#3 There's allot of reasons for a high divorce rate and yes sex is one of them
 Interception
Joined: 2/12/2010
Msg: 31
Single mums - What's the big deal?
Posted: 11/7/2011 11:32:58 AM
As a man currently with a "Single Mom" the situation isn't something to be taken lightly. The child knows her father and there is the occasional cross-fire between Mom and Daughter I get caught in because I'm not "Daddy" But I would not trade it for the world. I can understand why both men and women alike can have difficulties accepting a partner who has children especially children who are old enough to figure out this new person is not their Mother or Father. But from someone who is in the situation I have to say it is something that is not as bad as many people make it out to be.
 Aries_328
Joined: 10/16/2011
Msg: 33
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Single mums - What's the big deal?
Posted: 11/7/2011 12:34:26 PM

The people that marry for sex and looks is the reason why the divorce rate in this country is so high.


Do you have any idea how much of the rest of life you seem to overlook? Please point to the studies that show that people marry for sex and looks. Please also point to the studies that show that it is the cause of their divorces. You’re making things up to support your very flawed view of sex and love and marriage.

To call someone that has sex a slut is a form of defiling.
Because you believe that most women have had sex you feel that they are defiled.
If you found someone that wasn't defiled and you had a relationship you must realize that even if you married her you would yourself then be defiling her. If you can even get close to doing it thinking you’re defiling her that makes you a Narcissist.

These thoughts you have are not rational. They are dictating your actions. How can I say that? Because you posted them in a public forum as, a matter of fact, which shows that you lack social empathy.

You have plenty of access to books where you are. Take your beliefs and try to validate them to the test of rational thought and provable theories. If you decide it’s your beliefs and that is all that matters then back up a few and remember how you also insinuated that you were liberal and lacked any form of spiritual base with your family. How could your belief in something irrational be any more valid then a religious belief. The problem I have with liberalism is the hypocritical belief that your beliefs are more valid then others because you’re not spiritualy burdened with belief in a good greater than man.
 Cdn_Iceman
Joined: 12/1/2010
Msg: 35
Single mums - What's the big deal?
Posted: 11/8/2011 10:13:28 AM

Ive 2 kids by 2 fathers wich wer BOTH proper rships. coz ive 2 no1 is interested but yet dey r always viewin my profile. if ur not interestd den stop viewing but in sayn so i dont want and am not lukn 4 any1 2 luk after n pay 4 dem etc i just want dem 2 b acceped. n if ben a single mum makes me a slut den im PROUD 2 b 1 coz i love my kids n der well lukd after by me and me alone and ive prove of dis
huh? can some one translate the aforementioned post for me? my WTF to English translator is on vacation this week
 Aries_328
Joined: 10/16/2011
Msg: 36
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Single mums - What's the big deal?
Posted: 11/8/2011 10:27:09 AM
haha, this is fun




Ive 2 kids by 2 fathers wich wer BOTH proper rships. coz ive 2 no1 is interested but yet dey r always viewin my profile. if ur not interestd den stop viewing but in sayn so i dont want and am not lukn 4 any1 2 luk after n pay 4 dem etc i just want dem 2 b acceped. n if ben a single mum makes me a slut den im PROUD 2 b 1 coz i love my kids n der well lukd after by me and me alone and ive prove of dis


Translation
I have two kids by two fathers which were both proper relationships. Because I have two [children] no one is interested although they are always viewing my profile. If you are not interested then stop viewing. But, in saying so, I do not want and am not looking for anyone to look after or pay for them [my children]. I just want them to be accepted. If being a single mother makes me a slut then I am proud to be one because I love my kids and they are well looked after by me and me alone and I have proof of this.

Edit: Although may need additional translation for her profile. I could swear that she says that she is up for a bit of crack!!!
 Cdn_Iceman
Joined: 12/1/2010
Msg: 37
Single mums - What's the big deal?
Posted: 11/8/2011 10:29:49 AM
Okay then Aries, stick around I may need you to translate a few more posts
 ldyluck83
Joined: 7/31/2010
Msg: 38
Single mums - What's the big deal?
Posted: 11/8/2011 12:12:27 PM
I myself am a single mother of two. And yes, by two different fathers. I never thought I would be "that girl" but LIFE is unpredictable. If it is losing a loved one to war, drugs, or because you can't fix the relationship, life happens.
Most single parents have their baggage but that doesn't mean that they don't deal with their own issues before pursuing relationships. I myself never wanted to date anyone that had children, even though I had children. It was very enlightening to me to date someone who didn't have children and the ups and downs that we had.
I would never expect anyone to pay for my children but if anyone is going to be in my life then they better be darn good role models. There are great guys out there but some men are intimidated by a strong independent woman who raise their children on their own, pay their own bills, and contribute to society.
I am sure Mr/Ms right is out there for all of us, but everyone needs to step outside of their comfort zone or you will die holding your breath....
 QueenBeeSweetness
Joined: 9/23/2011
Msg: 39
Single mums - What's the big deal?
Posted: 11/8/2011 12:39:45 PM
Ummmm....for the love of all things holy.

JOCELLA!

I am probably the last person to call someone to the table about their writing.
I often make typo's, grammatical errors, & misspell a few things here & there.
In fact, i am sure many here could poke fun at my errors from time to time.

But i have to say, my 6 year old writes better than you do. I am sure you are an intelligent woman, but lose the text speak, Kindergartners write better than that.


mum of 2 gr8 kids who r 5 and 1 der everyfing 2 me and cum 1st


I would venture to say that it is offputting to potential gentleman suitors that you used the word CUM rather than COME, in reference to your children. CUM is a sexual term for a male orgasm. I know you dont mean it that way, but, it looks bizarre.


up 4 a bita crack


Please, please, please tell me that is a slang term for something else over in Ireland, & not what it looks like.
 YUOANDME1
Joined: 9/22/2008
Msg: 40
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Single mums - What's the big deal?
Posted: 11/10/2011 10:06:13 AM
It should not matter whether you are single mum , single or run a pizza shop. It’s the person who I would be interested in and can we have a relationship that works for both parties and get along .

Having stated that we mostly all have kids and everything needs to be considered. Every part of our life will provide challengers and it’s the people that meet these challenges and work out issues that survive and stay together. Nothing is easy with people however spend the time and you find that everyone needs to be looked after. “ I was going to say loved”
 Te_Mangoroa
Joined: 4/16/2011
Msg: 41
Single mums - What's the big deal?
Posted: 11/10/2011 12:33:18 PM

Ive 2 kids by 2 fathers wich wer BOTH proper rships. coz ive 2 no1 is interested but yet dey r always viewin my profile. if ur not interestd den stop viewing but in sayn so i dont want and am not lukn 4 any1 2 luk after n pay 4 dem etc i just want dem 2 b acceped. n if ben a single mum makes me a slut den im PROUD 2 b 1 coz i love my kids n der well lukd after by me and me alone and ive prove of dis



there is the reason right there honey no one wants to be involved. Most men like their women to at least appear somewhat intelligent.

23, 2 children with 2 men, doesn't say much either.

People have to look at your profile to see what it says, if they aren't interested they move on. Take it or leave it. Such is life.

Maybe write your profile in understandable proper English and Grammar and well... you just might be surprised who might actually show some interest.
 Capitano_Blaugh
Joined: 3/18/2008
Msg: 43
Single mums - What's the big deal?
Posted: 11/12/2011 8:16:26 PM

my WTF to English translator is on vacation this week



Okay then Aries, stick around I may need you to translate a few more posts


And, as it turns out, your WTF to English translator was just fvcking with you about being on vacation and showed up....

... maybe he was on stay-cation and got bored....

 Just_Me_Aaron
Joined: 11/1/2011
Msg: 44
Single mums - What's the big deal?
Posted: 11/12/2011 11:03:02 PM

Aaron, You are how old? If you are gonna throw Jessica Simpson into this...Um she is pregnant now and NOT married. I was a virgin when I got married I now have 3 kids (all by the same father) AND am now divorced. SO, does that make me a slut?


I am 21 btw. Now, I said from the start if single mom after divorce in marriage I have no problems. I am just the type of person that wouldn't want to take even a 1% risk of contracting STD's for some temporary pleasure and I view people who do as being slutty and that includes men.

I want kind of a "me and my wife against the world" relationship with my wife and want to discover new things and do different experimentation. This includes sex, I want both of us to be bad at first and then we get better as time goes on! It's just my personal preference.
 Arlo_Troutman
Joined: 9/26/2009
Msg: 46
Single mums - What's the big deal?
Posted: 11/15/2011 10:38:55 AM

(dad2stay) Would you buy a car before test driving it? Buy pants or shoes you haven't tried on first?
Buy a home you haven't walked through and had inspected first?

Most people wouldn't and look at relationships the same way.


You couldn't be more wrong. Know the limitations of a comparison. Example: I love my kids. When I was married, I loved my wife. I did not love my kids the same way I loved my wife. Your statement is very insulting to people who (rightly) view intimacy as being rather different than buying a house/pair of pants/car.


Sexual comparability (sic) is important and I think every engaged couple should live as husband and wife for a few years before actually being husband and wife after all gotta get through that honeymoon period before you see who you both really are


I agree that sexual compatibility is one very important factor in a stable relationship. However, I feel kinda queasy at the idea of "a ... couple (engaged or otherwise) living as husband and wife for a few years before actually being husband and wife... " If one wants to be a husband or a wife, well then, BECOME a husband or a wife. Here's a comparison for you that you'll like: if you wanna take the ride, BUY THE TICKET!!!

Arlo...
 Arlo_Troutman
Joined: 9/26/2009
Msg: 47
Single mums - What's the big deal?
Posted: 11/15/2011 10:46:52 AM


(Just Me Aaron) The people that marry for sex and looks is the reason why the divorce rate in this country is so high.


(aries 328) Do you have any idea how much of the rest of life you seem to overlook? Please point to the studies that show that people marry for sex and looks.


His was a conditional statement: the "if/then" was implicit in the observation; and, his observation was that marrying for sex and looks was ONE of the reasons that divorce was so common. Most people implicitly understand the necessary limitation on an affirmative. For example:

ALL of George Washington is a dead person; therefore, ALL dead persons are George Washington.

Half of that statement is true; the other half is baloney. I leave it to you to determine which is which...

Arlo...
 funinsun32
Joined: 9/1/2011
Msg: 48
Single mums - What's the big deal?
Posted: 11/18/2011 6:23:26 AM
Thank you!!!! I am so sick of seeing the huge amount of bashing of single Mom's on here!!! Especially from certain people that love to accuse the women and blame them for their situation, because you know everyone of us single Mother's secretly wanted to fall in love, have a child, and then be left alone to raise the child!!!
What I really love is that I don't see or hear any crap about single Dad's on here..... Single Dad's are put on a pedestal because they "stepped up to the plate".
As women it's just our "duty" to raise the child and be sworn off as some type of plague!!
SO, THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR BEING POSITIVE!!!!
 free4all131220
Joined: 10/28/2011
Msg: 49
Single mums - What's the big deal?
Posted: 11/18/2011 7:05:07 AM
because when a guy is dating for the purpose of marriage, they want a wife not an instant family, building a relationship with one person is difficult enough, but now you've got to do it with 2 or more. most guys(especially young guys) who want kids want to make their own. There just isn't the same natural bond when you're raising someone elses kids.

If you're dating(or marry) someone with kids you'd better be prepared for the competition, one which you'll never win, and if the child is older they'll do everything they can to undermine your relationship with their mom, get ready for that. If the kids' bio-father isn't around she'll want you to play the role, but when there are differences in how the kid should be raised she'll pull out the "my kid" line first thing, and immediately you take the backseat.

Not saying that it can't work, it can, just go into it with eyes open be prepared it is difficult. It took me a while to develope good relations with my step son. I love him, but not on the same level as my own biological children.
 Magina314
Joined: 1/9/2011
Msg: 50
Single mums - What's the big deal?
Posted: 11/18/2011 12:53:58 PM
The point is the single mothers had sex, have kids, have to care for these kids, and the dirtbag father is dead (hopefully), now some new peeps have to care for these kids if they want to see the mother?
 Creacion
Joined: 10/22/2011
Msg: 51
Single mums - What's the big deal?
Posted: 11/21/2011 7:20:42 PM
What is the big deal? Why make a point when there is no point to make?
 Laidbackguy1964
Joined: 4/20/2017
Msg: 52
Single mums - What's the big deal?
Posted: 5/26/2017 1:53:18 AM
If a lot of young girls started taking responsibility and using contraception, then we would not have such a large number of single mothers in society...it's not healthy for young boys and girls to be brought up without a positive male role model and it underlines the reason why society is getting so screwed up...most single mothers are just playing the victim card and blame men for their inability to protect their own body from pregnancy!! Men can't get pregnant and give birth, so it's up to the female to use contraception and prevent one parent families, because they are toxic to children
 Peter_Hungus
Joined: 11/3/2012
Msg: 53
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Single mums - What's the big deal?
Posted: 5/26/2017 7:08:27 AM

Why do single guys get put off by women who have kid(s)???


It cost $250,000 per child to raise from birth to 18. Kids hinder relationships and the frequency one can have sex. Not just by being there but the exhaustion they put on the mother. The number of kids and the lack of involvement from the bio-father further exacerbates those two points.

Half of single moms are on government benefits. If you as the man marry or cohabitate with her she will no longer qualify for those benefits. Guess who picks up the slack?
 Coma_White
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 54
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Single mums - What's the big deal?
Posted: 9/26/2017 2:38:21 AM
Sometimes the juice isn't worth the squeeze bro.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 55
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Single mums - What's the big deal?
Posted: 10/17/2017 11:30:55 AM

Why do single guys get put off by women who have kid(s)??? Why should it matter?

It doesn't if they're on vacation and looking to flirt, mingle, and pork. :) It does matter for a guy w/o kids (or hardly any custody) if they want to even casually date, because much of the time, the gal's window of opportunity is narrow. But if she seems like a great catch to him, he'll likely give it a try. Going for a serious relationship? (wince) Again, not having kids or hardly any custody, he's going to want to take it slow.

My opinion is that it shouldn't really make a difference

But it certainly can. For many single moms, it's a lot like a career gal who's traveling all the time. When you're not an item, but there's enough mutual attraction to go out on some dates, they'll be gone a lot. Barring any crush from the outset, he's likely Not going to want to get into anything serious with her. And if he's tried that before with a gal who's gone every other week that didn't work out, he's more apt to not give it a go on the casual level.

So to all you judgemental single men out there, give them a chance and treat single mums with respect and get to know them

That's a silly and incorrect POV. Nobody 'deserves' to be given 'a chance' by a stranger for dating. I could see telling a guy w/o kids to not write off gals with kids, and when testing the waters with a gal with kids, if they aren't super young kids and she doesn't always need to tend to them and try and find baby sitters, etc -- hey, give it a shot if your dating luck otherwise isn't so great.

But again, if you live downtown in a city, like going out, etc as a guy -- and a gal lives out in the open country area 15m away and likes that lifestyle, likes to stay home and only occasionally go out... there's a reason he's not going to want to pursue after her, or vice versa (unless one thinks they can convert the other; which doesn't exactly work). Same goes for not having kids to tend to VS the other having kids to tend to... or both juggling kids on/off weekends where theirs don't match.

IMO, only pursue guys/gals where there's feasibility to see each other a decent amount, and you both are on the same page as far as how you spend your free time, generally speaking.
 Coma_White
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 56
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Single mums - What's the big deal?
Posted: 10/17/2017 11:57:08 AM
The problem with a single guy or girl dating a single parent is that they're taking all the risk. People are quick to call the dad or sometimes the mom who left a "deadbeat" but never question why they had kids with a deadbeat. There has to be a big incentive to enter a relationship where you're raising someone else's kid and the other person isn't taking on any extra responsibility for you.
 spot4username
Joined: 12/15/2015
Msg: 57
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Single mums - What's the big deal?
Posted: 10/20/2017 9:40:34 AM

People are quick to call the dad or sometimes the mom who left a "deadbeat" but never question why they had kids with a deadbeat.

If you are really naive enough to think most single parents go into it knowing the other parent is/will be a deadbeat I see why you have so many issues.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 58
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Single mums - What's the big deal?
Posted: 10/20/2017 11:57:32 AM

If you are really naive enough to think most single parents go into it knowing the other parent is/will be a deadbeat I see why you have so many issues.

I would say at least a HIGH % would have warning flags all over, yes. People get caught up "in love" and so forth and get in bad relationships. Commonly playing innocent to knowing about deadbeat significant other beforehand shouldn't be in a "don't go there" zone.
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