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 Coma_White
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 59
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Single mums - What's the big deal? Page 3 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)

If you are really naive enough to think most single parents go into it knowing the other parent is/will be a deadbeat I see why you have so many issues.


I can't even count the number of single parents that keep having kids with dead beats over and over and then wonder why no one wants to date them. There are usually warning signs, but people choose not to see them. And you, like them, blame everyone else but yourself and try to shift the blame to my observation rather than accept the truth.
 spot4username
Joined: 12/15/2015
Msg: 60
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Single mums - What's the big deal?
Posted: 10/22/2017 5:35:59 PM

And you, like them, blame everyone else but yourself and try to shift the blame to my observation rather than accept the truth.

Your scenario does not apply to me in any way. I, like you, just made an observation. I stand by it.
 Coma_White
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 61
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Single mums - What's the big deal?
Posted: 10/22/2017 5:59:56 PM

Your scenario does not apply to me in any way. I, like you, just made an observation. I stand by it.


You're not making an observation. You're making a novice attempt at deflecting by attacking the person instead of the argument. What's next? Your dad makes more money than my dad? lol
 forumslady
Joined: 12/7/2016
Msg: 62
Single mums - What's the big deal?
Posted: 10/22/2017 6:33:34 PM
Coma White- First of all, props to you, because I've never looked at your profile, until now, I thought you were in your 20's.
Plus, you post like someone that age.
The juice isn't worth the squeeze, really?! I'll take things douche bags say for 200, Alex, please. Imagine my surprise when I found out you are 37 and SHOULD know better, by now.
WTH?!
Your profile reads like a typical narc, all about you and nothing about the other person/what they might want, what you might bring to the table that they are looking for.
I didn't realize, until now, that you are a narc, but you are.
Are you right that there are people out there that self destruct and do the same thing, over and over? Sure you are.
Is that ALL single moms? Not hardly.
Plus, you don't have children, which doesn't exactly make you an expert, does it?
I can't stop you from posting things like "the juice isn't worth the squeeze", but just know, that is an A-hole kind of thing to say.
How hard is it to just NOT date single mom's?
The fact you need to post such vile speaks volumes for you, none of it good. :(
 Coma_White
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 63
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Single mums - What's the big deal?
Posted: 10/22/2017 9:30:01 PM

Coma White- First of all, props to you, because I've never looked at your profile, until now, I thought you were in your 20's.
Plus, you post like someone that age.
The juice isn't worth the squeeze, really?! I'll take things douche bags say for 200, Alex, please. Imagine my surprise when I found out you are 37 and SHOULD know better, by now.
WTH?!
Your profile reads like a typical narc, all about you and nothing about the other person/what they might want, what you might bring to the table that they are looking for.
I didn't realize, until now, that you are a narc, but you are.
Are you right that there are people out there that self destruct and do the same thing, over and over? Sure you are.
Is that ALL single moms? Not hardly.
Plus, you don't have children, which doesn't exactly make you an expert, does it?
I can't stop you from posting things like "the juice isn't worth the squeeze", but just know, that is an A-hole kind of thing to say.
How hard is it to just NOT date single mom's?
The fact you need to post such vile speaks volumes for you, none of it good. :(


Nothing you said made sense. First, you didn't even bother to read the thread. I just explained that the last poster was making the mistake of attacking the person and not addressing the argument. What did you just do? All you did was attack the person and fail to address the argument. That speaks volumes about your lack of maturity, not mine. What on Earth is wrong with saying the juice isn't worth the squeeze? In any relationship, you have to ask yourself if you're getting something out of it when you put in a lot of effort. That's why most people without kids don't do well with single mothers and fathers. I'm not gonna pretend to be offended if women say there's no point in dating guys that don't make a certain amount of money or aren't a certain height. That's up to them to decide. The bottom line is that people without kids are more available for dating. Instead of asking what someone brings to the table, read the writing on the wall. The whole fake outrage thing in lame. No one was "vile". lol
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 64
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Single mums - What's the big deal?
Posted: 10/23/2017 11:26:14 AM

Plus, you don't have children, which doesn't exactly make you an expert, does it?

I don't think having or not having kids gives one an advantage or disadvantage in looking at this concept.

The concept is: "People are quick to call the dad or sometimes the mom who left a "deadbeat" but never question why they had kids with a deadbeat."

Basically, when one doesn't question how/why they were with a deadbeat in the first place who fertilized them -- yeah, statistically not a good thing. :) It's not necessarily a red flag that their Ex is labeled a "deadbeat".... although if that's all you know, the chances are Less that they're a great catch... but certainly an explanation can be had. Like: "I was young & naive, I ignored red flags... I was dumb to get married to him after only a year @22, but I got pregnant early and figured we would anyway. Since then, my BFs have been decent guys." Yeah, I wouldn't be thinking red-flag at all for said gal who's close to 40 or more.
 Coma_White
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 65
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Single mums - What's the big deal?
Posted: 10/25/2017 12:15:57 AM

Basically, when one doesn't question how/why they were with a deadbeat in the first place who fertilized them -- yeah, statistically not a good thing. :) It's not necessarily a red flag that their Ex is labeled a "deadbeat".... although if that's all you know, the chances are Less that they're a great catch... but certainly an explanation can be had. Like: "I was young & naive, I ignored red flags... I was dumb to get married to him after only a year @22, but I got pregnant early and figured we would anyway. Since then, my BFs have been decent guys." Yeah, I wouldn't be thinking red-flag at all for said gal who's close to 40 or more.


Absolutely. There's a difference between a single mother having one kid when they were young with the wrong guy and a woman that has 5 kids with 5 different dads. The children of single parents can often be hard to bond with too. The single mother or father can leave you at a whim when they find someone that their kids like better or has more money to treat them.
 magicstillaroundme
Joined: 10/2/2017
Msg: 66
Single mums - What's the big deal?
Posted: 10/25/2017 1:14:02 PM

Absolutely. There's a difference between a single mother having one kid when they were young with the wrong guy and a woman that has 5 kids with 5 different dads.


No meaningful difference really. Both are irredeemably stained.

The problem isn't that no men want them. There are just like there are men who do it with animals, small children, plastic dolls or what have you. The problem is that no men who have a sense of dignity want them. A man that would lower himself to accept a single mother is simply a disgrace.

I guess we'll hear from the butt hurt how the MGTOW rail against single mothers because they can't get any. Let's suppose that's true. Now what of all the tall, buff, rich and educated men who choose to date childless women? Don't they know that if they elevate their game, they might be able to get a single mother too? Or is it that single mothers are too picky?
 Coma_White
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 67
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Single mums - What's the big deal?
Posted: 10/26/2017 10:56:00 AM

The problem isn't that no men want them. There are just like there are men who do it with animals, small children, plastic dolls or what have you. The problem is that no men who have a sense of dignity want them. A man that would lower himself to accept a single mother is simply a disgrace.


That's true to a point. There's nothing wrong with dating a single mother or father that has their act together and has a well behaved kid or two. It depends if that's something you want to take on or not. A lot of the women without kids are at the bar every night and that's not something that appeals to me either.
 magicstillaroundme
Joined: 10/2/2017
Msg: 68
Single mums - What's the big deal?
Posted: 10/26/2017 12:57:14 PM
CW, first let me say that I have anxiously been reading your posts for years. You are one of the most level headed and reliable contributors on these forums. Nobody with an open mind can easily dismiss what you say. Instead, I'll question some of the unspoken assumptions about the topic that almost everyone takes for granted.

There is a dysfunctional divide between the sexes that needs to be closed. I say that all is well. The divide does exist because it should exist. It is functional and in the best interests of society. We need less interaction and not more.

I am a bit of a trans humanist. Some would say that the divide will negatively impact future generations. With medical advances and improvement in quality of life, do we even need future generations?

I understand the need for companionship and the devastating effects of loneliness and isolation. There is much controversy about developing sex robots. I say, why bother going that far? The chemicals and hormones that create the "in love" euphoria are already known. With a little effort toward synthesizing and distributing them, love and a rewarding sex life could be as easy as adding a spoonful of fortified non dairy creamer to your morning coffee.

Just think of all of the violence and social conflict that would disappear without male/female interactions.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 69
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Single mums - What's the big deal?
Posted: 10/26/2017 1:37:49 PM

The chemicals and hormones that create the "in love" euphoria are already known. With a little effort toward synthesizing and distributing them, love and a rewarding sex life could be as easy as adding a spoonful of fortified non dairy creamer to your morning coffee.

You can do that with drugs today in some sense. I think this is going off topic a bit, but the point is -- no, nobody's "stained" because they had a kid from a relationship that went awry at a young age but have their sh!t together. Bad for them in the dating scene for a while until the kid gets on their two feet and doesn't have access to a reliable family member to babysit if not 12-13 yet, etc.

It costs one in the dating market -- namely with those who don't have kids. But certainly not a tainted No-Go because they have offspring. Said offspring could be old enough to be a babysitter themselves, as opposed to being a toddler who needs to be watched all the time. I'd take a 7.5 who's an otherwise great match who has a 14 & 16 year old kid, rather than a 5 who seems like a decent match without kids. And as far as rolls in the Hey-Hey-Hey, or even casual non-couple relationships -- it doesn't mean anything.
 magicstillaroundme
Joined: 10/2/2017
Msg: 70
Single mums - What's the big deal?
Posted: 10/26/2017 2:05:37 PM
NG, some of your beliefs are rather quaint. Among them you believe in redemption. That is an entirely positive and humane trait. Above criticism. All I will say is that some things can't be undone. Having a child is one of them. The stain exists as long as the mother exists. Now, she can work hard to soften the consequences of dating her but she will never be able to unmom herself.
 Whatsamattababy
Joined: 9/29/2017
Msg: 71
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Single mums - What's the big deal?
Posted: 11/4/2017 9:03:41 PM
I can't even relate to any of this. I was a single mother and (I've never been all that, so don't get the wrong idea) was persued by many young men. I was very busy getting a degree and starting a career, so I mostly didn't want to be in relationships. But sometimes I was, and received marriage proposals. And none of these guys had children of their own. I always pulled my weight financially. And I always assumed a major part of the attraction for men was my relationship with my beautiful boy. I never felt that anyone viewed him as a potential burden.

My dear Dad married my mother and adopted her five children (including me). He's always been the person from whom I received unconditional love. He constantly has shown gratitude for having my mother and us in his life.

What a strange world you people live in, to me.
 forumslady
Joined: 12/7/2016
Msg: 72
Single mums - What's the big deal?
Posted: 11/4/2017 10:38:11 PM
Comawhite- Coma White- Sorry about the earlier attack. I'm not sure what else to say. You are entitled to your opinion as much as anyone else.
Needless to say, you are more familiar with things you commonly say and whether or not they are intended as an insult.

Next, I'll address this:
"Absolutely. There's a difference between a single mother having one kid when they were young with the wrong guy and a woman that has 5 kids with 5 different dads. The children of single parents can often be hard to bond with too. The single mother or father can leave you at a whim when they find someone that their kids like better or has more money to treat them."

Well, yeah, there is a difference. Let's not forget that people have a choice. If someone, male or female, has several children, all by different people, that could give pause. I suppose it speaks to maturity and being able to learn a lesson.

As far as leaving someone due to money, that is really a separate thread. Yes, you could make a case the likelihood increases with single parents looking for support, but using someone for money is an issue to contend with, whether people are parents or not.

One comment I stand firm on- If you feel the risk is greater with women who have children, don't date women with children.
 Whatsamattababy
Joined: 9/29/2017
Msg: 73
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Single mums - What's the big deal?
Posted: 11/5/2017 1:30:01 AM
Hey, is my head too big?
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 74
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Single mums - What's the big deal?
Posted: 11/5/2017 6:29:42 PM

All I will say is that some things can't be undone. Having a child is one of them. The stain exists as long as the mother exists. Now, she can work hard to soften the consequences of dating her but she will never be able to unmom herself.

I was talking about how much of a "stain" it is. It's not a universal stain no-matter-what to the same degree. And it can be a non-stain as well. She could have the body where you 100% wouldn't know the difference (I know I've been there) -- and her kids have no burden on things when just-dating. For a serious relationship -- it is going to be a negative mark to at least a Small degree, until the kids are out (and sometimes it still can be). But then again, there's going to be negative & positive marks all around for just about everybody.

My point is, it doesn't necessarily carry a ton of weight for a serious relationship -- and for just-dating, it's Much more easily not to carry hardly any weight at all. In fact, it can end up being an indirect Positive for casually just-dating, to help keep her off the market if you're enjoying your casual relationship.

Hey, is my head too big?

Isn't that the guy's line, in the bedroom? ;)
 Whatsamattababy
Joined: 9/29/2017
Msg: 75
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Single mums - What's the big deal?
Posted: 11/5/2017 7:03:11 PM
Oh. Right. When it's as big as A BABY.
 alpha__waves
Joined: 11/6/2017
Msg: 76
Single mums - What's the big deal?
Posted: 12/23/2017 8:42:43 PM
I'll make my own babies after I fall in love, travel, have shared experiences, and settle down with my girl, thanks.

Ain't nobody got time to jump into taking care of some other dude's kids! That's nonsense right there.
Single mums - What's the big deal?
Posted: 3/26/2018 12:29:31 AM
It is pretty obvious why a single mother is not very appealing. Kids, especially young ones need a lot of attention and care. Many guys do not want to play second fiddle to the children. You certainly don't get the same freedoms that come with a person with no kids.

Kids are referred to as baggage for a reason.
 julystorm7
Joined: 12/25/2017
Msg: 78
Single mums - What's the big deal?
Posted: 3/26/2018 1:43:03 PM
Yup. All this is true. Kids are extra baggage that most guys don't want. I know this and I can understand why. However, why do so many guys check yes that they will date women with children?

Sometimes I really despair that no one I like will ever want to be with me because I'm tied down with 3 kids. However, I know there are some guys out there who are up to the task. I look at my brother as an example. He married a woman with 2 kids and then they had three of their own and they are a happy family with all those kids, her kids from her first marriage were completely absorbed by my family. And I've seen other examples, both good and bad. A person just needs to be really smart about the whole thing and go in with open eyes and realizing certain things. I think in my brother's case, he knows how it was being the child of a divorced mom with stepparents so he knew what he needed to do and be.
 Kissfromarose77
Joined: 3/23/2018
Msg: 79
Single mums - What's the big deal?
Posted: 3/26/2018 4:19:13 PM
“However, why do so many guys check yes that they will date women with children?”

It didn’t take long to message all the women around my age with no kids in my area - there wasn’t that many. Not one response. Now I’m talking to women from other cities. Dating women with no kids severely limits a man’s options.
 julystorm7
Joined: 12/25/2017
Msg: 80
Single mums - What's the big deal?
Posted: 3/26/2018 5:48:50 PM
It makes me wonder why there aren't more single men with kids on POF. For every single mother there should be a single father trying to date somewhere. Most of the guys I see online in my age group are single, no kids, never married. Although I have run into a couple who never actually admitted to having kids in their profile but they actually did.
 Kissfromarose77
Joined: 3/23/2018
Msg: 81
Single mums - What's the big deal?
Posted: 3/26/2018 6:40:47 PM
^^^ There doesn’t have to be a single father for every single mother. Some men could have fathered children with multiple women.
 Kelley300698
Joined: 3/21/2018
Msg: 82
Single mums - What's the big deal?
Posted: 4/25/2018 11:08:10 PM

There doesn’t have to be a single father for every single mother. Some men could have fathered children with multiple women.
That is more than offset by the number of women with children from multiple men. Furthermore, single father are more likely to remarry so there are fewer single fathers than single mothers. There is no information on the number of single men with children. However, there are 8.6 million single mother-led households and only 2.6 million single father-led households.
See https://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/07/02/single-fathers-pew-research_n_3535586.html
 Kissfromarose77
Joined: 4/2/2018
Msg: 83
Single mums - What's the big deal?
Posted: 4/26/2018 8:30:55 AM

That is more than offset by the number of women with children from multiple men. Furthermore, single father are more likely to remarry so there are fewer single fathers than single mothers. There is no information on the number of single men with children. However, there are 8.6 million single mother-led households and only 2.6 million single father-led households.


That’s true, women can have children with multiple men as well. I don’t know any single fathers myself, but lots of single mothers.
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