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 ClassyChassy77
Joined: 6/4/2008
Msg: 76
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Guys who say Call me in their first messagePage 4 of 10    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)
I have found that they generally want to "get with you" and quick like or they want to sext'.
 larissan04
Joined: 8/11/2011
Msg: 77
Guys who say Call me in their first message
Posted: 1/9/2012 10:00:30 PM
"I have found that they generally want to "get with you" and quick like or they want to sext'."

and that is the other thing...what's with the whole sexting or phone sex right away when you haven't even met the person?

i think that men who do this are sending out a mass email with their phone number in it. i think it is some sort of "throw it against the wall and see what sticks" tactic. it's a number game. they figure if they send out x number of blanket canned messages with a phone number that evetually some naive woman will call them.. it's really gross...ugh!
 lobo65
Joined: 6/9/2009
Msg: 78
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Guys who say Call me in their first message
Posted: 1/10/2012 7:39:04 PM
I've never given my number in a first message, nor had one sent to me. Like someone said though, I get bogus email addresses sent to me from scammers all the time though. Strangely enough, not here, but constantly on Matchdoctor.
 tomtpapa
Joined: 10/7/2008
Msg: 79
Guys who say Call me in their first message
Posted: 1/11/2012 9:09:09 PM
I have no problems using the phone, you at least are able to find out if you are going to be able to develop a relationship with someone or not. We must remember relationships are buildt on total trust, to many times i have met someone and it turns out that there picture dosen't match their looks, age or weight, we must all understand if we don't have trust for each other, we don't have anything. i rememberwhen i hadn't been on this site but a few months, a lady e-mailed me, after a couple of weeks e-mailing,
she wanted to meet me. it turned out she was 76 instead of her posted 61, then in addition to that she had posted her baby sisters picture plus she was much heavier than she indicated on her profile, that ladies is why i want to talk with you asap, if a person is lying, you will pick up on it much quicker and you can move on.
one must remember a relationship of trust cannot be buildt of lies and deception.
 neckbird07
Joined: 11/10/2010
Msg: 80
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Guys who say Call me in their first message
Posted: 1/12/2012 2:04:58 PM
Look phone on first message is extreme, but like ohenryx said a meet or phone by message # 3. A little advice ladys, if a man is willing to message you more than 3 times without a meet, then there is something wrong with him. And to the guys,,, if a woman wants to message with you more than 3 times without a meet,,, than she is a woman who craves the attention one gets from a man on a date, without ever going on one,,,, and not worth the trouble. Basic psychology,, this isn't hard.
 SONNI100
Joined: 12/24/2010
Msg: 81
Guys who say Call me in their first message
Posted: 7/10/2012 10:36:20 AM
I now understand why a man offers his phone number early on, but I too just have to get a sense of who they might be through their typing first. I need enough motivation to want to get on the phone with a complete stranger. Is this really so hard to understand?
 abmccray
Joined: 8/3/2008
Msg: 82
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Guys who say Call me in their first message
Posted: 7/10/2012 1:00:31 PM
I'm surprised so many even talk on the phone. When I actually date people, I'll send a few brief texts that basically ask how their day is going, or to make plans. Talking not-in-person is such a waste of time to me; if I want to talk to someone, I'll do it in person, and if we're not seeing each other in person, one or both of us is busy. It must be a generational thing.
 HappySingleSpirit
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 83
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Guys who say Call me in their first message
Posted: 7/10/2012 2:29:46 PM

I now understand why a man offers his phone number early on, but I too just have to get a sense of who they might be through their typing first. I need enough motivation to want to get on the phone with a complete stranger. Is this really so hard to understand?

Thank you. My thoughts exactly.


I am on the phone all day at work...the last thing I want to do when I get home is to struggle thru a phone conversation with someone I don't even know.

Yes.


I have never done this myself but what is the difference between exchanging numbers with someone at a bar/club/book store that day vs exchanging numbers on here rightway rather weeks on emailing baxk and forth?


The only difference is that when you meet in person...
1. ...mutual interest, understanding, and attraction is visible on peoples faces.
2. ...you can be certain of the physical appearance.

Other than that (unless I forgot something else) there is no difference.

I don’t know about other people but for me, if a complete stranger gives me their number without establishing a relationship that motivates or supports the idea of private info exchange, I am generally not ready to exchange numbers. I will have the same thoughts and feelings in person as well as behind the screen. No difference what so ever.

Exchanging personal information such as numbers and emails does not guarantee or speed up the attraction process. More often than not we get out hopes up and than crashed when it doesn’t work out and once in a while some one even gets seriously hurt. Getting to know someone is accomplished best in person and through time.

Regarding the first few conversations and meetings:
The phone number or personal e-mail address are just values we place to measure how interested someone is in us. What we often fail to forget is that getting to know someone can be an experience without sacrificing our privacy. The site where you meet makes this option possible until 2 people decide they have gotten to know each other enough to take the next step of sharing personal data. Why not take advantage of this option a little bit longer? After we exchange numbers (if we do), most of us still keep up their profiles and continue to communicate to others through the same site anyway. So why would I want to loose that option so very soon? What’s the hurry if you are meeting and getting to know each in person anyway? There is no better way to learn about each than directly face to face. Once you are genuinely sure that you want to go further you can still knock yourselfs out on the personal info exchange. That’s my opinion.
 abmccray
Joined: 8/3/2008
Msg: 84
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Guys who say Call me in their first message
Posted: 7/10/2012 2:38:00 PM

Regarding the first few conversations and meetings:
The phone number or personal e-mail address are just values we place to measure how interested someone is in us. What we often fail to forget is that getting to know someone can be an experience without sacrificing our privacy. The site where you meet makes this option possible until 2 people decide they have gotten to know each other enough to take the next step of sharing personal data. Why not take advantage of this option a little bit longer? After we exchange numbers (if we do), most of us still keep up their profiles and continue to communicate to others through the same site anyway. So why would I want to loose that option so very soon? What’s the hurry if you are meeting and getting to know each in person anyway? There is no better way to learn about each than directly face to face. Once you are genuinely sure that you want to go further you can still knock yourselfs out on the personal info exchange. That’s my opinion.


I don't even understand this.

Isn't the point of giving/getting a number to coordinate a meeting in most instances? I don't have time or patience in emailing people who I haven't met back and forth for days on end - basically, emailing a few times is just an initial gauge/filter to whether you will meet this person somewhere public to see how you align. Therefore, in email number 3 or so, you attempt to exchange numbers to set up a meeting. Then you text each other to establish a meeting, and then text when you're in the vicinity of it to meet up. Simple - that's how I did it at least.

Why are you skipping the phone, which is a coordination device, and then meeting, and then still holding off on the phone? That doesn't make much sense. In all the years and variety of dating I've done, I've only met one woman who cared about giving out her number (and I had met her in person first), and that in itself was as weird as possible, when it happened.
 Funfiftysomething
Joined: 6/24/2012
Msg: 85
Guys who say Call me in their first message
Posted: 7/10/2012 3:21:53 PM
I find it so awkward to talk to a stranger on the phone especially when cell,phones have such bad reception. We spend a lot of time repeating ourselves just to be understood. If a guy insists on a phone call he usually can't even hold up his end of the conversation. If you want to have a phone conversation then for heaven's sake have something interesting to say.
 AnnB72
Joined: 7/2/2012
Msg: 86
Guys who say Call me in their first message
Posted: 7/10/2012 5:44:21 PM
Happy Single Spirit said it perfectly and articulately.

The purpose of a dating site is not only to contact a potential date, but to vet them out a little before giving them any personal information. I understand perhaps men are not so cautious as women and so don't view giving out a number immediately as a problem, but a lot of women do.

This site is fully capable of allowing two people to communicate in more than one way before going off site with its options. Once you're off site, you're on your own. There is no shield. Women know that; at least, most do.

Another thing to mention, not that this happens to me, is some women get a lot of mail from men and to give them all their phone number and then have them all calling at various times could be impossible to deal with. I'd say in that case, it's the ones who don't rush her that are probably going to get her number, and then the date.

For me, I never give out my number on the first message. And usually I try to meet within the first or second week. Only when someone has agreed to meet do I actually give out my number. Just weeds out the talkers from the doers.
 Rawr773
Joined: 2/9/2011
Msg: 87
Guys who say Call me in their first message
Posted: 7/10/2012 7:37:39 PM
I can see a phone number in the very first message being too fast because I will wonder how many other phone numbers she gave it out too in the first message. I got one in a first reply and it didn't work out.

However, if we are not exchnaging phone numbers or planning a meet within the fifth message the person is truly wasting my time. You will not get to know the person in text and chances are they are too scared to meet anyone from here. They can also lie to you about anything. You cannot get a feel for who they are until you have at least heard their voice or seen them in person. They can tell you they are a millionaire with 5 houses and 20 cars. Look at the very extreme stories on here. Do you really want to message someone fifty times and find out the person is nothing as to what he claimed? It's happened to me.

This site is for meeting people. I see no point in messaging someone over and over again that does not have the courage to take their face away from the computer screen and meet someone new.

The "exchanging personal information" is ironic too because people have apps for everything on their cell phone as it is. I would not be surprised if the same people that claim they don't want someone ringing their phone 24/7 are using an app that dings that same cell phone everytime someone sends them an email.
 HappySingleSpirit
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 88
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Guys who say Call me in their first message
Posted: 7/10/2012 9:47:03 PM
Me:
Regarding the first few conversations and meetings:
The phone number or personal e-mail address are just values we place to measure how interested someone is in us. What we often fail to forget is that getting to know someone can be an experience without sacrificing our privacy. The site where you meet makes this option possible until 2 people decide they have gotten to know each other enough to take the next step of sharing personal data. Why not take advantage of this option a little bit longer? After we exchange numbers (if we do), most of us still keep up their profiles and continue to communicate to others through the same site anyway. So why would I want to loose that option so very soon? What’s the hurry if you are meeting and getting to know each in person anyway? There is no better way to learn about each than directly face to face. Once you are genuinely sure that you want to go further you can still knock yourselfs out on the personal info exchange. That’s my opinion.

Rawr: I don't even understand this.
Me: First of all, I respect peoples preferences on communication and I happened to appreciate face to face and not use any text at all. Never have. I am here to meet and get to know someone to see if I want to continue, nothing more (that includes my privacy that I am entitled to) and I expect the same respect regarding my own preference. I’m not sure what part of this you don’t understand, so I will break it down, not because I want to convince anyone but just to make myself clear in case I wasn’t before.

Rawr: Isn't the point of giving/getting a number to coordinate a meeting in most instances?
Me: Yes and no. You have choices. You can coordinate a meeting through the site. That’s what it’s there for. There is no rule that after the 3rd message you have to change communication styles, especially if you are willing to meet in person. If you are already meeting in person what difference does it make if you have my number? What difference does it make if you text or write through the site to arrange the next meeting? You’re meeting!!! Isn’t that what we all want?

Rawr: I don't have time or patience in emailing people who I haven't met back and forth for days on end - basically, emailing a few times is just an initial gauge/filter to whether you will meet this person somewhere public to see how you align.
Me: Correct, I’m with you on that, except sometimes it takes longer to get a feel for someone and in order to eliminate the back and forth (which I hate like you do) you have the option to meet in person as often as you like through the site. What difference does it make if you arrange the meet through the site, text or phone? Your convenience may be an inconvenience to someone else. As long as I am already meeting you I don’t feel it is necessary or a requirement to embrace you into my life until I know that is what I want. It’s nothing personal and it doesn’t mean I am not interested in spending time with you cause if I wasn’t I wouldn’t meet you in the first place.

Rawr: Therefore, in email number 3 or so, you attempt to exchange numbers to set up a meeting. Then you text each other to establish a meeting, and then text when you're in the vicinity of it to meet up. Simple - that's how I did it at least. Why are you skipping the phone, which is a coordination device, and then meeting, and then still holding off on the phone? That doesn't make much sense. In all the years and variety of dating I've done, I've only met one woman who cared about giving out her number (and I had met her in person first), and that in itself was as weird as possible, when it happened.
Me: How convenient for you if that is your preference. There are people who maybe still want to see you in person in order to get to know you better without the phone and text. I prefer to arrange the meetings ahead of time through the site until I know exactly when and who I’d like to have in my life and that includes receiving messages etc.

If someone doesn’t want to get to know you they will not make an effort in meeting you at all but if someone continues to show interest in you and makes themselves available to meet you in person why is it so outrageous to skip the phone and texting?

Sorry for the redundant responses but hopefully this clarifies the confusion.
 rdeffley
Joined: 9/21/2009
Msg: 89
Guys who say Call me in their first message
Posted: 7/10/2012 11:27:00 PM
Now I do agree that giving a number in the initial email and telling a woman to call is lame. I have not even seen anything written back yet. However, I am a busy guy. I know there are some guys who have all the time in the world to send out copy and paste emails to every woman on here hoping to get one response. Or to sit around exchanging email after email. But for me, I don't have the time or the interest in being a serial online dater, a woman's ego boost, or her long lost pen pal. I am selective to save time. I actually read profiles, and I send out a genuine first email to a woman I think I may have a decent conversation with. If and when I hear back, I will respond when I can, thank her for her message, answer anything she has said, and then ask for her number. If she won't give me her number, I move on and wish her luck in her search.

1) Email exchanges mean NOTHING in the grand scheme of things. Real life chemistry does. Why spend weeks emailing creating false expectations when you can find out if there is chemistry in one ten minute phone call? I mean imagine spending weeks emailing, getting excited, building up all of these expectations, and then not even being able to have one phone call. Talk about a waste of time and a ton of disappointment.

2) Talking on the phone DOES NOT mean meeting in person. It is just a test of initial chemistry and rapport.
 abmccray
Joined: 8/3/2008
Msg: 90
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Guys who say Call me in their first message
Posted: 7/11/2012 8:43:21 AM
HappySingleSpirit:


If someone doesn’t want to get to know you they will not make an effort in meeting you at all but if someone continues to show interest in you and makes themselves available to meet you in person why is it so outrageous to skip the phone and texting?

Sorry for the redundant responses but hopefully this clarifies the confusion.


I think the issue/confusion is that for a lot of us "on the go," writing emails can be irritating and pointless and have a delay time. POF has a horrible phone interface, a ridiculously horrible website design/interface, and I miss messages from here constantly. If I'm trying to set up a date with someone, it's much more productive to use texting for that. I move to text as soon as possible just to make coordination easier.

So, pretty much, for me, its normally:

a) gauging interest email
b) introductory email telling each other about themselves
c) would you like to meet for a drink, text to set up a date
d) a text that says "thank you, are you free at so and so time"
e) a text once you get to the place to let the other person know you're there/where you are (or if something goes wrong and you're late)

That's just the mot concise, practical way for me to do the whole "online meeting" thing. Removing the number from that makes me not get messages (or able to respond to them) right away or in a timely fashion at times, and removes the "I'm on my way/I'm sitting here/I'm late" practical communication.
 HappySingleSpirit
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 91
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Guys who say Call me in their first message
Posted: 7/11/2012 11:00:05 AM
“Well single spirit. We want to make sure your a girl and not a guy and are a real person”

Well, LoveItaly you might as well check out her genitals too while you’re at it. That’s the lamest excuse I’ve ever heard.
If a man won’t meet me in person (which is I thought what we all want) without first hearing my voice and having access to my info outside of the dating site I’d wonder why he wrote me in the first place.

“Removing the number from that makes me not get messages (or able to respond to them) right away or in a timely fashion at times, and removes the "I'm on my way/I'm sitting here/I'm late" practical communication.”

Hi abmccray, I don’t really date that much and don’t feel it’s necessary for me to get messages right away because I prefer to arrange them ahead of time, not on the go. It’s not very often at all that I even consider meeting someone and when I do, flaking out or being late is not an issue for me as it shows who I'm dealing with. I kind of like the idea of not only making but also keeping arrangements. Of course sh** happens and there are exceptions, emergencies etc... but that’s not reason enough for me to give someone my number when I really didn’t want to in the first place. What’s the worst thing that will happen? They’ll write you and you make a new arrangement. If someone is late I don’t need to know that “right away”. He is late, period. Knowing it beforehand doesn’t change the fact he is late or whatever.

Anyhow, but for someone like you and probably most people who date a lot and often I can see why you do things the way you do. Bottomline is when someone is available in person all we need to do is show up and be less distracted by silly gadgets. If someone doesn’t even want to meet and just writes on and on and on I’d get bored and disinterested.

When it comes to guys or girls saying call me in the first message, I am simply not interested from the get go.
 larissan04
Joined: 8/11/2011
Msg: 92
Guys who say Call me in their first message
Posted: 7/11/2012 12:40:28 PM
men do this quite a bit, and if you want to guarantee that i WON"T be calling it is to leave me a message like this. a message like this tells me that the guy isn't all that interested, and it also says that he isn't going to make much of an effort. i want someoen that is crazy about me. i want mad passionate intense love. i don't want some tepid man in my life who regards me much as a book mark or a space keeper. men like this are just playing a number game to see how many responses they get. they aren't serious about you at all. you were just there and they thought, "well, i guess she's okay."

so yeah, don't 'em, and guys, don't send us messages like this...because if the above assessment is not what you intended to convey, then you are communicating your intentions very poorly because such an act comes across as lack luster and boring.
 rdeffley
Joined: 9/21/2009
Msg: 93
Guys who say Call me in their first message
Posted: 7/11/2012 1:30:39 PM
Just because you talk to a man on the phone, does not mean that you have to meet in person. It is just a good way to gauge initial chemistry and rapport. Now I always keep it real, so if I am not feeling the phone call I will be honest. However, I accomplished in ten minutes, what it would have taken forever to do with emailing. Also, talking on the phone after a few emails and deciding to meet in person, does not mean that you have to rush into anything. You can take your time dating somebody, you don't have to buy into the third date rule, and you can put in the effort in real life. You have to understand something. A lot of women on sites like these either have no intention of ever meeting and they just want someone to talk to or an ego boost, or they want to spend weeks developing an online relationship. But an online relationship means absolutely nothing in the grand scheme. Words on a screen do not equal chemistry in real life. So if you want to take it slow and get to know somebody, that is great. Just do it in real life to make sure you are not wasting your time.
 HappySingleSpirit
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 94
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Guys who say Call me in their first message
Posted: 7/11/2012 5:23:55 PM
"just a thought though, its easy to go and buy a sim card for a pound and stick it in your mobile,"

Just to clarify, the reason for not giving out a number (for me) is not limited or related to safety issues. It's the idea of actually listening to my feelings and intuition and exchanging numbers only when I'm ready. This way it is completely sincere and I have done what wanted exactly at the time when I wanted. Part of the happiness in my life comes from allowing myself to digest and process experiences without being pressured into things because they are expected of me.
I am very happy not texting. Arranging a meeting without doing things I don't want to do hasn't been a problem for me, on the contrary, saved a lot of time getting to know someone.
 shy2anne
Joined: 2/27/2009
Msg: 95
Guys who say Call me in their first message
Posted: 7/11/2012 9:15:23 PM
no way do i call a total stranger just because they've sent me their number.
 rdeffley
Joined: 9/21/2009
Msg: 96
Guys who say Call me in their first message
Posted: 7/11/2012 9:30:31 PM
In real life when you give a guy your number, he is complete stranger is he not? Also, when he calls to set the date, do you put him through some multiple week screening process with repeated calls? No. You talk, you set the date, and you go. But you feel more comfortable because you saw a guy in public for two minutes as opposed to online? Online dating is better because you find out more in the first 2-3 emails before you even speak on the phone. Then you spend ten minutes seeing if there is any initial chemistry, and you go meet in a public place.

If more people would treat online dating like real world dating where you use it just as a way to make initial contact leading to dates, there would be far less disappointment and wasted time. I am sure all of us has had at least one time where we spent way too much time in online communication only to not hit it off in person. Now imagine, if you had taken ten minutes to talk on the phone in the beginning and find out then saving all that time? Talking on the phone is not a life threatening activity.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 97
Guys who say Call me in their first message
Posted: 7/11/2012 9:59:13 PM
I'm not impatient when it comes to dating in-person; I'm as patient as it gets when I am dealing with a real human being.

If you open up a conversation with a real human, you talk/chat/message each other for at least 6-8 sentences - and that could be anyone, including a stranger in the street.

But on a regular basis, I'm expected to deal with this online 'conversation' of one-sentence emails every two days? B.S.

I've said it before and I'll say it again - you don't need to give out phone numbers or ANY personal information to meet someone, but you do HAVE to be willing to communicate like a normal human being would before you would ever get my consideration. There's being patient, and there's being played - and I'm not going to sit around like a dog begging for a biscuit that you are only willing to give out once a week.
 NonamousDog
Joined: 4/20/2011
Msg: 98
Guys who say Call me in their first message
Posted: 7/12/2012 1:19:03 PM
So,
An initial message not only has to 'not suck', but it also has to not have a phone number in it?

HappySingleSpirit,

So you would rather be kept waiting half an hour for a guy who doesn't show up rather than get a phone call from him telling you he had a flat tire(or whatever)? Or would you leave and let him show up late after changing his tire not knowing that you'd left?
 HappySingleSpirit
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 99
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Guys who say Call me in their first message
Posted: 7/12/2012 1:32:03 PM
I would probably wait cause I would have something to read and reschedule if he doesn't show up after 30 minutes. Initial meetings aren't usually longer than 30 min-1hr anyway. I'm not going to give someone I don't even know my number just in case he has a flat. That's just me. You can do it differently.
 rdeffley
Joined: 9/21/2009
Msg: 100
Guys who say Call me in their first message
Posted: 7/12/2012 2:05:09 PM
I would probably wait cause I would have something to read and reschedule if he doesn't show up after 30 minutes. Initial meetings aren't usually longer than 30 min-1hr anyway. I'm not going to give someone I don't even know my number just in case he has a flat. That's just me. You can do it differently.


Have you ever given a guy your number in public when he asked you for it? If so, he is a complete stranger isn't he? What is the difference? If anything you are better prepared with a few initial emails than a two minute conversation you had with some random guy in public. Now I will never put my number in an initial message. However, if I get a response and I like what I read, I am exchanging 2-3 emails max and then I am asking for her number.

I can honesty say that if a woman will not speak to me on the phone before meeting, I am not meeting her. End of story. First you need to make sure it is actually a woman and not some guy pretending to be a woman . Secondly, I value my time and I have no desire to meet with a woman for an hour if I am not sure if she can even handle 10-15 minutes with me on the phone. If the conversation on the phone is terrible, then I would much rather spend 10 minutes dealing with that, then wasting gas to drive to meet a woman I have no chemistry with and spend an hour with her. People need to start treating online dating like real life dating in which online is the method of initial contact that leads to a phone call and a date. Some women who want weeks of email communication are setting themselves up for major disappointment when they build up expectations and then wind up having no chemistry in person. Why waste all that time and set yourself up for such disappointment when you could have taken ten minutes on the phone initially to eliminate the person as a possibility?
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