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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Guys who say "Call me" in their first message      Home login  
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 larissan04
Joined: 8/11/2011
Msg: 99
Guys who say Call me in their first messagePage 5 of 10    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)
men do this quite a bit, and if you want to guarantee that i WON"T be calling it is to leave me a message like this. a message like this tells me that the guy isn't all that interested, and it also says that he isn't going to make much of an effort. i want someoen that is crazy about me. i want mad passionate intense love. i don't want some tepid man in my life who regards me much as a book mark or a space keeper. men like this are just playing a number game to see how many responses they get. they aren't serious about you at all. you were just there and they thought, "well, i guess she's okay."

so yeah, don't 'em, and guys, don't send us messages like this...because if the above assessment is not what you intended to convey, then you are communicating your intentions very poorly because such an act comes across as lack luster and boring.
 rdeffley
Joined: 9/21/2009
Msg: 100
Guys who say Call me in their first message
Posted: 7/11/2012 1:30:39 PM
Just because you talk to a man on the phone, does not mean that you have to meet in person. It is just a good way to gauge initial chemistry and rapport. Now I always keep it real, so if I am not feeling the phone call I will be honest. However, I accomplished in ten minutes, what it would have taken forever to do with emailing. Also, talking on the phone after a few emails and deciding to meet in person, does not mean that you have to rush into anything. You can take your time dating somebody, you don't have to buy into the third date rule, and you can put in the effort in real life. You have to understand something. A lot of women on sites like these either have no intention of ever meeting and they just want someone to talk to or an ego boost, or they want to spend weeks developing an online relationship. But an online relationship means absolutely nothing in the grand scheme. Words on a screen do not equal chemistry in real life. So if you want to take it slow and get to know somebody, that is great. Just do it in real life to make sure you are not wasting your time.
 HappySingleSpirit
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 101
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Guys who say Call me in their first message
Posted: 7/11/2012 5:23:55 PM
"just a thought though, its easy to go and buy a sim card for a pound and stick it in your mobile,"

Just to clarify, the reason for not giving out a number (for me) is not limited or related to safety issues. It's the idea of actually listening to my feelings and intuition and exchanging numbers only when I'm ready. This way it is completely sincere and I have done what wanted exactly at the time when I wanted. Part of the happiness in my life comes from allowing myself to digest and process experiences without being pressured into things because they are expected of me.
I am very happy not texting. Arranging a meeting without doing things I don't want to do hasn't been a problem for me, on the contrary, saved a lot of time getting to know someone.
 shy2anne
Joined: 2/27/2009
Msg: 102
Guys who say Call me in their first message
Posted: 7/11/2012 9:15:23 PM
no way do i call a total stranger just because they've sent me their number.
 rdeffley
Joined: 9/21/2009
Msg: 103
Guys who say Call me in their first message
Posted: 7/11/2012 9:30:31 PM
In real life when you give a guy your number, he is complete stranger is he not? Also, when he calls to set the date, do you put him through some multiple week screening process with repeated calls? No. You talk, you set the date, and you go. But you feel more comfortable because you saw a guy in public for two minutes as opposed to online? Online dating is better because you find out more in the first 2-3 emails before you even speak on the phone. Then you spend ten minutes seeing if there is any initial chemistry, and you go meet in a public place.

If more people would treat online dating like real world dating where you use it just as a way to make initial contact leading to dates, there would be far less disappointment and wasted time. I am sure all of us has had at least one time where we spent way too much time in online communication only to not hit it off in person. Now imagine, if you had taken ten minutes to talk on the phone in the beginning and find out then saving all that time? Talking on the phone is not a life threatening activity.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 104
Guys who say Call me in their first message
Posted: 7/11/2012 9:59:13 PM
I'm not impatient when it comes to dating in-person; I'm as patient as it gets when I am dealing with a real human being.

If you open up a conversation with a real human, you talk/chat/message each other for at least 6-8 sentences - and that could be anyone, including a stranger in the street.

But on a regular basis, I'm expected to deal with this online 'conversation' of one-sentence emails every two days? B.S.

I've said it before and I'll say it again - you don't need to give out phone numbers or ANY personal information to meet someone, but you do HAVE to be willing to communicate like a normal human being would before you would ever get my consideration. There's being patient, and there's being played - and I'm not going to sit around like a dog begging for a biscuit that you are only willing to give out once a week.
 NonamousDog
Joined: 4/20/2011
Msg: 105
Guys who say Call me in their first message
Posted: 7/12/2012 1:19:03 PM
So,
An initial message not only has to 'not suck', but it also has to not have a phone number in it?

HappySingleSpirit,

So you would rather be kept waiting half an hour for a guy who doesn't show up rather than get a phone call from him telling you he had a flat tire(or whatever)? Or would you leave and let him show up late after changing his tire not knowing that you'd left?
 HappySingleSpirit
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 106
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Guys who say Call me in their first message
Posted: 7/12/2012 1:32:03 PM
I would probably wait cause I would have something to read and reschedule if he doesn't show up after 30 minutes. Initial meetings aren't usually longer than 30 min-1hr anyway. I'm not going to give someone I don't even know my number just in case he has a flat. That's just me. You can do it differently.
 rdeffley
Joined: 9/21/2009
Msg: 107
Guys who say Call me in their first message
Posted: 7/12/2012 2:05:09 PM
I would probably wait cause I would have something to read and reschedule if he doesn't show up after 30 minutes. Initial meetings aren't usually longer than 30 min-1hr anyway. I'm not going to give someone I don't even know my number just in case he has a flat. That's just me. You can do it differently.


Have you ever given a guy your number in public when he asked you for it? If so, he is a complete stranger isn't he? What is the difference? If anything you are better prepared with a few initial emails than a two minute conversation you had with some random guy in public. Now I will never put my number in an initial message. However, if I get a response and I like what I read, I am exchanging 2-3 emails max and then I am asking for her number.

I can honesty say that if a woman will not speak to me on the phone before meeting, I am not meeting her. End of story. First you need to make sure it is actually a woman and not some guy pretending to be a woman . Secondly, I value my time and I have no desire to meet with a woman for an hour if I am not sure if she can even handle 10-15 minutes with me on the phone. If the conversation on the phone is terrible, then I would much rather spend 10 minutes dealing with that, then wasting gas to drive to meet a woman I have no chemistry with and spend an hour with her. People need to start treating online dating like real life dating in which online is the method of initial contact that leads to a phone call and a date. Some women who want weeks of email communication are setting themselves up for major disappointment when they build up expectations and then wind up having no chemistry in person. Why waste all that time and set yourself up for such disappointment when you could have taken ten minutes on the phone initially to eliminate the person as a possibility?
 HappySingleSpirit
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 108
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Guys who say Call me in their first message
Posted: 7/12/2012 7:31:55 PM

Have you ever given a guy your number in public when he asked you for it? If so, he is a complete stranger isn't he? What is the difference?

I don’t give it out to complete strangers. I don’t need to in order to meet a person.


If anything you are better prepared with a few initial emails than a two minute conversation you had with some random guy in public.

I don’t have a two minute conversation with a random guy in public. I’m very selective and the few initial emails through the site serves that purpose well.


Now I will never put my number in an initial message. However, if I get a response and I like what I read, I am exchanging 2-3 emails max and then I am asking for her number.

If you mutually come to that agreement than there is no problem, right? Fantastic. I guess we're both a bit rigid in different ways. Except, I would never say never. I give out my number when I know I want to.


I can honesty say that if a woman will not speak to me on the phone before meeting, I am not meeting her. End of story.

Okay. We are all different and that’s an option you have.


First you need to make sure it is actually a woman and not some guy pretending to be a woman .

If that is a concern you would have to Skype in order to make sure. You can’t know that over the phone.


Secondly, I value my time and I have no desire to meet with a woman for an hour if I am not sure if she can even handle 10-15 minutes with me on the phone.

Handle? I wouldn’t want to have a conversation over the phone so he can check out if I can “handle” a conversation with him. However you are clear about your requirements. Good for you.


If the conversation on the phone is terrible, then I would much rather spend 10 minutes dealing with that, then wasting gas to drive to meet a woman I have no chemistry with and spend an hour with her.

I can understand that but I get the same reassurance from the initial emails to determine if I want to meet or not. When I have a good feeling and a good email conversation I am ready to experience him in person. The phone usually does not help me get an overall sense of the person and I try not to develop a mental picture of someone whom I haven’t seen. That way I lesson the possibility of disappointment.


People need to start treating online dating like real life dating in which online is the method of initial contact that leads to a phone call and a date.

Says who? The online police? I like being selective instead. Knowing that I can get to know someone in person and exchange numbers after one or 2 meetings is maybe different, unexpected, or unusual these days but it’s not too much to ask.


Some women who want weeks of email communication are setting themselves up for major disappointment when they build up expectations and then wind up having no chemistry in person.

Exactly.


Why waste all that time and set yourself up for such disappointment when you could have taken ten minutes on the phone initially to eliminate the person as a possibility?

I don't look at it as wasted time. After the initial few emails (a week, 2 the most) I know if I’d like to meet the person or not. No waste of time involved at all. 10 minutes on the phone will not speed up anything for me.


Esp if the woman calls you "blocked call" You dont have her number and you can actually find out if she is actually a woman and not some dude posing as a woman.

I am very transparent and don’t feel I need to block someone. Instead, I give out my number happily when I’m ready. If you’re that concerned about people faking identities I believe in person is the safest route since you can’t know for sure over the phone.
 larissan04
Joined: 8/11/2011
Msg: 109
Guys who say Call me in their first message
Posted: 7/12/2012 10:37:43 PM
Viper~

"Why must she be naive?"

do you really need to ask why a woman would be naive to respond to an email from some guy that she doesn't even know, who is most likely running around pof sending his phone number out to myriad women? i mean, you are joking, right?

look, if a man wants to meet a woman then he should just ask for her number. if a man is THAT interested, he WILL not want to take a chance of her NOT calling. when a guy gives a woman his number it tells ya all ya need to know. first of all, the man could take or leave you. if you don't call, he's not going to be too bent out of shape about it. it's not like he saw your profile and went, "wow...i want to meet this woman."

i don't know about other women on this site, but that is not what i want. i want a man that is madly, passionately, intensely in love with me - because that is what I want to feel for someone. i am a passionate woman, and when i love someone i love with my whole heart. i give 120%, and i am not tepid or ambivalent. i do not find the lukewarm refreshing, or the safe, middle of the road to be all that exciting. i want adventure, passion, spontaneity, and someone to pull my hair...and the man who sends me a message with his phone number in it is obviously not capable of that much risk...and let's face it...falling love is risky...
 larissan04
Joined: 8/11/2011
Msg: 110
Guys who say Call me in their first message
Posted: 7/12/2012 10:41:48 PM
marco444~

"To Larrisan. Did it ever occur to you that the guy may have been head over heels in love that is why he sent a number right away , you know just the way you would want him to be? You know like when a dog is being walked and he sees another dog and he gets so excited he just starts wriggling all over."

uh...no...if a man sees a woman's profile and he is absolutely smitten with the woman...he is not going to take a chance of her NOT talking to him by just giving her his number...hell no...men are about action...well, at least the type of men that I LIKE...a man that is smitten with a woman will ask for her number...and he will message her until he gets it...he will try different tactics...he will want to talk to her asap...he will want to meet her asap...he will not sit by his lap top hoping, pining, holding his breath waiting for her to call...no way...i want a man that is AT CAUSE in life...not one that is EFFECT... and this is sexy as hell!
 DudeistPriest
Joined: 3/30/2009
Msg: 111
Guys who say Call me in their first message
Posted: 7/13/2012 12:40:59 AM
Quite a few woman here do the same. Some put it in their profile, "IM me and I'll give you my number so we can talk." Or, "Not into email." Honestly, I'm not comfortable sharing my phone number with someone I've never met face to face.
 rdeffley
Joined: 9/21/2009
Msg: 112
Guys who say Call me in their first message
Posted: 7/13/2012 1:59:09 AM
DudeIsPriest,

I used to feel the same way. I wouldn't want some strange woman having my phone number, etc.. I would exchange emails, set the meet, and then get her number after the meet if I wanted to see her again by having her call my phone so that it was not a fake number. However, more often than not, I wish I would have talked to the woman first before meeting. More than once it was like pulling teeth to get them to open up. I could have avoided the meets if I would have talked to them first. Now on the phone I can tell within 5-10 minutes if she has the type of personality I click with. Such a time saver. Look at this way. Would you rather spend 10 minutes on the phone and write somebody that is wrong for you off instantly, or waste gas driving to a meet, spend money on her, and waste 1-2 hours of your time with somebody you have no desire to be with? What boggles my mind, is when people will actually stay through an entire first meet when it just isn't working. On more than once occasion I have ended a meet 20-30 minutes in when I know it isn't going anywhere.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 113
Guys who say Call me in their first message
Posted: 7/13/2012 5:04:16 AM
Some of these people have been in these dating sites - and active daily - for multiple years.

I wonder if some people who are online just as often feel a kind of 'kinship' with them - like they may know them, because they've read and re-read their profile dozens of times - and after a couple dozen re-writes seem to know them a lot better. The fear of sending out a phone number or e-mail un-solicited is gone because of familiarity with the profile.

I realize that's pathetically sad on several levels, but hey, it could happen...
 Lionesse19
Joined: 3/30/2012
Msg: 114
Guys who say Call me in their first message
Posted: 7/13/2012 6:39:52 AM
I think that some guys just want to hear a voice as soon as possible and I agree with that. Texting or emailing endlessly can be a waste of time. Meet as soon as also. You have met a guy a couple of times and it seems to be working out so good luck.
 HappySingleSpirit
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 115
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Guys who say Call me in their first message
Posted: 7/13/2012 6:43:17 PM

I ws just wondering if womem are so concerned about a guy having their phone number that if you say you are more than welcome to call me and blocking your number that they still get creeped out by it?


No, in general, I don’t think women get creeped out by it. Of course I can’t speak for all or most women out there but for me it’s a matter of not giving in to pressure or expectation. It is important for me to have the freedom to give out my number on my own. What does creep me out is when it is “the only way” to get to know him.

To block someone from the get go just doesn’t feel right to me. I have talked to men before in the past on the phone (blocked and unblocked) and every time I was disappointed that they didn’t turn out to be who I thought they were when I actually met hem. So i got better at reading written communication. On the phone and prolonged email conversations I was getting attached to an unrealistic image (which is human nature) and when I saw them everything changed. I learned that it is best to meet in person and then decide to give out my unblocked number if I thought we were compatible.


I think that some guys just want to hear a voice as soon as possible and I agree with that. Texting or emailing endlessly can be a waste of time.


That may be true and I think I want to experience the person face to face ASAP. Texting or emailing endlessly can definitely be a waste of time. I would be willing to Skype if he was far away and didn't have time to waste but I would also be willing to wait until we can actually meet face to face so it is less awkward.
 larissan04
Joined: 8/11/2011
Msg: 116
Guys who say Call me in their first message
Posted: 7/15/2012 4:56:19 PM
interestingly enough, i've had quite a few men message me recently then add their phone numbers along with the tag line, "let me know," or "give me a call if you want." ugh. sorry, that is such a turn off. why don't you ask for MY number if you are interested...oh wait...you aren't all that interested...that's why!
 NonamousDog
Joined: 4/20/2011
Msg: 117
Guys who say Call me in their first message
Posted: 7/16/2012 9:52:12 AM
^^^^^^
What if they are waiting for you to do something to prove how interested YOU are?
So, you're kind of playing 'chicken' with these guys: who's going to blink first and act 'interested enough' first.
 HappySingleSpirit
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 118
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Guys who say Call me in their first message
Posted: 7/16/2012 11:15:43 AM
If I am interested in someone I will I have a reason and will articulate that in the e-mail. If the interest is mutual THEN and only then can a phone conversation or face to face meeting be arranged. But to approach a woman with the attitude, “ Oh well, if she’s interested in me she can call me” is lame and says a lot about the person. If you want to meet a decent woman you have to consider a more meaningful approach.
 Choporis
Joined: 6/25/2012
Msg: 119
Guys who say Call me in their first message
Posted: 7/17/2012 5:44:17 PM
To OP,

Worse is that along with their phone number, they add a really general phrase like, "I agree with what you said in your profile", attempting to act as if they really did spend time on reading people's profile; however, in reality they just copy and paste the same message, and spam different people's inbox.
Even if I feel interested in their photos and profiles, I still wouldn't reply nor text them.
 Pete2205
Joined: 3/18/2011
Msg: 120
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Guys who say Call me in their first message
Posted: 7/18/2012 11:34:45 AM
Why this has dragged on so long god knows!!

There have actually been occasions when after a series of email exchanges a meeting has been arranged and some poor guy turns up for a date to find out that the "Girl" he expected to meet is a guy....And thats a fact.

You can only really get to know someone by TALKING to them. You can say what you want in an email or an instant chat but when you actually speak to someone you give out much more of yourself. The tone of your voice and how you speak makes an immediate impression. The conversation will either flow or it will quickly stagnate...The sooner phone contact is made either via skype, mobile or landline the better - It will sure save a hell of a lot of emailing!!

I think its fair to use the anology of a job application - You apply for a job and normally send a CV. Your number will be on your CV with an invitation for that prospective employer to ring you IF they think you tick the requirements of the job. IF the emplyer calls you then its no gurantee of a job but the conversation may lead to an interview...which, if that goes well, may lead to a work trial. There are no promises at this stage but you have both reached a point where you want to see if there is a future

So here sure someone reads your profile and may decide to send you a brief message and yes they might suggest you ring them IF you are interested in what you read in their profile? They might have given you their number but at this point they are not asking you divulge YOUR number nor are they after your life history, your bank account details or anything more than an initial chat to see if their is something worth pursuing? After a few chats you may indeed decide to meet up but again just like the job, there are no gurantees because its still at the getting to know you stage.

To be honest if someone is so reluctant to talk to me then alarm bells start ringing. Perhaps they are married, perhaps they are so shy on the phone that the only way they can express themselves is by email or instant message.
Perhaps they are not at all who they seem to be and dont want to get found out, liars often give themselves away on the phone so easily.

Its a shame that some people cannot see that IF a guy suggests they call him its a compliment. Its a compliment because the guy likes that persons profile and pics so much that they want to dispense with lots of emails and instead just get into conversation with you!

By dismissing a call request so easily and making an instant assumption that the guy must be weird, desperate or too full on then just maybe you might be saying no to that one person who could become very special to you.

IF you like pic /profile then make the call!! You have totally nothing whatsover to lose except an opportunity to get to know someone better ...
 meowkatt2012
Joined: 4/6/2012
Msg: 121
Guys who say Call me in their first message
Posted: 7/19/2012 7:34:41 AM
I would never call a total.stranger who's message is hello give me a call etc
 Pete2205
Joined: 3/18/2011
Msg: 122
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Guys who say Call me in their first message
Posted: 7/19/2012 12:08:42 PM
Neither would I Katt But..... IF their message showed that they had clearly read my profile and the email was interesting and told me more about them and then perhaps had somewhere that they much prefered to talk rather than email then I see no problem.

I would not expect a woman to give me her number but if I was interested and she asked for mine she could have it. This then allows her to ring me with her number witheld. I totally respect in todays society anyone right to hold back their number until they are ready.

I would be very suspicious about anyone who had a seperate mobile that was used just for dating reasons?
 HappySingleSpirit
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 123
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Guys who say Call me in their first message
Posted: 7/20/2012 7:16:24 PM
Oh come on. Just call him by blocking your number. It doesn't matter what you want or how off-putting it is to be approached in this way. How else is he gonna know you're a woman and not a man in disguise? How is he gonna know you're interested in him even though you're not? That is so unfair. :)))
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