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 JONITA
Joined: 8/24/2009
Msg: 3
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can't commit now and says to move on Page 3 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
There's no decision to make. Move on and enjoy your life. Ife he come back and you're still interested, great. Life is too short to sit around waiting for someone who's not totally into you.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 4
can't commit now and says to move on
Posted: 11/6/2011 4:09:35 AM

I guess I'm just trying to be optimistic and think maybe once he is less stressed that he let something good go that he shouldn't. I should be like screw him, his loss, but I'm the one hurting over this right now.


What's with the negativity, and now biatchiness?????

What if you looked into his brain, and suddenly realized he DOES know that he is giving up something good,but his life circumstances right now are not the best to be in a relationship???? Would you feel better about YOUR situation???? How about if YOU knew HE was hurting too???? Would that be better????

We have another thread here, about guys NOT telling a woman it's over, or that there is no interest in keeping a relationship going. The woman are whining over there too. I know it "sucks" right now,but the man is being at the very least, upfront with you, and telling you what he wants you to know. He's told you!!!! Now, are you adult enough to understand the words he has said????
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 13
can't commit now and says to move on
Posted: 11/6/2011 5:29:29 AM

to Waltz...I guess part of me does wish I could read his mind and know.he is hurting as well.


OP, reread your own words here. This speaks volumes to me, and others. In fact, it's something that I don't really like in a person when the say and feel as you do. I won't get into it here,but, you have to work on a couple things before entering another "relationship". You don't really wish pain on others do ya?????
 _allen_
Joined: 6/14/2009
Msg: 14
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can't commit now and says to move on
Posted: 11/6/2011 5:29:43 AM
I don't see where the problem lies. He's not interested and has cut his emotional bond with the relationship and has told you. So why are you still considering this as a salvageable relationship. He's moved on, you should too.
 GrandmaBooBoo
Joined: 12/30/2006
Msg: 18
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can't commit now and says to move on
Posted: 11/6/2011 5:59:23 AM

There's no decision to make. Move on and enjoy your life. Ife he come back and you're still interested, great. Life is too short to sit around waiting for someone who's not totally into you.
EXCELLENT ADVICE!


What's with the negativity, and now biatchiness?????

What if you looked into his brain, and suddenly realized he DOES know that he is giving up something good,but his life circumstances right now are not the best to be in a relationship???? Would you feel better about YOUR situation???? How about if YOU knew HE was hurting too???? Would that be better????
EXCELLENT INSIGHT!

OP, I mean this in only the kindest way.....but what you're doing (typical) IS....pulling the VICTIM card, and it's really not attractive to men. Sure, it will get you a lot of sympathy from a lot of women....."the guy's a jerk, hate him, never speak to him again ", in your own words..."screw him"....etc.

Why are you so angry with men when they tell the truth??? This encourages men to be dishonest...and then.....you're still angry with them.


I know it "sucks" right now,but the man is being at the very least, upfront with you, and telling you what he wants you to know. He's told you!!!! Now, are you adult enough to understand the words he has said????
BAM!!!! Now, this says it ALL, and this the the REAL POINT. The Man has spoken....he was honest, he was "expressive" (even though you didn't like what he expressed), and now the question IS....what are YOU going to do about it? Are you going to ALLOW him to also be a human being with rights, and needs and concerns, and fears.....or are you going to continue thinking of him as a "slave" who's only right is to give YOU what you need and want?

There's no guessing, or mind reading needed here...the odds are that you'd be wrong. ACCEPT what he's SAID without reading ANYTHING else into it....and MOVE ON. IF, as the lady says... he works out his issues at some future time and IF he approaches you and IF....you're still interested, then GREAT!

BUT.....IF, you convince yourself that YOU are his "victim" and that he hurt you (deliberately, and selfishly) and he "OWES" you....they any restart of this relationship is doomed already.

I don't understand WHAT is so hard about saying simply: "I'm so sorry that the timing isn't right. I really care about you, and I respect your honesty. Please feel free to shoot me an email once in a while just to let me know how you're doing, I still consider you a friend". And then....MOVE ON. No victim, no hate, no resentment. This is the "WIN/WIN" scenario. As the man said, "now, are you ADULT enough" to handle it?
 LinuxD
Joined: 12/6/2008
Msg: 29
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can't commit now and says to move on
Posted: 11/6/2011 7:56:32 AM
# 31 that is the problem...


Guys generally are direct and forward when they talk in relationships... no "hidden" meanings. Move on means move on.

Women on the other hand (some) instead of taking it at face value have to microscopically pick everything apart and they lose the message looking for "hidden meanings. Why? For the same reason they expect us to be mind readers, they do not communicate directly in most circumstances, but rather obliquely.

Get to steppin' girl.. he's history.
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 36
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can't commit now and says to move on
Posted: 11/6/2011 8:30:48 AM
Yes, seriously, OP. If you can come here and ask for advice and then actually take it rather than get all offended and hurt, you ARE one in about a million.

These forums can be so helpful if you're willing to actually listen to what people have to say. There are a lot if really smart, wonderful people here. And the fact that they don't sugarcoat things is actually an advantage, for those who can take it.

Good for you!
 OOhMeeOhhMy
Joined: 9/17/2007
Msg: 39
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can't commit now and says to move on
Posted: 11/6/2011 9:22:59 AM
we make time for things we want... when I got my masters I worked full time and went to school full time... but still had/made time for the things I wanted to do and the people I wanted to see.... he is done and just being nice.....

move on..... find someone who wants you and will make time for you....
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 40
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can't commit now and says to move on
Posted: 11/6/2011 9:44:38 AM
"Men say exactly what they mean...

Women beat around the bush and expect men to read their minds..."

Well, imo, people say what they mean (except the fluffy headed ones.......avoid them at all cost).

I believe what people tell me. It is then on them if they didn't mean what they said. I don't try to figure out what someone really means. If they didn't mean what they said, it is not , my problem. Less dramatic way to live.

Learning to listen and believe people is a good lesson imo.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 43
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can't commit now and says to move on
Posted: 11/6/2011 10:51:32 AM
I know you want him to be thinking how he messed up a good thing, that he really wants you and you are the best thing to ever happen to him and he'll do anything to get you back when his stress is over and also he'll be so thrilled to find out that you are the one woman he can trust because you didn't move on, but in instead stayed pure, waiting only for him to return. This stuff works great in chick flicks, but sucks in real life because the best you can get out of a guy who dumped you is that he does think of you years later when he sees you on facebook and makes a booty call.

Reality check, if he was interested, he'd not have broken up with you. He's most likely not hurting, but it's possible he's slightly feeling guilty that he didn't tell you this sooner, and yes he's probably broken up with you because someone closer is easier access. The chances of your dream wish coming true are almost nil. There is that one chance that he's riddled with issues and will come back and leave again and come back and leave again, but who'd want that???
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 49
can't commit now and says to move on
Posted: 11/6/2011 4:30:52 PM

I rest my case! that is usually what it boils down to......he doesn't know what he wants......... I knew it would come out at SOME point........

and I got criticized earlier in this thread for saying I have encountered so many guys on here who don't have an earthly clue what they want!


Ummmm, newsflash here girls. One of the most used lines towards ya is "I don't know what I what",,,,,,but,meaning, " I don't want YOU"!!!!!! So in fact, they DO know what they want.....NOT YOU.

Not really,THAT amazing, is it??????
 kanlai
Joined: 5/13/2009
Msg: 57
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can't commit now and says to move on
Posted: 11/8/2011 2:14:23 PM
working + going to school/studying, with only 2 hours left in a week he has
to make time to travel to meet you...he's just tired of this long distance thing...
either you suggest moving closer to him and see what he says or move on
 oneredeclipse4u
Joined: 10/1/2009
Msg: 69
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can't commit now and says to move on
Posted: 11/9/2011 8:42:18 PM
I can understand how you feel about the situation. I've been there.
Instead of me blowing you up with advise how about I say it like this....
Wouldn't you rather find someone who actually wants to spend time with you and actively makes an effort? There really is no reason for you to hurt or waste your own time on someone who just isn't on the same page as you. Once someone is on that page that you are on.... WOW :) you will feel like a firework that just exploded in the air..... Colorful, beautiful and fill of movement and grace.
I hope this helps you in any way...
Shaun
 BrownEyedLeo
Joined: 1/5/2006
Msg: 70
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can't commit now and says to move on
Posted: 11/10/2011 4:35:41 AM
Why would you not move on? Appreciate the facr that he was honest with you. If a man tells you he can't commit, believe him. Doesn't matter if he is interested or not, he is not wanting a relationship. No need to second-question this one!
 HappySingleSpirit
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 77
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can't commit now and says to move on
Posted: 11/12/2011 8:47:40 PM
You have to respect his honesty and your dignity and move on. Simple as that.
 cadnb
Joined: 12/6/2010
Msg: 80
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can't commit now and says to move on
Posted: 11/12/2011 11:03:04 PM
at this point your only chance of having a future with him is moving on. The great thing about that though is if it still doesnt work out... you will have moved on so it wont even matter!
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