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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > Dealing with POF rejection      Home login  
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 whiterose222
Joined: 9/19/2010
Msg: 101
Dealing with POF rejectionPage 5 of 10    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)
Rejection is hard even on the best of us, it happens, fact of life, you can't make people love you, or like you for that matter. I remember when I first started online dating, and learning how to talk to men, scary stuff ; I got a email from someone I was interested in, and the message read, "sorry, got to flip my burgers", I was hurt and humilated , but, I got over it. These messages are not personal attacks on us, it is about the other person, their junk, what they are dealing with,..yeah, it is okay for someone to say not to take it personal, but, hey, we do. I found the most helpful thing to do is read up on how to relate to men, and most importantly, how to love ourselves first, enjoy life, and forget about that person who doesn't see how wonderful you really are...
 mdgs
Joined: 11/17/2011
Msg: 102
Dealing with POF rejection
Posted: 11/25/2011 1:04:13 PM
Dont take it personal hon. This isn't the real world, just a small version of it.

Your profile is *fabulous* I wouldn't change a thing.
 HoldingHands27
Joined: 12/16/2009
Msg: 103
Dealing with POF rejection
Posted: 11/25/2011 2:55:49 PM
No problems with 'rejection'...at leas it's a Reply!
The irritation is Ignorance...
Not having the manners or class to acknowledge an effort made...
 bimmerdude
Joined: 3/8/2011
Msg: 104
Dealing with POF rejection
Posted: 11/25/2011 10:38:54 PM
Don't feel so bad, tons of women from POF have blocked me, and not to mention the tons of UNREAD DELETED and READ DELETED emails as well as teases on this site. Just be realistic and meet people in real life and use this as option but not sole way to meet people.
 SweetLilGTP
Joined: 10/22/2010
Msg: 105
Dealing with POF rejection
Posted: 11/26/2011 2:51:47 PM

Don't feel so bad, tons of women from POF have blocked me, and not to mention the tons of UNREAD DELETED and READ DELETED emails as well as teases on this site. Just be realistic and meet people in real life and use this as option but not sole way to meet people.




Welcome to the club.
 TuffGuy666
Joined: 11/22/2011
Msg: 106
Dealing with POF rejection
Posted: 11/26/2011 3:34:15 PM
"How do other members deal with the rejection on POF? Give me some support here... PLEASE."

It's called getting a thick skin. That's what grown ups do.
 Rain587
Joined: 7/9/2011
Msg: 107
Dealing with POF rejection
Posted: 11/26/2011 5:55:32 PM
I've had a few ask to take it to a personal email level and then all of a sudden "poof". I then see them here complaining about that happening to them.

Join clubs, meetup, ballroom dancing, and local events. I do volunteer work and there are many single, handsome, moral, good men of all ages that do too.
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 108
view profile
History
Dealing with POF rejection
Posted: 11/26/2011 6:28:51 PM
Very few things surprise me, one of the few that does is how out of touch with reality so many mature adults are about "dating". Not just online, socially in any venue.

Of all the people someone may meet, of the opposite gender and "available", it's just common sense that the huge majority of those will not be someone who'd be interested in dating you, be attracted or interested.

There's some myth that there's some type of man/woman that everyone and anyone would want to date. That's just insanity and not true at all. Well if I were _________ then more men/women would want to date me, don't buy into that.

So in using the word rejection, you're saying so much more about yourself, OP. That would mean you're assuming any and every man you have some attraction to or interest in would just automatically be attracted to an interested in you. Think about it, that's just delusion thinking.

So how do you deal with "rejection"? It's not that severe, how you deal with it cash in your reality check or buy someone else's. Not saying you are, but posting this makes you appear desperate and low in self esteem. If that is true, then that's what you have to figure out and fix, then you will realize that, a no thanks doesn't mean you're rejected. You will expect that a majority of the time, and realize those that do are doing YOU a huge favor.
 tampagar1
Joined: 11/11/2011
Msg: 109
Dealing with POF rejection
Posted: 12/8/2011 4:18:27 PM

lol...I'm an expert at POF rejection.
So I will now share my tip with you.
After you get "rejected" sit down in a chair, turn the tv on, crack open a beer and say "fukk 'em"


I bet I'm more of an expert than you. LOL

As I read all the posts on here, I think people don't know what real rejection is.

Sure, everyone has their share of rejection but they also eventually find those who are interested, so it's easy for them to say things like "Don't let it get you down." "Grow a pair." "Thare's someone for everyone." (That last one is my least favorite cliche because it's not true.)
I've been on many dating sites and none of the women I've contacted have been interested, zip, zero, nada. No women have ever contacted me either other than those scammers who pretend to be hot looking women and immediately ask for your e mail address.
There was only one time when I thought I may have met someone and that was on Match.com. I decided to do an experiment and see if I'd have better luck if I removed my profile picture. Within days, I got a PM from a woman in my area. We went as far as starting to talk on the phone. When we were thinking about getting together, she said she rerally wanted to see a picture of me so I sent her one in an email. I never heard from her again.
So, I heard POF was the best place to meet someone. I've been here for weeks, contacted many women, and don't even get any replies back at all except for one woman but the brief message did not imply she was interested. And no women have contacted me.
Regardless of how much people like to fool themselves and tell others looks aren't so important, it's just conditioned denial. We're human and have been taught to deny the way nature made us.
What's on the inside is what really counts (personality, confidence, etc) but if someone doesn't like what's on the outside, they won't give you the chance to get to know you on the inside.
So again, it's easy for people to say not to take rejection so seriously because they also know what being accepted is like too. If you know nothing but rejection, it is a serious thing.
 lacalli
Joined: 11/27/2011
Msg: 110
Dealing with POF rejection
Posted: 12/8/2011 5:55:55 PM
^^^OT. Have you tried Profile Review? It's upstairs and 3 doors to the right.
 tampagar1
Joined: 11/11/2011
Msg: 111
Dealing with POF rejection
Posted: 12/9/2011 5:55:29 AM
But again, I'm sure you've had women accept you among the rejections. That's at least incentice to know there's hope for you.


I bet you don't know what total rejection is.
 tampagar1
Joined: 11/11/2011
Msg: 112
Dealing with POF rejection
Posted: 12/9/2011 9:44:51 AM

But I can see from your profile you have not been single your WHOLE life, so it's fair to say that you don't 'really' know TOTAL rejection either, right?



I managed to meet her in extraordinary circumstances. Without telling the whole detailed story, it happened to be a situation where I would cross her path on almost a daily basis. She worked at the facility where my mother was. It took years until I ever got to converse with her in way other than the usual employee/client way. After all that time, she got past my looks and saw what was on the inside and gave me a chance. I'll always be grateful to her for that.
The chances of ever being in those kind of circumstances again are virtually nothing.


When you're experiencing a 'dry patch' for a few weeks/months, it can feel like a lifetime - especially during those times when you're particularly missing the intimacy and affection of a relationship.


I'm embarrassed to say how many years I was alone until I finally met her.
And I've had plenty of jobs over the years where I was interacting with all kinds of women and none were willing to associate with me as anything more than a friend.


Just because the women you've spoken to on PoF weren't interested so far, doesn't mean the the next woman won't be - you just have to have some faith and keep at it! If online dating is new to you, you might find it a little brutal at first (there is a certain cold ruthlessness to the whole thing) but you're more than likely to line up some dates eventually!



Like I said, it's been the same on all dating sites. How one looks is what makes or breaks them. A good looking man could have a crappy profile and get a lot of messages whereas an unattractive man could have the best profile ever and get nothing. I'm not saying I have such a great profile but I've seen a lot worse, even ones filled with very negative things but if it happens to be an attractive person, that won't matter.


Also, I would heed the advice of those who said to get a profile review, I can think of a few adjustments you could make to your profile that would probably help improve your prospects in the online dating game.


I already did my one allowed post in the profile preview section and I took the advice from some who said to make my profile a little more specific. I don't like to make it too wordy because I'm not one to talk sh^t. I just get to the point. Many profiles are filled with so many words where it becomes too much info to take in. And I don't say cliche things.
And when I was on Match.com I had a professional picture taken of me and it didn't help, so when I hear people tell me I need a better picture, it's an unconscious and unintentional way of saying that I don't look that good, period.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 113
Dealing with POF rejection
Posted: 12/9/2011 10:56:16 AM
Regardless of how much people like to fool themselves and tell others looks aren't so important, it's just conditioned denial. We're human and have been taught to deny the way nature made us.

Very very very well said. Looks come in different dimensions, and can be taken different ways, but there is a common path of human action/reaction to looks, which is why it's not incredibly subjective either -- or in other words, looks is not Purely in the eye of the beholder -- the details are (which can make a difference), but the basics are not.

How one looks is what makes or breaks them. A good looking man could have a crappy profile and get a lot of messages whereas an unattractive man could have the best profile ever and get nothing.

Yep. Any woman who says looks doesn't matter is either lying, incredibly ugly, or an extreme rarity. Most are just lying but don't think they are because looks means Less to them compared to their peers. They'd take a guy who's cute over a guy who's hot if the guy who's hot only has that going for him and nothing else vs the guy who's cute who has a great matching persona. But that doesn't mean looks mean nothing. The guy who's 5'1", 200lbs with back hair, and rolled up jeans 80s style won't go anywhere no matter what his personality is.

And when I was on Match.com I had a professional picture taken of me and it didn't help, so when I hear people tell me I need a better picture, it's an unconscious and unintentional way of saying that I don't look that good, period.

Umm, I disagree. I had a friend who most girls considered very 'hunky' (for lack of a better word), and he put up a profile back in the day with a not-so-great-picture. I urged him to do so -- not because He didn't look that good, but his picture assumed he didn't.

IMO, you don't want your picture to give a false representation of yourself... or if overweight do the "Myspace" photo where it looks like you're relatively slender. But a good picture goes a long way... if I was avid in the personals section, I'd definitely say the same thing to myself. As you say, looks matter. And multiple pictures, ideally with at least one having you involved in some activity, is the way to go.

I think you're a bit too down on yourself. Work out with weights in an intense fashion, and take a little protein powder while you're at it. It's good more mentally than anything, and you'll have a more-than-merely-slender look to boot after several months. Looks are very important, but aside from height and facial structure, you can change it. Style/dress is something you can change rather quickly, too. And don't forget persona as far as how you come across, carry yourself, etc. If you're stubbornly thinking you can't get a girl -- well, you're solidifying that by a self-fulfilling prophecy -- granted, due to past experiences that do have merit and good points that shouldn't be ignored -- but not to the extent that you can't ever get a gal! There are things you can change/optimize. Seriously.
 SweetLilGTP
Joined: 10/22/2010
Msg: 114
Dealing with POF rejection
Posted: 12/9/2011 9:27:28 PM
I bet you don't know what total rejection is.


I bet you dont know what acceptance, based on your own faults (real or implied), and the resulting exploitation or deception that ensues is like either.



So quit your whining

There's things that hurt more than what you're going through.

(small consolidation; but true)

The guy who's 5'1", 200lbs with back hair, and rolled up jeans 80s style won't go anywhere no matter what his personality is.


I'd make sure 'he' got in our group photo.

Drinks on me too.

Work out with weights in an intense fashion, and take a little protein powder while you're at it.


Drinking blue algae will bulk you up to stupid degrees while working out.

Perhaps sample different clothing styles and social positions in your unprofessional side of life also.

 DomG79
Joined: 3/12/2011
Msg: 115
Dealing with POF rejection
Posted: 12/23/2011 4:17:36 AM
I often struggle with dealing with rejection myself. I agree, if a person is taken that they probably need to not be on any dating sites. I am sorry that you have to go through this, you deserve better.
 DomG79
Joined: 3/12/2011
Msg: 116
Dealing with POF rejection
Posted: 12/23/2011 4:25:26 AM

I could accept rejection a lot better if it were At Least in Writing..!
Of the 147 women on my 'Viewed Your Profile' page,
(And several dozen more that have filtered-out 'Being Seen')
I've probably written to 97% of them.....and received responses from about 1%...!!
I've edited my profile a couple Dozen times, and am now in the proess of taking new pics to post.
(The logic being that my current pics just plain scare them off..!!...D-uuhhh!!)


You and I are in the same boat.
 lonegoat
Joined: 7/26/2010
Msg: 117
view profile
History
Dealing with POF rejection
Posted: 12/23/2011 7:30:10 AM
Haven't even gotten to the point of rejection. I just get the silent treatment. I blame my local, but its probably me, lol. Oh well
 MrSalsaMan2010
Joined: 9/25/2010
Msg: 118
Dealing with POF rejection
Posted: 12/23/2011 8:13:50 AM
Firefly - Do not worry much It is not going to end the world just be patient that all. If they rejected you it is their lost. There are lots of to do.
 imacipher
Joined: 11/14/2011
Msg: 119
Dealing with POF rejection
Posted: 12/23/2011 12:40:39 PM
INTERNET DATING-WALLOW IN CHAOS, & LAUGH
IT'S, AT TIMES, ONE ENORMOUS BITTER PILL
&, THERE YOU ARE, WITHOUT YOUR VODKA...
*
/BAD THINGS ABOUT INTERNET DATING/
*
/People sending you pictures of their (unattractive) private parts/
/Emails that go: "Hi, you look hott & fun. Can I c%m on your face?" (No. Now f*#k off.)/
/Emails that go: "I am looking for FUN and then possibly MARRIAGE with the right lade" (Oh.)
Or, "why why why i wely love you plise give my one cheynse" [Gross]. /
/Thinking someone sounds good, then they tell you they like playing a round of golf, bowl,
or listening to country music with the boys/
/Meeting someone who, in the flesh, does not match their pictures/emails, because they are a) ugly b) t*wats/
Photographs of men, holding fish/
/Photographs of men leaning on their car/
/Photographs of men with the woman also in the picture SCRUBBED OUT WITH A PIN/
/Photographs of men with someone else's baby/
/Men who are separated. They are not divorced. They have issues. Avoid./
*
/GOOD THINGS ABOUT INTERNET DATING/
/It's like a great big sweet shop full of men that you can pick from and maybe fall in love with./
/It allows you to construct elaborate fantasies about being a farmer's wife/
/People you don't know tell you all their secrets and they are BAD/
Sometimes you meet someone and you actually have a relationship and sometimes they even work out/
You realise some people are nice/
And that some people should be shot/
But mainly, it's a laugh. And you never know./
*
Much of life is a joke, so live it like the answer.
Don't forget to smile & put-on, a really good show!
Don't take Internet BS- that seriously...
If bullsh*t were music, it would be a Brass Band:}


 MrsMau5
Joined: 12/11/2011
Msg: 120
Dealing with POF rejection
Posted: 12/23/2011 3:11:45 PM
really? those type of "men" that give u that reply are ***holes! ***holes with low self esteem. That's the reason why i don't message dudes nor go upto them as i used to. I grew up to notice how men are in this society. It's sad. Very sad. But, when i do get rejected, in real life, i pass on to the other one. on to the next one, he said. Don't sweat it. i'm sure men go gaga over u.
 rec_diver
Joined: 11/13/2011
Msg: 121
Dealing with POF rejection
Posted: 12/23/2011 7:48:36 PM

imacipher
/Thinking someone sounds good, then they tell you they like playing a round of golf, bowl,
or listening to country music with the boys/
/Photographs of men with someone else's baby/


I get all your points except the two quoted above.

Why is it a bad thing that a guy you are interested in says he likes to play around of golf, bowl, or listen to country music with the boys?

In my profile, I am holding someone else's baby. She happens to be my grand daughter.

You have a problem with this?

Many women who message me tell me the picture is adorable but a few have questioned whether she's mine..
 magicallaroundme
Joined: 3/9/2011
Msg: 122
Dealing with POF rejection
Posted: 12/25/2011 6:43:06 AM
Different Tack: Others have hit components of the issue obliquely but nobody, so far, is hitting it head on.

First it is important to understand just why rejection feels the way it does and what can be done about that part. There are those who think the worst aspect of rejection is somebody saying NO to you. They are beyond help and must "suck it up"; "move on"; "not let it bother them" or "get used to it". Then there are those who understand that worse than the NO, itself, is the feeling of helplessness you get as the result of being unfairly and capriciously misjudged by strangers for no fathomable reason. If you are able, start there. There are things you can do about that. They are finite and sometimes ineffectual but remedies do, in fact, exist.

Simply knowing that you are not completely at the mercy of every ignoramus in the western hemisphere and that you can positively influence your outcomes, takes a great deal out of the sting of all this rejection. Resolve to just take your fair share of rejection. YOUR FAIR SHARE not the flowing abundance that other people in this thread get and think you should shrug off. This is not to say that you can completely avoid rejection. Nobody can. What you can do is take steps that militate against you being rejected by those who would not if they knew any better. When you start to think that a good part of your results are in your own hands, then the rejections that you do get don't seem so demeaning.

those type of "men" that give u that reply are ***holes! ***holes with low self esteem. That's the reason why i don't message dudes nor go upto them as i used to.

Neither hostility nor passivity is the answer. Imagine a retail store in trouble. Current management notices all the red ink and institutes three new policies. Berate all customers: keep the doors locked: and just get used to losing money. A new management might think otherwise. Create ample parking; make sure the labels face outward on the shelves; and make customer service a priority. This guy might just turn a profit. He knows there are things he can do. He doesn't get butt hurt if a customer walks out without buying anything despite his efforts because fewer of them do than before and there are more things he can do to capture some of that business at a later date.

"Their loss" is also unacceptable because it is just plain dishonest. How in the name of Regis Philbin does not securing your objectives inflict untold tragedy upon a horde of mindless and nameless boobs? Even if it did, does it get you any closer to the objective? How would it serve you? Better to consider what info people need in order for the right ones to intelligently select you. You don't want to try to bend yourself to the wills of retards but you do want to take what you have and offer it in a way that correctly transmits the appropriate facts to those who have the capacity to respond to them. Within your reach.

This is not the place for specifics but I will say I have read your profile several times. Why? Because several times is what it took before I could glean enough positive information to conclude you were worthwhile. I had to study it in depth and reality is that most men you contact would only give it a cursory glance. If it took effort for me, an educated career scientist, to finally get the proper message what chance does some random clown out there have of discovering all the relevant info from a half-assed peek? Do something about it.
 imacipher
Joined: 11/14/2011
Msg: 123
Dealing with POF rejection
Posted: 12/26/2011 6:34:05 PM
Rec Driver,
THERE'S NOTHING "WRONG" WITH ANY OF THE ACTIVITIES THAT HAVE BEEN MENTIONED [BOWLING, GOLF,ECT]; IF THAT'S THE WAY YOU ROLL... A QUICK READ OF MY PROFILE WILL INDICATE THAT I HAVE, NO INTEREST -NOR DO I CARE TO PARTICIPATE IN THOSE PARTICULAR PASTIMES NOR IS COUNTRY MUSIC-"MY CUP OF TEA". &, THAT'S, JUST THE WAY-I ROLL. AS TO "BABIES" FEATURED IN PROFILE PHOTOS? ; WELL, IT MIGHT-FLOAT SOME PEOPLE'S BOAT[S]; DEPENDING ON THEIR OWN AESTHETIC-IT DOESN'T PARTICULARLY-TURN ME-ON. WHAT CAN I SAY? DIFFERENT STROKES/ DIFFERENT FOLKS.

 rec_diver
Joined: 11/13/2011
Msg: 124
Dealing with POF rejection
Posted: 12/26/2011 6:36:26 PM

imacipher:
Rec Driver,
THERE'S NOTHING "WRONG" WITH ANY OF THE ACTIVITIES THAT HAVE BEEN MENTIONED [BOWLING, GOLF,ECT]; IF THAT'S THE WAY YOU ROLL... A QUICK READ OF MY PROFILE WILL INDICATE THAT I HAVE, NO INTEREST -NOR DO I CARE TO PARTICIPATE IN THOSE PARTICULAR PASTIMES NOR IS COUNTRY MUSIC-"MY CUP OF TEA". &, THAT'S, JUST THE WAY-I ROLL. AS TO "BABIES" FEATURED IN PROFILE PHOTOS? ; WELL, IT MIGHT-FLOAT SOME PEOPLE'S BOAT[S]; DEPENDING ON THEIR OWN AESTHETIC-IT DOESN'T PARTICULARLY-TURN ME-ON. WHAT CAN I SAY? DIFFERENT STROKES/ DIFFERENT FOLKS.


Ok but you don't have to yell at me.


 spinelliiii
Joined: 11/13/2011
Msg: 125
Dealing with POF rejection
Posted: 12/27/2011 8:16:39 PM
hi my dear !!! rejection is part of our lives , we can get rejected anywhere
no worries yes you are stunning as I can see ,

people got their own taste but its doesnt mean youre not good enough , for sure you've rejected some men already here .. dont take it personally at all just enjoy using this expecially when youre bored cause youll never know POF may not be the way to meet that "someone" =)
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