Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > Do women really like having men compete for their attention      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 BSradar925
Joined: 11/8/2011
Msg: 20
Do women really like having men compete for their attentionPage 2 of 2    (1, 2)
OP, I don't think she is trying to make men compete for her. You are her have met once; you have yet to go on a first date; she is single, and this is what single women do - they go out on dates. I don't think anything's wrong with it.
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 21
view profile
History
Do women really like having men compete for their attention
Posted: 11/13/2011 4:48:11 AM
I think Naturemaid and some others have hit on it well, but i want to add a bit.

OP, this is a problem that is entirely in your imagination. What I mean is, that you have congered up a myth to explain dating scenarios, as a part of dealing with your own fears and emotions about it all. I recognize it, because I once had almost the SAME damn myth stuck in my mind.

It's all about your not having correctly adjusted how your ego fits into all of this. You want to be the guy for a woman you are attracted to, and you don't want to play games, perform stunts, or otherwise deviate from being who and what you are, to try to "trick" the woman into choosing you. That much is excellent.

The problem comes in, because you haven't thought through the larger picture correctly. The thing is, the woman actually (usually) doesn't want the guy to play games and jump though hoops at all. Hollywood played that garbage up, due to hiring a bunch of lousy writers. The woman is actually much like the guy. She wants the guy to be real, and to want to be with her, and to demonstrate that in a genuine way.

If you think about it in reverse, you should be able to understand better: if YOU were confronted by two attractive women who were both interested in you, would YOU decide which to be with, based on how THEY battled for your attention, or would you instead, look carefully at each, and decide for yourself, based on your own desires and standards which one you actually WANTED as a mate?

There is no "competition." There IS a SELECTION PROCESS. And so far, you are choosing not to participate.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 22
Do women really like having men compete for their attention
Posted: 11/13/2011 7:53:11 AM
You weren't available to date her on the weekend, but you scheduled a "tentative" date for Monday. WTF is with the tentative crap? You make it sound like you're scheduling a business meeting that may be cancelled at the last minute. If you can't be more definite and schedule an actual day, time and place, don't bother leading her on. She was available for dating on the weekend and you weren't, so don't get your knickers in a knot if she made tentative plans to go out on a date on the weekend. Besides, if she likes dating and doing things on the weekend and a lot of your weekends are tied up looking after your kids, how would it even workout with her?
 BLoNde__ANgeL
Joined: 9/20/2011
Msg: 23
Do women really like having men compete for their attention
Posted: 11/13/2011 8:02:44 AM
OP let's face it, you are not ready yet, but made a futile attempt & now are whiny: "Mommy, that bad lady was meeeean to me."

Wait until you are ready & find your own cupcake to frost
 aylaausten
Joined: 8/6/2011
Msg: 24
Do women really like having men compete for their attention
Posted: 11/13/2011 8:28:56 AM
I wouldn't expect a man to put his priorities, especially his kids, on the back burner to go out with me or meet me; however, if I didn't get the impression that the guy was genuinely interested based on his actions or lack thereof, then I'd rather invest my time and energy somewhere else where it didn't feel like I was wasting my time.

If I'm interested in someone, I wouldn't let a broken toe, a little insecurity, or seeming competition stop me. They would know about it and then take it from there. And I don't see anything wrong with meeting some, a few, or however many it takes before I decide where it is my time and energy are going to go.
Seems like that's all she was doing. Also, I don't need perfectly sound toes in order to make a phone call to express my interest.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 25
Do women really like having men compete for their attention
Posted: 11/13/2011 10:53:49 AM
Well, first, it wasn't a date -- it was an introduction. You two didn't even have a date yet -- yet, you're in shock & awe that she got the # of a guy there? What is she supposed to say to a cute guy? "I'm not single, sorry"? I can understand if the guy horned in while you were talking with her -- that's one thing. But at the end of the day, during mingling time, she gets a # of someone -- you're not supposed to like it, but she's not your girl, either.

Some girls like guys to compete for attention and some get off on it.... but that situation wasn't about that. She was 100% single and kept her options open before even a 1st date with you. She was open enough to let you know that she is out and dating... you expect one-on-one coverage when two people meet? How about email? If you're on POF, you are competing for attention. Just because you exchange emails pretty well and have a date lined up, does not mean you or the girl has to cut off all other opportunities.
 RockyDakota
Joined: 5/16/2011
Msg: 26
Do women really like having men compete for their attention
Posted: 11/13/2011 3:19:46 PM

it is a common line of mine to say if there is competition the other guy will always win.

Don't ever think that. It shows a lack of confidence, motivation, and ambition...3 of the biggest things want in a man. If you truly want this woman's attention, you have to get it and keep it. She went out with the player because women are subconsciously drawn to their carisma, and charm.
 kailania
Joined: 4/10/2008
Msg: 27
Do women really like having men compete for their attention
Posted: 11/13/2011 3:41:49 PM
OP what makes you label him as a player when you dont even know him?
she did nothing wrong. she only took his number.
this situation sounds familiar to me as I have been in it. NO....most women do not like men competing for them but it does happen.
Just be yourself with her. you dont have to feel it to be competition because she is going to to by who she feels most comfortable with.
with your attitude I think you need a change of attitude.
call her and keep the date..you never know.
(and do not bring up the other man to her.)
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 28
Do women really like having men compete for their attention
Posted: 11/13/2011 3:54:08 PM
This isn't a case of competing. It's a case of you snooze you lose.
 Louanne57
Joined: 10/15/2011
Msg: 29
Do women really like having men compete for their attention
Posted: 11/13/2011 4:05:48 PM
It's called dating. She is allowed to go on a date with whomever she wants. If you like her go out with her. It seems you've put more thought about this other guy and his game instead of keeping positive with her and focusing on her. The date is between you two and anything else only matters when you become exclusive. Hopefully you don't pass up something that could be a good experience - especially since you said you two had hit it off.
 Glenoran1
Joined: 3/1/2009
Msg: 30
Do women really like having men compete for their attention
Posted: 11/13/2011 5:13:30 PM
OP, several elements of your post appear to me to be skewed. I'll comment on the ones other people here haven't mentioned as frequently or at all.

You state you don't have it in you to openly compete, and that usually women come to you. That suggests to me two things: an expectation of having the fishies just fall into your lap, and that the fishing hole is yours exclusively. You even have people fishing for you, setting up the meet. So far, your dissertation smacks of a distinct lack of character.

A man who has never had to put effort into getting what he wants because it just comes readily to him due to his looks will discover that the best one(s) will draw the attention of others, too (as was the case here). A woman will also notice if a man backs off when another shows interest, versus if he has the cahoonas to step forward and stand up for what he wants. It says a lot about a future with him, really -- some guy makes a pass or says inappropriate things to his girlfriend or wife ... Will he pretend not to notice and leave his ladyfriend to fend off the guy herself, or will they at minimum verbally chase away the interloper as a team?

I've noticed that, for the most part, people who had life on their terms with little or no effort have the least character. They seem much less able to deal with adversities, the unexpecteds and yes, competition in any form. In a crisis, they look to others to take the helm and sort it out for them. I, for one, would not want to date a man like that.
 Capitano_Blaugh
Joined: 3/18/2008
Msg: 31
Do women really like having men compete for their attention
Posted: 11/13/2011 5:44:28 PM
Having thought non-stop about this thread since I first read it, and having lost a lot of sleep in the process, a couple of things need to be answered or I may lose even more sleep and I have to work tomorrow.


It was preplanned and arranged that we would meet at this party. The set-up was 2 months in the works.


This is kinda goofy. I learned a long time ago that it's really never a good idea to have friends set you up with someone. Someone is always going to be disapppointed.

Most times I've been set up, the female was a 400 pounder with a great personality, or had teeth missing, or reeked deperation, or something that was really not my cuppa tea. The worst is when a woman does the setting up. Always vet any potential set-up with the guy in the relationship. He'll likely have a more realistic idea of whether or not the woman is worth your time.


So low and behold she went out with the guy to dinner on Friday night. Although I appreciate her honesty, I am a little taken back.


How did this little tidbit come to light?

If YOU asked about it, your insecurity is showing WAY too much.

If SHE volunteered this info, you've already been lumped in to the same group as her gay friends.

Please, please, please, let me know....

.... I don't want to lose any more sleep...

 BLONDE_ANGEL845
Joined: 6/30/2012
Msg: 32
Do women really like having men compete for their attention
Posted: 12/1/2012 7:19:14 AM

Suggest you do not further thread jack other discussions. Either answer the OP's thread, or move on. Read the posted rules. Thanks.

 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 33
Do women really like having men compete for their attention
Posted: 12/6/2012 5:31:43 AM
You may have felt the need to compete, OP based on what went down, but that doesn't mean she was trying to get anyone to compete. I agree with the poster that said "it's dating". That said, would I make a date with a guy I met while I was out with another one? Not usually unless the guy I was with was really not my type and the one I met really was.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 34
Do women really like having men compete for their attention
Posted: 12/6/2012 12:25:24 PM

In my experience, if a man is seriously interested, he doesn't need 2 months of someone else planning to arrange a meeting, and when he does meet, he doesn't need another 4 days to come up with a "tentative" date. The other guy sealed the deal in under 24 hours and you're using your toe as an excuse?


I think Landra hit the nail on the head. This is not about competing, it's about taking action.
 AnnB72
Joined: 7/2/2012
Msg: 35
Do women really like having men compete for their attention
Posted: 12/6/2012 12:55:46 PM
I'm sort of thinking this:
You met her at the party where you spent a small amount of time with her. You spoke cordially, but due to discomfort, you excused yourself a little early. But you did notice another man hanging about her and already discerned he would make a move. Hence, competition... The evening ended with a 'well, that was fun, thanks' hug and a meet was set for the following Monday. Fine. So far so good.

In the meantime, uncertain of your interest or her own and knowing you hardly at all, she made a date with someone else (who happened to be at the same party - and, by the way... was this actually a 'date' between you and her? Or, just a 'I want you to meet this woman at this party I'm having in a couple of months...meeting?). I'm curious only as to how this revealing of this other date of hers came about? Did you mention you noticed he was hitting on her? Were you challenging her integrity by seeing how she'd respond? Is that why you were so 'taken aback' when she revealed she'd gone out with him - because you saw him as competition (hence, he was a 'player' in your eyes)?

I get it that your aspirations of immediate bonding with her got a little dented when she admitted to having gone on another date between yours and your next planned one. Would it have been less crushing if it had been a guy you> didn't see? Would the anonymity factor have bothered you less? Was it your preconceived notion that he'd be no good for her that bothers you, that somehow she's less of a person for conceding to a date with him? Was it that you didn't have a choice in the matter? That you couldn't tell her not to date him? That, in fact, youwere the better match - so much so that you feel you shouldn't even have to bother since she didn't see that at 'hello'?

I think your decision about not wanting to see her again is a little manipulative (and potentially self-destructive). Are you hoping she turns around and apologizes to you and then runs after you like so many others. I think you have come to expect to put forth little effort and have extrapolated what you want from her admission in order to bring about a response from her that you have come to believe you deserve. That she should be seeking you and playing by your rules to boot.
I think that if she doesn't turn around and apologize and then come after you panting, that you will view her (as someone who's manipulations haven't worked) as undeserving of you.
It's just a date, for pete's sake. You met at a party - and by the sounds of it, it wasn't an official 'date' even, or a one-on-one 'meet', but a social gathering among friends, or co-workers, or whatever.

The only leg, I think, you have to stand on would be if this was actually an official 'date' (were you two even talking to each other before this night?) where the code of conduct would be to not receive advances from other men.

I think you should go ahead and meet on Monday. That is the official 'date', from what I've gathered so far. Someone threw a rock at your bicycle, it bounced off the tire, and you're going to just pull over and poke a hole in it yourself.

Sorry if that's all a little harsh - but cancelling the date because you think this lady owes you some allegiance and you're somehow disappointed that she's acting like a single woman is disturbing. The competition you view is of your own making. Did you suppose she wasn't dating before you came along? Or, wouldn't have if the opportunity presented itself?
Forget the other guy (did she even like him?). If you like the woman, see what happens next. This date is about YOU and her. Go from there.
Good luck!
:)
 Calm_One
Joined: 12/17/2004
Msg: 36
Do women really like having men compete for their attention
Posted: 12/6/2012 9:17:32 PM
She may have went out with this other man (or just told you she went out with him) to make you spring into action, or she may be playing the field.
If you like her...but you don't like to compete... the best thing may be to tell her "if it doesn't work out with him, I would like to see you again"
This should let her know that you prefer one on one dating...(that's the way I would approach it if put in your situation)
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 37
Do women really like having men compete for their attention
Posted: 12/6/2012 9:42:54 PM

I think you should go ahead and meet on Monday. That is the official 'date', from what I've gathered so far. Someone threw a rock at your bicycle, it bounced off the tire, and you're going to just pull over and poke a hole in it yourself.


Wow. Ann. Your expose what incredible. It almost turned me on. Such depth. Would you go out with me? Wait, I am dating someone. I am still impressed.
 AnnB72
Joined: 7/2/2012
Msg: 38
Do women really like having men compete for their attention
Posted: 12/7/2012 5:01:12 AM
Rofl!
I was pretty sure someone was going to call me bratty for that, so thank you!
~hug~
I understand your lady is awesome (I remember you describing her in another thread), so kudos to you!!
 feelin_alright7777
Joined: 12/11/2010
Msg: 39
view profile
History
Do women really like having men compete for their attention
Posted: 12/9/2012 9:46:46 AM
I wouldn't worry. Its not like he picked her up in a private jet and swirled her off to Dubai for a shopping spree, followed by the Beatles reunion with backstage passes, and then took her kid to Disney while she slept-in and had breakfast in bed. Right?

I believe women can get very competitive; if they really want a guy. I was in such a situation and the volume of my cranium expanded by 33.536 cubic centimeters. And oddly that somehow just made me even more attractive! Love Sucks!
 Bella_RF
Joined: 8/10/2012
Msg: 40
Do women really like having men compete for their attention
Posted: 12/9/2012 10:50:33 AM
I wouldn't say competing for the attention but showing your interest and letting her know you are thinking about her goes a long way. The same can be said for when you're in a relationship; don't take it for granted they will always be there if you don't do your part. I know I take notice when a man keeps the lines of communication going because I know he's thinking about me.
 AquaLinda
Joined: 5/8/2012
Msg: 41
Do women really like having men compete for their attention
Posted: 12/9/2012 10:11:27 PM
I would be thrilled if I could just get one guy's attention, LOL.
Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > Do women really like having men compete for their attention