Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > She was looking for LTR, but has a FWB on the side?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 forums1
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 26
She was looking for LTR, but has a FWB on the side?Page 2 of 12    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12)
I don't see her, OP, as being dishonest or playing games - she told you up front, before you were very 'invested' in it. Sounds pretty honest and non-game-playing to me, personally.

Of course, I think she kinda put her foot in her mouth if she's saying "a lot of POF guys are just looking for sex", while going on about her FWB (who, um, is probably 'just looking for sex'?) who she's "just looking for sex" with. Kinda hypocritical in way.

But, simply - she was honest, told you up front before you met and invested a lot of time and potentially money into something with someone who, per your own standards, you would obviously not be compatible with. She could have had you driving to meet her, taking her places, spending money buying dinners and doing things together, before telling you and you deciding that's something you don't want. Count your blessings she was honest about it and move on.
 ForRumOnly
Joined: 3/16/2009
Msg: 27
view profile
History
She was looking for LTR, but has a FWB on the side?
Posted: 12/2/2011 8:56:31 AM
I don't see the problem, as long as she'd give up the FWBenefit's Package if we started dating.
 DameWrite
Joined: 2/27/2010
Msg: 28
view profile
History
She was looking for LTR, but has a FWB on the side?
Posted: 12/2/2011 4:06:43 PM
If you think that's bad...not only do I have a possible long term relationship happening (reservations) while NOT waiting for, but "actively looking" for a LTR, (main course) if my ex FWB's (dessert) cart rolled by right now ... I'd be tempted.
Would I disclose all this to my new chat friend? No!!! Silly move on her part. lol
 SC67
Joined: 6/21/2009
Msg: 29
She was looking for LTR, but has a FWB on the side?
Posted: 12/3/2011 4:22:15 AM

Like she said, every chick has one, or two, or three, and many have one night stands, it's the reality of women these days

some do, some don't...probably not a good idea to generalize about an entire gender. You wouldn't want your next girlfriend to blame you for every bad thing every man has done to her in the past, right? All men are not the same. All women are not the same.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 30
She was looking for LTR, but has a FWB on the side?
Posted: 12/3/2011 11:24:25 AM

But then she got to how a lot of guys on POF are just looking for sex, and then she goes on about how she has a FWB, but is really wanting that special someone.

Pretty straight-forward of her. She's very openly honest to someone she hasn't met. That's a good advantage you have if you were going to get into the Dating zone with her...

I'm getting tired of the games being played.

You call honesty GAMES? No, it's something you don't LIKE. They tell you something you don't like to hear and you call it games? Wanting an LTR does not mean LTR-as-the-only-option. I don't think it was wise for HER to tell you she had a FWB, because if it's truly a FWB, it'd be strictly platonic and consequently a distant friend once she connected with a guy for the purpose of Dating.

In my point of view, a FWB is a relationship, just without the emotions.

A real FWB is not a relationship with romantic emotions extracted. I'll get to that in a sec. First, she told you FWB. She could have meant F-Buddy, which is the furthest thing from a relationship -- just house calls more or less. Or yes, it could mean what you describe, too. People use the term too loosely, which is why you should have asked what the situation was with what she labelled as a "FWB".

A real FWB, as your title suggests, is benefits "on the side". They're someone they consider a friend, and are 100% comfortable being JUST friends.... but they decide to fool around on the side with No Strings Attached. Yes, it affects the friendship... if you're FWB you shouldn't be too close, otherwise you slip right into a complex, casual, open relationship.

Examples of real FWBs (not a F-Buddy, not an Open Relationship, not Casually Dating, etc):
- Within a social circle of friends that gets together, there's a gal you've gotten to know and there's sexual tension that leads to a hook-up. You hang out within a group mainly, and may occasionally send a message or comment on Facebook in each other's direction... you'll have interesting conversations with her or others in the group when everyone's out... you're friends... And you both agreed that you're not wanting to Date. But while you're both single & free, you both agree that one should tap the other on the shoulder if they're in the mood. You don't "go out" with them one-on-one much at all.

- You meet a gal online and you chat a ton. She lives 4 hours away, and on a meetup, you did hook-up. You both know that LD relationships can't work, and you make great conversation. You send an email every once in a while back and forth or something... you give each other advice about guys & girls like any friend would... and once in a while, when both single, might make a trek to have some fun.

Someone can be looking for an LTR but still have the option on the table for casual sex, or just occasional sex with someone they trust who they aren't going to Date. They should DROP themselves from that person once they begin the dating process with someone in which there's mutual intent for Dating. But until that happens, they aren't going to be celibate, that's all. Just because someone doesn't delegate themselves to celibacy when single, doesn't mean they can't be looking for an LTR. You just WANT them to be celibate... and they should by default, only to you, once you make a connection, agree to be exclusive, etc. But until then, when you just chat with someone, you can't expect them not to have ANY other current options.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 31
She was looking for LTR, but has a FWB on the side?
Posted: 12/4/2011 9:47:09 AM
What I find funny is if a guy expresses an interest in sex and wants to use women for sex, every woman freaks out and calls guys like that pigs, players, bottom feeders in this pond, etc, etc. But when women wants to use a guy strictly for sex as a FB or FWB- she is just fulfilling a basic need in life and doesn't see any controversy in that. Every woman's profile says "If you're just here for sex or a fling, move on. I'm looking for my knight in shining armor, my Prince Charming", etc. Women should add to their profiles: "But if I consider you hot, we can be FWB's".

What I don't get about women going the FB/FWB route is in order to be interested in having sex with someone, there has to be physical attraction and women have a list a mile long of must-have personality traits to get to the sex part-whereas for guys: if the woman is physically attractive, that's enough reason to have sex. If the guy meets the woman's requirements, why isn't she having a more romantic relationship with the FWB? If a guy is attractive enough to want to jump his bones whenever you see him, how could a woman do a complete 180 and cut all ties and feelings when she starts dating someone else?
 nikinikaia
Joined: 6/9/2007
Msg: 32
view profile
History
She was looking for LTR, but has a FWB on the side?
Posted: 12/4/2011 2:16:51 PM
[We just do what we gotta do to survive, ya know?]

Not so sure having a FWB or FB is necessary for survival. Yes, the physical connection is nice, but if it is without emotional connection it really doesn't make for a healthy existence.

That being said, as far as the OP, you are entitled to your feelings. If you can't handle the truth that your date provided, then you know what your choices are - stay or go. Don't play the Russian Roulette game.

Obviously, different strokes for different folks - but seriously, if we are searching for a serious, committed relationship, why keep a FWB or FB in the background? Like a security blanket? Is that really fair to either them or you? Think about it.

 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 33
She was looking for LTR, but has a FWB on the side?
Posted: 12/4/2011 6:43:54 PM
I think the more people who are involved in your sex life, the more complicated things get. Let's turn the tables and say your FWB announces he/she is dating someone else and it will probably lead to sex, so you must do the disappearing act. Then he/she comes back a few weeks later and said it didn't work out, and wants to resume the FWB routine. Would you jump back in right away, or would you ask him/her if they had sex, and if so, are they willing to get tested for STD's since the person had sex with a stranger? Or would you be fed up because this scenario will come up anytime your FWB starts dating someone?
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 34
She was looking for LTR, but has a FWB on the side?
Posted: 12/4/2011 8:23:41 PM
He is aware that I am looking for more and knows that when I find it the benefits part will cease.

It all depends on when the benefits cease. As long as they ceased at the time we first met, that would be fine. In other words once I met you, the benefits would be over for as long as we dated.

Is it not better to have safe sex with a regular comfortable partner or to have sex with a random stranger??

That depends on whether or not you planned to remain friends with your fwb after meeting me. I didn't date women who remained in contact with prior sexual partners, so random strangers is the better option. That also keeps you from getting too comfortable if you're actually looking.

We all have a past when we meet somebody new, and until I meet somebody who is going to make me and wants me the same way in return...I am not going to give up what I have over one date or a first meet

Well, my past was always in my past when I met someone. Apparently, yours won't be, so that would be a dealbreaker for me.

I don't remember reading that this women wants to keep her FWBs partner after she starts dating. I would think that most would stop as soon as things progressed.

The problem is what ``as soon as things progressed'' means. As far as I was concerned, progressed meant that we met and she wanted to go on a second date. If things had to progress further than that, it would be a dealbreaker.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 35
She was looking for LTR, but has a FWB on the side?
Posted: 12/5/2011 12:13:13 AM
You expect a woman to drop what she has for you after ONLY a first date? There will be lots of first dates...Or even a first meet...You ask a lot...

Yep - if that's how a woman wants to deal with her sex life while dating, then I agree. I expected a lot and I wouldn't expect her to drop him. I would simply no longer consider her relationship material. There were plenty of women that were happy to date one person at a time and not have someone on the side for sex. Why would I settle for someone who wants me to date her while she's having sex with someone else?

Second, nobody tells me whom to be friends with.

I didn't tell someone who to be friends with. If they wanted to keep in touch with former partners, I just didn't consider dating them for the purpose of ending up in a relationship.

If you cannot be secure enough to know that when I am with you, it is you I want, it would not work anyway.

It has zero to do with being secure. I don't bring my exes as baggage and I expected anyone who wanted a relationship with me to not bring her exes as baggage. (The only exception would be where kids are concerned.)

I fully intend on hanging on to the friendship I have built with my FWB even after the benefits stop, because he is not a bad guy. and it will be part of my past.

As long as that works for you, fine, but he's not in your past. He's baggage you've dragged along with you. Just don't complain about how that affects your dating pool. Who would put up with that if he had a choice?
 ForRumOnly
Joined: 3/16/2009
Msg: 36
view profile
History
She was looking for LTR, but has a FWB on the side?
Posted: 12/5/2011 7:42:20 AM
If you have a FWB, it's probably a mistake to reveal it because many people are very opinionated about this subject. Rightly or wrongly does not matter, as they are entitled to their beliefs. What they are not entitled to is information about your past sex life - if they insist, you can then decide whether or not to provide the information.

Many people who are dating may NOT have FWB, but they may have had a few dates with someone, had sex with them, soon thereafter decide they are not a match, and move on to the next candidate. They aren't currently in a sexual relationship, but could have been yesterday. Do those opposed to FWB also ask about this kind of scenario? Do you require STI tests in every case where a current relationship progresses, and are you willing to wait the correct period of time to get a valid test? I think very, very few people are so cautious!

I'd much rather that someone have a FWB than a series of sexual dating experiences, because there is far less risk. And I may have a FWB situation as well, while looking for that truly special someone - and I know from experience that finding that special someone is very difficult and takes plenty of time. I would stop the FWB benefits if I wanted to get serious with someone, and only then would expect the same of them. If the person I'm dating is truly an exceptional match overall, they would have to have a pretty major flaw to drop them - a FWB wouldn't even appear on my radar screen in that case.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 37
She was looking for LTR, but has a FWB on the side?
Posted: 12/5/2011 8:52:37 AM
CandyLookin4Luv:
I fully intend on hanging on to the friendship I have built with my FWB even after the benefits stop, because he is not a bad guy. and it will be part of my past.


CL4L: If you met Mr. Right, and he maintained a good friendship with a FWB, would you be comfortable with that, as well as maintaining friendships with any other sex partners he's had? Afterall, it's part of his past.

Everybody is expressing an opinion about the timing to dump (or not dump) a FWB. What I don't see are testimonials from people who were in this situation and how well it worked out-especially the ones who were hell bent on maintaining the friendship with the FWB. Has anyone been in the situation where the FWB and the new spouse became friends and all three hung out together and did the happily ever after routine?
 forums1
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 38
She was looking for LTR, but has a FWB on the side?
Posted: 12/5/2011 9:03:32 AM

CL4L: If you met Mr. Right, and he maintained a good friendship with a FWB, would you be comfortable with that, as well as maintaining friendships with any other sex partners he's had? Afterall, it's part of his past.


Exactly - ask yourself that question, because in all honestly if you're not, you're defining a double standard - if its "ok for *you*, but not for him" then you should take a serious look at your reasoning.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 39
She was looking for LTR, but has a FWB on the side?
Posted: 12/5/2011 9:18:36 AM
The problem is what ``as soon as things progressed'' means. As far as I was concerned, progressed meant that we met and she wanted to go on a second date.

Yeah, I think therein lies the issue. It's the point in which you cut off other ties -- where you've "got things rolling" with the other person, which has a lot of subjectivity into it when it's early on. To few but existing people, "hitting it off" via email means things have gotten to that cut-off point and scoff at anyone else getting phone #s or setting up any dates at that point. To others, like you, it's at the end of a (successful) 1st Date -- but I wouldn't put that as the popular option either.

I would say the most common would be after a successful 3rd Date, but not every situation unfolds the same way... Were they all long, drawn out evening Dates? Was the first one just a 20 minute coffee meet-n-greet? And some people, whether it's wise or not, will wait until the end of a 3rd Date for a kiss.

In the end, I believe it's relative to each situation. If you decide to go exclusive-or-bust at the end of a seemingly successful 1st Date, although I don't think that's an effective modern approach, one SHOULD drop all other options as options.... whether they do that on the 1st, 2nd, 3rd, 4th, etc.

I would be willing to drop my Benefits if I knew things would be headed to commitment. Because I refuse to sleep with anybody else until I know things are progressing.

Until you FEEL like it's headed to commitment (which many times can bonk), or it's been demonstrated that it's headed to commitment?

I fully intend on hanging on to the friendship I have built with my FWB even after the benefits stop, because he is not a bad guy.

Well, "friends" in a loose sense, sure. But you don't want to be close friends at all. A facebook friend, but not one to confide in at all. I think the concept of a Relationship, when it comes to fidelity, is not that you merely won't have sex with anyone else... but that you strip yourself of any Potential conveniences of having anyone on the back burner.

In other words, people want it so that if things are rocky in the relationship, things aren't further influenced by feelings/knowledge that other options are right around the corner... or that one could build a "life boat" and leave the other person and that as long as they didn't have sex with the life boat until (the day) after the breakup happened, it's okay.

Basically, like in a no-compete clause of a contract, you'll almost always see barring any Planning on competing while in the business relationship. When it comes to Relationships, much the same way -- you start from Square Zero the day after the BreakUp. Having other options in the back pocket basically asks the other person to do so -- and it will, to some degree, get in the way when the relationship has some noticeable bumps going on, and potentially further more bumps because of it.
 ForRumOnly
Joined: 3/16/2009
Msg: 40
view profile
History
She was looking for LTR, but has a FWB on the side?
Posted: 12/5/2011 9:54:46 AM

What I don't see are testimonials from people who were in this situation and how well it worked out-especially the ones who were hell bent on maintaining the friendship with the FWB. Has anyone been in the situation where the FWB and the new spouse became friends and all three hung out together and did the happily ever after routine?


Yes, we did that, and we are still very good friends more than 10 years later. All of my (few) experiences with FWB worked out like that - no drama, no jealousy, just good experiences and good friendships after for everyone concerned.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 41
She was looking for LTR, but has a FWB on the side?
Posted: 12/5/2011 12:41:49 PM
I am sure that I have went out on a date with men who had just slept with someone maybe a day, week or month ago or maybe even more. I am sorry but to make a huge deal over a FWB is silliness to me.

Maybe that's because you didn't realize that no one is objecting to what a date did ``a day, a week or month ago or maybe even more.'' The objection is to what your date is going to do after dropping you off, or tomorrow or next week or in between dates with you. It might be ok with you to date guys who then go sleep with other women, but I wasn't ok with dating a woman who was sleeping with other guys and that's what the ``huge deal over a FWB'' is about. Nobody is disputing leaving the past in the past.

There is a big difference between, dating and relationship

Right, and to prevent any confusion over what kind of dating had the potential relationship, I just didn't date women who dated more than one person at a time or who slept with other guys after meeting me, at least not for the purpose of getting into a relationship with them.

--------------------

I am one of the exceptions to the case, I am mature enough to maintain friendships with ex's where we parted ways but we got along past it.

Personally, I don't consider that being mature. I consider it a character flaw, an inability to move on in life and a need to have people be your friend.

It boils down to trust, if you want to be with somebody in a relationship trust is huge...perhaps if you cannot trust a woman with her male friends you cannot trust yourself.

I trust my fancee with her male friends. I just don't think one should carry baggage from previous relationships.

VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV
 BLoNde__ANgeL
Joined: 9/20/2011
Msg: 42
She was looking for LTR, but has a FWB on the side? GOOD 4 HER
Posted: 12/5/2011 8:10:33 PM

I fully intend on hanging on to the friendship I have built with my FWB even after the benefits stop, because he is not a bad guy. and it will be part of my past.

a FWB can help a person to move forward- just be honest w/ eachother
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 43
She was looking for LTR, but has a FWB on the side? GOOD 4 HER
Posted: 12/6/2011 11:16:36 AM
I said in an earlier post that honesty is the best policy but after reading so many posts from men I have decided that if I had an FWB,,there is no way I would tell a date that I do.

Well, when your dates eventually find out you've had an fwb on the sidelines all along, that should ensure you only end up with guys like this:

Seems that for all the many years I have lived that men always thought it was their god given right to sleep around and us women were suppose to be angels and take it up the bleep.

wanting relationships with you.

I don't know what kind of guys you meet, but when I met someone, I was free and clear, without entanglements, so I certainly wouldn't have accepted a woman with any entanglements (and I would find out). I'd think it would be better to lose out up front that to wait until someone you were really interested in, found out.

If people have issues with their new man or woman's ex's and them staying friends afterwards then its an insecurity issue and who wants that anyways.

I consider being so needy as to hang on to exes to be a character flaw. I could trust my fiancee to be around her ex husband, but I still don't want him in our lives. Period. So he won't be in our lives.

An ex is an ex for a reason.

Right - because you want them out of your life.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 44
She was looking for LTR, but has a FWB on the side? GOOD 4 HER
Posted: 12/6/2011 3:03:37 PM
bLondeDeviL12524:
a FWB can help a person to move forward- just be honest w/ each other


Or, more than likely, it will prevent someone from moving forward. If someone starts dating a person who can potentially be Mr./Ms. Perfect, that person can quickly become Mr./Ms. Good Bye if you're using a FWB to move forward. The only way that would work is if your FWB is a vibrator.
 forums1
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 45
She was looking for LTR, but has a FWB on the side?
Posted: 12/10/2011 8:34:59 AM


(*armymom*) I just made a post about how (or when) to tell a potential date about my FWB. I'm in the same situation this woman is in. Most people have just told me to keep quiet about it, and I intend to from here on out even though I hate being less-than-honest.


Apparently, you don't hate being less-than-honest enough to actually stop being less-than-honest (or better still, not having anything to be less-than-honest about...)


+10!

"I hate the headache I get after beating my head into the brick wall"... well, then stop beating you head into the brick wall?... "oh no, I can't do that!"
 DameWrite
Joined: 2/27/2010
Msg: 46
view profile
History
She was looking for LTR, but has a FWB on the side?
Posted: 12/10/2011 11:26:44 AM
I just wish people would understand this dilemma...for some.
To tell or not to tell...early. Give up a healthy FWB relationship because you are actively searching for a LTR before you even meet the guy? Why? Even if you do break it off with your FWB while you are looking, what does that solve? Now you're actively looking AND horny? Just great. Hey...maybe that is what the OP wants? Maybe he can't handle competition? Or it's just his preference? All I know is that it's not easy to be true to yourself and be honest about your true situation in cyber space, without coming off as a player. I understand that not all may accept my methods, therefor choose to move on, but to slam someone who's being honest, or to judge harshly...well that's just the kind of behavior that makes it even harder to give up a FWB . I do not have ESP and I'm not going to make my decisions or live my life based on a chance encounter with Mr. Right. Call me jaded, insecure, a player, dishonest, whatever! Better yet, don't call me at all.
 theforumfiend
Joined: 10/21/2007
Msg: 47
She was looking for LTR, but has a FWB on the side?
Posted: 12/10/2011 7:16:14 PM
I don't see why some of you are having such a hard time understanding this. I personally don't want to date a person that is out there testing the waters and having sex with others on a regular basis - that includes a FWB situation.

If I choose not to date someone and miss the best thing that could have happened to me then that is my problem, but I will still be grateful to the person for having the decency to tell me upfront if they are in a FWB situation. Sure the person could lie to me about it, but as soon as I found out things would change because I don't want to date a liar. Part of this is a trust thing.
 forums1
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 48
She was looking for LTR, but has a FWB on the side?
Posted: 12/11/2011 8:38:07 AM
HAHAHA! It's called Self control. This is what this society lacks. Understandable for a woman but totally unacceptable for men. What is most amassing males don't see them selfs as being used. It is perfectly normal to be a whore with zero self respect. Weak, just weak.


Sadly, this is what our society lacks these days, and its not just 'being used', its 'using others' as well - wall street shenanigans, bought & paid for 'representatives', nobody gives a flying f**k about anyone else's feeligns, survival, its all about 'getting the most I can for *myself* now, while I can, no matter who I screw over. And then we wonder why everything seems to be "falling apart" more and more daily?

Rule of thumb: if you have zero respect for anyone else, chances are they'll have zero respect for you.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 49
She was looking for LTR, but has a FWB on the side?
Posted: 12/11/2011 10:11:21 AM
Even if you do break it off with your FWB while you are looking, what does that solve?

Pretty much nothing. A real FWB is someone who's a just a friend above anything else, where benefits are in the back-pocket. It should not affect any window-shopping for relationship-material, and if it does, they're more than just a FWB and you need to back away even if you weren't looking for a relationship with anyone (unless you and that more-than-FWB wanted to form one yourselves).

Hey...maybe that is what the OP wants? Maybe he can't handle competition?

Bingo. I don't think it's necessarily about the sex per se, but sex-on-the-side is an act of "competition". Many folks label FWB differently, so for all they know, it's really just a casual, open "relationship" of sorts. They don't want to deal with any potential competition WHILE going out on the initial dates, and have the girl he has a 2nd or 3rd date with to try and win over get porked somewhere in-between there. I think we'd all Prefer/Want the other person we really dig to not have any other dates or "fun" options during the pre-exclusivity period, but hey -- that's life. Deal with it, ya know? There is competition.

I personally don't want to date a person that is out there testing the waters and having sex with others on a regular basis - that includes a FWB situation.

Okay -- but someone with a FWB wouldn't necessarily be fitting that impression, though. A FWB could be an LD-friendship in which the two, when both periodically in the same town for the holidays and such, and both single, hook up. In other words, it doesn't mean they're sleeping around or regularly sleeping with someone just because they have a friend, with benefits in their back pocket.

but I will still be grateful to the person for having the decency to tell me upfront if they are in a FWB situation.

It'd be up to you to ask, though... just the same as it'd be up to you to ask them if they have a crush on any of their female friends... or if they've gone out on any dates lately or have any dates planned or potentially planned for the near future. Hey, if you want exclusivity right off the bat, that's up to you to bring up too... and if the guy is game for that, then any benefits package with a friend he may have would become null and void on the spot anyway. But most attractive, outgoing girls and guys think it's too fast to become exclusive right after the first or second, though. It doesn't mean because they're having sex with others exactly during that time-frame. It's a space thing.

I don't know about the rest of you, but FB's are usually a once, maybe twice a month thing. It's not like you're knocking boots every night & fixing each other eggs in the morning.

Exactly... and it's not that a FB would be some complicated, emotional mess one would be entangled in that would get in the way of someone in the dating scene. In fact, being a FB constitutes that it wouldn't be.

In the end, many people don't necessarily want to "be Exclusive" entering into the 1st date with someone.... but they want to be the one and only person (which is exclusive in practice).
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 50
She was looking for LTR, but has a FWB on the side?
Posted: 12/12/2011 3:20:56 PM

I just wish people would understand this dilemma...for some.

It's a dilemma for some, because they make it a dilemma. I wasn't a dilemma for me, because I chose to not have a dating life that could turn into a soap opera.

Give up a healthy FWB relationship because you are actively searching for a LTR before you even meet the guy?

Because a lot of guys will not want to date you if you're dating them and sleeping with someone else. As long as your fwb doesn't overlap the guy you're meeting then he's like anyone else you've had sex with in the past. It's a problem when you drag the fwb into the present.

Even if you do break it off with your FWB while you are looking, what does that solve?

It solves everything. The fwb is then in your past.

Now you're actively looking AND horny?

Have sex with someone you aren't going to drag along with you as meet others to date or have sex with someone you're dating.

All I know is that it's not easy to be true to yourself and be honest about your true situation in cyber space, without coming off as a player.

Sure, it is. Just don't do things that you don't expect your dates to be doing.

I do not have ESP and I'm not going to make my decisions or live my life based on a chance encounter with Mr. Right.

You don't need esp. You just need a fwb who understands that everytime you meet, it might be the last time, so that if you meet Mr. Right 30 minutes after you leave your fwb's, your fwb knows he won't hear from you again.
Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > She was looking for LTR, but has a FWB on the side?