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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > Why does dating seem so much like work?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 rdeffley
Joined: 9/21/2009
Msg: 29
Why does dating seem so much like work?Page 2 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
It is your choice to treat it like a numbers game OP. You know what I do? Once or twice a month I will devote a few hours to going through as many profiles as I can. If I like what it says, I bookmark it. So then at the end of a few hours, I have a ton of profiles saved. Then I will send out an email to the one on the top of the list, give it five days, and then go onto the next one. I used to send out a ton of emails at the same time, go out with multiple women because I wanted options, etc.. However, that is exactly what turned it into work. Now I deal with one woman. I don't care if it is only for one email, the initial phone call, or if it ends at a first meet. That way I am not running around like a chicken with my head cut off. I also could care less about trying to impress a woman. I am not shelling out big bucks on dinners, movies, concerts, etc.. My only concern is getting to know her, and to see if there is chemistry. Never place value on somebody until they deserve it.
 Lionesse19
Joined: 3/30/2012
Msg: 30
Why does dating seem so much like work?
Posted: 7/22/2012 4:40:59 PM
Yes talk on the phone, webcam if possible. Again no brainer. If you are getting to meet anyone, you are way ahead of the game for most guys. The chances of hitting it off with someone from the net are small but it does happen.
 Lionesse19
Joined: 3/30/2012
Msg: 31
Why does dating seem so much like work?
Posted: 7/22/2012 5:09:53 PM
I am a believer in timing and if it is meant to be and you are open to it, someone comes along. Some people wait years and others have multiple opportunities. Just the way it is. Depends on what you have to offer.
 15111958
Joined: 12/6/2011
Msg: 32
Why does dating seem so much like work?
Posted: 7/22/2012 5:24:57 PM

i hate how women are allowed to complain and be frustrated about being single, but men are not


you seem to be doing pretty good at it and no one is stopping you.
 CaptainA.D
Joined: 6/10/2012
Msg: 33
Why does dating seem so much like work?
Posted: 7/22/2012 5:30:32 PM
Who said dating is ever easy?? lol. Its hard for alot of people to get the courage and approach others IRL. And even dating online, its basically sales. You gotta have really good pics and a well written profile to get responses or others to write to you first. We can make it happen, we just gotta do it.
 Rinay102872
Joined: 8/8/2011
Msg: 34
Why does dating seem so much like work?
Posted: 7/24/2012 5:53:19 PM
Relationships are work....If you care for someone you will do everything to make them happy as you would hope they would do for you. The problem is it is always a one way street. One will do for a while and then get tired and give up and when the other see that they will try to keep them so they work harder and by that time it is to late. I have been divorced for 7 yrs now and have not found the person that gives me half of what I put into a relationship. Still looking and will never treat anyone like I have been treated...
 rod1919us
Joined: 11/3/2011
Msg: 35
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History
Why does dating seem so much like work?
Posted: 7/26/2012 4:07:53 AM
Dating is work...

However, I'm just too lazy to put the effort into making it work (both on here and real life). I have no problem admitting when it comes to dating and relationships...I'm lazy. I believe hard work and dedication will pay off in the workplace, college, military, gym, sports, investments, sales, etc. But investing hard work, time, and energy in women...especially on here??? Hell naw! Most of the ladies I get on here have hit me up first. I may hit up a female with a quick one sentence message. That's all they're getting out of me to break the ice. Time is money; for those women who sit up and say that a"one sentence message isn't going to get a reply"...the hell with em. 9/10 most of em probably not worth the time or effort to interact with anyways. I've sent one liners and have gotten replies back. At most I may send two or 3 sentences...AT MOST!!! If she replies back they are often in awe how much I type. lol If a woman likes your profile and pic(s) she'll respond.

POF is supposed to be something on the side. Problem is that guys on POF put ALLLLLLL their time and effort into this site. Never put all your eggs in one basket.
 statesshapes
Joined: 6/11/2011
Msg: 36
Why does dating seem so much like work?
Posted: 7/26/2012 9:16:22 PM
I average 1 date a year, if it's a "good" year. I have never had multiple dates a week in my entire life. Some of us really are not compatible with others. Girls never talked with me much over the years - be it online or in person. I am not what they want and because of that realization I have completely stopped approaching women in person. I simply wont do it. I have also cut way back on making any effort on this site.

This site is extremely frustrating for men. I have had very limited success with it. After being on here awhile and communicating with numerous women I came to the conclusion that they simply are not serious about finding someone on here. I strongly suggest NOT bothering asking for their phone numbers, Facebooks, or e-mails. Do nothing of the sort. All I learned from that is it just gets you more endless banter with someone you don't even know. It drags on the concept of, "will there ever be a meeting." The longer you talk with someone the worse the chances become that they will ever meet.
 firefly416
Joined: 1/27/2009
Msg: 37
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History
Why does dating seem so much like work?
Posted: 7/27/2012 10:00:06 AM
Now that I think of it, I've probably never actually had a date with anyone on here. I have on the other similar site whose name doesn't show up if you try to type it. Has a cupid in it. I dated someone I met there for over a year. Recently I almost met someone else. His profile was difficult to read, he kept looking at mine but not writing. So I wrote to him and I did tell him his was hard to read, told him specific reasons. We wrote a few emails and he wanted to talk on the phone. I didn't really want to but finally agreed to do so. We set up a time and I called him. Talked for 2 hours. 15 minutes was enough to know I did not want to meet him. I've never heard a man talk so much. The next day I sent a polite short message saying talking to him for 2 hours was enough to know I didn't want to meet him! Last night I wrote to another person on that site because they gave us a 99% match rating. I overlooked the fact that a few of the things I say I won't do were on his list of things to do. He wrote back a nice short message saying he didn't want to meet because I don't like motorcycles.

I've been writing to a couple of nice but much too far away men who appeared on my droid app but not on the computer. It's fun as a pen pal thing but I'm unlikely to ever meet them. I would want to if they were much closer.

When people say you meet someone when you are not looking, well except when I'm in a serious relationship, I've never been not looking since I was 12! I'm 63 now. It doesn't get better with age!

Firefly
 Thornz2000
Joined: 1/2/2012
Msg: 38
Why does dating seem so much like work?
Posted: 7/27/2012 2:56:49 PM
If dating was easy there would not be so many single people.
 RockyDakota
Joined: 5/16/2011
Msg: 39
Why does dating seem so much like work?
Posted: 7/30/2012 9:35:36 AM
Dating does take work, and it is a numbers game. But there is going to be rejection, and a lot of it. If you don't message any women or talk to any women you aren't going to get any dates. Honestly, men get rejected 9 times out of 10 for many different reasons. If you stop at one it's not going to increase your odds. I dont get a lot of dates, it's a number of reasons, but just gotta keep going.
 alexvanlee
Joined: 7/25/2012
Msg: 40
Why does dating seem so much like work?
Posted: 7/30/2012 1:48:44 PM
dating is a numbers game. the person your into might not be into you, simple as pie
 Fifi47
Joined: 8/19/2004
Msg: 41
Why does dating seem so much like work?
Posted: 7/30/2012 9:45:02 PM
BS on that one. One/twenty men might ask me for date #2, when I would not agree to date # 2 with 2/20 of the men.
 SweetLilGTP
Joined: 10/22/2010
Msg: 42
Why does dating seem so much like work?
Posted: 7/31/2012 9:41:08 PM

because it is work, anything worth having in life never comes easy


Sort of explains why "the masses" never have any of it now doesnt it?

*Shrugs*

Easy logic

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 Maverick325
Joined: 5/1/2011
Msg: 43
Why does dating seem so much like work?
Posted: 8/2/2012 7:09:57 PM


because it is work, anything worth having in life never comes easy

Sort of explains why "the masses" never have any of it now doesnt it?

*Shrugs*

Easy logic


It may sound good, but it''s not even remotely logical, actually. The problem for some people is that it's more than just hard. The problem for them is when they are afraid it's not going to come at all, not just not come easy. When you are 30, the clock is ticking if you want to have a family, especially for women, but men, too.

Also, it's baloney that anything worth having doesn't come easy, if you think about it for even two seconds. It's pretty easy for me to make some awesome burritos, and believe me, they're worth eating. Also, some people just get born into a rich family and have a cushy life by pure dumb luck. Actually, the last time I got a relationship, it was the easiest thing in the world to get. The trouble was that I had to wait for months and months before the right girl came along, so that it could be that easy. And then, of course, it turned out she wasn't the right girl, now, she's my ex, and I'm back on the prowl.

I'm okay with it being hard. What I don't like is when it's threatening to be impossible. People who are complaining about dating difficulties are usually doing so because they are the odd man out. Their friends can get girls. Why can't they? They see all their friends getting married, having families. The years go by, and pretty soon they are the only ones left single. It can be painful.
 I_AM_THE_LORAX
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 44
Why does dating seem so much like work?
Posted: 8/5/2012 9:29:13 PM
because it is...what made you think it wasnt???
 rdeffley
Joined: 9/21/2009
Msg: 45
Why does dating seem so much like work?
Posted: 8/6/2012 2:16:11 AM
I would have to say that the main part of dating I dislike is date planning. Constantly feeling like you are responsible for coming up with all the entertainment. It would be great for a woman to say, "I am fine with just ordering in, watching movies, and having great sex all night." Don't get me wrong. I enjoy going out, and if both people want to go out then it is a date. However, that is the main pressure I have always felt which makes dating feel like work at times. I dislike the feeling of having to go out just to keep the other person from getting bored.
 abrout
Joined: 7/15/2012
Msg: 46
Why does dating seem so much like work?
Posted: 8/11/2012 3:49:38 PM
It is hard work because people either don't know themselves well enough to describe themselves with any detail nor describe who they want with any detail. So you get the angry profiles listing what they don't like. So annoying.
 trvlngman
Joined: 6/10/2012
Msg: 47
Why does dating seem so much like work?
Posted: 8/11/2012 11:54:26 PM
Dating seems like work because you put allot of energy into something with little in return.
pay? Nope Benefits? Mabey laid? Let go for a new guy? Probably. 2 weeks notice? Hahaha. Loud mouthed finger pointing co worker. Yup

atleast working pays the bills.


no im not jaded why do you ask?
 Drawesome32
Joined: 6/26/2012
Msg: 48
Why does dating seem so much like work?
Posted: 8/14/2012 1:03:13 AM
ihatedoublestandards: if that particular double standard bothers you, i hope you realize that men are partly at fault for it. if a girl is attractive, a man will sleep with her if shes broke, crazy, and has 3 kids by 3 different guys. men in general dont demand much from a woman.
 toneyj21983
Joined: 4/29/2012
Msg: 49
Why does dating seem so much like work?
Posted: 8/18/2012 12:42:56 PM
totally agree. everyone has there guard up
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 50
Why does dating seem so much like work?
Posted: 8/19/2012 2:42:48 PM

Also, it's false to assume that if I learn how it works that I am actually going to be able to apply that knowledge. I read How To Win Friends and Influence People. Do I understand it? Yes. Can I apply it? Hell no. Why not? Because that requires experience dealing with actual people. It's too hard to get the practice you need. If you have trouble getting a date, how are you going to practice your skills?


You learn by doing, nor just reading some material and expect that it will change you overnight. The above mentioned book does work. I've seen it at work with sales people, with people that wanted to be more dynamic and social. I've even seen it at work with me. But realize that YOU have to go out there and get the experience. And you start simply by talking to people, and when communicating at work, using the material, so there are a ton of opportunities to make this work.



Yes, the system does suck (I have no desire to kiss everyone's ass and say that it doesn't because I would be lying if I said I thought it didn't suck), but there's not much we can do about it. So, we have to learn to live with what we have.


Another self defeating statement. The system works quite well for some people. But for the majority, it does require some effort. Take for instance me. POF has not been very effective for me in the past. Some other website was. And I could get one or two dates a week. This place zero. Then I contacted one lady from here. The communication evolved rather slow. Then she said okay to a date. Then it cooled off for a couple of weeks because she had to do some business traveling and after that suddenly the relationship took off.

The point is, keep trying, here, there, real life, you never know. It turned out that POF worked for me, when I least expected.
 Maverick325
Joined: 5/1/2011
Msg: 51
Why does dating seem so much like work?
Posted: 8/19/2012 8:14:30 PM

Also, it's false to assume that if I learn how it works that I am actually going to be able to apply that knowledge. I read How To Win Friends and Influence People. Do I understand it? Yes. Can I apply it? Hell no. Why not? Because that requires experience dealing with actual people. It's too hard to get the practice you need. If you have trouble getting a date, how are you going to practice your skills?


You learn by doing, nor just reading some material and expect that it will change you overnight. The above mentioned book does work. I've seen it at work with sales people, with people that wanted to be more dynamic and social. I've even seen it at work with me. But realize that YOU have to go out there and get the experience. And you start simply by talking to people, and when communicating at work, using the material, so there are a ton of opportunities to make this work.


It did help, but I just find it INCREDIBLY difficult to apply most it. I mean, I am getting a math PhD, and the math PhD is child's play compared to applying that stuff, at least for me (actually, it looks like I'm going to just barely get the PhD, but the statement still stands). I guess the way a lot of people are with math, that's the way I am with people. Worse, really. I am shocked by the difficulties my students have with math, but I don't think the worst I have seen in math even comes CLOSE to how bad I am with people. For example, he tells you to give people sincere compliments. I can never come up with sincere ones--it always seems completely forced, so I just fail at it altogether. It's just unbelievably hard for me. Plus, with the whole math PhD thing, I have precious little time or energy to put into it.



Yes, the system does suck (I have no desire to kiss everyone's ass and say that it doesn't because I would be lying if I said I thought it didn't suck), but there's not much we can do about it. So, we have to learn to live with what we have.


Another self defeating statement. The system works quite well for some people. But for the majority, it does require some effort.


Alright, it just sucks for most people, then. Same thing. I don't think it's self-defeating. I think it's just true. You're not going to convince me that Chinese water torture is great fun, and similarly, you're not going to convince me that dating, as I am experiencing it, is great fun. Actually, the dates themselves are okay. It's just going on 10 in a row (with months in between them), and having no luck that kind of blows.



Take for instance me. POF has not been very effective for me in the past. Some other website was. And I could get one or two dates a week. This place zero. Then I contacted one lady from here. The communication evolved rather slow. Then she said okay to a date. Then it cooled off for a couple of weeks because she had to do some business traveling and after that suddenly the relationship took off.

The point is, keep trying, here, there, real life, you never know. It turned out that POF worked for me, when I least expected.


Saying it sucks doesn't mean I gave up. Just means it isn't producing anything. When I go on dates, I leave all this at home. I don't bring any negativity to the date. Just be myself. Not working very well.

I have ALWAYS thought real life was the answer to my prayers. I asked this girl out one time, and it was the scariest thing I have ever done by far. It's awful. And my roommate kind of discouraged me from talking to strangers, which is dumb on his part, but it knocked what little courage I had out of me, despite the fact that I disagree with him fiercely on this.
 abmccray
Joined: 8/3/2008
Msg: 52
view profile
History
Why does dating seem so much like work?
Posted: 8/19/2012 10:43:43 PM

I don't think it's self-defeating. I think it's just true.


It normally is self defeating.

90% of the "sour grapes" posts on this forum come from people that just aren't dateable. And the only reason they aren't are themselves.

It's normally a circular mentality that destroys one's own chances. The way to make yourself appealing to the opposite sex is simply to be someone the opposite sex would want to date. The problem is, self image and mental blocks often ruin this. Many people have a problem with seeing themselves as "deficient to others" so they will ALWAYS see themselves as someone that everyone should want to date.

Look at all the people who say "I'm a nice guy!" Half of the time, in their post history, these "nice guys" will have post histories that seeth with bitter, hateful nonsense, sexist-ly stereotyping all women, or whining with self depreciating attention seeking.

Why would I possibly want to date someone like this? But they don't see all of that; in their heads, they have gigantic blinders on and they see themselves as this "nice wonderful guy with so much to offer on the inside" as opposed to the whiny seething bitter sexist that they really are.

This is an extreme example, but it's pretty much MOST people's problems with dating; they just don't see themselves for what they are to other people, so they never take the steps to improve. Meanwhile, other non-supermodel guys that don't have these issues are getting three and four dates a week (and when they give these guys advice, it's completely ignored). And it's all self defeating because it's something that the people themselves can easily handle.
 Lionesse19
Joined: 3/30/2012
Msg: 53
Why does dating seem so much like work?
Posted: 8/19/2012 11:19:06 PM
Men on here have a harder time dating then do the women. It is always best to talk on the phone and webcam before meeting if you dont want to potentially waste your time. However only a physical meet can discern if there is any magic or connection and they are who they say they are. Remember that it should always be just drinks and dutch for half an hour and if she doesnt agree to that, move on. Dont believe all the hype about statistics and percentages. Men vastly outnumber women on cyberspace dating sites and women are wary, which is natural.
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